23. Chapter 23

Erin stood outside Jay's door, knocking rapidly, Daniel clutched tightly in her arms. "Jay!" she called out frantically. "Jay!"

When the door finally swung open, she pushed herself inside, not even stopping at his surprised greeting, "Erin, What are you-"

"You were right, Jay. We should have done something earlier. I don't know if it is too late now. I don't even know who to go to. Will they even listen? It's been over a month! They might hold it against us that we waited this long." Erin's panicked voice was agitating Daniel, who she clung tightly in her arms. He started letting out loud whines as he was begging to be either put down or to be allowed to go to Jay, who was standing just a few feet away by the door.

Jay quickly closed the door and followed Erin into the room, "Calm down. Explain to be what you are talking about." He'd changed out of his Thanksgiving dress attire and was in sweats and a t-shirt. A half-drunk beer in his hand and on the television a sports recap show was playing. He'd clearly come home and settled in to relax for the rest of the night. He certainly hadn't been expecting Erin.

She began to pace around the small living room, ignoring Daniel's squirming and whines that were close to becoming wails. "You warned me last week about this. I just didn't think it would happen." She stopped abruptly and looked up at Jay with fear-filled eyes. "She's going to take him and run." Erin frantically looked around the apartment, as if she, too, were thinking about running.

"Okay, Erin. Just calm down for a second. Come here," he reached her, gently trying to pull an upset Daniel from her arms.

"No!" She snapped. "I want to hold him." She wrapped her arms tighter around his body, even as he continued to resist. Like most children, Daniel was in tune to the emotions of the people around them. Her agitation and fear was causing him to get upset as well. Erin just didn't want to let him go. She was afraid of losing him.

Jay looked at her cautiously, "I am not going to take him away. I just want you to relax. You are scaring him….and me." Jay approached her as you might a frightened animal. Giving up on taking Daniel from her, he lay his hand on her shoulder, and gently guided her toward the couch. "How about we sit down, and you explain to me what is going on."

Erin looked at Jay's calm demeanor, and tried take a few deep breaths. His peaceful presence already having its effect on her. Slowly she lowered herself onto the couch, and reluctantly released Daniel to stand next to her. Immediately Daniel took a few steps away from Erin, to balance himself against the end table. He knocked down a pile of magazines Jay had sitting there and proceeded to start playing with the glossy papers.

"No, Danny," she called out, leaning forward to try and take them away.

"Leave it, Erin." Jay corrected her. "It's no big deal. He can play with them while we talk. I don't exactly have any toys for him here." His hand was on her shoulder, trying to get her to lean back and relax on the couch. He stroked her back as he had Daniel earlier that day. Willing his soothing movements to calm her enough to actually speak coherently and explain what had happened. "They are just old magazines. Trust me."

Erin, finally reassured that Daniel wasn't going to cause any sort of destruction, turned to look at Jay. She took a steadying breath, and she finally voiced her greatest fear. "Olive. I'm afraid she's going to take him and disappear."

Looking at the outright fear that Jay saw on her face, he learned forward and wrapped her up in his arms. He could feel her trembling slightly, and while he didn't yet know exactly what had happened, he could tell she was shaken to the core. Once again, as soon as Erin felt Jay's strong arms around her, the panic that she had been dealing with started to ease a bit. It bothered her that she needed him so much. It was part of why she fought letting him care for her. She saw it as a weakness. At this moment, she didn't care. She needed his strength.

After a few minutes, when Jay could tell that she had started to calm down, he slowly pulled away from her. He looked down at her reassuringly, "Okay. Start at the beginning and explain what happened. I was just at your place a half hour ago. What changed?"

Erin looked up at his concerned blue eyes, "Olive called me. She wants Daniel."

Jay nodded slowly as understanding dawned on him, "Okay. What's that mean? She wants to see him or she wants to take him?" Irritation filled his voice, "Where has she been for the last month?"

Erin took a steadying breath. "She didn't exactly say."

"Well, what did she say?" Jay prodded, needing more information.

Giving a glance at Daniel, to make sure he was still occupied, she thought about the conversation she had just finished having with Olive. She'd been too shocked to hear from her that she hadn't asked all the questions that she now had. Mostly she'd just listened in stunned silence.

"She said she's been having a hard time and been staying with friends." She shook her head at that, and truly she wouldn't be surprised if Olive had been hiding out with some of the people that Hank and her had looked into. Since it wasn't a case, they'd had limited resources. With no leads, it wasn't like they could sit surveillance on all of Olive's acquaintances. Erin wondered how close they had been to her earlier this month.

"I don't know. She claims she has hit rock bottom and is planning on going into rehab after the holiday. Apparently she had a breakdown or breakthrough today after missing the holiday with him. Says she wants to get her life back together for Daniel. She says she wants to be a good mom."

Looking at Daniel, he smacked his lips together in anger, "About damn time!"

"She says she needs to see him before she goes into recovery. Doesn't think she can handle it with missing him so much." Erin started shaking a bit at the thought of the conversation they'd had. She leaned into Jay, "I think she was high when I was talking to her. She seemed frantic and upset. I didn't know what to say. I don't know what to do."

Jay wrapped his arm around her, tucking her in tight next to him. "So she just wants to see him? That's not that big of deal, right?"

Erin pulled back and sat sideways to look at Jay in the eye. "What if she sees him, grabs him, and runs. What can I do? She's his mom! We might never see him again." Erin started to get up.

Grabbing her by the shoulders to prevent her from leaving, Jay looked at her seriously. He gently rubbed her shoulders trying anything to keep her from spiraling. His voice was calm and even toned. "So we make it a clean meet. Have it at Voight's. Do you really think she'd take him from Voight's home? Tell her she has to come alone, or better yet, we will pick her up from somewhere and take her to the meet."

Erin just shook her head, still worried about losing Daniel. "I know he's hers, but I am just so afraid for him. I don't want him in that life, Jay. That was the life I was born into." Erin knew that she'd only shared bits and pieces of her early life with Jay. It was the part of her that she didn't like sharing with anyone, even Jay. Her earliest memories involved her mom getting high or acting ridiculous while drunk. Erin was probably seven years old before she realized that not everybody's mom did stuff like that. Her entire childhood was spent avoiding or covering for her mom. Falling into that lifestyle herself had been natural. It broke her heart, that there was even a chance that the precious baby across from her might be exposed to that. "I can't let that happen, Jay. I have to keep him from her."

"We are not going to let that happen to him. We can protect him, and if she gets her life together, then she can restart her life with him…with supervision." Jay tried to reason with Erin. "What did Voight say?"

Erin looked at him sharply, then looked away. "I haven't told him yet." She noted the surprised look on Jay's face. His eyes widening ever so slightly. She knew he was probably reading something into the fact that she'd come here instead of to Voight. "It's almost midnight, and I didn't want to get shot showing up at his place unexpected." A slight smile formed on Jay face, despite her protests. "I wanted to be somewhere that she wouldn't be able to find me. If she was high, there's no telling what she might do in that state. What if she showed up with friends at my door step?"

At that comment, a hint of sadness crossed his face. "Well, she's never been here, so that's good. You should stay here for a while."

A bit of doubt filled Erin's face, "No, I was probably overreacting, thinking she might show up at my place. I mean she could have done that anytime over the last month."

Jay shook his head, looking over at Daniel who had gotten bored with the magazines and was now playing with the coasters that sat on the end table. "No, I think you are right. Stay here tonight. If you want to go back tomorrow, I'll come with you."

Erin knew she didn't need Jay's protection. She could stand up for herself, but she did appreciate the offer. She really didn't think Olive would ever do anything to hurt her, but if she felt trapped and had friends who were trouble, Erin knew from experience that things could spiral out of control. Daniel's safety was most important.

"She left me a number. She wants me to call her in the morning to set up a time to meet."

Jay was surprised, "You agreed to a meet?"

Erin shook her head, "No, I just was so shocked that I just took the number and told her I'd call her back and decide." She looked up at Jay apologetically, "I really do need to talk to Hank about all this. It is his grandson after all." A sad look crossed her face, "I'm not really anybody to him."

His voice was firm as he looked at her sternly, "Don't say that. You love that little boy with your whole heart. You sacrificed everything this last month for him. You might not be blood, but he is your family. That matters."

A few tears fell from the corners of Erin's eyes at Jay's words. She wanted to believe that, but it was so hard. Her blood family had never been there for her, and her surrogate family was the only true family she'd ever had. As much as she'd always appreciated them and been willing to do anything to help Hank, Justin, and now Daniel, the truth was she wasn't their family. Would she ever have anyone who was really unconditionally her family? The love in Jay's eyes and the firm hold he had on her told her what she'd maybe always known. He was her family, her home.

"Come on," Jay suddenly stood. "Let's get you two into bed. It's been a long day, and you both look exhausted." He took her hands and pulled her from the couch. His eyes dropped over her body, still dressed in her dress from earlier. "You look amazing, but that isn't exactly sleep attire. You can grab one of my shirts if you want. You know where they are." Erin looked down at herself. She'd been so panicked, she had just grabbed a jacket, Daniel, and the diaper bag before running out of the apartment.

"I've my go-bag in the car. I can grab it." Erin muttered.

"Just get it in the morning," Jay replied. "It's late."

Erin stood in the center of Jay's living room as she watched him move around the room. He opened the hall closet and grabbed a blanket and pillow off the top shelf and threw them onto the couch. Erin could tell he was making the couch into a bed. Erin didn't want to kick him out of his bed. She didn't want to be alone at all. She'd come here because Jay was the person she needed. Yeah, she didn't relish waking Hank in the middle of the night, but that wasn't the whole truth. As soon as her world started to crumble, she had known there was only one place she wanted to be. With Jay, in his arms.

Erin reached out to him, "What are you doing?" she softly asked glancing at the couch piled with blankets and pillows.

He paused, his eyes looking at her. She could tell, he was trying to read her thoughts. "You guys can have the bed. I'll sleep out here." He said lightly.

She grabbed his hand, and for the first time since her phone had rang, she felt calm and confident in her actions. "Come to bed with us, Jay."

She saw doubt in his eyes. He looked down at her, his eyes moving to the couch, to the bedroom, and then back to her. "I don't want to put any pressure on you, Erin. I'll be fine."

Erin allowed a small smile to form on her lips. Typical Jay. Pushing hard on her when she doesn't want him. In her space and in her head all day, and now, when she wants nothing more than to crawl into his arms, he wants to give her space. She looked up at him, her eyes bright. While she might not be ready to say everything in her heart, she knew she wanted him. She slid her hand up his chest and around his neck. She leaned up on her toes and brushed a soft kiss to his cheek. "Come to bed with us, Jay. We need you." Her eyes were large and spoke more than her words, "I need you."

She saw his chest rise and fall as he took a deep breath. Those eyes that always revealed exactly what his heart was felling showed her that he was trying not to read too much into her words. She knew what he truly wanted to hear. While she might not yet be ready to say it, she hoped he knew she was feeling it.

Apparently, he saw enough in her eyes because Jay reached down and scooped up Daniel, "Come on, little man. It's bedtime." Daniel looked up at Jay and babbled his disagreement.

Erin grabbed Jay's free hand and led them into the bedroom.

….

Erin scrubbed her face in the sink of Jay's bathroom. She then looked at her reflection. Today had run such the gamut, that Erin couldn't even comprehend that it was just this morning that she had woken with the idea that things between her and Jay were over for good. Now, she was about to crawl into his bed, wearing his shirt, and there was no place else she'd rather be.

She tugged at the shirt slightly. It was big, and covered everything important, but Erin still felt somewhat exposed. Not that anything was going to happen. After all, Daniel was going to be sleeping in between them, but still.

Erin brushed out her hair, and then opened one of the bathroom drawers, hoping for a hair tie. She was pleased to see that there was still one of her old ties in his drawer. Apparently he hadn't done as good of job of purging his apartment of her as he had tried to. She quickly wrapped her hair up in a messy bun and gave one more look in the mirror. She did look exhausted. Hopefully, Daniel would sleep well tonight and not keep them up.

Erin left the bathroom and moved into the bedroom. Jay lay on his side in bed, looking over at Daniel lying next to him. Erin was surprised to see that Daniel was already dozing off.

Jay smiled over at her, "Does he always fall asleep so quickly?" he kept his voice low as to not wake the sleeping boy.

Erin cautiously slipped into bed on the opposite side of Jay. She shrugged, "Well, he'd already been asleep for a few hours when I woke him." She pulled the blanket up over her body and tucked it around Daniel a little more snuggly, trailing her hand slightly against his body. Her eyes fixed on the rise and fall of his chest as he slid into dreamland. "I have to protect him. No matter what." She softly whispered.

"We will," Jay responded. She met his eyes over the top of Daniel's head. He sounded so confident, and Erin believed him. She knew Jay would do everything in his power to make sure that nothing happened to Daniel or to Erin.

They stared at each other for a few moments, and Erin knew this precious little family unit that they had was just temporary, even though if felt so right. Her and Jay, lying in bed, with a buddle of love between them. It was suddenly so clear to Erin. This was what Jay had wanted all those months ago. He'd seen this moment and a hundred more like it, and had known clearly what future he had wanted. Her only regret was that it had taken her so long to realize it.

She reached carefully over Daniel, and placed her hand on Jay's arm that was tucked up next to Daniel, "Thank you, Jay. For tonight, for today. For everything."

His eyes smiled at her. He took her hand that lay near him and brought it up to his lips and gave it a brief kiss, and briefly closed his eyes. He took a deep breath, and then opened his eyes looking at her intently, "I meant what I said, Erin. I'm here for you, always."

He released her hand to roll to the side and switch off the bedside lamp, casting the room into darkness. Erin felt the loss of his touch and the ability to see into those eyes that gave her such comfort. She heard his breathing, just a foot away, "Jay, I need-"

She broke off, as she felt the sudden shift of the bed, and she knew that Jay had adjusted to slide down a bit, and move closer. His legs brushed hers, and his hand reached across and pulled her hips closer, his hand searching for her hand. Finally finding it and winding his fingers through hers. Daniel still lay cocooned between them, but she had the comfort of his touch that she so desired. Her heart and breathing steadied as she finally relaxed and found sleep.

…

The smells of breakfast assaulted Erin's nose, waking her from her sleep. She stretched out, her muscles languidly, allowing wakefulness to reach her slowly. Suddenly she sat up abruptly, realization of where she was instantly hitting her. Her eyes flashed open as she sprang to a sitting position. The bed was empty. Jay and Daniel both gone. Still smelling breakfast, Erin relaxed a bit. She slipped out of bed and followed her nose to Jay's kitchen. Once there, she leaned against the doorway, smiling at the scene in front of her.

Jay hadn't been kidding when he'd said he had no toys at his place, so he'd improvised with an assortment of kitchen materials. Daniel sat on the floor with bowls and some plastic food container. Jay had balled up socks to form soft toys and given him some tap ramen cups that Daniel was using as shakers.

"Inventive." She commented, causing both to turn and look at her. Daniel ignored her returned his attention to his play toys, but Jay smiled brightly.

"Good morning, sleepyhead." He said, but quickly returned his attention to the stove top. Erin could see bacon frying in one pan, while pancakes were cooking in another. She saw eggs on the counter top ready to be cooked. He gave her another quick glance over his shoulder, "Coffee's fresh."

Erin bit her lip at the scene of Jay cooking in front of her. He just wore his sweat pants which sat low on his hips. He'd had a shirt on when he went to bed, but she knew Jay slept warm, and he probably pulled it off soon after she fell asleep. Erin had to admit, she didn't mind the view. It had been far too long since she'd had the pleasure of viewing his body unrestricted. She poured herself a cup of the aforementioned coffee, and continued her appraisal of Jay. He looked good in the morning. Scruff shadowed his jawline and his hair was mussed. She felt a stirring of awareness in her body. Now that she had come to the conclusion that it was inevitable that her and Jay would figure out a way to make things work, her body was already anticipating when it might receive his attention again. She smiled down at Daniel. It was a good thing he'd been a barrier between them last night, otherwise the night might have been spent quite a bit differently. Then again, if it weren't for Daniel, would they have even made their way back to each other?

Erin made her way over to Jay's small kitchen table, stepping over Daniel's makeshift toys. "You know, I had big plans for this morning, and they kind of got ruined." She pulled out a chair, and sat down, balancing her coffee cup on her leg, and she reached down to mess Daniel's hair in greeting.

Jay grunted as he flipped a few pancakes and pulled the bacon off the pan to drain. "Scrambled?" He questioned her, gesturing to the eggs, and Erin nodded. "So how did I ruin your plans?" He asked, even as he cracked the eggs into the pan.

"Well, not you exactly. I guess I ruined them myself by coming over here last night." She gave him a quick grin, even though his attention was on the food. "I had planned on Daniel and I actually bringing you food for once in the morning."

He stopped his cooking for a moment and directed his eyes at her. "Oh, really? When was this decided?" She knew that he thought panic had brought her to him last night, but it wasn't just that. She had already decided she belonged with him, she just hadn't figured out how to tell him.

"Last night. After you left." Erin's stomach rumbled, and she couldn't resist the smell of the bacon. She got up from where she sat and leaned over to snag a piece of bacon from the paper towel where it sat. Jay caught her and swatted her butt with his spatula.

"Wait until it's ready!" He demanded playfully.

She just grinned at him, even as she sat back at the table crunching her bacon. "But it looked so good."

He eyed her hungrily, "You look good." His eyes ran down the length of her legs exposed by her wearing just his shirt. His tongue darted out and licked his lips, and eyes were hooded. Erin knew his desire for her was just as great as how much she wanted him. Finally, his eyes met hers, and they both just stared at each other, eyes locked and breathing intensifying. Jay was the first to break, smirking at her playfully, "You are driving me crazy on purpose."

"I am not!" Erin protested indignantly.

Jay stirred the scrambled eggs and threw her a knowing look, "Oh really. Yesterday walking around in just a robe and nothing else, that dress you wore last night, and then my shirt." He raised his eyebrows doubtfully at her, "I'm only human, Erin."

Erin shook her head, "I was perfectly covered at all times. It's not my fault your mind instinctively goes into the gutter." She claimed in her defense.

"It's because I know what's underneath those clothes I guess." Jay admitted. "You could wear a muumuu, and I'd probably still be turned on."

Erin just laughed and took a sip of her coffee. A few minutes later, Erin was rewarded with a plate of pancakes, bacon, and eggs. Jay joined her sitting next down at his small table.

"I gave Daniel some cereal and fruit that I had in the fridge. I didn't know what else he could eat."

"No, that sounds good. He's not too picky." Erin replied.

They ate in silence for a few minutes, before Jay finally brought up what Erin had been trying to keep her mind off of.

"So what's the plan? Set up a meet today at Voight's?" Jay questioned.

Erin sighed. This morning she wasn't feeling the same panic that she had been overcome with yesterday, but she was still worried about how the meeting might go down. There were so many variables when one of the factors was as unsteady as someone like Olive was right now.

"Yeah, I'll call Hank after breakfast and see what he thinks. Then I guess I will call, Olive." She sent a worried look to Jay. "Who knows, maybe she will have changed her mind after sobering from last night's binge."

Jay gave her a serious look, "Maybe, but we do want this for her. The goal is to get her into rehab, right?"

Erin looked embarrassed for a second, "Of course. I mean, I want her to get better. Get her shit together and be a mom." Her lips tightened as she thought about the last time she saw Olive being a mom. Daniel had been abandoned to watch television from his playpen, while Olive had been snorting something in the kitchen. "I just want to be sure that she is going to really be okay. She needs to actually go through recovery and even then most people don't just pop out of rehab in good condition. If she's been on a bender for the last month, who knows what kind of shape she is in."

Erin knew from personal experience that sometimes just willing yourself to be okay doesn't work. It had taken Jay's own kidnapping and almost dying herself to make her realize that she did want to live. Not just live, but live a better life than she was giving herself.

She sighed and looked down at Daniel who played happily on the floor of Jay's kitchen, unaware of the turmoil in his very own life.

After breakfast, Erin took care of dishes while Jay ran down to her car and got her go-bag. Fortunately, she had most of what Daniel needed in the diaper bag, and she'd even had the foresight to grab his medicine before she'd raced out of her apartment. Once she had her bag, she showered quickly while Jay watched Daniel. Then they swapped and Jay got ready while she entertained Daniel. As Erin had suspected, it was a lot easier taking care of a kid when you had a partner to do it with. Erin had called Hank, and shared cautiously that Olive had called her and wanted to see Daniel. Hank had been overjoyed at first, but then restrained as well when Erin shared that Olive was still getting high and only wanted to see Daniel before she checked into rehab. He agreed that the meeting should be at his place and suggested that afternoon at 2 p.m. He insisted that he make the call, and Erin forwarded the number to him, then just sat and waited for confirmation.

"It's set." She announced to Jay as she received the text from Hank. She set her phone down on the couch and leaned back on the couch. He took his attention from the game on the television that they'd been watching while they waited. Daniel lay on his belly in front of the TV, playing with a few toy cars Erin had found in the diaper bag.

Jay reached across the couch and grabbed her hand, squeezing it tightly. "It's going to be fine." He told her reassuringly.

Erin rolled her head to the side to look at him. Her eyes still held a lot of doubt, "I hope so." She eyed the clock. Two hours. In two hours everything could change.

Sensing her worry, Jay pulled her arms until she was laying tucked up next him, her head resting on his chest. He stroked her hair soothingly. "Olive wants what's best for Daniel. That's why she left him with you. That's why she's stayed away, and that's why she wants to get better."

Erin nodded against his chest. "How do you think he will react?"

Jay sighed, "I don't know. He's young, but she's his mom."

Erin sniffed a bit. "I'm not his mom. I know that. I don't want to be, but I care about him so much. I want him to see her and know that his mom loves him. I just want to make sure that he knows that I do, too."

"He knows, Erin." Jay dropped his gaze to her worried face. He pressed a quick kiss to the top of her head. "He can love you both, you know."

Erin nodded absentmindedly, her mind lost in thought for a moment. Abruptly she twisted in Jay's lap, and pushed herself up from his chest. Face to face, she pressed a kiss to his lips. One hand coming to caress his cheek. Jay eagerly returned the light kiss, and then suddenly Erin broke it off, turning once again to lay against his chest. She could hear Jay's heart beating frantically against her ear.

"What was that for?" He questioned, sounding slightly out of breath, as Erin shifted to get into a more comfortable positions against him.

"Just for being you." She wrapped his arm around her, as she lay on his chest, letting her eyes mindlessly watch the television. Their hands wrapped up in each other. Erin knew there was a chance that things in her life were on the edge of falling apart, but she also knew that there was at least one steady thing in her life. This time, she was going to make sure that she didn't push Jay away, but held on to him. Tightly, and forever.

Author's Note: This might be the only chapter this week. I've got a ton of real world commitments and I don't completely have the next part mapped out. My outline for the rest of the story is pretty bare. Maybe after the fall finale on Wednesday, I might get some more inspiration on where to go, otherwise is only 4-5 more chapters.

A few of you voiced your displeasure at this story is ending just when they are reuniting. Since I am not very proficient at writing police drama, it is harder for me to write stories that aren't just about their relationship. I know a few authors are good at writing the day-to-day things, but I don't think I can. I will hold off on ending this for a few more weeks. I think I have a plan until Christmas (story wise) , but after that, I will probably want to move onto a new story. I've always wanted to try a completely AU story, so I might go that route. Where they meet under different circumstances.

Thank you again to all who read and review. I appreciate the kind and constructive words from all. I've had almost 500 reviews which pretty much blows my mind.