Chapter 6

Isn't it sad how you run away from your fears and nightmare but yet no matter how far you run away from it? The closer you bring yourself to the darkness and only when you face them will you find peace.indeed in every darkness comes a light.

No poem was ever written by a drinker of water,walk with the dreamers, the believers, courageous,the cheerful, the planners, the doer's, the successful people with their heads in the clouds and their feet's on the ground. Life is a lost home but to everyone its a visible home and could be owned by anyone who just fill like having one, but life is a place where in everything you do or get you either gain to lose or lose to gain.nothing you live for is even real because when you look around, you are never sure about anything and even if you are the people that matter most in your life might never truly believe in you.the blind truth is we all living a life of "What if".

If only everyone could open their eyes we will all see that no one is better than anyone until then we keep hating on things that never really matter, things you way matured for turning out to be things you capture and make a big deal out of a small picture yet treasure it so much forgetting what the future holds.

In malicious harmony I learnt to survive I stood my ground that I wasn't going to let anything or anyone destroy me, it was far from an explanation I know how to give, all I know is when I had my fill of the hate, the anger, the regret, the painful blissful memories I decided that, once bitten shouldn't have to be twice shine, I made sure i had something close to a plan, to at least be able to secure my self from this shatters, this pierce, the deep sharp tiny tiny pain, that twinges and twist my chest like no other, I don't know how else to feel if I don't let my self to feel this way, but feeling this way is ruining me, it's making me reckless and uninvolved, with my self or the society, it's making me shatter I can't think straight, getting involved with you was a big decision, a very huge one that I told myself i am later going to regret, I am to later blame myself and having to wish I know a way I can do it, because out of all sincerity I don't know how i can do it, I don't know how i can successfully look into your eyes without flinching and my whole brain scattering neither do i know how to keep myself away from staring, i don't know what magnetic trick pulls me to you, forward too forward to touch you, too forward to look in your eyes, the only thing I noticed as a relief is that you are always looking my way whenever I look back, but you are never acknowledging me to be anything but just a friend, and everytime I see you, i am always left wondering if what I see in your eyes that sparks like gold and a rush of excitement, I am left wondering if all of it was true and just when I thought me and lotte had some steaming chemistry and we could even be soul mate for all we care, i never had to experience the rush of excitement, and the feeling of Adeline, running through my body unstoppably just at the sight of your sweet smile and your brilliant eyes, and everytime you lay them on me i feel frozen on the inside, the kind of intensity I feel with you and the unseen fire that flies fast and sparks the sky of my belly, and with the look on your faces that says you know and see those sparks and as a matter of fact it was intentional, when you gave me those looks how do you expect me to come up with a way to escape your captivity, if only for my sanity sake I wish i never met you, you are toxic to my emotions, which happens to control most essential part of my body, so the idea that you have me all wrapped up around your arms and across your legs her pretty empathetic....

Oh dear,

What do i do to console you?

Where do i go to see the real you, to

see the pleasure in my eyes and body for you, do you see it or do you just let me touch you? i want know you so come to me don't be scared walk to me like it's not beautiful enough to bring yourself out?

like it's not colorful enough for my heart and never lose you.

I wanted to hold your beautiful body and mold it into mine.

Ignore it because you'd never let yourself believe that you'd ever feel the same towards

me as slowly as it can get, i'm here to wait all day and all night.

whenever i look at you, seeing you smile like the goddess you are under the water and

you want me to hold you, would you touch me when you want to be touched, be strong

enough to walk, like you are scared of your own home.

You are made to shine.

Can you look at me? Can you see the ruin you are making of me! Can you see?

Would you tell me everything when you need to talk, would you hold me when you want to be away and run into your shell like you don't miss my touch, i know you do want me just like the way i want you, or you want to run back into your raining sky with flawless beauty i wanted to cub you keep you so close to my heart all night but then you are of all the beautiful things in the oceans and beyond

enough to smile, like it's not cold enough for you to feel, like it's not warm,

your waist the way you flow with the rhythm of my heart it awesomely calm

way.

How i got drown in your endless oceans of perfect the way you wine. You are made just like the smile you sometimes give.

Why would you hide,

would i know you the way you want to be known? would you open up to me,

you are of the greatest place i find hard to reach yet but i'm coming for you i would drive into the deepest sea but i would make sure i reach you own.

As I lay in bed for the 10th time in one day to think of the only person that got me engrossed in my feelings and naked in my soul, at the thought of her eyes I feel fainted, that one and only friend or ex or acquaintance, that I can't afford to say no too, I don't know if I could survive without putting up a smile in her face....

The memories of Eva, they sting.