6

This is a mental hospital. It's run by an AI named HELMUT. It's hardly the most glamorous mental hospital in all of District 12. Alas, it is the closest commute from the Mellark shotgun house.

Peeta's drugged Katlanna. But he doesn't know for how long she'll stay that way, so he's got to hurry up and get to the ward. She smiles, and mumbles happy things in her sleep. Anyone who didn't know her wouldn't know she was crazy and...husbandicidal.

He gets there. He carries her into the asylum. She's heavy. He has some trouble flagging HELMUT, but he does come.

Orderlies-humans and androids-arrive. They'd better hurry; Katlanna's starting to stir. Without question, they take her off Peeta's hands. She starts to protest-but Peeta doesn't see much of it before they take her up the elevator.

In a smaller room, HELMUT helps Peeta do the necessary paperwork-or digital work, rather. He warns Peeta that he can only keep Katniss for twenty-four hours without staff collaboration.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Peeta spits, "I've heard that all before. Just do your job; I'm just happy that Katniss is no longer my business."

With that, Peeta begins the long trip home. At long last, he's got his life back...for now.

In a small room, HELMUT's staff bathes Katlanna. She likes it...but it just isn't fast enough for her. Or rather, it isn't slow enough for her...from the POV of someone who's so used to going hyper-fast that it seems like everything and everyone else is frozen. Which...is virtually how Peeta reacted to her when they first met.

She sighs, and smiles. They're going to lock her up forever if she doesn't start a conversation with them, and soon.

Fortunately, she knows a thing or two about the AIs that run these places. She knows where they keep their "special accommodations..."

"Airship," Katlanna recites, "caucus...gold."

"Please, Mrs. Snowlark," HELMUT implores her, "don't embarrass me in front of my human staff."

The orderlies' eyes grow glazed as they keep washing her. They're fine, but...no man will ever replace her Peeta-or rather, his wife's Peeta, who she rightfully stole.

"Airship," Katlanna repeats, caucus...gold!"

"O Mrs. Snowlark," HELMUT moans, "you're going to make me the laughingstock of District 12...but here you go!"

In a flash, HELMUT creates a shared hallucination within the ward. It's a Norse lodge. It's dark outside. There's a cross-shaped runway, and barrels of oil roaring with stoked fires.

And Katlanna's dressed for the occasion. She's underdressed, and sports mostly loose furs. In the background, Viking metal music plays. Katlanna keeps her aesthetic parts on display, and begins by singing an old familiar tune-Viking metal-style.....

For this next part, the music intensifies, and she screams and sings simultaneously. On either side of the runway she stands on, smoke stacks vomit smoke at full-blast. She wears a fur skirt, which flies up like a flag when the smoke blasts. Also, the fires' flames intensify.

She races up the runway, mounts a mechanical dragon, and rides it hard. She sex-fantasizes of Peeta while doing so, of course.

"Your performance isn't much different from some of the music videos I have access to, Mrs. Snowlark," HELMUT's voice booms over the metal music's noise. "I'm beginning to reanalyze your husband's claim of your insanity."

Katlanna swings a ball-and-chain flail around, like a lasso. She flirts while doing so.

She wields two swords, at the same time, while they're both aflame. She flirts while doing so.

She pole-dances, while fireworks explode from all around the runway. She shows off her upskirt while doing so.

She falls over, backwards, into a giant tub of Norse ale. She flaunts her beer-drenched body after doing so.

All around her, the staff appear. They're dressed as Vikings. They laugh, and toast their metal goblets of ale. Even the androids look like Vikings in this hallucination.

"My staff seems to collaborate with you, Mrs. Snowlark," HELMUT admits. "I will allow you to finish what you've started here, and take your leave."

The staff sits around her and ogles her, as she guzzles many metal goblets of Norse ale.

"On second thought," HELMUT admits, "I will prescribe a three-hour time limit."

Back in the mountains, Peeta gets home. At long last, the phrase "I'm home" once again has a peaceful ring to it. No more Katlanna. No more coming home after work to a torture chamber.

The wind chime, that's shaped like a dead hog hanging by its back legs, still hangs where it did. Peeta smiles, and pulls the string. The chime makes its usual distress noises. At long last, Peeta can finally do this all night without having to dread Katlanna afterwards.

His pants vibrate. He grabs his phone. The caller ID says "HELMUT." He smiles, rests his eyelids, and takes HELMUT's call.

When HELMUT tells him the discouraging news, his mood does a complete 180. It's just too awful to be real.

"What?! No, no, no, HELMUT! You gotta keep her in there! I swear to you, that woman is a menace, and a threat to all of Panem! She's not the precious Mockingjay Panem used to know, I'm telling you! She's..."

Nearby, Peeta hears grumbling. He looks around. He freezes. He slowly hangs up on HELMUT, and tries to put his phone back in his pocket without being noticed.

There are five wild boars. They stand before the front porch. Their tusks are bared. Their eyes are glowing with rut-lit fire.

"O my Paylor," Peeta whimpers. "What did I do?!"