Death both physical and not

I have died emotionaly at the age of four due to my father leaving and it took a downward spiral ever since. I died religiously at the age of eight due to the realization that god is not good nor just. I died mentally at the age of fourteen finally decideing to run away and failling going back to the place of my torment. At age fifeteen or sixteen I hope to die physically.

I feel my mind haveing headaches more and more often and sometimes with those headaches comes my voice and I talk with myself. It is most likely my shadow as it holds a great amount of anger and savagery. I do no longer wish to be here, nor alive for that matter. I still feel myself slowly dieing and my shadow takeing my place. I enjoy and accept that. Is this not the after math of all humanity for us to slowly die spiritually and be replaced?