Chapter 99

Chapter 99

It would take a certain kind of character to be able to simply declare that you intend to not cooperate to a group of people who have agreed to cooperate.

I could picture Blank easily doing such a thing, but it appeared that Sora alone could not.

"Don't worry about it. I already told you, didn't I? Small steps." I told him.

"Even if you say that, it's frustrating regardless."

I could understand his irritation very well. The desire to accomplish something that others could do, despite your own progress being slow. I'd seen countless children destroy themselves because of it in the past.

"The drive of wanting to be able to become stronger... pour that energy into self-improvement, rather than into self-lamentation."

If you could flip your despair at being weak into motivation to become strong, you can improve much faster, no matter what it might be at.

"Yeah, that's the philosophy I've always gone by too. But in this specific scenario, the only way I can improve is by actually going out there and acting alone, so I have plenty of downtime to criticize myself when I'm with others," Sora joked, returning to light-hearted banter.

His words intrigued me. He said that he shared my philosophy. Did that mean that he was not gifted his talents naturally, but had worked for them? If so then I would be impressed. His level of ability was not easy to achieve by any stretch of the imagination.

"By the way, what did you do in your group? About declaring our cooperation, I mean." Sora asked, returning to our earlier topic.

"I simply told them that I was taking a neutral stance and couldn't yet confirm it one way or the other," I answered.

"Wouldn't they become suspicious of you then?"

"I was able to mask it by saying that I was taking orders from our class' leader."

"Ah, that's right!" Sora exclaimed, before realising we were on the deck surrounded by people and speaking in a hushed tone. "Everybody still thinks that Lelouch is our full-time leader, when in reality he's only a surface representative. Quick thinking, to be able to use it to your advantage."

Well, in reality, all I had done is go along with what Shiina had said. It would be much more impressive if I had thought of this on the fly, considering how the knowledge was hidden and how I could use it for misdirection purposes off the top of my head.

I think I'll refrain from telling Sora this, though.

"Yeah. It could also become advantageous in the future, in the case that the other classes think they can immobilize us by eliminating our 'leader.'" I said.

If the other classes thought that we needed Lelouch to function, then it would be ideal if we could keep that misconception floating around. It could become a powerful trick to play in the future.

"I hope you're not thinking in the case that Lelouch gets expelled," Sora said in an almost warning tone.

Well, I couldn't deny that the thought had crossed my mind, but I'd better keep that to myself.

"Obviously, I don't want to see any of us get expelled," I smoothed over Sora's misunderstanding like that. "You seem quite averse to somebody getting expelled though, Sora."

"Of course I am," he responded immediately. "If you have to sacrifice even one person, then your entire victory is meaningless."

Well, that's a philosophy I'd never encountered before. It was so foreign that I found myself unable to comprehend it.

"Hm? But sometimes, sacrifices have to be made. One sacrifice can be worth it for the greater good, wouldn't you agree?"

Unexpectedly, Sora shook his head without hesitation.

"Nope. Whether you sacrifice just one person or a million people, it's all the same. Even if it's for some grandiose 'Greater Good,' the fact remains that people were discarded for a benefit that they will never get to enjoy."

Sora intended to win without a single sacrifice. That was to say, he wanted to graduate as Class A with all of us beside him. An admirable objective, but I was slightly bewildered by his almost naïve conviction.

"Well, there's no need for you to worry about it. I'm not planning to sacrifice any of you guys."

Well, not at the moment, anyway.

The starry skies stretched out before me as far as the eye could see. I wandered around, and stumbled onto the deck.

"Wow, that's amazing."

The view was mor beautiful than anything I had see in a movie or envisioned in a book. It was the kind of sky you couldn't see in a large city. There were a few couples holding hands, looking up to the stars shoulder-to-shoulder. I felt a little lonely. Because there was almost no light, I couldn't make out their faces, but I didn't particularly care. I wasn't interested in other people's romances.

But amongst all the couples, there was one student looking up at the starry skies alone. A girl, judging by the silhouette.

I couldn't just walk up and say something like, "Why don't we look at the stars together?" I'd probably come off sounding like one of those sleazy pick-up artists. Besides, if a boyfriend came along and joined her in the middle of me making a move, it would be bad. But part of me was interested in discovering her identity. I tried getting a little closer.

The girl turned toward me.

"Huh? Oh, Ayanokōji...kun?"

"That voice... Kushida?"

Kushida stepped out of the shadows. She looked at me with an expression of shock.

"Are you... alone?" I asked. Perhaps she was waiting to meet her boyfriend. The thought of that made me strangely uneasy.

"Yeah, I am. I just couldn't seem to sleep."

"I see," I answered.

Well, now I knew she wasn't on a starlit date. In that case, I figured she wouldn't mind, so I got closer. Kushida wore a jersey. She must have just gotten out of the bath, because she smelled nice. It should have been the scent from the complimentary shampoos in our rooms, but it wasn't. How mysterious.

"Aren't you cold?" I asked.

"I'm fine. What about you, Ayanokōji-kun? Are you all alone?"

I nodded. When I did so, Kushida laughed happily.

"So we're both alone? I admit, I felt a little ashamed being alone. This makes me feel better."

"Feel better because you're not the only one alone?" I asked. "Or... could it be that you feel better because you're no longer alone?"

"H-huh?!"

Kushida looked flustered, and quickly turned her back to me.

"You shouldn't say things like that to a maiden you know, Ayanokōji-kun..." She murmured quietly.

"Really? Does that mean you don't want to be together with me here? In that case, I can leave."

I said that, and turned my back intending to leave, but her voice stopped me in my tracks.

"W-wait! No!" She shouted from behind me.

"Don't go..." She continued in a timid voice.

Hearing this, I spun around and walked up to beside her, standing shoulder-to-shoulder and gazed up at the stars glittering up above.

"This cruise is quite romantic, isn't it? There are stories of new couples being formed every day." I said absentmindedly.

Kushida looked briefly confused by the sudden change of topic, but quickly joined the conversation almost seamlessly. I guess this is what makes Kushida's social skills so special.

"Are you feeling left out?" She asked tentatively.

"While I'd like to say no, I can't deny that I feel like a piece of my youth is missing because of it," I answered.

"Hmm... I suppose... I feel the same way. Like I'm missing a piece of my youth, too." Kushida said in a sombre tone.

I suppose that Kushida, being the way she is, was probably unable to fully enjoy her days as a high-schooler.

High school. The age where you're old enough to be enjoy yourself and live as who you are, but young enough to not be sucked into the cycle of higher education and work-oriented society. Truly the best days of one's life.

Kushida, though, had become so disconnected by her false persona that she was unable to live life to the fullest, expressing herself as who she was. I felt sympathy for her, even though I knew she'd brought this on herself.

"Speaking of, Ayanokōji-kun..." She continued, bringing me out of my thoughts. "Can I take your answer as confirmation that you want a girlfriend?"

Carefully choosing my words, I gave her the safest possible response.

"I suppose I'm not opposed to having one. I would probably take the opportunity if it arose, and if I found the girl suitable."

"If the girl was suitable...?" Kushida tilted her head to the side as she pondered what I'd said. "What kind of girls does Ayanokōji-kun like?"

"I can't really say," I gave her a truthful answer.

"Well, which would you rather go out with? Girls like me, girls like Horikita-san, or girls like Karuizawa-san?"

I didn't really know Karuizawa that well, but from what I could see, she was just your typical condescending and self-serving gyaru type. I don't think I could see myself dating that kind of person.

And as for dating somebody like Horikita...

Yeah. Let's not imagine that.

"Given those options, I would choose Kushida without hesitation."

A light pink colour made its way onto Kushida's cheeks as I said that, and she quickly shook her head, as if trying to shake it off.

"W-why do you have to word it so dangerously?!"

"I don't think I worded it any differently to how anybody else would, though?" I replied in confusion.

"No, you definitely did!"

It appeared that, due to my lack of experience in this field, I'd made a blunder in my wording, and created some kind of misconception.

I thought about trying to clear it up by saying I wasn't romantically interested in Kushida, but there was a chance that'd just make her even more mad at me, so I left it alone.

"What about you, Kushida? What kinds of boys do you like?"

"What kind of boy do I like?"

Kushida said that, before shifting her expression into a much darker one than her usual, bubbly demeanour and speaking in a hushed tone.

"I can't have a boyfriend, Ayanokōji-kun. It would just be yet another fake relationship I have to care to, and no boy would accept my true face," she said coldly, as if she was disappointed I hadn't thought of this myself.

"I don't think that's true, though," I disagreed to her surprise. "You've seen my other side too, right? And that side of me is much worse than this side of yours. It would be hypocritical of me to reject you on that basis."

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously at my words.

"Are you saying that you would accept both sides of me?" She asked, the coldness in her voice disappeared.

A strange, faint trace of what was almost hope was also coated in her tone as she spoke.

"Would I accept both sides of Kushida? That question is pointless. I have already accepted Kushida. Both your persona, and what lies beyond the mask."

"I-I see..." Kushida whispered.

A short silence set in, before Kushida took her distance from me and spoke unnaturally fast.

"W-well, I'm feeling tired, so I'm going to go now! Goodbye, Ayanokōji-kun!"

"Bye?" I called out as she spun around and quickly departed, almost running away from me.

... Did I say something weird?