CHAPTER 30

Dario's POV

               Four wheels move your body but two wheels move your soul. I live my life a quarter mile at a time. For those ten seconds or least, I'm free. Nothing else matters.

First off, daunting.

A form of transportation that is completely alien to your every sense. The frustration at lack of familiarity with its operation leads to sheer terror when something goes wrong and you lose control. That's why slow and steady wins the race.

Vulnerability.

For the first time, you experience yourself out in an intersection, naked. Surrounded by drivers in their cars. A vantage point you have never experienced before. You can hear their muffled radios through the closed windows, feel the radiant heat from their hot engines, smell the acrid exhaust from their tailpipes. It is a sensory overload.

Moving down the boulevard sitting on a saddle in the open air instead of strapped in a car seat enclosed in a sterile, climate controlled box. You can hear the city bustling with life. You can smell what the restaurants are serving as you ride by. Your view is 280 degrees of the most emotional sensory input you will ever experience. It's like experiencing 4K HD after a lifetime of living grainy VHS.

You brave a bit of throttle. Everything speeds up as if you hit a fast forward button. All of your sensory input increases accordingly. The hum of your tires contacting the pavement, the more aggressive growl of the engine, the wind kissing the cool sweat on your body and caressing you as it slips by. You become hyper aware and hyper alive.

You pull your bike back into your garage or carport. You lock it up, she is one of your cherished possessions after all. You don't go straight in, not yet. You kneel next to her. Feel the texture of the smooth bodywork. Listen to the ticking of the hot exhaust and brake discs as they cool.

On your way back in, you turn around for one last glance.

Take it from me. Bike ain't just a machine. It's certainly more than that. A street buster, a friend, companion, brother, a two-wheeled madness. A closest family, friend, brother may betray you someday. Scratch that, they will but this machine is here to stay.

Senses magnified, emotions doubled. The excitement and tingling anticipation of being with that exotic lover. It's the closest thing to flying unaided. The feeling of riding at high speed unfettered by a metal cage is like switching on a higher level of consciousness. A different level of euphoria. Better than sex.

             "Woah! Man, that was...damn! I'm gonna be a billionaire for every time I bet on your ass. That's for damn sure."

I let the starter motor turn over till the engine fired up, gradually pushing the choke in.

             "Did you see that look on Ace's face? I told him to lay off on his talk a lil' you know. I know a great biker when I see one and though, he's good, he's got nothing on you. Man, you top the chat and that stunt you did over there...it was way bigger than what I've ever seen. No shit and I ain't just saying it, the others are too. Ace wants a re-race."

I couldn't resist the chuckle that slipped from my mouth on registering that. "Another re-race?" I asked, amused.

               "The third as it stands man." I slitted my eyes in his direction whilst dragging out a cigarette from the pack buried in my sides. He seemed to be enjoying this way more than he should and I don't blame him. At this side of town, more races equals more money.

Well, I ain't complaining.

Simpering, I responded, "Accepting failure ain't that difficult. Coming from someone who's seen quite a lot of it."

              "So what's it gonna be? You taking it?"

              "What's in it for me?"

              "$15,000."

              "Mmm, nah. It gets boring doing the exact same thing over and over again. I'll pass."

              "You not taking it? $15,000 is a whole of money man."

On a second thought, "Make it double. Tell him that. He's not up for it? Fuck him. I don't take well to riffraffs wasting my time. Pay up. I need to leave."

I revved the engine and plugged my headphones in. Digging my phone out from my rear, I got busy with it before he could get another word to leave his mouth. The only thing keeping me waiting being the cash I made for the night he was yet to hand over. Soon, he did and left me on my own, quickly catching on on my lack of interest in whatever convo he was trying to initiate.

I should have heard them coming.

I should have sensed them approaching.

I should have seen the rest of the crew disperse quickly and realized something was up.

My thoughts always jumped from one thing to another but it's getting funny how not until recently, they always seemed to head in her direction.

Behind me, a sudden blast from a siren boomed and a police cruiser appeared in my mirror. Red and blue lights flashing brightly in the gathering gloom of the summer night.

               "Shit." I killed the headlights immediately and sped off at a mad speed, blasting down the streets as insanely fast as I could.

Bolting down the edge of town, I turned left, hitting hard on the accelerator. Red and blues charged up in front of me. I raced down a few roads, aware of the fact that they were trailing me down, following me close on my tail so I swerved the other way into a one way road. At the next street, I blasted through an intersection, not stopping for anyone.

A massive adrenaline rush pumped through me. My senses heightened. It was exhilarating. Thinking at twice the speed of the chase about what's ahead and which corner I could swerve next and at the same time, thinking about what was behind and the whole reason for the chase in the first place.

Lights flashing

Sirens blaring.

Rocketing into town at maximum speed. I got on a narrow road going through a park. I was going round a right angle bend when my front wheel skidded off the road at 80mph while still turning the corner. The wheel shot off sideways.

I flung my wallet into the nearby woods before hitting the tarmac hard, bouncing down the road a few times whilst watching bits of my bike explode off. Time completely slowed down. It was like watching everything in slo-mo. The gear level went straight through my leg like a knife through butter. It happened so fast it didn't even register with me that I had crashed until I was laying on the ground looking up through the trees.

I heard the sounds of heavy footsteps on top of the pavement running towards me and blinding lights burning my eyes. I dialled a number.

              "Hey bud, think you can help me out a lil' bit?"

***

              "Again?"

Hissing through my teeth in pain, I sank heavily on the couch. I looked down and saw my leg pointing where it shouldn't and my shoulder blade hurt like a bitch. Overall, it felt like every joint in my body was beaten to a pulp.

             "Again kid?"

His shouting was like violence in the air. He didn't just raise his voice, his muscles tensed and he got right in close for maximum impact. I snapped my eyes closed, choosing to pretend like he wasn't up in my front, screaming his lungs out and making me wanna pull my hair out if only it could get him to stop talking.

            "Darling, calm down. There's no cause for alarm, okay? Just, calm down."

He cut his eyes at his wife instantly, "Can you hear yourself? No seriously, can you just listen to yourself Katherine? If you still can't realize the magnitude of this situation, I'll explain it to you. Your pretty boy was street racing. He was street racing again. Again. Damn it! Again after he had told us he had stopped doing it. I don't need to explain to you how unsanctioned and illegal it is by the law. I had to pull some strings to keep his irresponsible ass out of jail and instead, he landed it in the hospital looking all bloody, like he had barely survived a world war. He could have gotten himself killed and you are saying I should calm down? Really?"

              "I get that but why are you yelling at me?"

              "I'm not yelling at you. I'm yelling at him."

              "Dad, really I think..."

              "No! I don't want to hear what you think Keegan because all you do is cover up for him. That's what you have been doing since the two of you were kids. He strays, call him out boy. That's what you should do.  He is your brother. He is your best friend. You are older. Talk to him. Call him to order. Make him stop acting foolishly everytime he gets the chance. You are failing woefully in that aspect boy."

              "Daniel...."

              "What I don't understand at all is why a sensible and responsible citizen of this great nation could choose to risk his precious and God-given life on the public road racing irresponsibly knowing how hazardous and danger...."

I shrugged, "Maybe 'cause I make cool dough in a night doing just that." Nonchalantly replying.

              "Is it about the money? I have told you if you do not want that on a silver platter, then come work for me. What have I not offered you son? I told you you could come work at the company. I offered you a job..."

              "Which I fucking declined." I pushed up, disregarding the pain exploding up in my leg.

              "Don't you dare use that language on me if you know what's good for you."

              "And don't tell me what I should and should not do with my life. That's my fucking problem. You know what? Fuck this. I make my own money. I make it on my own. I don't need help from anybody. Everything I've got in this life, I worked so damn hard to own it. I don't need you or anyone to hold me. I can hold my own. I have been in this survival game for so damn long, endured the worst times of my life alone but look at me. I'm still breathing. I ain't dead yet. I don't and will not need you or any-fucking-body to help me climb the freaking ladder so I could touch the sky. I can pretty much reach the moon and get over it. Again, ON MY OWN so I know what the hell I am doing. I don't need or want your money. I don't want to interfere in your family. I don't need anything from you. I'm not the heir for what you have."

             "But Dario, you are family." Katherine's voice, soft and brittle reached my ears, causing me to shift my attention to her.

             "I didn't ask to picked up and I sure as hell didn't ask to be aided but you did anyway and every damn day I get to live again, I thank you for that but y'all should stop breathing down my neck. For real. It's getting so fucking difficult trying to come up for air. I'm not that same kid you brought into your home seven years ago Katherine. He's dead. He's long gone and stop trying to play the father figure to me Daniel 'cause the last one I was unfortunate to have was shitty and I've been done with that my whole life."

Finally getting it off my chest, I limped my way out in the direction of the elevator. My legs couldn't handle the stairs.

I bursted into my room and headed straight for the bathroom. Dragging out a new blade from the little hole I had tossed it, it kissed my skin right away. I was met with instant relief.

The door squeaked open.

              "Hey mate, you in there?"

I took care of the new wounds and rode down my sleeves.

              "Yeah. Out in a minute."

Washing the blood off the sink, I fixed myself up before limping out, bracing my back against the wall.

               "What's up?"

He hurled my wallet at me. I caught it in mid-air and buried it in my pocket. I didn't bother counting the notes inside, considering who was in possession of the leather right after me.

              "Did the cops see it?"

He shook his head and leaned on the wall. "Nah, got there as soon as you called."

I nodded.

             "You need a little hand?"

             "I'm good."

             "You wanna talk?"

             "Not in the mood."

A light thump hit the door. Hobbling across the room to get it, he beat me to it.

             "Hey boys." Katherine stood at the entryway, wide-smiling and cutting her eyes between her son and I before they automatically became static on him.

             "Mind if I have a little time with him?" She looked at me.

I sighed.

             "Cool with that." He crossed the room and passed her. Strolling out till he slipped through.

I walked to the edge of my bed like my limbs didn't really belong to me, like I didn't own them. Each step I took felt like a negotiation rather than an order. Wincing to hit the sheet, she came over to help but I shook her away.

Silence fell over. I could tell she was thinking of what to say, where to start. Sitting across from me, she ran her palms over her thighs a few times, blowing out air in small puffs from her mouth.

              "Kather..."

              "Daniel and I had been trying to have another child." She suddenly turned to face me. "Right after we had Lana."

Another blanket of silence thickened the atmosphere. Not bothering to interrupt her disclosure, I let her spew.

             "I tried and tried and tried to conceive but that didn't happen. I conducted so many researches, took so many pills, questioned doctors, questioned myself, feared." She chuckled. "All I wanted were those two pink lines to stare back at me again but it didn't. It just didn't. It never did and that was when you came into our lives." Her hands enclosed mine. "Do you remember the night I found you?"

I nodded slowly.

How could I ever forget the night my life ended?

               "You had just had the most traumatic experience of your life that night. A young boy fighting the entire world alone. I loved you instantly Dario. God, I loved you so much. I took you in because I didn't want you to end up in a dark place after everything you've been through. You needed someone. You needed people around you. People who would show you genuine love and care, those who were ready to show you that in this imperfect world, there's a tiny bit of perfection dumped inside."

             "Do you know the reason I check up on you so much you probably hate it now? You aren't like the rest of my children Dario. You are not like Keegan or like Lana. They didn't grow up in same harsh conditions as you. They didn't see the things you did. They didn't go through the same things you had to. You didn't talk to anyone. For eights full months, you didn't speak. It was hurting me inside. The joy and happiness I found when you started to talk again. Oh! It gladdens my heart each and everytime I see you speaking and laughing with Keegan and then, you two grew up having each other's backs. I was happy you were recovering. Or so I thought. But then, I realized something. Something that changed everything completely. You haven't grieved."

             "There's nothing to grief about."

             "There is."

             "Katherine, I don't wanna talk about it. I've moved past it."

             "That's where you're wrong my pretty boy. There's no way around grief or loss. You can dodge all you want but sooner or later, you just have to go into it, through it and hopefully, come out the other side. The world you find there will never be the same as the world you left. Sometimes, allowing yourself to cry is the scariest thing you'll ever do. And the bravest. It takes a lot of courage to face the facts, stare loss in the face, bare your heart and let it bleed. She loved you, you know."

I looked away, fighting back the frisson of emotions climbing their way up. "No, she didn't."

             "I'm so sure she did dear. She loved you."

             "Enough to stay? I doubt that."

             "And while I know it wasn't the best, she made her decision."

             "To leave me? Do you know how that makes me feel everyday of my entire life? Knowing I wasn't even enough for her to stay. To just stay with me? What would that take? I spent every minute protecting her, providing for her, placing her before myself, making sure she was okay before anyone and anything else. C'mon, I was too young for all that shit. Too fucking young for all of that but I didn't complain. Not once. As long as she was fine. As long as she was alright. That was the only thing on my freaking mind and what did I get, huh? I didn't matter to her. She didn't think of me Katherine. She didn't think of my feelings and how bad her actions would affect me. She just left. Left with him.

She left with the same person I had been trying my hardest to protect her from. Like I didn't even matter. How could she even do that to me? Am I a fool? Everything I had been doing to protect her from him was all for nothing. For nothing. Everyday, I ask myself what the hell I did wrong. Maybe I should have done things this way or that that way. What exactly didn't I do right to make her stay by my side? To get her to be there for me like I had always been there for her and I never got an answer and do you know why? Do you know why Katherine? Because she died and the worst part of it all was that I had to watch that happen."

***

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