A Discarded Identity

For what seems like a long while, Zen stays silent and unmoving beside Anastasia.

She just got knocked out of her consciousness again, falling right back to her slumber. But before she did so, she left quite a shock. She managed to stir him up to an unfathomable degree even though she seemed out of it when she hit him thunderstruck with that love confession.

His crimson red orbs remain glued on her sleeping frame, darkening little by little. Even with the coruscant pool of moonlight that's penetrating through the window beside them and cloaking a good half of his face, he starts emanating a very dark aura that outshines his gleaming profile.

Just a moment ago, Zen is acting all dreamy and starry-eyed. But now, his mood is completely dampened.

"Lucien... August..." he muttered with a deep tone, his expression contorting into a grim one.

"Hmm... So, that's how it is."

With a scowl marring his frame, Zen leans towards Anastasia and inches his face so close that their noses are now brushing against each other. He then slowly rests his forehead on hers, his unsmiling eyes never leaving her.

"I didn't expect that it would cause you that much pain, Sia. Forgive me for thinking too positively..." he continued solemnly, his voice low and vehement.

"Perhaps, it will do better if I just stay this way. Then again, that's also exactly why I changed myself."

Once more, Zen failed to consider what Anastasia would truly feel once she retrieved all of her memories.

He knew that she genuinely loved the past Lucien up until the end. It was the same kind of love that he wanted back - that the present Lucien wanted to have again. He wanted her to love him the same way as she did before.

But now that Zen realized how much his past identity hurt Anastasia - how much her love for him caused her so much heartaches, he now found his optimistic belief that he could restore their previous relationship as something selfish -

Much like how he selfishly desired for an originally non-existent future with her.

---

"You're just about to turn nineteen this year, but your alcohol intake is already starting to resemble that of an old adult."

Rupert is at a loss.

After finding the lights in Zen's bedroom turned on, he thought that he just got back from his dinner date with Anastasia and was about to go to bed. But then, he's caught off guard the moment he saw him drinking another glass of wine even though he just finished an entire bottle earlier. 

"Surely, the occassion to do such a thing had already finished hours ago. I thought you're not gonna drink alcohol anymore..." Rupert started again before heaving a sigh, concern laced in his voice all the while.

"You're having an anxiety attack again, aren't you? Is the piano not enough this time?"

"I think so..." Zen grumbled underneath his breath as he slumped down on the side of his bed, slowly spinning the glass of wine in front of his face with a sullen frown. 

"I just realized that instead of gaining back her love, she might despise me in the bitter end."

"Hmm...? Why would you say that?"

"She already remembered my previous self - you know, ol' sunshine boy with daddy issues, Lucien August. Though I don't think she completely recalled that he's me, I can tell that she's not going to be happy about it."

Now, that's quite a more serious concern than what Rupert had expected.

He's aware that both of their pasts were something hellish and grueling. A couple of teenagers like them definitely doesn't deserve such a harsh reality. There were sufferings and obstacles that led to nothing but a bad ending - a cruel fate overall. 

But as an adult, he knows he has to make this young man look at the brighter side of what their future has in store. That's the only way they can survive the present, after all. 

"You're overthinking again, Young Master. Didn't I tell you to focus on the present? You didn't have to restore what had been lost. Make new memories instead..." Rupert trailed off with a smile before sitting beside him and patting his shoulder encouragingly.

"Besides, you said it yourself before - you're no longer Lucien August. You're Zen now... New identity, new life. So, make your girl fall for Zen, not retrieve her feelings for Lucien."

Just as always, Rupert is one supportive and smooth-talking companion. 

He knows his ways with his words of advice. They're usually enough to knock sense back to him, helping him collect his bearings together again.

"Yeah, you're right..." Zen muttered with a small smile, his self-assurance and confidence returning at last.

"Thank you, Rupert."