44. Chapter 44

Kate wakes the moment the shower cuts on, winces at the sunlight streaming through the open sliding glass door. She turns over and checks the time. It's already nine. What time did Castle wake up if he's already showering? Today was his morning to run.

She swallows past the dryness in her mouth and closes her eyes for a moment, but her brain is already kicking into gear. She fell asleep early last night and can't remember waking once. She feels good. She needed this vacation.

No water for Dashiell again today. Kate should take him into town and look at Halloween decorations, walk around the square, check out stuff for them to do later this afternoon. She remembers seeing a billboard for a hay ride. And a haunted maze somewhere too. Dash would absolutely love that. So would Castle, actually.

Kate sits up with a yawn, lifts her arms over her head to stretch. She slides out of bed and into the bathroom, taps her fingers on the shower door as she passes, heading for the toilet.

"You're up?" he yells over the spray of the water.

"Yeah. What time did you get up?"

"Seven."

"Aren't you tired?" Kate flushes, washes her hands. Picks up her toothbrush.

"What?"

She rolls her eyes, brushes her teeth, ignoring him. But on her way out, she pops open the shower door and leans in. She can feel water misting her tshirt, her cheeks, but she gives Castle a slow and pleased grin; he drops his hands from his hair, sudsy. He looks stunned.

She gives him a moment to get it together, then puts one foot inside to get close enough to kiss him. His lips are hot, wet; she slips her tongue past his and puts one finger to his chest for balance. She feels the moment he moves to wrap his arms around her - she grabs his wrists to stay him, breaks the kiss.

"Not looking to get wet," she says, lifting an eyebrow so that he knows it's a double entendre.

Castle grins. "Darn. I'll have to get you later."

"Finish your shower; I'm going to check on your son."

Dashiell is awake and watching Scooby Doo; he lights up when he sees her in the doorway.

"Come here, Mommy."

Kate gives him a look for ordering her around, but she moves to his bed and sits beside him, snuggling down under the comforter next to him. Dashiell immediately turns and flops over her, giving a long sigh of happiness.

"Good sleep, kiddo?"

"Sure. Mommy, Ellery said you told her the story."

"I told her what story?"

"The stitches story. You didn't tell *me* the stitches story."

Oh darn. "I forgot, Dash. That's all."

"Tell me now?"

"Oh, sure. Okay. Well, before you were born-"

Dashiell pushes up to a sitting position, gives her a funny look. "What's before I was born?"

Kate laughs. "Baby, all kinds of things. You're only almost-five. I was a little girl once. Daddy was almost-five once too."

"Oh. Oh yeah. Gram says I'm just like Daddy."

"I bet you are." Kate nudges his knee with her fingers. "Okay, back to my story - so before you were born, Daddy and I were chasing after a bad guy at work-"

"Why Daddy chase a bad guy?"

Kate sits up against the headboard. "Because Daddy worked with me. Before you were born. We chased bad guys together."

Dashiell tilts his head, eyeing her suspiciously. "Mommy, is this a Castle story or a Beckett story?"

Kate presses her lips together to keep from laughing. "This is a true story, kiddo. A Beckett story."

"Oh. Daddy and you chased bad guys together?"

"Yes, baby. That's how I met Daddy." Roughly.

"When you were a little girl?"

She frowns. "No. . ."

"Mommy, you don't make sense."

Kate can't help laughing at that, but Dashiell gets a mulish look on his face, so she hurries to explain. "No, baby. After I was a little girl, but before you were born, Daddy worked with me at the police station."

"Can I see the stitches?"

"It's not stitches anymore, remember? It's now a scar. A few scars."

"Can I see?" Dashiell sits back on his feet and waits.

"Yeah, baby. Look." Kate flips back the comforter and pulls up the leg of her shorts, showing him the pale lines on her thigh that he's probably seen before. They're just not that noticeable any longer.

"Ooh, did it hurt?"

Uh. "Yeah."

"Did it hurt to get stitches?"

"Not really. Did it hurt you?"

Dashiell wrinkles his forehead, lifts his fingers to the bandage still covering his stitches. "No. Did it hurt getting the stitches out?"

"Not really. But you know, your stitches won't need to be taken out. They'll come out on their own."

"Daddy told me that too. He said I got to play arcade games because I got stitches," Dashiell says, then gets down on his stomach on the bed. He reaches out a finger and touches the line of scars on her leg. "Did Daddy take you fun places after you got your stitches too?"

Hmm. How to answer that? "Well. Yes." Kate winces but Dashiell doesn't ask where. Good thing. Because how in the world is she supposed to explain that *this* is where Castle took her? Here. To right now.

"Daddy got hurt too. Twins. You match."

"Yeah baby."

"Chasing a bad guy."

"That's right. Me and Daddy were chasing a bad guy, and we got hurt."

"Did you fall?"

"No."

"Then what did you do?"

"We. . ." Kate racks her brain for an explanation that won't scare him about her job. "We got stuck." Ug, not. . .whatever. This is the best she can do. "And we got hurt. And then Daddy got the bad guy."

"Daddy did?" He sounds incredulous and she has to laugh.

"Yeah. Daddy's good at chasing bad guys. In fact, when you two go back to school, Daddy is going to help me chase bad guys again. Just a few days during the week."

"Cool."

"I think so," Kate grins at him. He grins back and kicks his feet against the bed, his head propped up in his hands.

"Before I was a born-" Dash starts.

Kate sighs. She knew that would get him.

"Did you stay with your Daddy?"

She quirks her lips. "Well, when I was a little girl I did. But I wasn't always a little girl. I grew up. And then I lived in an apartment."

"With Daddy-"

"No. Not with Daddy either. I lived in my own apartment."

"Where was Daddy?"

"In his apartment."

"By hisself?"

"Himself. No, Daddy was with Alexis. And your Gram for awhile too."

Dashiell gives her a confused look; she can practically see his brain working to figure that out. "But you. . .your apartment is Daddy's apartment."

Ah, okay, that's why he's so mixed up. "Well, it wasn't before you were born. Daddy and I didn't live together before you were born. I had an apartment and Daddy was in the apartment we all live in together now."

"But. . .but why?"

Unh, okay. Um. "Because at first, I hadn't even met Daddy."

"If you lived with your Daddy when you were a little girl, and my Daddy now - who you live with in between?"

"Baby, I told you. I lived by myself. I lived with some friends in college, like Alexis does, and then I got my own place."

"Why didn't Daddy let you live with him at home?" Dashiell's chin wrinkles; he looks rather distraught actually.

Kate leans forehead and kisses his forehead. "Baby, it's okay. It wasn't my home then. We didn't know each other. But after we knew each other, then we did live together." Sort of. Kinda. Almost.

He doesn't seem pleased with that though. "But didn't Allie want you, Mommy? Didn't you want Allie?"

Oh. Oh, damn. How is she supposed to answer this one? "I always want Alexis." Shit. That doesn't explain anything. "Let's find Daddy and have him tell that story, okay Dash? Daddy's better at stories."

"Okay," he shrugs and crawls up closer to her, laying his head on the pillow beside her. "When you were all alone in your apartment, did you miss Daddy? Did you miss me?"

Kate sighs and curls on her side to look at her son, brush the hair away from his forehead. "I didn't know it was you and Daddy and Ella that I missed. But yeah, baby. I did."

"You and Daddy chased bad guys?"

"We did."

"And Daddy is going to chase bad guys when I go to school?"

"Yes."

"Cool."

Kate grins at him, pokes his belly. "Very cool."

"Does Daddy get a gun?"

"No."

"Oh. What if a bad guy chases Daddy instead? Won't Daddy need a gun?"

"No, baby, because I've got a gun. And even if a bad guy chased Daddy, I'm still chasing the bad guy. Daddy's my partner. I take care of him and he takes care of me."

"Oh. Okay," Dash says, then turns his eyes back to his cartoon. Looks like Kate is dismissed. She leans over and kisses his temple, smoothing her thumb along the spot. Dash grunts and bats her hand away; she's in his line of sight.

"You want to go with me today, Dash? Down to the square to look at Halloween decorations?"

"Sure. What about the waves?"

"No water for another day."

He sighs, lifts his hand to the bandage. "I wanna jump the waves, Mommy."

"Tomorrow, sweetheart." Kate watches him, but he's truly absorbed by Scooby Doo, the reflection from the tv in his eyes. She kisses him again and gets out of bed, heading for her own shower.

"Wait. Mommy?"

"Yeah, Dash?"

"Can you make Daddy come in here and tell me the story about Allie?"

"Yes, I'll do that." Kate slips out of Dashiell's room before he can ask any more questions.

It never occurred to her that her kids might one day ask about all this. But of course they deserve to know - she just doesn't want them to think Alexis isn't a part of their family. Or be worried about Castle's ex-wife - well, ex-wives - and now that Alexis doesn't live with them any more and she's so much older and-

Castle surprises her in the living room, wrapping his arms around her as she nearly collides with him.

"Good morning," he rumbles, smelling like wet soap and his aftershave.

"Mm, morning. You smell good."

He chuckles and draws his hands through her hair, pulling the pony tail out and massaging her scalp. Kate lifts into the embrace, hooks her arms around his neck to take his mouth, kissing deep into the taste of mint and water, the scent of his clean body.

Castle breaks first but settles his lips at the side of her mouth, nuzzling her, arms tight around her body. "You feel good."

She laughs softly and leans back. "Your son wants you to tell him a story."

"Oh?"

"I was trying to explain what it was like before he was born. He thought I went straight from living with *my* Dad to living with his Dad - you." Kate grins at him, lifting her eyebrows. "When I told him that I had my own apartment, he asked me why I didn't want to live with Alexis. And didn't Alexis and Daddy miss me and didn't I miss them. And didn't I want Alexis."

"What'd you tell him?" Castle says, loosening his arms so she can step back.

"I said that I always want Alexis. But that you had a good story to tell him about it."

"You chickened out," Castle grins.

"I did. What am I supposed to say to that? I mean, Alexis is their older sister, but it never really hit me that we'd have to explain that Alexis's mom isn't. . .me. Except I am, sorta, and-"

Kate lifts her eyes to him on a shrug and catches the burst of need in his eyes before he can control it. It strikes her like a blow to the solar plexus, leaving her breathless. How much he loves her, how wide and deep it is, how he loves that she loves Alexis. She never - it's not like it's *hard* to love Alexis - but he was always worried about her, and worried about how Kate would feel about his two failed marriages, and she doesn't even care, of course but. . .

Kate wraps her arms around him again, her fingers at his neck, her cheek to his jaw, holding him in. She feels him breathe heavily at her nape as he hugs her back. She's always surprised but how much baggage he carries around about those first two. "If you hadn't gone through those first two, Castle, you wouldn't have gotten here. We wouldn't have gotten here."

"I guess."

"I know," she says back. "Your idea, remember? Fate."

"I know," he says, and his lips press into her neck.

"Dash is old enough to know and understand," Kate murmurs, bringing him back to their conversation. "If you want to tell that story."

"Yeah. I guess he was really little the last time Meredith was in town?"

"Uh, actually. . .Meredith hasn't been back to the city since he was born. There was that time when I was pregnant, but she - um - she took off after that," Kate hedges. "She was in Chicago though, when Alexis first moved in."

"Wait a second. Meredith hasn't been back since - wait. Kate? What did you do?"

"Nothing." Much.

"Kate," he says with exasperation, and maybe some amusement. "You know you're-"

"I know. I knew then too. It wasn't about me. Leave it at that, Castle."

He huffs at her but drops it. She knows it won't be for long. He pulls back and gives her a long look, but she can tell he's already thinking about what story to tell Dashiell. "All right. Want to come with me and help tell this one?"

"Yeah. I wanna hear this one. Correct any errors." She lifts an eyebrow at him with a smile. "Oh, by the way. I was thinking I'd take him into town with me this morning. We can look for stuff to do for this afternoon, and you and Ella can go to the beach."

Castle grins widely, that far away look in his eyes that means he's envisioning his morning with his baby girl. "Yeah, I'd like that. Good idea. Is Ellery up yet?"

"Nope." She smiles back, pleased that he'll get some time with their daughter today. "We'll be back in time for a late lunch, around one or so?"

"We'll meet you back up here then."

Kate grins and lifts on her toes to kiss the side of his mouth. "You're a good daddy."

"And I get to go back to bed until she comes and gets me," Castle grins, giving a fist pump. "Sweet."

"All right, all right. Before you go back to bed, lazy bones, let's go tell Dash his story."

Castle likes holding his wife's hand. Silly, yeah, a little girly too probably, but they both know that about him. Kate does more than indulge him these days; she's often the one reaching across the distance for his hand first. Which makes him happy too. That pleased little wriggle in his chest.

And what in the world did Kate say to Meredith? He wonders if Alexis has gotten to see her mother at all recently. That actually bothers him a bit because he hasn't even considered it in so long a time and maybe he should have. He'll have to talk to Alexis about that when she gets here.

In the meantime. He squeezes Kate's hand and they head into Dashiell's room; Kate turns the television off even as Dash protests.

"Hey, buddy, first-" Castle has to let go so he can capture the kid before he jumps up, indignant. "Mommy said you were asking about me and Alexis, and Mommy not living with us."

Dash stills, glancing between the two of them, caught in his father's arms. He can tell it's more serious or important than just his harmless question. "Mommy, you said you always wanted Alexis."

Kate nods and sits down on the bed. "I do always want her."

Castle notices how she carefully uses the present tense, rather than the past as Dash has been. The kid might not pick up on that, but he's pretty sure that Dash senses it somehow. He stops struggling against Castle's arms and lets his father put him back on the bed.

Castle sits, leaning against the headboard, and invites Dash to sit between him and Kate. The boy crawls into the spot, using his father's knee and his mother's shoulder for help.

"My story?"

"All right. Do you remember going to Chicago to help your sister move?"

"Uhhh. . .no?"

Hm, okay. Well. "We were all there - all of Alexis's family - helping her move into her new apartment. It was me, your mommy, you, and even Ellery was there. Gram came with us. And Papa too. Papa watched you and Ella while me and Mommy helped load up the truck."

"Okay," Dash says with a shrug, looking less and less interested.

"There was someone else there too," Castle adds, watching his son. "Alexis's mother was there. Her name's Meredith."

Dashiell's little eyes cut immediately to Kate, as if worried about her in light of this new information. Castle is proud of his kid for that, even if Dash doesn't always seem to be very respectful, day in and day out. He's still a good kid, a good son, still wants to be sure his mom's all right.

"Meredith?" Dash says, working his mouth at the name and turning back to his father. "That's not Mommy's name."

"No. Mommy's name is-"

"Kate!" Dash says proudly.

"Right. Kate is your mommy. Ella's mommy. But Meredith is Alexis's mother."

"But Alexis. . .Allie is mine," Dash says fiercely. "She's mine and Ella's and Mommy's and yours, Daddy."

"She is mine. And she is yours. And Mommy's and Ella's. Yes. But first, she was Meredith's and mine."

Dashiell looks oddly horrified by that thought. Castle reaches into his back pocket, awkwardly moving in Dash's bed, and pulls out his phone. He calls up the talent agency that Meredith is affiliated with and finds one of her head shots, shows Dash the image on his phone.

"That's Meredith."

"Mommy. . ." Dash says, turning his eyes to Kate in something that looks like anxiousness.

"There's nothing wrong, baby," Kate says, wrapping an arm around him and kissing his cheek. "Absolutely nothing wrong. Before you were born, remember?"

"But Daddy had Alexis at home and not you?" Dashiell's mouth turns down. "I don't want Meredith."

Kate gives Castle a look. "You don't have anything to do with Meredith."

"But Daddy had Meredith and Alexis and not you!"

Castle sighs. "Believe me, buddy. I tried to have Mommy. Mommy's very stubborn."

Kate snorts at him, slapping his shoulder over Dashiell's head. Dash eases up a little, glancing between them.

"When Alexis was really little," Castle continues. "Meredith moved away. So it was just me and Alexis for long time. I didn't even have Meredith, kiddo. Alexis. . .well, she didn't have Meredith all that much either."

Kate sighs.

He wonders if *that's* what they got into that last time Meredith was in the city. He knows that Kate and Alexis got pretty close when Kate was pregnant with Dashiell and staying at the loft. He didn't realize it was that close.

"But Allie has Mommy now, right?" Dashiell says suddenly, evidently having worked out that much. "Allie has me and Ellery and Mommy and Daddy now?"

"Yes. Most definitely," Kate says, hugging Dash harder. "And she gets to see her mother sometimes too. She just gets to have one more person to love her. We can always have more people to love us."

"So my mommy isn't the same as her mommy. But. . .but Daddy is the same?"

"Yes." Castle waits, because he can tell Dashiell is still working it through in his head. He's a smart kid, but Ellery is the one who gets people, who has that instinct for relationships and how everyone fits together.

"I don't like that. She should have my same mommy." Dash turns to Kate with a fierce look on his face. "You're the best mommy."

Kate's face breaks open, and she wraps Dashiell in her arms, hugging him close, her eyes squeezed shut. Castle can see her lips move as she murmurs in Dash's ear; Castle grins at them, watches Kate's fingers sift through Dash's hair. He knows his own mother loves him like that, like Kate loves Dashiell, but it's just amazing to see, to be an outside witness to that bond. The fierce way Dash feels about Kate is how he feels about his own mother, and he's so very glad Kate is the mother of his kids.

But his son is right. Kate has been the best for Alexis; Kate's the one who has done the most to make Alexis the woman she is now. He knows that his daughter largely parented herself in her teen years - she was just so very mature. But even before he and Kate were together, it was Kate he went to for advice on how to handle his little girl's growing up.

So if Alexis has a new boyfriend - and best friend - he trusts that she's made the right choice. Because, on some level, Kate has had something to do with it.

And he trusts Kate with everything, all of it. His life, their kids, his daughter, his heart. All of it.

"You're my best boy," Kate says. "I love you so much."

But she's looking at him, now; her eyes are on Castle.