For the people and the land

Late in the afternoon on the sixth day, we found

a place for our base camp.

We had been climbing into the Dragon's Backbone for two days, riding into cold driving rain since we had left Edina and Lani. The men had been happy

to stay in garrison cities for the next two nights, but once we had headed into the mountains, we had left civilisation behind, and had camped out in the cold.

I had felt particularly cold on the fifth night. For the second time the captain had refused to give me my seed.

I had cried in my frustration, I knew that I would get no more. But after that I suffered quietly. I was determined to overcome any challenge the captain threw at me;

I had to, if I wanted to live. And I had discovered that I did want to live, very much. I had even begun to hope that I might survive this foolhardy expedition, and that I had more future than a whore.

I now knew that some in the squad had similar problems to mine. They were alcoholics, they needed to drink.

The captain had said that while we were taking wine into the mountains, it would be strictly rationed, and no one was to get drunk. He had let them go for one last drink the second night we

stayed in a garrison.

We had left late on the fifth morning after that, a sorry looking bunch of men; all wet, most with hang overs. I was glad that at least I would know that there was no more seed.

Although it was always possible that the captain had more yet.

While we unpacked on the sixth day, in our base camp location, Gong used a huge hammer to drive a massive stake into the ground.

Once he had finished, the captain called me over to the stake. "Undress" he said, while holding some chains and a manacle in his hand.

I shivered. In my head I saw myself, chained, naked and spread on the ground, with the men standing in a line to use me.

Well, I had feared the worst, and now it would come to pass. Here would be my final payment for my innocence, the innocence that Bridget had taken from me, that same innocence I had taken from another.

I could not keep the tears from my eyes as I pulled my clothes off. For the first time, the men would see me fully naked, though I had become used to sharing relief stops with them.

I took some small pleasure from the look on Gong's face as I stripped, such naked pleasure at my naked body. When I had cast the last of my clothes on the ground, the captain gave me a blanket to wrap myself in.

"You will be chained to this stake until you have recovered. I will look after you until then. When you make too much noise, we will gag you.

Scar is going to build you a shelter, and you will have blankets to keep warm."

I did not reply. I decided to say as little as I could while I was chained. I would be dumb.

I sat with my legs crossed and my hands on my knees in the meditation pose that the lecherous healer had taught me while I was still his apprentice.

I chanted an old calming chant under my breath while they attached my chain and Scar built me a simple shelter with some sticks and a hide.

The captain came to me after the men had eaten and gave me my meal. He sat and watched me eat. When I finished he pulled a small bag from his pocket.

"This is the last of the seed" he said. Just out of my reach he built a small pile of wood for a fire, and placed the bag on top of it.

Then he left and returned with a burning branch. He was as surprised as I was that I had not moved to see if I could reach the seed while he was gone.

I watched the seed burn. So much was going up in flames with it. Though I didn't know the future, I knew that the last remnants of Zia, whore and seedie, burned in front of my eyes.

Soon I would arise from the flame, to build a new life.

The captain looked at me with compassion in his piercing eyes. "Good luck" he said. There was a finality in his voice, as if he would not be speaking to me again.

"Do I get a final request?" I asked him.

"And what might that be?"

"If you could get my girly bag." He nodded, and I told him where to find it.

When he came back, he gave me my hairbrush and things. Whatever I faced, it would be easier if I was looking my best.

As the evening progressed, I groomed myself. I combed every knot out of my dirty messy hair. I trimmed and plucked my eyebrows, legs and patch.

I had learnt what it was that men liked, and I wanted to be at my best.

And I meditated, chanting to myself while I waited for the desire to take me, feeling it growing, growing inside me.

I told myself, as I chanted, that whatever came, I must retain my dignity. I must be quiet, I would simply meditate.

Sometime late in the evening I started losing my mind. I saw visions.

Fire leapt from the ashes of my seed and burnt me alive, but I was only getting colder. My father came and laughed at me, and reached in and caressed my breasts.

I was hanging in a gibbet, I couldn't move to stop him. Then he suddenly changed into beast, terrible in form, and reached down to tear my neck with his horrible jaws.

Then the captain leaned down, picked him from my off chest while I lay on the ground, and threw him into the sky where his falcon grabbed him like a small rodent, tearing him to pieces. And then, I believe, the madness truly took me.