Chapter 1

"How is any of this fair, none of it makes sense honestly. I am entitled to way much more than what I'm going through right now. I'm practically a saint… or saintess, whichever it is"

I was currently tapping in these words into my keyboard with much more energy than necessary. I felt a tap on my shoulder and looked up.

It was a girl, thick rimmed glasses with really short eyelashes. She had really dark freckles on her nose and cheeks which contrasted her skin kinda like a bunch of black people in a therapy class… that analogy doesn't make sense does it? Why would black people need therapy

Her lips were moving but I couldn't hear a word. I removed one of my ear pods from under my hair and she seemed to turn red from anger?

"-problem is that you probably think the whole world revolves around you but newsflash, it doesn't" she said with a huff

"I'm sorry what are you talking about?" I asked

Her face turned a few shades darker if that's even possible

"you've not heard a single word of what I've said? Carry your barbaric ways back to your country for all I care but don't bring it into a library"

Wow, she's racist.

"She probably didn't know she was doing it, plus you're making more noise than she was with your nagging" a voice said from behind the red lady

"What did I do?" I was still confused at this point

"you were typing too hard and the soind was a bit.." the kind voice trailed off

It was another lady, she looked about 7 years older than me and the mini-Karen

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't realize" I looked around and gave an apologetic look to the others in the library

Some smiled waving it off, others moved back to their work like nothing happened.

I looked back to the kind lady "thank you for stepping in"

"You're

welcome, dear" she headed back to her seat

I packed my laptop and put my books in my bag then brushed pass the the standing tomato, she seemed to want a personal apology… yeah no, not happening.

I walked out of the library feeling a bit better but the cloudy sky instantly dampened my mood. I checked my phone to see mow many minutes remains till my bus gets here, 5 minutes.

"alright"

I checked his dm, nothing, Messages were all delivered but not opened. Its been like that for 3 months now. I scrolled up the messages I've been sending all this while, talking about my day, my thoughts.

Some voice notes were included here and there, the majority of them sent at night when I feel the most alone, those voice notes could make the happiest person shed a tear. I'm that talented lol.

He said he'd always be there for me… but right before my birthday he stopped replying. Just outta the blue.

I sat on the bench and waited. I got a few looks from other waiting bus users and gave them a smile. They smiled back and looked away.

2 minutes

I checked my phone again hoping he replied. He hadn't, I'm not surprised but I tend to keep my hopes up because I still trust him, quite foolish of me because I'm disappointed yet again, for the 15th time this hour. The rate has reduced though, it used to be 30 something times I check.

He's not my boyfriend, he's just the only friend I have. The only friend that doesn't judge… plus I've never met him.

Am I an idiot? Yes. Do I love him? More than my life. Is he Ghosting me? Looks like it. Am I delusional? Probably. But do I feel completely lost and alone without his digital presence? YES.

The bus finally arrived after one long minute and I boarded with everyone else. I made sure to get the window seat so I can give off a mysterious vibe as I look out the window. Like an Emmy award winner, the rain started falling and that one droplet sliding down the window was a paid actor, just dramatic enough. I'm surprised no one is clapping. I'm just kidding, I love to see the buildings because architecture is so great. Also kidding… partially, I just like the window seat.

I got off at the stop nearest to my house and checked the time, a few minutes to 6, everyone should be home now.

I finally got home and removed my shoes opened the inner door to see my brother hitting my sister with a pillow.

"What did she do this time" I asked

"She was trying to hug me" my brother said scowling

"I cant hug my brother anymore" she fake pouted

My dads recognisable heavy footsteps came into hearing range "what have I told you about personal space, always give each other space" he looked in my direction " welcome back, how was work?"

"It was fine, I got off early to get to the library"

"that's good, have you seen your mum yet? she's in her room"

"okay" I headed towards her room and opened the door to see her playing with her cocks "welcome back, how was work?" she said with a smile. Somehow she's always smiling

"It was alright, I brought the fruit salad back for you" I said as I brought out the container from by bag

"How did you know I was craving fruits" she collected the container and started eating

"How dare you eat food without me" my bratty sister announced as she barged into the room

My mum brought out a spoon of the salad to her mouth

"But its for you not her" I protested

She just smiled and shrugged as my sister gave me her usual snarky smile knowing fully well that shell almost always get her way

"Go and call your brother to come eat" she told my sister

"He doesn't like fruits"

"Oh, okay I forgot, then lets leave some for your Daddy"

I headed back to my room that I shared with my sister and made a mental note to bring 3 servings next time

I dropped my bag on the floor and removed my jacket, sat on the bad and checked my phone again. Not one reply, not a word or even a letter.

I rested my back on the bed and closed my eyes. The last thing I remember before falling asleep is thinking

"What if he's dead?"