Chapter one

As I awake, I instantly feel the stinging from the cuts and bruises all down my body, fresh from last night's "appointment". I hear myself groan as I go to pull my wrecked body into a sitting position against the granite wall behind me. Once I get up I begin to look around and I see that they've put me in my regular cell, in the 14 - 16 ward. My surroundings aren't unfamiliar, same dim light bulb hanging from the ceiling, same solid cement floor that would never house a comfortable sleeping position and of course same steel metal bars I've known for the past 9 years. I look down to see that all I'm wearing is shorts and a dirty white tank top, the classic "uniform" of the compound. I don't know what time it is, given that the cell I'm in doesn't house a window so I don't know when to expect my next meal to arrive, well meal is a very loose term, all meals around here consist of are a small serving of bland rice, a glass of water and you are lucky a hunk of crusty bread that they had almost threw out the day before. Of course I don't even know if food is coming today, the memories of last night are hazy so I can't be sure what punishment I was served. I'm used to it of course, but still, not knowing isn't the best feeling in the world, of course that's why they do it. CLANK, the lock on the door down the hall can be heard even from the distance of my cell. Given the fact that I hadn't heard any sound of human life down here since I woke up, I can only guess that whoever is walking through that door has come down here for me. I use the 11 seconds that it takes to walk from the door down the hall to my cell, to compose myself, "never show them your fear otherwise they'll know they've won" that's what my mum always told me and I have lived by it since. I comb my grimy brown hair behind my ears feeling it brush against the small of my back, then I rub my eyes to get rid of any sleep still lingering there. I remove my hands from my eyes just in time to see her standing in front of me with that horrendously awful smile on her smug face. "Subject 146, glad to see you have finally deigned to wake up." God that name sends shivers, but to be honest it's been a long time since someone has actually used my name and honestly some days it's very hard to remember. "I believe we have some catching up to do after last night" she says grinning. I must have done something last night to make her talk like that and by the tone in her voice it wasn't good. I feel my heart beating faster with the idea of what she has in store for me but I look to the two women standing either side of her and remind myself that this is what I'm used to, I've done it before and I can do it again. Looking at the guards in the facility when I feel overwhelmed has always been a coping mechanism for me, they have been trained to stand utterly still and their faces never convey any emotion, I find it weirdly calming. I center myself and then stand, holding back the groan of pain trying to escape my lips. She must see that it hurts because that awful smirk takes place on her face again. I look at Madame dead in the eye to show that I am ready. I never knew her name. I was always just told to address her as Madame and if I didn't there would be consequences. In my first year here I called her something different just to feed my curiosity, I don't even remember what it was. I woke up the next morning with four broken fingers and three sloppy stitches on my forehead. I took a few steps until I was within a meter of the bars. Then one of the guards removes a key from her belt and unlocks my cell door. I then routinely turn to face the wall as the familiar feel of metal slides into place on my wrists, the guard steps back and then along with the other guard and Madame. They begin walking back down the hall, I follow dutifully after them down the endless familiar halls. Each hall we pass I can see different girls in each cell all more desperate than the last. When they stop I look up to see Madame reaching for a door that I know leads to my least favorite room in the compound, to be fair none of them are particularly enjoyable to be in. We walk into the room and as per usual I'm marched over to the metal table sitting in the center of the room. The guard beside me gives a nod to the people standing behind me and I'm lifted up so I end up sitting on the edge of the table. The guard then walked to the other side and unlocked my handcuffs. This is the time you would think I could just run out of the room and escape, you would be wrong, the furthest I would get would be a few meters from the table, maybe even get to the door before I would be tackled, tased and then thrown back in my cell with no food for a week, I know, given that it's happened many times. So instead of jumping up and running, which honestly at this point I don't think my body could even take jogging, I lay myself down on the freezing metal of the table and allow myself to be cuffed to the bars on either side of me. I close my eyes, just focusing on the sound of the people's scuffling boots and the distant conversation happening between different groups in the room. I listen to these sounds in an attempt to distract myself from thinking about what they are going to do today, a skill I have become increasingly talented at. I continue to focus on the noises in the room until I feel a warm breath caress my ear and hear Madame's voice saying "Are you ready?" I open my eyes and stare fearlessly at the ceiling making sure she knows that I can handle whatever she throws at me, whether or not that fact is true is none of her business. She stands up and says "implement punishment 809" I have never heard that number combination, so I don't even know what to expect as a woman, who I've noticed is almost always present when I'm in these situations, nods to one of her assistants. She walks up and offers me a rubber mouthpiece, I open my mouth and she slips it in. The familiar taste of the mouthpiece coats my tongue, in a weird way I'm sometimes grateful for this piece of rubber. I know it's only purpose is to make sure no one hears me outside the room but it also stops Madame and all the people around me from seeing the full scale of pain they are making me endure. It stops them from seeing the weakness I want to hide. I feel the sharp stinging of a needle in my left arm, a few seconds pass before pain begins. At first it's a light burning but the intensity keeps increasing until I'm screaming, the mouthpiece muffling the noise. My body tries to thrash but just pushes against the restraints. It's like fire has bathed my entire body, I vaguely recognize Madame's voice saying, "this is what happens when you disobey me" she then walks away leaving me to endure this pain alone.. I can feel my consciousness starting to slip as if my body has decided it can't be awake for this pain and then slowly my mind slips into nothingness.