TAMARA DID SOME SOUL SEARCHING

Entering the house Tamara seeing a form in her mom hand and she was crying, "Dear God, not again, I am so tired of her constant crying, "Mom, what is that form about, and why are you still crying?"

"Tamara, Courtney was supposed to fill this form out and take it to the welfare office, but she posts it to me and sent a note, you will have to take it in after you fill it out."

"Let me see that note mom, and when did you get this letter, when I have already checked the mailbox this morning?"

"Honey, you were right, she said she got married and is going abroad, she also sends five hundred dollars, and said she will try and send a change whatever she can."

"Mom give me that note." watching her read it, not saying anything, hoping she won't make out her handwriting.'

Taking her time reading the note hoping to get a hint to where she is, but the handwriting is not Courtney one it is Mr. Dawson, but whose handwriting is this that continues in the letter?'

Looking at her mom, 'Did she write this but it is not her handwriting either? Oh God could this be a scam and I have gotten Courtney is some sort of trouble?'

Feeling her heart beating fast, Tamara, knows if she tell her mom she will panic. Saying to her, "Now do you believe me?" Tamara shouted.

"Yes, but this form is very important for my grant to continue."

"Don't worry mom, I will take it in tomorrow to the welfare office, and when we get your money we could hire someone to come in and take care of you?"

"Yes, Tamara."

Watching her go to her room pondering in her heart,, 'Mom, has taken this news too easily, I have told her so many time Courtney has married, so what has changed?

Did she called the police or did Courtney called her for her to simmer down, something very fishy is going on?

And when did she collected that letter? When I have been checking the mailbox every day, for the last two weeks?'

Sitting on the bed Elsie thought, "Tamara, must never know about this three thousand Courtney sent me, and she mustn't know that she said she will send each month.

Now I must find a way to deposit this money and wait to see if what she said is true and if she has got married, then this will be a little saving I will set aside for her when she returned home.

But how could she get married without telling us? And she have never mention anything about where she was going or if she has changed her plans. She has never been dishonest to me?

I know she said the Friday night she was going to meet Kyle for lunch, but when I called him Sunday morning, some other girl answer his phone, but it wasn't Courtney voice.'

Lying down thinking, 'Also, I must get someone to pick up the mail regularly before Tamara becomes suspicious, and realize that I am lying and open the mail.

If what this letter say is true then I have to be on the alert to know if this is a lie or she is really married. Next thing my child is in some sort of trouble.'

Feeling like her head swelling as the tears flow, she is such a good child, and I miss her so much. I had depended on her for everything, but Tamara is very negligence.

I know she and Tamara doesn't agree but they wouldn't do anything to harm each other.

Now that Courtney is no longer with me to help attend to my needs, and Tamara is unstable and undependable.

I must find a way to that physio therapy clinic and start taking that exercise to help myself. If the surgery will help as the Doctor said, then I will walk again.

Wiping her face whispering, "My child, if only I could see you just to know that everything is okay, I will feel happy, but I have miss you so much this last two weeks."

Seeing her wiping the tears, "I know you miss her mom, so why were you acting as if you has accepted it, now I have no money and Courtney is not here to give me any.

I miss her so much already, but with her gone, I cannot leave home as before. If something were to happen to mom, in my absent I will never forgive myself.

I have always taken you for granted and never see the sacrifice you made to put food on the table, to keep the place clean and to have everything running smoothly. I have shun away from my duties as a daughter and a sister.'

Wiping the tears away, 'If only I could see you to say how sorry I am. Wherever you are I want you to know I am very sorry. I never consider for one minute that the table will turn and I will be home to take care with mom.'

Going to her room, Tamara kneel down, 'Asking the Lord to please forgive her and wherever Courtney is to take care with her. And Lord, help me so I can take care of mom and to look after myself.'

Going into her saloon recalling how she used to stand in front of the mirror and cut her hair, Tamara looks at her face in the mirror taking up the scissors and start chipping her hair.

'If you could do it, then I can also do it, I am twenty-six years and you are only two years older, and it is time I stop depending on others to fix my life.'

Sitting in front the table with all her nail polish slowly attending to her nails.

'If only I had listened to you and learned as you keeps pounding in my head, today money won't be a problem, but that is going to change.

I know I have let you down in front of your your friends and clients with my disgraceful behavior but I promise to change.

I am so sorry and hope in this time of separation you will see it in your heart to forgive me.

You have always been there for me in-spite of how I carry-on with you, yet you stood with me always coming to my rescue.'