Chapter 2: The Morning After

When she woke up, she was alone.

The night before, cradled in Garrus' arms, felt like a wild fever dream more than reality. Anya half convinced herself it was, until she noticed the message notification blinking on her data-pad.

Left when you fell asleep. I hope you wake up feeling better, Shepard.

If she didn't quite literally have a galaxy to save, she'd kill herself. Might as well, after last night's embarrassment.

Not only had she been a wobbly drunk, but she spent half of it high on being attracted to Garrus Vakarian of all people and the other half weeping about the burden of being a hero. That wasn't what Commander Shepard was supposed to be like, especially not in front of her subordinates. She felt like a fucking idiot.

Pulling on her well-worn boots, her longest surviving pair, she decided just to get it over with. She was hardly suave enough to avoid the problem with grace, or clever enough to lie her way out of it. Anya just had to put on a brave face, talk to him, profusely apologize, and never get drunk again.

All throughout the halls, she felt like everyone was watching her, which they weren't, but she was hopelessly skittish and paranoid. But a few helmsmen did shoot her an odd look. Did anyone see Garrus walking out of her room at god knows what hour? Was there damn buzz around the ship that she fucked the turian even though she didn't even get to do the fun part of that?

On cure, her head shot a lightning bolt of pain through her forehead. Right. She shouldn't be thinking about there being a "fun part".

She spent her life a soldier, and only ended up with a rank because she hadn't died yet and, for some reason, people loved her speeches. They were always cheesy blends from all the war films she watched, but they seemed to work. Didn't mean she deserved a command for them.

Okay, well, that was a little harsh. Anya had to admit she was a damn good leader on the field and she could get nearly anyone through any firefight. But that didn't feel like enough, just being the one who stumbled into all this good praise.

Maybe it was about time she stumbled into something less praise-worthy, like getting frisky with her subordinates.

The second she thought the word frisky she wanted to vomit. And anyway, who was she kidding? No one gave a shit if she had relationships. Half the crew was placing bets on if Liara or Kaiden would get her into bed.

God, if anyone saw Garrus last night, that'd really fuck up the pool.

She hoped that, at the very least, they'd only be annoyed with her for ruining their game. Garrus really didn't need all the bullshit that came with the crew thinking they were sleeping together. Because they weren't even sleeping together, so he didn't even get benefits from rumor bullshit like that.

Christ. Benefits. Her brain needed a fucking time out.

Anya didn't really have time for a time out, though, because she already was in the elevator, holding her breath. Time to face the music and hopefully make this the last awkward day between her and Garrus for a long time.

When she got down to the main battery, he was already working on the Mako like a surgeon. Anya walked over, trying to act like it was any other normal day. She kept her posture stiff, her hands tucked behind her back, and from the outside she probably pulled it off damn well. Ashley and Wrex probably thought nothing of it.

On the inside, though, she was screaming.

"Ah, Garrus? Can I talk to you?"

Garrus pulled so quickly out from under the Mako that he hit his head. He grimaced the entire time he was standing up, brushing his oily talon on his armor. He wasn't normally so messy, so it clearly was an awkward time here for everyone. "Shepard. You don't have to do that, I get that last night--"

"Sorry, my question wasn't really a request." Cocking her head to the other side of the Mako, away from prying eyes, he followed her. When they finally were still and she felt like she had enough of a sane head, she started talking, "I just wanted to apologize for my behavior. If I had any idea I'd act like that... Anyway, I'm your CO and I never should have gotten so personal with you. It won't happen again."

Garrus just had this complicated look on his face. "I appreciate the sentiment, Shepard, but I think you needed it." He sighed, not meeting her eyes, but still looking so serious. "If you need someone to talk to sometimes, I'm always here. You always have my back, I'm happy to have yours. The galaxy is an awful lot for one person to carry on their shoulders. And if it's knocking out bad guys or helping you carry the burden, I'm with you."

While his face and his company was so comforting, and hearing him support her smoothed down a lot of the panic seething in her gut, there was an important thing he didn't mention. And as much as she'd like to not mention it, she wasn't good at ignoring things. "And I see you've completely omitted that whole kiss thing. Good. We should probably never talk about that."

"Yeah, of course. Don't want this to turn into some interspecies awkwardness thing anyway."

Shepard laughed, but she knew it felt like it was choking through a damn stranglehold. Of course it would've been weird to come onto him, right? He wasn't into humans like that. Most Turians weren't. "Right. I think I was just lonely, please don't think too much about it--"

With this sly look in his eye, he cocked his head and asked, "Think too much about what?"

This time, real amusement bubbled out of her. Anya even snorted. Even if it meant crushing that fleeting crush of hers like she crushed Geth under the Mako, that smile of his and the way he spoke to her, funny and understanding, made it better. "Perfect. Now I guess I'll leave you to the Mako." Taking a deep breath, she added, "Still on for movie night in two days?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the galaxy, Shepard."

While he seemed to stand easy next to her, something in the back of her head was just begging her to keep talking, to keep the silence away, banter enough so she could gauge his behavior and see if they really were alright again. Anya added, a little too quickly, "Okay, but if we run into Saren, we better miss it."

He didn't even seem to notice her jitteriness next to him, just was glancing back and forth between her and the Mako like he had something to do. But he still kept talking. "I dunno, I have a pretty great movie lined up for us." Garrus chuckled, but then added, "Don't worry, if we finally catch that son of a bitch, I bring our guns every Friday anyway."

"You don't."

Then he looked straight at her for the first time all morning, with that fire in his eyes. The one that made her ask him to join the Normandy in the first place. "Always gotta be prepared to bring a rogue spectre to justice."

"And this is why I have movie nights with you. You think of everything." Anya then took a deep breath, relieved. They were okay. Patting his shoulder, she instead focused back on being what she was good at: a soldier. "I planned to do some target practice this morning. Wanna join?"

Just as she was ready to hop into the elevator and try to beat him at snipers again, his expression wavered. Her stomach fell through the floor. "I.. I really gotta finish up work on the Mako. Have fun, though. I'll see you with everybody at dinner." And, too smoothly, Garrus sat down on his mechanics bench and slid right below the Mako again.

Anya couldn't bear to get caught standing there, staring at him, even though she could've stuck her stunned ass there for way too long. Instead, she swallowed her pride and remembered that she was trying to put things back to normal, right?

With a flick of her head and a sharp bite of the inside of her cheek, Anya re-adjusted her dejected posture and looked to the other people in the room. They had to be her focus now; they were all friends here, just friends, nothing else. So anyone could shoot with her and it wouldn't matter.

Using her Commander voice, louder and more confident than normal, Anya said, "Wrex. Williams. Target practice?"

Across the room, she watched the other woman's face light up. "Hell yeah, Commander."

Wrex just said, "Don't tell me what to do." But then he picked up his favorite guns and headed towards the elevator.

Perfect. She didn't need Garrus to want to do everything with her. It probably would just help her kill these drunk feelings she had, and she could start by proverbially putting them on a target and shooting them out.

Anya Shepard was out here to take down Saren, and she didn't have time for drama.

Walking behind Wrex and Ashley, they passed Kaiden and he had this expectant look in his eyes. But looking at him looking at her like that?

Well, Anya walked right by him, too. She didn't need that drama anymore, either.

The only thing she had time for was being Commander Shepard, the first human Spectre, hope for humanity, and the woman who would take down Saren. Yeah, that sounded about right.

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