10

Draco was horrified. His father had picked him up from the station and taken him to some strange building were women and men strutted around in very little clothing. His father then took him to a private room where he was lectured on his responsibilities to produce a male heir to continue the Malfoy line.

What followed was a highly graphical description of how this was achieved. Draco was fairly disgusted.

Then it got worse.

Lucius told Draco about the letter from school. He assured him how it was absolutely fine for him to come to a place like this or somewhere very private where he could engage in experimentation and exploration with his boyfriends.

Then it got worse.

Lucius brought several strapping young men into the room and proceeded to show them as fine examples of what was available to him.

Draco spent the entire time protesting his heterosexuality.

But when Draco blanched at Lucius' offer of women instead, Lucius assumed he was just too scared to admit it. He resolved to bring Draco along when he came through the summer so he could get used to the idea.

Draco was in hell. He didn't like the idea of all that kissing and touching… especially men! He thought there were several cute girls at school, but that didn't mean he wanted to touch them… there! He definitely didn't want to do that with boys.

He couldn't wait to escape back to Hogwarts with Vin and Greg.

The holidays were a busy affair Xander, Harry and Hermione. The first two weeks were spent with Dan and Emma looking after the kids whilst they did their homework. Xander was back at the school with Joyce for the summer clean and get together with the castle ghosts, armour and paintings. The few teachers that usually stayed over the holidays were kicked out and very disgruntled. But as Joyce pointed out, it only happened every hundred years or so. Sometimes more if she was awake. They were compensated by an all expenses paid trip to a destination of their choice by Joyce.

Minerva was also kicked out, but Xander was glad as he felt she should spend plenty of time with Harry outside of school.

Whilst Minerva was with the Grangers and Harry, she found it very difficult to get to grips with living without magic. Hermione and Harry both received warnings from the Ministry and Minerva had to respond for them and get them cancelled as it was actually her fault.

Those first two weeks were also spent decorating the new house for Xander and Harry. Minerva was moved to tears when she was told she had her own room and it was her house as well.

Xander was not, however, spending most of his time partying and telling stories on Joyce. Although everyone did hear a new side to the love spell incident that she had apparently failed to share. Not to mention her various unwitting slips into the underworld of Sunnydale.

No, Xander discovered that the only other occupant of the castle who was not evicted for the two weeks was Argus Filch. The squib was apparently one of the few humans to have heard of the parties and been invited by the ghosts.

Xander and Argus worked together on clearing some of the secret passageways that had caved in and other areas that required maintenance. Secret passageways had their purpose. Usually for an escape.

"I don't get it Argus. Your always so grumpy around the kids, but you're fine now. You really hate them that much?" Xander asked.

Argus snorted in amusement. "'Course not! But I 'appen to know that I will never 'ave their respect. The Bloody Baron taught me to command their fear instead. Similar results, just not as much fun… for them. The paintings and ghosts love it though." He chuckled. "They also provide me with plenty of new threats."

Xander was suitably impressed. "Why not reveal your… more attractive side to students who can prove themselves?" Xander asked. Argus seemed to improve his hygiene for the summer as well. His hair was no longer lank and greasy and his clothes were clean and well cared for. Mrs. Norris was bounding around like a kitten, although she was still a little uneasy with Xander… it wasn't really his fault he was a dog.

"Ain't a many who do prove 'emselves." He growled slightly. "An' there's always the risk they'll blow m' cover."

"Well, the three I tutor are pretty good. Give them a year or so and they'll be able to keep your cover and be worth your time." Xander assured him.

Argus shrugged. "I'll think on it." He said uncommitted.

Harry and Hermione popped in a few times. Where Harry went, Hermione followed and Joyce was very much wanting to show off her two sons. Minerva was also allowed to attend at those times.

Although not allowed in the castle proper, Hagrid was still on the grounds. That was where his house was after all. Harry and Hermione would always visit Hagrid, Fluffy, Fang and Norbert.

As always, Harry and Norbert would sit there hissing at each other. One day, Harry came bursting into the castle to get Joyce, Xander and Minerva.

"Norbert can talk!" He cried excitedly as he didn't bother waiting to see if they followed but ran back out again.

"You think he might have forgotten he can teleport?" Xander quipped.

"At least he's not going to get fat and lazy." Joyce grinned.

"Nah, I'm starting the three of them on physical training this year." Xander said with a maniacal cackle.

The three of them were teleported out by Xander, who had decided that during the holiday he would be teaching Minerva how to do the same.

Harry was a little bewildered when he reached the hut and found the three adults waiting for him… he soon turned bright red as he realized what he forgot.

"So Norbert can talk?" Xander prompted.

"Oh… Yeah! But it's like… baby talk. Short words and sentences." Harry said gesturing with excitement.

Hermione, however, was frowning. "But I can't hear him."

Harry clearly didn't appreciate the implication. "I'm not lying!" He said with a small amount of anger.

Hermione rolled her eyes in exasperation. "I didn't say you were! But couldn't it all be in your head?"

Before Harry could explode, Joyce stepped in. "Hermione, you should be very careful about making accusations like that. In the magical world, there are many things that only some people can see. Your parents can't see the ghosts after all."

"But they're not magical!" She protested.

"Wha' abou' Thestrals?" Hagrid asked. "Can on'y see them if ya seen someone die."

Hermione was about to try and argue that one… when she realized she didn't have an argument.

"Harry, can you talk to Norbert and give us a translation?" Xander asked.

Harry nodded and turned to Norbert… then paused… then turned back to Xander. "What should I ask him?"

"Ask 'im what meat 'e wants for 'is dinner." Hagrid suggested.

Harry nodded at his large friend and then turned and started hissing at Norbert. Who responded with a few growls and hisses of his own.

"I think he wants chicken." Harry said with a frown.

"You think?" Minerva asked.

"He doesn't know the word 'chicken', he called it the 'noisy ground bird'." Harry explained.

"Ah." Xander said in understanding.

"OF COURSE!" Joyce shouted startling the whole bunch of witches, wizards, half-giants, dragons and canines. "Harry's a Parselmouth!"

Whilst Minerva and Hermione were gasping in realization. Harry, Hagrid and Xander had no idea.

"Does this mean he can speak and presents will be delivered?" Xander asked with a hint of childlike hope.

Hermione just glared. "It means he can talk to snakes."

"And dragons apparently." Minerva added.

"But the books-"

Hermione was interrupted by Xander clearing his throat loudly and making frantic cut off gestures with his hand in front of his throat.

Hermione just closed her mouth and blushed.

"Salazar was a Parselmouth. He had dragons help build the castle. He was always out talking to the various reptiles in the forest. He said he had trouble with amphibians. He knew they were talking, but couldn't understand them, as if they were speaking a foreign language." Joyce explained.

"I thought all wizards could speak to snakes?" Harry said in confusion.

"You've done it before?" Xander asked.

"No one would look after me so they had to bring me to the zoo on Dudley's birthday. I was talking to a snake there." It was obvious from Harry's demeanour that he was not telling the story of everything that happened there. But they all knew it was probably bad stuff to do with the Dursleys. Minerva or Joyce would ask him privately later.

"I suppose Harry should come back every few days and talk to Norbert, that way Norbert will learn to speak properly, especially as there are no other dragons around." Joyce advised.

And so a new activity was added to Harry's weekly schedule (which Hermione eagerly created and updated). The two weeks finished and the teachers reluctantly returned. Many sporting stunning tans that had no place in a drafty Scottish castle.

Harry and Tonks still met once a week. There wasn't much that she could teach him as it was really down to practice now, but Tonks enjoyed spending as much time as possible with the boy she considered her baby brother not to mention her favourite honorary aunt and professor, Joyce. Xander and Hermione were ok in her book too.

Bill also joined Tonks these days. He had moved into his own home near the rest of the Weasley's but visited them regularly.

Unknown to everyone but Xander, Bill had begun a campaign of pranking on the Dursley's for their treatment of Harry. Just little things like charming the water to always be cold in the winter and hot in the summer. Likewise with the heating. The windows provided no protection from the sounds of cars and airplanes, they now amplified things slightly. Fresh food would go bad within the hour and all the plants and gardens were dead.

The latest news on the court case was that it was due to begin in November. The chances of them getting off were abysmal. Xander was having the goblins use all their power to ensure that they couldn't leave the country unless they went somewhere barely habitable.

No one else knew of this and that was the way it would stay until both Xander and Bill felt Harry was over them sufficiently.

Bill brought a suggestion to Harry and Xander regarding Norbert and his speech learning.

"Harry can probably teach Norbert to talk, but what about talking to other dragons? What if Harry makes it difficult to communicate with them?" He asked one evening.

"I get your point, I suppose I could take them down to Gringotts, but it wouldn't be the nicest experience." Xander mused.

"Why don't you take them both to Charlie in Romania. He works with dragons as a handler." Bill suggested.

"How though? Neither of us has been out of the country… let alone Romania. Harry can probably transport Norbert easily, but not without knowing where he's going."

"A portkey!" Hermione said excitedly.

"Yeah… that does not sound like fun. I heard tales that it's worse than apparition." Xander grimaced.

"If you are capable of long distance travel, like you suggest, then you only need to make the one trip. Then you can return on your own power and pick up Norbert." Tonks pointed out.

"Still have to make that one trip." Xander said with distaste.

"I can't believe that the man who took down a troll single handed and decapitated the Dark Lord without a seconds hesitation is afraid of a little bumpy ride." Bill grinned mockingly.

Xander just pouted childishly.

The trip to Romania was a good learning experience. Dan and Emma tagged along as there was no way they would pass up an opportunity to see live dragons. Minerva decided to return to the school to prepare for the new school year. And to see Joyce, the two had become fast friends.

Harry was greeted enthusiastically by Charlie who had vague memories of the little baby that Bill always talked about.

"If Neville and I were together as babies, and you, Bill and Nym were there as well, where were Percy and Ron?" Harry asked curiously.

"Well… Percy was still only two or three years old. You couldn't get him to leave dad for anything. He had a real bout of hero worship going on." Charlie chuckled. "But Ron… Ron was… he couldn't leave mum, and mum wasn't part of the Order so she kept him at home as she was pregnant with Gin."

"Wouldn't he have been a handful for a pregnant lady to cope with, wouldn't it have been easier to let Bill and Nym deal with him?" Xander asked.

"What my little brother is trying to allude to delicately… and failing… is the fact that our baby brother was still… feeding." Bill said with a grin. "Nursing?" He tried, seeing they still weren't getting it?

"You mean to tell me that a near year and a half old kid was still breast feeding?" Xander asked incredulously. "In the Western world?"

Bill and Charlie just nodded as they tried not to laugh.

"I wonder if that explains his eating habits." Hermione mused.

Harry was a huge hit with the dragons and the dragon handlers. Harry found himself acting as a bit of a waiter as the dragons kept making food requests. He learnt the most from dragons though. Including the fact that Norbert was actually a 'Norberta'. Harry was given a book on dragons and a copy for Hagrid as well… just in case.

It seemed that he had no trouble understanding any of the adult dragons but the hatchlings would simply hiss and growl playfully. According to the dragons, their memories were hereditary. They knew what their parents knew and so would Norbert as he got older. Hermione and Xander explained later that it was also known as genetic memory to non-magical humans.

During the last week of the summer holidays, Bill invited Xander, Harry and the Grangers to the Burrow so they could have a mini-quidditch game and meet the rest of his family.

So on a bright summer Monday morning, Harry went with Bill for a quick trip to the Burrow so he could pop back and bring everyone else. Mainly because Xander whined about being forced to apparate again.

Ron seemed to have developed a very smarmy attitude. He was making every effort to be chummy and knowledgeable. It was making even the very officious Percy ill.

Ginny Weasley was like a fleeting ghost of red. She would be spotted spying on Xander and Harry and then would scurry away with a squeak when spotted. According to the twins, Ginny had grown up with a bit of hero-worship for the boy who lived.

"Just because I survived a killing curse as a baby?" Harry asked unsurely. "Wouldn't that make me a tragic victim?"

"You don't know?" Fred asked.

"Know what?"

"He doesn't know!" Fred declared in horror.

"Perhaps we should actually tell him?" George suggested.

"We could… or we could just let him find out on his own." Fred grinned evilly.

"You do remember his dad is Xander, right? The wizard who took out a troll with a sword and axe and removed the Dark Tosser's head with the same sword?"

Fred paled slightly. "Right." He turned to Harry. "People have been writing books and articles about you and your family ever since that night. Which, doesn't sound very unusual. But…"

"People wrote stories about it too."

"Hey! I was telling it." Fred scowled.

"Now is not the time for your dramatic pauses." George admonished. "Now get on with it."

Fred huffed and picked up. "You aren't just the hero of the wizarding world like Dumbledore is for defeating Grindlewald, you are a childhood hero. All the children raised around and after that night were told these various tales as bedtime stories. You're a legend."

"There's a whole section in Flourish and Blotts dedicated to you… two sections actually. Fiction and Non-Fiction." George added.

Harry was sceptical. "Two whole sections on how I survived a killing curse?"

"Well the non-fiction stuff is the boring old geezers rattling on about how you might have survived and your history and biography, the-"

"I was one and a half… how much of a biography could there be?" Harry interrupted.

"No idea, but it seems to sell." Fred shrugged.

George continued. "The fiction section is full of your… fictional and heroic adventures, like… meeting Merlin and learning all he knew. Meeting the founders of Hogwarts. Defeating dragons, dark lords, vampires, werewolves… you name it and apparently you've done it."

Harry just stood there with his mouth open in shock and horror.

Fred looked a little uncomfortable and wondered if they might have broken the boy who lived.

"Harry?" He gave him a little nudge.

"Bu-bu-bu-"

"But that's not the end of the picture." George interrupted Harry's stuttering. "Every student at Hogwarts grew up on those stories. That's why everyone watches you. They want to see what you'll do."

"BUT I'M JUST A KID!" Harry screeched.

This had the effect of bringing Xander running out of the house to discover what was making his son screech.

"What do I need to kill?" He asked.

Harry was fuming, far to angry to formulate a verbal response beyond growling.

George explained the problem. "We were just explaining just how big a celebrity Harry is. The books, the children's adventure stories."

"We're trying to explain the problem with Ginny." Fred added.

"Ah, so Ginny's a fangirl and that's why she runs like a skittish kitten when Harry spots her?"

Fred and George shared an uncomfortable look.

"Well-" Fred began.

"Partly."

"There's more." He continued. "You see, what's a hero without a… fair maiden?"

"Who he rescues."

"From the dragons."

"And marries."

"Rules the kingdom with."

"Raises their many children…"

"In a castle-"

"Named Hogwarts."

Harry let out an inarticulate scream of rage, confusion, distress and many, many other bad emotions.

Xander just chuckled as the twins winced. "It could be worse."

"How could it possibly be worse!" Harry hissed.

"She could be all over you, touching you and trying to make out with you."

Harry cringed and turned a slight shade of green. How could boys and girls do that? He'd seen the older students kissing and hugging. He was getting more used to hugs as Joyce, Minerva, Emma and Hermione all hugged him. Even Xander gave him what Dan called a 'manly squeeze'. But kissing… looked… eugh!

"Actually…" Fred said hesitantly.

"It is worse." George finished.

"Ginny has the same crush on a certain Troll killer."

"Who defeated the dark lord."

"Saved her hero."

"And is the lord of the castle."

To the surprise of the three boys, Xander just chuckled.

"This is not funny!" Harry exclaimed. "She-she-she… this is wrong!"

"It's nothing new Harry. I worked with teenage girls for a year or more. In fact, I'm fairly certain that Joyce broke a few hearts when she pulled me into this reality." Xander said sympathetically.

"But what do we do about it?" Harry pleadingly asked. "I don't want girls following me around and looking at me like… that!"

"Can't do much about the general female population, unfortunately. But we can work on Ginny. There are two ways to deal with this. One, we can become utter slobs and completely undesirable. We make ourselves appear to be the complete opposite of whatever stories she has heard.

"Not the best option as it can really screw with our reputations and we might need that down the line.

"Two, we personally include her in activities with Hermione and ourselves. Maybe even get Neville. That way she can see that we are just a couple of normal… guys. Hopefully she can learn from Hermione and Neville how to treat us like friends."

"Can we do something about the books, though? I already have ten or so years of children believing the lies, can we prevent the next ten from thinking I slayed dragons and rescued… maidens?" He said with disgust.

"Sure, leave it to your old man." Xander grinned.

Harry just stared at him.

"Me! Leave it to me!" Xander said exasperatedly.

Unfortunately for Harry and Xander, there was no regulation of the press in the magical world. People were allowed to print what they wanted. The only exception was that they could be challenged by the subject of their work in a duel if the subject felt they had been slighted in someway. And that could mean anything from not receiving a cut of the profits to not receiving permission.

The magical world seemed to decide matters between two parties by negotiation… usually aggressive negotiation.

Xander started with the bookstores. They were selling this stuff so they were party. No one wanted to challenge the man who defeated Voldemort with a sword so sales came to a screeching halt.

Next he went to the publishers where he demanded they cease all printing and distribution, hand over the names and details of the authors and pay Harry a substantial share of the profits from their own coffers.

Finally he handled the authors. A bunch of old men and women who eagerly capitulated in fear of the angry Lord Hogwarts. The Daily Prophet posted apologies from the authors to Harry for two weeks. They also paid substantial shares to Harry.

When Harry heard he had received several million galleons as a result of Xander's 'negotiations', he had simply shrugged and asked Xander to give it to the orphans like him.

Xander was unsurprised by Harry's blasé response to the huge amounts of money. Minerva and Joyce were very proud.

Unfortunately for Harry and Xander, there were no magical orphanages and Xander didn't trust the Ministry of Magic.

Xander decided to take a more proactive route. He wrangled some of the house elves and had them deliver food and clothing to the orphans around the country. He then ordered the goblins to begin finding suitable housing for an orphanage. With all the money Harry was going to get from these freeloading authors and publishers, he had more than enough.

Xander's favourite person to talk to in the Weasley house was Arthur. He had such childlike interest and understanding of non-magical concepts. His life long dream was to learn how 'air-o-planes' worked.

For Xander, step one was getting him to pronounce 'airplanes' properly.

"You know those memos you have flying around the building at the ministry?" Xander asked the red-headed patriarch as they sat with Dan in the Weasley kitchen.

"Of course. A simple spell folds the paper and another sends it on it's way."

"Non-magicals have their own version." Xander conjured a piece of A4 paper and began folding. "Ok, here we have a paper airplane. This is what happens when I throw it." With that he let the paper soar out the kitchen window where it went a good few feet.

"And mu- non-magicals make their airplanes fly by throwing them?" Arthur asked sceptically.

"Nope, that was just to show you how it stays in the air. Getting off the ground requires a lot of power. Several engines, each far more powerful than the Hogwarts train." Xander explained.

"Why would you need several engines to move something so small?" Arthur asked.

Xander cocked an eyebrow. "To clarify, where have you seen an airplane?"

"In the sky, the tiny little birds. I'm told they have magic that fits hundreds of people into them."

By this time Dan had cracked up and was pounding the table in hysterics.

Xander stood up and called the kids to him. Twenty minutes later had them at Heathrow airport. Hermione had questioned Xander's sanity about taking purebloods into a muggle heavy zone, but as Xander pointed out, non-magicals were so varied at international airports that they would be viewed as… foreigners.

Molly was not pleased when Harry brought them home that night as Arthur was nowhere near coherent as he waxed poetical about the small villages that muggles made fly in the sky. She sent Xander off to Madam Pomphrey for a calming draught.