Chapter 7

Love You to Death

I love you to death

And I always will

No matter what happens

No matter what hill I must climb

To get to you

I climb it and find you

And walk you home too

I'd send you a rose every day

If I had enough money

I'd bring you a star

No matter how much it burned

Because you, you really are

My beautiful, handsome, strong lavatera

My love

Even if you don't feel like I do

I'll always love you

Your strong, kind self

I could never imagine a life by myself

Without you

My perfect Ren

I love you to death

And that will never change

Heart

Over the river

Into the woods

The life of a giver

The life of a sinner

The life of a winner

And the life of a man in a hood

Walking through alleys

And walking through the glow of the streetlights

That night

They all converge

Over the river

In the woods

Heart

To heart

To heart

To heart

Together they live

And give to each other

Their hand

And they lie on the ground

And fall into deep sleep

On the bed of flowers

For hours and hours they sleep

Failure Sailor

Today we love

And today we lose

Today we die

And today we choose

Our path to greatness

Or our path to failure

Out on the sea

A sailor sees

An ocean mist

Which salt stings his eyes

Waves crashing

Rain pouring

The flooring is giving out

And as they get sucked in the the ocean

The sailor will shout

To the heavens and shout out to hell

Shout out to anyone who can hear him beneath the swell

But no one can

Strawberry Ash and Sweet Cigarettes

The scent of strawberry and cigarette smoke

Lingers on her hands

As the curtains catch on fire

In the middle of the room she stands

Drinking her vodka

And a glass of lemonade

As the neighbors scream and cry

But to her the sounds just serenade

Her broken, smoky mind

As the world burns down around her

And the ground begins to blacken from the soot

But still she smells like strawberries

And ashy cigarette smoke

Because that will never change

Even in her final moments

And the vodka catches fire

As she brings it to her lips

And she drinks the flaming liquid

Then she smiles and takes a sip

Of her glass of lemonade

And a bite of a strawberry

What a merry little time she's having

All by herself

In a burning house

The flames will never shine as bright as her smile

In those few minutes where everything caught fire

And she sat there in delight

Drinking, smoking, and eating strawberries

So the scents may linger on a little longer

Maybe if she were stronger

This moment would've changed

And the coroner wouldn't have called her sad and just a bit deranged

But in those last few moments in that glowing, burning house

As she sipped and smoked and bit the delightful treat

Oh how sweet

She would finally see what hell smelled like

If it smelled like strawberries,

cigarettes and dry shampoo just like her

What world

What a flame

What a torture

What a game

So she sipped her burning vodka

And she smoked her cigarette

And she bit her sweet little strawberry

As her lungs finally went and just gave out

And now she's gone

Chum

I want to be torn apart excruciatingly

I'm being torn apart

My entrails being thrown out to the sea

Chum for the sharks

A dream for me

I want to bleed

I want to bleed

Break my wrists

And scrape my knees

Crawling across the street

A huge grin full of teeth

As I place my head between my knees

And struggle to breathe

Oh dear

Do I take another step

And trip right off a cliff

And let my silent scream come out

As I fall into the water

Chum for the sharks

A dream for me

Cocktail

These lies spilling from my lips

As the notes from a piano

Play themselves without a hand today

I sit on the curb

Drinking my Arizona sweet tea

With a little bit of brandy mixed in

That I took from the liquor cabinet

While my sister sat in the driveway

Staring at her phone

So I don't have to feel anymore

So why ruin your life when you can ruin your liver and lungs

Nothing stings quite like the loneliness and the alcohol mixed together

Pixie stix and a monster mixed with some delicious vodka

To numb the pain in my arms and legs

Just a little bit of smoke to make it all better

In my pajama pants and school sweater

Sitting in a sunny spot

Just off the edge of a path

People walk by

But who cares anymore

When I'm staring at the houses and their chimneys

Right in front of me

And you walk by and ask me what I did

And I say

I'm a boy who's sad

What's so wrong with fixing that

With liquor and some flavoring

And addicts sitting nearby

A gas station

And another one

But no you

It's lonely but I don't care anymore

Why care when I can just sit there and drink

And finally be happy

A cocktail of depression

And obsession

And repression of my emotions

I wish I could help you understand

That this is not the end

It's just the beginning of it all my friend

Untethered

I feel untethered from the ground

Floating through the space and sound

Wound up in a web of lies

That keeps me flying through the time and space and sound

Untethered from the ground

How the silence is so loud

It rings in my ears

And pounds at my skull

Like the hull of a boat hitting an iceberg

Finally it cracks

And my mind spills out

On the pavement

Out in the world

For people to judge

For people to hurl

Insults and comments and jokes at me

When I just want to be safe and sound

Untethered from the ground

Floating through the space and sound and light

And floating through day

And floating through night

And floating through fun

And floating through fight

And floating through truth

And floating through lies

Forever cutting the string that ties me to the ground

There is no point in living

Unless you are living safe and sound

A happy life

A happy person

A happy knife

To stab me through the stomach

To cut the string

So that the damage does not worsen

Lemonade For Bong Water to Add Some Flavor to my Unhealthy Coping Skills

Walking through the park

And dancing in the rain

Running through the dark

And smiling through the pain

Stress and sadness

Anger and madness

And guilt and envy too

Why oh why

Couldn't I

Couldn't I just be you

Why oh why

Couldn't I

Couldn't I just be you

Or just be happy with me

So innocent and filled with cheer and glee

And not be sad

And not be scared

And not go mad

And not just hurt myself and dye my hair

Whenever things go wrong

Why oh why

Me oh my

Must I die

Just because

I couldn't

Be you