Chapter 4

Awakening the following morning, once again, to an empty bed I could not help but feel used. The stranded and abandoned sense I was engulfed by was unavoidable.

The imprint of Sarah's body slowly vanishing, through the morphing of the mattress. I could no longer lay in bed – alone.

Footsteps echoed by the creaking of floorboards, rendered my descent unfeasible to mask.

Sausages, bacon, and freshly brewed tea; aromas that filled the hallway and suffocated my nostrils. Peering eyes around the corner of the living room wall, revealed her elegance.

Standing there as the sun graced her face and body. The silk dressing gown she wore, draped from her shoulders, upon her face a smile. A phone clasped against her risen cheek.

Unable to make out what she was saying I took several steps closer. Laughter emanated from her mouth, whomever she was speaking to was making her happy.

The final step cascaded with the sound of floorboards bending, my position had been revealed. Her face flashed at me, she seemed surprised to see me.

The phone call ended abruptly, followed by a split second of silence as she attempted to course correct the situation.

"Hey babe, that was just my mother on the phone." Her quick interception of the clear problem I faced was helpful yet set alarms ringing.

"Ah. No problem. Ermm. How is she?"

"Yeah, she's okay, just checking up on me as usual haha.". The irony of that sentence was masked by my laughter, or so I hoped.

Smile masking her nervousness, I could sense it. I could see it. However, maybe I was overreacting.

I knew she loved me, why would she lie about that. I had no reason to doubt her or her feelings.

I needed to get out of my head. Voices of indecisiveness clouded my foresight, alongside the angled curvature of love creating blind spots and exposing me from the rear.

A cigarette pierced the crack between my lips, the elongated, thick stick or tobacco lay edged ready to be lit. the sparking of such gave way to an inhalation of harmful smoke toward my lungs.

Thick smog escaped from the clasp of my breathe, detonating in a wind pool suspended above the ground. Each breathe eased the sense of humiliation and guilt I was feeling at this moment.

"You know, we could do something today? Break the routine of it all." Sarah spoke as she took a sip of her coffee. Placing her phone within the silky gown's pocket.

"What were you thinking?"

"Maybe a walk somewhere?"

She was as clueless as I was, but perhaps spacious time alone would help us to reconnect.

Since my Grandmother died our relationship had become nothing but a meaningless excuse for sexual gratification.

A releasing of tension and built-up frustration against the world. Yet through all of that I was confident we still loved each other, she told me as much, the minimum I could offer would be to spend time with her.

"That sounds perfect, baby."

Irrational heat scorching the gravel, imposed an exuding amount of steam and glimmer to the eye.

Visuals of the path ahead became morphed and distorted; colours of light bending around the insurmountable heat. To most people this weather would be perfect, I myself leaned more toward a cooler climate. Heat makes me uncomfortable and claustrophobic, itching within my own skin.

The length of my hair made it impossible to feel even semi-comfortable yet did manage to shelter my eyes when needed.

Several minutes into the journey I found my eyesight being constantly jerked by the movement of Sarah's hands. The erratic typing and swift movement of the phone back into the shelter of her pockets made the motion effortless.

Her attention grabbed by mine, eyes located at the side of her head, or the hairs on her arms alerting her to my glancing. Seemingly nervous and on high alert, the voice of scepticism piped up again.

'you know she's talking to someone else right now, right?' 'you aren't showing her the love she needs, so she's finding it elsewhere'.

Heart sinking into the depths of my stomach made an impossible task out of mustering out the words I needed. However, my better judgment caught me in the act, 'she wouldn't be here if you weren't the one for her'.

I knew it was just work or friends, but that seed of doubt had been sown long ago, long before Sarah had been involved in my life. My past now showered the path forward with obstacles and complications for any relationship.

Knowing this was a challenge but also allowed it to be possible to overcome.

"So baby, who was that?"

I gave into the exact thing I told myself to ignore. Ashamed and now uncomfortable, I sat melting beneath the blanket of blistering heat.

"Oh, nothing important, just work." Her response shrugging off the restraints of my question with ease.

My heart and brain now in unison, coming to the same conclusion of unease from her response.

Panic filled discomfort lowered my heart deeper within the pit of despair I was now feeling. 'You're just overexaggerating', 'just keep calm okay', I kept telling myself.

But there it slithered from the darkness, the whisper in my ear 'No David, she's using you, she's done with you now.'

I could no longer listen to the optimism, trying seemed fruitless; filled with an ending of disappointment and heartbreak.

Despite the heartbreak I was currently feeling, I could not help but be swept up within her gaze, completely mystified by the sight of her.

Her smile reassuring me notwithstanding everything; all enduring, all reassuring despite the world's cold embrace and the demon's tormenting my mind.

The park now dark, sat there for hours in what must have been complete silence, time had slipped through my fingers once again, but this time I was sober.

Even time itself found an imaginative way to haunt my every step. Each ticking of hands partnered by the stepping of ghoul's feet. The sunset and sunrise now the moving of objects without any person's influence, moving freely without consequence.

Both skins now blissfully cold to touch, the skin-to-skin contact resulted in the sharp erratic jerking back motion.

With both time and the weather revealing themselves as my nemesis', it revealed the abundantly clear message of how insignificant I found myself within the world.

Battling not only my past, my mind, my demons, but now the elements and the 4th dimension in conjunction.

Crumpling and crashing of metal was what awoke me from my in-mind slumber. The wrapping of bonnet around bonnet and the ejection of air bags, accompanied by the elegant squeals of tires caught my attention, quickly.

Alerting me to the now evident fact, I was sat alone. Sarah had abandoned me. Left me to freeze in the cold, alone. Why would she just leave me here? Why would she not wake me? Confusion and anger fuelled every step I made from the park.

The aggression causing each step to be filled with, seemingly, cement. While the confusion sparked a driven level of motivation and concentration on the objective, my mind still found gaps - rabbit holes to chase.

Storming in front of the collided cars, bodies lay silently against their respective steering wheels as smoke clouded the air.

I ignored the pain I was feeling for moments to check on the victims of the crash. The first car; a blue Renault Clio, old reg. in the drivers' seat a young woman, maybe early 20's.

Her forehead engulfed by the ejected airbag that smothered her. Peeling back her head to assess the damage, I soon fixated on the battered gashed face.

Cuts from glass pierced her skin, ice mountains emerging from a sea of crimson. Already bruised skin ruined the picturesque scenery, like blackened clouds flooding the mountain range. I perched my index and middle finger upon the main artery of her neck, feeling a shallow pulse.

I gazed at the scene for several minutes before placing the emergency call, either blanking out or being taken in by the scenery before me. I could not wait for the emergency services to arrive, the loud sirens and hassle caused me discomfort to say the least.