I Always Care About You

He wandered around a little more and came back to me.

- Damn it! Why don't you talk?!

-Who... No one... saw...

His demonic gaze was in my eyes.

- Umm...Already...There was no one..he was home...at home.

- You think so! Stupid! I hope nobody saw it. Or we'll be in big trouble.

Fear had taken over me.

- What...can they..what? After all, they just can want money...

- You are stupid! They don't need your money!

I sat where I was. My legs couldn't carry me. I put my head in my hands and started to think.

Ten minutes later he grabbed my arm.

- Let's go.

- Where?

- Anywhere but here.

We continued our way through the forest. It got dark and the forest was plunged into darkness.

We were walking side by side. He didn't open his mouth.

My foot tripped on a stone. Just as I was about to fall, he grabbed me.

- How clumsy are you?!

- I can't see anything in the dark.

- How do I see?

-Maybe you're used to these places?!

- I don't want to talk about it.

-Of course, you don't. How come you join a gang?

- Cut it out!

-I thought you were just a troubled person, but you are... dark.

He turned towards me. I couldn't quite see his face.

- You finally got it.

- Yes. I ignored your mistakes. I tried to understand you. I looked for some goodness in you, but I was wrong again. You are so dark that one day you will drown there...

- Cool! If you don't want to drown with me, stay away from me. Don't stick your nose in my business.

I turned to the right. There was a sound. Was it the wolf? Yes, it sounded like it.

- Arslan?

-What?

- No wolves here, right?

- Of course, they are here. This is a big forest.

That voice again...

- Did you hear the sound?

- I didn't hear anything.

I'm starting to get frightened. I used to be a girl who was generally afraid of animals. I've always been afraid of the hawks, except for the fish that Rüzgar bought for my birthday, who died two years ago. Especially from dogs...

That voice again...

I slowly approached Arslan. I was trying to walk close to him. But he was walking very fast. And here it is. I hit my foot on a big stone and fell to the ground.

Arslan turned his back and came to me.

- You're so clumsy!

He took my hand. Tried to remove me. But I couldn't get up.

- Did you hurt your ankle?

- I do not know.

-Let me see.

He pressed his hand to my ankle. And I felt the pain. An involuntary cry came out of my mouth.

He looked at me.

- How delicate are you?

- I'm not delicate. I'm just so hurt.

He laughed. It was the first time I heard him laugh.

- All right. Let's see.

- What? What are you doing?!

I felt his strong arms on my waist and legs.

He had me in his arms!

- Let me go now!

-How do you intend to walk?

- It would be enough if you just took my arm. Let me go Arslan!

- Stop it! You were already slowing me down with your lazy walk.

I opened my mouth but he spoke again

-Enough. All right? I'm already busy enough.

He started walking. I reluctantly wrapped my arms around his neck so as not to fall.

He smelled like apples and cinnamon. I studied his face, as far as I could see in the dark. He was indeed very handsome.

I spoke after a while.

- Arslan?

His head turned to me.

-I want to walk the rest.

- Why is that?

- Well. Did not you get tired?

- Ahh. I didn't think you were that heavy.

I felt horrible. I must have eaten a lot from the stress.

I took my arms from his neck.

He laughed. It was his second smile. A hearty smile...

- Don't be silly Deniz. Even my training bag is heavier than yours.

He wrapped his arms tighter.

- Well, I still want to go down.

- What is it? Do you care about a dark person like me?

- I always care about you. Let me go.

-No. And if I said no, the issue is closed. I wonder if you have a vision problem? How can a muscular and strong person like me not carry you?

Silly! I couldn't bear it. What? Wait a minute. So I couldn't stand him? What was this now? My heart was beating so fast. But why? Out of fear?

When I came to myself, I saw that he was looking at me. The moonlight revealed his face. I averted my gaze.

But why did I do this?

- Are you okay?

- Yes.

- Have a little more patience. We are almost there.

- Where are we going?

- To home.

- To my house?

- To my home. I'll let you go after I wrap your feet.

- OK.

I broke the silence.

-I do not understand you.

- Why is that? I thought you were unraveling me by saying I was dark?

- No, I mean... Sometimes you're too good; You talk, you care... Sometimes you shout, you insult... And sometimes you act as the devil has escaped you... You scare...

I averted my eyes.

I couldn't get the forest state out of my head.

I looked at him. He looked serious. I bowed my head.

He didn't speak, he just looked ahead and continued on his way without hesitation.

Her sister was in the garden when we got to his house.

- Arslan? Deniz? What happened?

- Nothing happened, Yıldız. I just hurt my wrist.

He opened the door. And finally, Arslan left me in a chair. He went up. And from there he called his sister.

- Uğur is crying.

- I am coming. Get well soon my dear.

-Thanks.

While she was going up, Arslan appeared on the stairs. He had a bandage on his hand. He sat next to me and put my right foot on his knee. He started wrapping and finished it in a short time.

- Thank you.

- Don't press too hard for a day or two.

I put my feet on the ground and approached him. A look of surprise appeared on his face.

-What happened to you?

I said while looking at his wounds with my fingers.

- It does not matter.

He averted his eyes.

- Don't tell Yıldız about them.

I nodded. I pulled my hand because of him.

- You didn't have to help me. Especially after what I said.

- It does not matter.

He looked at his watch.

- It's early, but if you still want to go, I'll take you.

- Actually, I don't want to go.

- All right.

I wanted to hug him. What was happening to me?

I walked away from him and sat back.

- Shall we watch a movie?

- Okay.

I said, averting my eyes from those chocolate-colored eyes.

He turned on a movie and turned off the lights. He placed the plate of chips he had brought from the kitchen on my lap and came back with a blanket. I covered my knees with the blanket he gave me. He sat next to me.

- What are we watching?

I asked.

- I do not know.

- So you don't know the movie?

- Yeah. Is that weird?

- No. It's not.

It's pretty weird.

I reached for the plate of chips on my lap. I took a few and popped them in my mouth. I handed him the plate.

- I don't want to.

He said without taking his eyes off the movie.

I continued to eat. His sister gave him a coke and then went back upstairs.

Arslan finished it in one gulp.

- Come on!

I looked at him.

-A stupid love movie is out!

-That's nice.

He rolled his eyes.

- You girls are always the same.

- What does that mean now?

- It means you're living in a fantasy world.

- Why?

-Could it be because you believe that love bullshit?

- There is love.

- No.

- There is.

- No. Some people think they're just in love.

- You're wrong. Because I know.

- Yeah?

- Yes. Okay, maybe not mutual, but I know.

What a fool am I? Am I talking to him about my platonic love?

- I was wondering. Who was that unlucky man?

- Unlucky?

- I mean. Someone like you can cause a lot of trouble for people. There are also things about you that most men don't like.

- Like what?

He laughed.

- Your angry face is really funny!

I hit his arm.

- Cut it out. Tell me!

- You are very curious, clumsy, stupid, very fragile and you value the person in front of you very much.

He said the last one seriously.

He knew me.

- There's only one thing I want to fix. I'm not stupid. It doesn't make me stupid if I ignore things and love and care about people.

Rüzgar passed before my eyes. The fact that he couldn't see me stuck in my mind. Arslan was right. I valued him a lot. I ignored all his mistakes. I had given up on myself. And that's why I was so worthless because I glorified him.

-Anyway, Arslan. There's something I want to talk to you about.

- Like what?

I got up and went to turn on the lights. When I turned, I saw his curious look.

-Arslan. What happened there today? What are you doing with those guys?

His face became serious.

- This is none of your business.

- Arslan?..

-I do not want to talk.

- All right.

It's time to use my mind. I couldn't have anything to do with someone like him. Yes, you may be interested in him, but it's not right, Deniz, I have said myself.

I stood up.

- Good evening.

- Are you going?

- Yes.

- I'll drive you home.

- I don't want to.

- Don't be silly.

We went out. I turned to him.

- Arslan.

-I'm coming, that's all.

-No. You are not coming.

Surprise crossed his face.

-Arslan. I don't want you around me.

His eyes shone.

- I can't befriend someone like you.

- I don't want to be friends, anyway.

- Beautiful.

I left the garden gate and started walking, alone.

You did the right thing, Deniz. You could only get hurt from him. I don't know why, but my eyes filled with tears. But I didn't cry.

Two weeks later

I left the house and stopped by Peri. He was waiting for me at the door. We hugged each other.

- How are you, Deniz?

- I'm fine.

- Let's walk fast so we won't be late.

Today, the seniors were going on a picnic. Berke had invited us as well. Yes. Now there was Hope instead. We talked with Berke and Umut's mother about Umut not leaving me alone, Peri, and me. The idea came from my smart friend Peri, of course.

By the way, he forgot about Umut. Or he said he was, I don't know. Honestly, I wasn't going too far about it. Because sometimes it can be more useful not to push.

Berke; Unlike Umut and Arslan, he was a very good and warm person. He was truly a friend like a friend. He had accompanied us all this time. The three of us got along very well. We went to dinner, to the movies, to the amusement park many times together.

Umut was not what I expected. Perhaps he was heeding his mother's warning. I thought he was like Arslan. I thought he wouldn't leave me alone. But I was wrong, well.

And Arslan... We haven't spoken since that evening. We didn't even greet each other when we met. Although it felt a little bad at first, I got used to it later on. I was worried about him, no matter how hard I tried not to think about him. I was afraid he would cause trouble.

He was going to come to the picnic today because he was a senior. I wanted to see him, yes. But I wasn't thinking of talking. I had decided to ignore him until he told me what he had to do with those men, these events. I still couldn't get over it. Those guys and Arslan... All those rumors... Or were they all true? I mean, Arslan... Cut it out, Deniz. Don't think about it.