Trauma

I was ready.

The countdown was almost over.

With the wand in front of me, I prepared to cast the spell.

1...

Before I could utter a word, I was lifted in the air and thrown backward.

It was kinda strange: even with the impact being so strong, I felt no pain.

Finally, I touched the ground.

The momentum was so strong that I rolled on the floor a couple of times before stopping.

Something heavy fell in front of me.

It was... a body?

A figure approached me, but I couldn't see their face from my position. My legs didn't seem to want to respond to my commands.

I felt their hand grab my hair and lift me up.

I couldn't resist.

The figure pulled me up, and I found myself facing a mirror.

A vacant gaze met mine.

Eyes as empty as Carl Stuart's.

My mouth opened wide in a voiceless scream as I stared at my severed head.

Finally, I regained the use of my voice.

«AAAAAAAH!»

I struggled out to free myself the blankets' grip.

With my heart pounding wildly, I sat up in bed. I was drenched in sweat. I had never had such a realistic nightmare.

Trembling, I glanced at the clock on the bedside table. It was still the middle of the night.

It had taken me a long time to fall asleep, tossing and turning in bed, trying to push away thoughts that were far from conducive to sleep. But apparently, they had followed me into the dream world.

I lay back down, taking deep breaths, trying to calm myself.

I needed to rest at least a little. I had to be in shape for tomorrow. I had points to recover.

Unfortunately, this purpose proved itself futile.

I spent the rest of the night alternating between being awake and restless sleep.

In the morning, I got up, even more tired than when I had gone to bed the night before.

I couldn't help but notice the concern in Amy's eyes when we said hi to each other before going to breakfast.

I must have looked terrible.

I decided to act as if nothing was wrong and tried to start a conversation about what I wanted to eat today. I was grateful when Amy caught on and began chatting normally.

I hoped that if I ignored those intrusive thoughts swirling in my head, they would leave me alone sooner or later.

But the end of the first lesson of the day reminded me of the situation I was in. And pretending not to see the problems wouldn't make them disappear suddenly.

Igor Valentine, with the usual malicious smirk on his face, stopped me again as we left the classroom. Like yeasterday, he challenged me to a duel. And like yesterday, all I could do was to refuse.

With a sinister "See you tomorrow!" Valentine left me there, powerless.

It was obvious by now: he would continue to use me as a point bank from which he could withdraw every day.

I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs from the burning humiliation I felt. But I couldn't let go. It was time to mount a counterattack. I was at -2 points in the standings; it was time to recover and secure my survival.

So, after lunch, I parted ways with Amy and went in search of students to challenge.

I had decided to avoid public duels as much as possible. This time I wanted to pull out all the stops: I would try to use all the power I had at my disposal to win quickly.

With the tiredness I had in my body, I couldn't afford to prolong fights more than necessary, otherwise, my energy would run out long before my mana.

For my first duel, I went in search of a classmate whose skill I knew somewhat. I didn't want any surprises. That's why I had used the previous day's practical lesson to identify some prey.

I wandered through the west wing of the school until I saw a boy leaving his room. I didn't remember his name, but last night I had seen him fail several times to hit the training dummy. He must not have had much control over his mana.

An easy target.

But then... why was my hand shaking so much as I gripped my wand?

The boy walked down the hallway. I had to move or I would miss the opportunity.

But I hesitated.

A huge weight seemed to have lodged itself in my chest, making it hard for me to breathe.

A new thought came, making me unable to move.

"What if he wasn't an easy target?"

What if even that unassuming student hid an anomalous power like Valentine's?

I let myself slide down the wall.

"What's happening to me?"

It wasn't like me to be overtaken by fear like that. But even if this was a natural reaction to yeasterday's events, what choice did I have?

If I didn't fight, I still risked ending up last in the standings. Might as well go out fighting.

But at that moment, the images I had tried to bury in a remote corner of my mind rushed into my thoughts.

I found myself staring again at Carl Stuart's lifeless eyes, eyes that could soon be mine.

I felt my stomach churn.

I ran away.

Ten minutes later, I emerged from the bathroom, a strong acidic taste still in my mouth, wiping my eyes from tears.

"What the fuck is happening to me?"

I had no choice but to fight, but my body didn't seem to want to cooperate.

It was almost time for evening classes. I couldn't let Amy see me in that state.

I returned to the bathroom and splashed my face with cold water. I looked in the mirror.

"I'm a complete mess."

The signs of sleep deprivation were evident under my eyes, still red from crying.

I tried to smile.

"Awful..."

But I could only pretend. I had to appear as strong as ever.

When Amy and I met, I tried to keep that fake smile as stable as possible. But from her look, I could tell she didn't buy it.

And this time, she pressed me:

«I saw you didn't earn any points. Weren't you supposed to duel someone this afternoon?» she asked, worried.

«Oh... you see, I'm feeling a bit sick. I must have eaten something bad at lunch. But there are still two days anyway,» I shamelessly lied.

Amy didn't seem convinced: «Lizzie, if there's something wrong...» she began.

«No, no, seriously, everything's fine, Amy. I just want to be at my 100% before challenging someone. You know it can be dangerous,» I interrupted her.

I felt guilty about keeping everything hidden from her. But in this life-or-death situation, I didn't want to appear weak in front of her. Giving her more worries would be cruel.

No, this was a situation I had to solve on my own.

"After class, I have to challenge someone," I thought.

I just had to stop worrying so much. I was a powerful mage. It was unlikely that powers like Valentine's were common. I would die anyway if I ended up last in the standings.

But my self-convincing strategy failed miserably: at the end of that cursed day, I still had -4 points.

"There are still two days..." I thought as I lay in bed.

That night was, if possible, even worse than the previous one.

In addition to the images already haunting me, a new realization tormented me:

"I'm doomed."

When the time came to challenge someone to a duel, fear would stop me.

So, during that umpteenth sleepless night, a new emotion took hold of my mind:

Resignation

When, in the morning, the enchanted bed made me realize it was time to get up, I didn't move.

"What's the point, after all?"

Going to class to see Igor Valentine smile at me, ready to take more of my points... was that my new daily routine?

I would never be able to defeat him. So what was the point of fighting? Surviving a few more weeks would only mean enduring more suffering. After all, being the first eliminated didn't sound so bad...

I wouldn't have to see any of my classmates die.

I wouldn't have to see Amy die.

I stayed under the covers, waiting.

As I expected, after about twenty minutes, I heard a faint knock on the door.

«Lizzie, are you okay?» I heard Amy's voice ask from outside the room.

«I'm still feeling a bit sick from yesterday. But don't worry, I'll join you later for class,» I replied.

I knew she would never forgive me. But it was okay. She would stay here all day if I didn't lie to her.

I heard her hesitate in front of my door, but after a bit she seemed to decide to believe me.

«Okay, don't be late!» she said to me, taking her leave.

A part of me wanted to ask her to stay. I wanted to pour out all my fears and worries to her.

But I remained silent.

I had made my decision.

I stayed on the bed, my knees drawn to my chest, trying to gather my resolve for what was going to come later.

Several hours later, I heard knocking again.

This time the knocks were loud and betrayed urgency.

«Lizzie?! Are you in there? Answer me!» I heard Amy shout desperately.

«Yes, I'm here,» I replied.

«Oh thank goodness! Since you didn't come to class, I went to the infirmary, but you weren't there... I was afraid something had happened to you. Are you ok? Did you faint? Can you walk?» she asked in a desperate tone.

«I'm fine, Amy,» I replied, calmly: there was no point lieing anymore.

«But then... why...? Don't you remember that not going to class deducts 10 points from you?» she asked, her voice uncertain.

«I've decided that... it's okay,»

«It's okay? Wha--? You!? No!» she had caught on. «YOU! How can you think of giving up like this?! You're the strongest mage I've ever known! What's the point of giving up when there are students like me...» Amy's voice began to crack.

«I could survive this week, yes. But in the end, I stand no chance against people like Valentine. It would only delay the inevitable...» I replied, trying my hardest to sound rational.

I would have loved to open that door and hug her and tell her I was sorry for tricking her. But if I did, I knew my resolve would break.

«What about me then?! Do you want to leave me here alone?» she tried to make me feel guilty.

But I had already thought about it:

«If we survive together, Amy, one day I would be forced to kill you. I don't want that to happen. I'd rather die first.»

«I-I... please, don't do this to me... I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I saw you were acting weird since yesterday, b-but I didn't dare say anything. You've always been so strong... I-I was scared. I didn't know what to do...» Amy cried out in despair. «But I... want to help you, tell me what led you to this stupid idea. Lizzie, you're my best friend, please, I can't lose you!» she pleaded.

«Thank you, Amy. But it's okay. It's better this way for both of us.»

Tears were streaming down my face as well. If hell existed, I deserved to end up there for how I was treating my best friend. But I couldn't falter.

«Lizzie, if you don't open this door, I'll blow it up!»

Amy had had enough.

But it wouldn't have served any purpose.

The door was enchanted to withstand the most powerful spells. I heard Amy casting numerous incantations, but the door didn't budge.

So, a torture lasting two hours began.

After discovering that magic was useless, Amy started pounding on the door with increasing force. Then came tears, pleas, even insults. In the end, I heard her collapse on the floor, exhausted. Her subdued sobs were like daggers to the heart.

When it was 4:00 p.m., all I could do was to tell her:

«It's time for the afternoon classes, Amy, you have to go or you'll lose points...»

I heard Amy get up and walk away. I had expected her to resist. But in the end, it wouldn't have been strange if she had started to hate me. I deserved it.

I lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Now all I had to do was to wait.

My head felt strangely light. Perhaps my emotions had left with Amy.

That's how I slipped into a dreamless sleep.

I was awakened by a soft knocking sound.

I stared at the clock. It was 11 p.m.

My last day would begin shortly.

Knock knock

I ignored the door. Amy was probably trying to change my mind one last time. It was better not to answer.

After a few minutes, the knocking stopped.

"I'm sorry, Amy..."

I closed my eyes.

BAM!

I reopened them just in time to see the door of my room crash to the floor.