Interlude: From Afghanistan With Love

The wise priestesses of Andor pored over the revered ancient scroll of Andorian prophecy, seeking to decipher its mysterious verses:

"What do we want? JIHAD! When do we want it? NOW! DEATH TO AMERIKKKA!!! ALLAHU AKBAR!!!!"

As they gazed in awe and wonderment at these mysterious verses, they began to speculate about the meaning.

"Maybe this is some kind of peaceful message?" one priestess said.

"Of course," another added. "I have rarely seen anything so peaceful, it soothes me deeply."

"I think that it's a statement about the divine feminine," one more said. "After all, the feminine has always been characterised by repressed desire, due to patriarchal structures of domination, but this text is proto-feminist in the way that it uses the structuring principle 'what do we want - when do we want it,' thus making a positive affirmation of desire in sexual and other matters, a resounding defense of the feminine. It also identifies this with the divine, or 'Allah.'"

The rest clapped.

Soon, a blonde, slim female, with flowing hair that carpeted the floor behind her, walked gracefully into the room. "I have summoned a hero, who shall fulfil the words of prophecy. He shall bring decades of peace, tolerance, and allow for us to create a utopia of love and justice."

The priestesses bowed to the floor instantly when they heard her speak.

Soon, they raised their heads to look at the new visitor, a scruffy, rugged-looking Arabic man with a large, black beard. His eyes looked tired and withered by sleepless nights, but the fire of his faith in Islam meant that he almost ignored this and his stern look displayed his hatred of the infidel.

As he walked in, he gagged as he heard the goddess' speech, and loudly proclaimed, "So you believe yourself to be a guardian of love and justice? Kafir! Your foolish notions have no basis in truth!"

The goddess put her hand to her heart, and calmly proclaimed, "We goddesses fight for peace in this universe and across dimensions. We practice the ideals that humans should aspire to."

"Empty ideals!" bin Laden thundered. "There is no truth but Islam. Your "love and justice" are nothing beside the eternal word of Allah as set down in the Quran!"

The goddess, believing in this new hero's importance to the world, attempted pleadingly to conciliate. "While we may have different faiths, we share the goal of bringing goodness to the world. Hate and violence serve only to destroy it."

The man reared up in anger, his eyes narrowing, and his voice boomed through the chamber. "Silence, infidel! The Quran commands us to fight those who do not believe, by any means necessary. The Quran says, "Fight those who believe not in God nor the Last Day, nor hold that forbidden which hath been forbidden by God and His Messenger." Do you not cower in fear, at the ire of the Lord Himself? Your "goodness" is a lie. Only submission to Islam is the path to salvation!"

The goddess grew flustered, and her priestesses stared fearfully. "You are welcome to this world, but please hold back your angry tongue. I am the Goddess Paria, princess of salvation and honour, and I am sworn to banish any who spread terror and hatred."

"And the Quran says, "When ye encounter the Unbelievers, smite at their necks." Your doom is nigh, foul infidel!"

He pulled out a large, hardcover copy of the Quran, and smashed the goddess' neck with it until it broke apart. The priestesses turned towards him aggressively, looking desperately for weapons. However, with their goddess dead, they also began to break into flames, and bin Laden wiped the sweat off his brow as he trudged out of the room that was soon becoming an inferno.

He spoke with a voice that echoed across the whole palace. "Allahu Akbar! The flames of jihad shall now engulf you all!"

He was bin Laden.

Osama bin Laden.