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I love you....

I've always wanted to say that. This words that naturally flows out and makes my whole being thunderstruck with just the mere thought of you. I wonder what it will mean to you or if I'll ever mean to you.

I want you all for myself but how could I dare to want you when reality crushed me and made me face the burning truth. If only. If only I met you first.

Your smile, laughter and warmth. All not meant for me but I nibbled on all crumbs that comes my way. I wish for your eyes to just reflect the image of me because by then even by that sweet illusion maybe it will delude me that I was your world in that second.

It's too much to love you from a far. It's daunting to let the whole world know and profess. To not get as good as I gave.

So please. Please allow, for me to continue to be at your arms length. That distance should be good enough, for now.

"-Dam! Adam! Are you listening?"

Shoot! I was lost in thought. I hope she didn't notice I was staring at her.

"Sorry, I was thinking about something. What were you saying again?"

"Ugh. As I was saying, I can't decide what gift to pick. Can you help shop for the gift with me this Saturday? Pretty please?"

Lucky bastard. I hope you trip and die into oblivion.

"Can't you just ask Rob to go with you? What use is he if can't go with you for this things"

"Dummy! I'm buying his birthday gift! I want to surprise him hehe"

"Can't you just put a ribbon on your head and send yourself to him? No guy will refuse that"

Stupid! Why is my mouth faster than my mind. Ah dear Lord, please wipe off this image from my mind. I shouldn't have said that. If she does that to me I'll happily throw myself at her but to that prick, I hope he goes blind first and die in the gutter before that happens.

I should cross my legs just in case and sing the national anthem?

"Wha-what! Idiot! I can't do that? Nah I really can't. I don't have confidence with that kind of thing. Did Ruby do that to you? Did you like it?"

"What'd you think?"

"She really did it? Omg! Spill the tea! Come on I'm all ears!"

"Shut it, Honey. You're too innocent for this kinds of things. Besides I don't remember if she's the one that did it. What are you buying anyways?"

"You change your girlfriend faster than your clothes. You can't even remember who's who. Can't they stop falling in love at you at first sight. They can't even recognize a cliff before jumping head first. I don't know what to buy! That's why I need you"

Even if my heart burns for you like sun. I can never let this feelings see the light of day. I'd rather have this love burn like a white star, bright but not enough for you to see it nor be burned by it.

I still have my needs. How I wish it could be with you. Try as I might to forget you or even love somebody else, in end those can't even come close to how I feel towards you.

I love you so much that I go out of my way to stop myself from loving you. I'm fully aware how deep you fell for him and how much happiness he brings you that's why I can never let you know. I can never forgive myself if I make you cry.

"What's in it for me?", as if I can say no to you.

"I'll buy you food?"

"That's it? Do you think I can't buy my own food? You have to do better than that"

I know I'll give in later but can't I negotiate to have more time with her? You can't blame me. She looks cute tilting her head while she thinks.

"Wow! Who's the one that kept stealing bites from my food? Hypocrite!"

"Oh really?"

I don't know when it started. Whenever I want to just push her against the wall, hold her head steady and devour her lips, I'll just settle with bitting whatever she's eating.

"Keep your stinky hands off my food!"

"Who says I'll use my hands", Her face is so close I could almost get her lips but I veered left and chomped down half the pocky sticking out of her mouth.

"You dick! Can't you ask for food like a normal person would?!"

"It's no fun that way", I can't help but pinch her cheeks and tease her. I almost had a heart attack from her puffing and pouting.

It hurts that even actions like this can't touch her heart or be conscious of me as a man. Did she trust me this much? Or will I always amount to just be her friend.

"So you coming or not? What do you want? You tell me since you looked down on me buying you food"

"Sure, I'll come with you. I don't know yet but I'll let you know once I thought of something. What will you do without me hehe"

"hehehe you're the best! Shoot! Break time was over. come on we need to hurry back"

"Chew slowly, don't shove all your food to your mouth"

"Kaff....Kaf"

"Called it. Here drink this water"

I better let her know before we go back.

[Ruby something came up, I'm not available this weekend. Have fun on the beach with your friends]

"Thanks Adam for the water, come on let's run!"

"Wait stop tugging my arm, let me put away my phone first"

"Ready?"

"Always", I don't mind getting dragged as long as I can hold your hand.