MY LIFE AS LALA

7 MARCH, SUNDAY, CONTINUED, TIMELINE 2.

Maybe it was because I had two older alpha brothers in this life, but no one had ever thought of Lala as a potential Alpha.

When Morning Light's Alpha and Luna died in a rogue attack, Jude-Kev was still a pup, but after he shifted, he was a gifted fighter and with his help, Dad managed to stabilize the Morning Light borders. Because Jude-Kev was always the first to the front lines, he was considered a hero among the Morning Light wolves, and when he turned 18, the Morning Light pack accepted him as their Alpha. Harvey naturally became his beta.

Fluffy-Kai was the current Young Alpha of Night Leaf. Ben would become his beta once he shifted. Fluffy-Kai was a scholar type Alpha Wolf who used his brain more than his brawn. Dad often told my brothers lots of zen things about how a bunch of sticks tied together would not be so easily broken, or how blood was thicker than water (although neither of them were blood related though?). I think Dad had always hoped that his two sons would combine their strengths and work together.

Anyway, Fluffy-Kai would have his investiture as Night Leaf's alpha next year. Dad was handing over the pack to him.

The pack was rather divided in opinion about the Young Alpha Kai so he was often discussed with no small amount of debate. On one hand, he was brilliant, his grades were perfect, and no one could fault his strategies or win a debate with him, and the complicated projects he led were highly successful. On the other hand, it was an open secret these he was ruthless in handing out punishment, cruel to his enemies, no one understood what he was really thinking behind his constant smile, but the most bewildering thing about Night Leaf's Young Alpha was that HE WOULD NEVER GET INTO A PHYSICAL FIGHT.

Fluffy-Kai always gave really infuriating excuses too, "I'm allergic to blood."/ "I don't want to dirty my hand."/ "I'm wearing white today."/ "My face is too beautiful to risk injury."

How could an Alpha not fight? (Or use such lame excuses?)

But if you overlook his unproven fighting skills, I guess the Young Alpha Kai was still undoubtedly the next Alpha. Although he was the Alpha's second son, he had been the Alpha's first choice as successor.

"The world is changing everyday..." Alpha Dad had said in his speech at Fluffy-Kai's inauguration, "In this age of information, Night Leaf needs to evolve to overcome the new complexities in the world around us."

And of course, our wolves believed in Dad's choice. He was the Alpha, so he had to be right.

When it came to Fluffy-Kai's supporters, I knew for a fact that, at least in this life, Ben idolized Fluffy-Kai. Young Alpha Kai was the only other guy in Night Leaf who's IQ could match Ben's. They were also both just as equally vengeful in spirit. When the two of them walked together in school, everyone would try to hang back and look as invisible as possible, lest they accidentally sneezed too loudly and offend Alpha Kai.

I knew this because all the way up till high school, I had been attending New Leaf Academy too. So I had seen the tyrants in action.

I would have continued studying there this year, except that I had begged (with tears) to be allowed to go read at the Lorents Girls' School where my idol, Lady Amber, was founding principal. I wanted so much to get all the right paper qualifications to be the right luna.

I was going to become everything a luna should be. I can't wait for my first shift! I hope my wolf will be a beautiful white wolf like Mum's. (Oh boy, was I in for a surprise. Haha.)

My first shift was due this year (anytime now.)

So far, at the age of 15, (okay, fine. 14, but I would be 15 next month), I had already learned to bake simple but pretty recipes (very important for bake sales and hospital visitations), make and pour tea (this is an art form and a science), arrange flowers and hand bouquets (my favorite flowers were pink peonies but they were expensive), write in cursive and calligraph in ancient lycan script (I pay special attention to the ink on the brush each time so I don't ever blotch my work), sing with piano accompaniment (I'm told I had stage presence and a pretty tone)… I could do quite an impressive set of girly things. I could cross stitch neatly, although mastering this had cost me countless hours and tears of frustration. The plan was to learn how to do hand embroidery after mastering cross stitching, but I think Lady Amber saw I was at my limit and had mercy so we had put off sewing classing for now.

So for crafts this year, Lady Amber showed me how to crochet small items and wire beads together to make jewelry.

Lady Amber wasn't my only teacher. I made it a point to learn from Mum. Everyone said that Mum was the best Luna ever.

I could also cook simple dishes (sometimes I help Mum in the kitchen), take care of puppies (my babysitting rates were very reasonable), and I've been following her for visitations to the Destitute House and afternoon tea, and weekly care visits just to "catch up".

I also worked hard to improve myself, I can do my own hair and nails, and make girl talk. I can fold origami, walk elegantly down stairs with very high heels and a short skirt (without wolf power cheats, you need to rely on angling your steps and movements). I know how to use all the silverware in a full course meal, and how to place my fork and knife or my napkin to signal the wait staff (was there such a thing? O.o)

Wow, I was unbelievable! But Lala had never been satisfied with herself. Lala had always wished she was more special and never felt any of her talents were perfect enough. And although everyone would praise her, there would always be a part of her that suspected that everyone was just being extra encouraging or kind to her because she was the Alpha's daughter.

Naturally, a girl like Lala who had to become the perfect luna, would have no time to run wild in the woods (it would dirty her pretty clothes anyway), or train in any of the fight techniques beyond the compulsory training sessions (she had been counting down to her first shift so she could quit Wednesday Training Sessions).

She had heard how the ladies praised her to her mother.

"Oh, Luna! Your Kayla is growing so beautifully! She looks more and more like you each day!"

"Ah, I saw your Kayla playing with the younger pups yesterday. She is so good with puppies, she would make a wonderful and kind luna when she grows up."

"I just wanted to tell you how touched I was when I found out the flowers and cakes you brought to the hospital for me were made by your Kayla. She is so kind and thoughtful."

"How I envy you, Luna! If only my daughters were half as talented and gentle as yours!"

Between struggling to keep her grades respectable (I guess it shouldn't have been a surprise that I wasn't that academically inclined in this life either), and showing Luna-level care for everyone (for V-day this year, I crocheted 148 heart-shaped coasters AND hand-tied ribbons on 200 mini chocolate bars AND made 6 pairs of beaded dangly earrings because I didn't want anyone to feel like I left them out or feel less special than they should.)

I never noticed until today, when I had stepped into my second life, that I was exactly that kind of silly girl.

Even in my original life... Sure, I wanted to be the Alpha, and I was punching and kicking a tree instead of trying to finish a perfect sheet of calligraphy with no visible mistakes... for the 200th time (Practice makes perfect, right?). But the truth was, I was always pushing myself to be good enough. Where "good enough"= ridiculously impossible standard.

Lala had spent as many nights crying in secret as I had stayed up punishing myself with private merging technique training because I wasn't "good enough yet."

Maybe it's really easier to see your flaws from a 3rd party POV, but seeing myself as Lala, I seriously questioned when I would be "good enough."

It looks like the Mum in this life gave good advice too. I should stop stressing myself out so much.