Chapter 5: Start Again ll

I screwed up my face and gave her a helpless look. "Well ... yeah..."

"Did she say flat out that she considers me a threat?"

Rubbing my forehead, I sighed and explained, "Basically, Adrienne said that if you and I ever have sex again, that'll be the day she breaks up with me."

Dawn's eyes popped WIDE open, almost as wide as her gaping mouth. "Excuse me?"

"And she means it."

"But ... I never ... Does she think that I... ?" Dawn stammered with a perplexed expression on her face. "I mean, I haven't been particularly shy about having sex with one of the other girls in front of you, so we've been seeing each other naked pretty often over the last few days. But I've never made a move toward you and I didn't think ... I mean ... I noticed that she's never made a move toward ME and--"

"She's got mixed emotions when it comes to you," I interrupted. "And in fairness, you should know that she's the only one who really opposed the idea of you and me 'starting again'."

"But I never..."

"It's nothing you've done. And even this threat to break up with me over sex isn't about anything you and I have actually done, either. But she's terrified of your potential. She knows what you and I used to mean to each other, thinks we could mean that much to each other again in the future, and she's scared of what that would ultimately mean for her."

Dawn sighed and thought about that. Crossing her arms over her chest again, she bit her lower lip and frowned. "So is that what your fight was about up at the Garden? Me?"

I grimaced and shrugged. "Pretty much, yeah."

She instantly turned apologetic. "I'm so sorry. You know I'd never mean to--"

"Hey, like I said," I interrupted. "It's nothing you've done."

"It's just who I AM."

I grimaced again. "Well ... yeah..."

Looking stricken, Dawn abruptly turned and started walking away from me. "I'm sorry. I never came here to mess up your life."

I followed after. "No, hey. This isn't your fault."

"Isn't it? I'm ruining your vacation. You thought you and your little family could come up here and relax for two weeks, but instead you're dealing with all this crap, and I've been this needy little thing causing all this emotional turmoil in your life. Without me around, you'd be spending all your time happily screwing five hot babes and playing with your son instead of getting into fights with Adrienne."

"Well ... probably..."

"Instead you're here, all alone, while your girlfriends need to have a girl-talk without you and you're stuck here with me."

"I'm not stuck here with you."

"But I'm bringing crap you don't need to deal with to your blissful little getaway. I'm ruining your vacation."

"Okay, STOP RIGHT THERE." Suiting words to action, I stopped dead in my tracks.

A few paces ahead of me, Dawn stopped as well, and she turned back to face me. In her flight, Dawn had walked off at right-angles to the trail and climbed up a shallow dirt embankment. We'd crested the top and found ourselves amidst a small stand of trees, with mostly dirt and the occasional shrub around our feet. The nearest trail was a good twenty feet away, with another set of cabins in the distance. But there was no one around us and nothing moving around in sight.

Safe in the knowledge that we were alone, I took a deep breath and gestured toward Dawn. "Come back here."

She didn't budge.

Sighing, I gave her an overly-dramatic puppy dog face and repeated, "Please?"

My expression cracked her, and she rolled her eyes and flashed a smirk before slowly trudging back to me.

"You're not ruining my vacation," I stated emphatically. "It hasn't gone exactly the way I expected, but you're not ruining it. I'm glad you came. I'm glad you pushed me into facing my behavior toward you for the past year. And I'm glad you and I are getting the chance to start again."

Giving me a skeptical look, Dawn commented, "Better not tell Adrienne any of that."

I snorted. "Of course I did."

Grimacing, she replied, "No wonder she got mad."

"That's not why. Actually, she didn't even get 'mad'. It wasn't a fight so much as a discussion."

"A pretty heated discussion. Why do you think Sasha and I scrambled to get away from you two so quickly?"

"We were both emotional, and our voices rise when we get emotional. But we weren't fighting and she wasn't mad. She was scared, if anything. Scared about losing me."

"Because she thinks I'm here to steal you away?"

"No." I shook my head. "She knows you're not here to try and do anything like that."

"Then what's the problem?"

"Nothing immediate. Nothing short term. All of her fears are long-term, down the road kind of stuff as you and I put our relationship back together. I was once ready to make you my wife, and she's scared of her place in my life if I were ever to feel that way for you again."

"But that's crazy. You and I are miles away from anything remotely like that."

"I know, and she knows."

"So why... ?" Dawn's eyebrows furrowed as she thought of something. "Wait, she said she'd break up with you if we ever had sex."

I nodded.

Dawn shook her head. "I'm not saying we would, but even if we did, it wouldn't mean..."

I raised my eyebrows. "It would to her."

"She'd consider it cheating."

"Pretty much, yeah."

Dawn blinked. "I suppose I should be flattered. Adrienne would let you fuck every single woman on this planet and not mind ... every woman on the planet but ME."

I snorted and nodded. "Pretty much, yeah."

"Because she believes that for you and me, it wouldn't be 'just sex'."

"Exactly."

Dawn sighed. "And it wouldn't be 'just sex' for us, would it?"

I sighed and shook my head. "No, it wouldn't."

Dawn sighed again. "Well then, I suppose I can't blame her."

I shrugged. "Think of it this way, how would Nick feel about you having sex with me?"

Something flashed in Dawn's eyes. "That's ... a complicated question."

"Well would he prefer you and I NOT have sex?"

She barked a short laugh. "Well of course."

"But does he mind you being here and talking to me?"

She shook her head. "No, of course not."

"Well that's pretty much how Adrienne feels about us. She gets it. She's seen the way I've behaved around you for the past year, the way I've paid lip service to being polite and 'normal' around you when I've felt anything BUT normal around you. She recognizes that it's not natural for me to be like that, and didn't like the idea of me lying to myself. She thinks that if I continue trying to ignore you, the emotions I've been bottling up inside will eat away at me like a cancer and erode not only the stability of my psyche, but also the stability of all my relationships with her and the others. So she knows that you and I need to talk and get things worked out between us."

Dawn's eyebrows went up. "But would she prefer I not be here at all? At least during this vacation?"

I chuckled and took a deep breath before admitting, "Well ... of course. But you're here, and we're talking, and as long as we're not slipping off to The Clearing to have sweaty monkey sex, she's perfectly okay with your presence here. You and I have been working on being more comfortable around each other for the past week, letting ourselves have casual conversations and not looking for excuses to escape or distract ourselves with tangents."

"You mean you've been working on letting yourself have casual conversations and not looking for excuses to escape. I've been here all along, waiting for you to let me in."

I chuckled again and nodded. "Fine, fine. But it's been working, right? I mean, I wouldn't say you and I are back to normal or anything, but I haven't been shutting you out, have I?"

"No, you haven't. Thankfully."

"And we're getting more and more comfortable around each other, without the old awkwardness, aren't we?"

Dawn snorted. "We've been having sweaty monkey sex in front of each other every day for the last few days. Not with each other, but there's been no shame in front of each other, either. I'd say there's no awkwardness."

I sighed. "Well except for the awkwardness of the obvious lust in each other's eyes when we're doing that."

Dawn blushed and averted her gaze. "Noticed that, huh?"

I shrugged. "As if you hadn't noticed the obvious lust in MY eyes watching you."

Dawn's eyes went unfocused as she stared off into the distance. "Too many fond memories. Whatever problems you and I ever had, fantastic sex wasn't one of them. With a long-distance boyfriend ... well ... let's just say that you spoiled me and I haven't been getting quite enough relief to satisfy my libido. And to be this close to you, to be feeling the things I'm feeling when one of your girlfriends goes down on me while at the same time I can see you only a few feet away hammering away at..." Her voice trailed off and she visibly shivered.

"So you can understand why even though Adrienne knows that you and me fixing our relationship is way, way off in the distance, she believes that you and me fucking might not be so very far off."

Still blushing pink, Dawn bit her lip and stared at the ground between us. She slid her foot forward and used the tip of her shoe to draw a little circle in the dirt. "Me not getting enough cock is pretty obvious. But why would you stare at me when you've got so many willing women around you?"

"You're fishing for a compliment," I drawled knowingly, and was rewarded when Dawn's eyes flashed up to mine and she turned even pinker in embarrassment as she stared back down at her toes. "Fine, you can have it. You're gorgeous, Dawn. You always were, but you're in even better shape now than I've ever seen you before. And even beyond the obvious greedy male stereotype of wanting every pussy within arm's reach, I have my own very fond memories of the fantastic sex ... no ... of the intimate, deeply personal, soulmate-special lovemaking ... that we used to have."

That brought Dawn's head up again, and she took in the achingly sincere expression on my face. Taking a step forward, she cradled my face in her hand.

Breathing heavily, I lost myself for a moment in those memories of soulmate-special lovemaking and closed my eyes to concentrate on the sensations against my cheek. Tilting my face into her hand, I felt the warmth and softness of her touch. And when I opened my eyes, I found that she'd taken an extra step toward me so that our faces were only inches apart. And as her crystal clear irises focused entirely on mine, it felt so completely natural to lean forward and start puckering my lips.

Dawn smiled and instinctively extended her lips toward mine. And then...

I jerked my head away just before our lips met. Realizing that we'd come WAY too close to crossing the line, I took several steps away toward the nearest tree, my chest heaving as I panted for air.

"I'm sorry," Dawn mumbled behind me. "That was all my fault."

"No, no," I said immediately, waving her off as I turned back around to face her. "I puckered up first."

"I touched your cheek first."

"Because I was inviting you to with that bit about soulmate-special lovemaking."

"Because I got you started on that train of thought when I fished for the compliment."

Raising my eyebrows, I took a deep, calming breath as Dawn and I squared off a good six feet away from each other and tried to get our bearings. "It wasn't your fault," I stated reassuringly.

But Dawn shook her head. "Yes it is. I would have kissed you if you didn't pull away. I would have crossed the line you promised Adrienne you wouldn't cross."

"Well, she said she'd break up with me if we had sex."

"You and I both know she'd have gotten pissed if she found out you and I even kissed. Especially after your fight up at the Garden."

I sighed. "True enough, though again, it wasn't a fight."

"Whatever. I'm sorry," Dawn apologized again. "I shouldn't have tempted you."

Rubbing my forehead, I sighed and said, "Maybe you should seduce Adrienne the next time we all get together. She's been staring at you with just as much lustful desire as me. Get her to see that maybe we CAN all have 'just sex' and still get along."

Dawn shook her head. "Getting her to have sex with me isn't going to change her outlook on YOU having sex with me."

"Maybe not," I conceded. "But it's worth a shot."

Dawn grinned. "You just wanna see me and Adrienne fucking each other's brains out."

I grinned right back. "Damn fucking straight I do. The two of you together? Spectacular."

Dawn's eyes unfocused as she thought back on her own memories, half-moaning, "Indeed..."

"But we're getting sidetracked."

Dawn sighed as she refocused her eyes on me, repeating in resignation, "Indeed..."

"Still, it just might work..."

Dawn shook her head. "You're playing with fire, thinking of ways to get away with you and me having sex without pissing her off. Even if it WASN'T for Adrienne's fears, sex with each other would completely screw up our attempts to rebuild this as a friendship. We both know that sex complicates any relationship, let alone one as fragile as ours."

"Can't I choose to believe sex would only improve the intimacy of our friendship?"

Dawn leveled me with a frown.

"I know, I know," I said with a sigh. "Just wishful thinking on my part. Gawd you're fucking gorgeous, Dawn. Especially naked."

She blushed prettily and couldn't help but smile. "Thank you for the compliment."

"You're right, though. I AM playing with fire. Sex is off the table, no matter how much either of us might want it. There's a lot about our friendship that we have to put back together first."

She nodded. "Agreed."

"And you have to know that it's something I DO want, your friendship. You mean way too much to me to be walled out of my life for another year. And I AM sorry for shutting you out all this time."

"You've already apologized for that, and I don't blame you, okay? We're moving on. We're starting again."

"Starting again," I agreed.

"As friends, nothing more. Nothing to threaten your relationship with your girlfriends."

"Right. I've got my girlfriends, you've got your boyfriend; we're just trying to be friends again."

"Friends without sex, not just for Adrienne's sake, but also for you and me."

"Agreed."

Dawn took a deep breath. "So now that we're on the same page, do you think it would help for me to go with you so we can both reassure her that we're not about to start fucking anytime soon?"

I nodded. "Sounds good."

Adrienne and Sasha were still having their girl-talk in the cabin when Dawn and I arrived. I explained about Dawn and I bumping into each other, having our own little conversation, and wanting to reassure Adrienne that nothing was going to happen between us.

The timing may not have been right, as Adrienne and Sasha hadn't finished their own conversation. Adrienne just sort of stared at Dawn and me blankly while we tried to explain ourselves, and in hindsight we may have perhaps created the perception that Dawn and I were united against her in this particular argument. But she said she understood and claimed to hold no ill-will toward Dawn, reiterating my statement that she knew Dawn and I needed to get past the awkwardness and rebuild our friendship. And Dawn and I left her and Sasha alone to finish their conversation.

Despite my worries about bad timing, Adrienne appeared to be much more content and confident in the situation by dinnertime, and everyone came together and continued on our day with no aftereffects from the "Garden fight". So I started to relax, believing that the whole thing had been much ado about nothing and would soon blow over.

It was now late evening, and the sun had begun its descent toward the horizon. The temperature was dropping fast as well, so Sasha and I were both clad in sweaters as we sat well back from the bonfire, perched on a boulder up the hill. Twenty feet before me and to the left, I could see the other girls of my group behaving like big sisters to all the little kids roasting marshmallows, as well as dealing with the attention four beautiful young women together must endure from members of the opposite sex.

Of course, the attention they received here was a little different from the attention they might have received almost anywhere else. As one would expect of a family vacation spot, Morris Camp had always skewed toward two age groups: kids under 18 ... and their parents. While there had always been a few young adults in their 20s, they were far fewer in number, since those in the college age-range and just beyond – such as myself and my siblings – often had other things to do with their summers. People like Greg Kinomoto, Felicia Clarkson, and Lucia Ramirez hadn't been back in years. Gary Wong and his little sister Jenny also hadn't returned in some time.

The point is: there weren't a whole lot of guys around in the same age range as the young women who'd accompanied me to camp. Two of those guys were the goofball "fuckers" I kept overhearing in the bathroom, and after attempting to hit on each and every one of my ladies, they'd gotten shut down pretty fast. Really, there were comparatively few males over the age of 19 at the camp at all, and most of those were married men 35 and older who wouldn't go anywhere near a gorgeous 23-year-old girl for fear of their wives castrating them in their sleep.

Adrienne, for example, rarely had a conversation with any males over the age of 12. Those youngsters were too young to know who she was, and were therefore unintimidated by her reputation. Horny male teenagers who DID know who she was would gawk and stare at her from a distance – and sometimes even follow her around the camp – but never approach. Married men, as I said, wouldn't come anywhere near her; and their castration-inclined wives weren't very interested, either. She'd signed only five autographs since arrival, all of them for ranch hands. I'd even signed an autograph for a starry-eyed female ranch hand who'd apparently seen the sex tape. Knowing Adrienne, my Tigress was probably already cooking up some hare-brained scheme to rope the poor girl into a threesome before we went home. But all in all, apart from some teenage girls who idolized the world-famous supermodel, nobody bothered her very much.

Kim might have seemed a little more approachable, were it not for the infant attached to her hip. For better or worse, adult men seemed pre-programmed to avoid a single mother. She was headed back to the cabin to put BJ to bed, anyway.

So tonight it was Dayna, Brandi, and Dawn getting all the attention from brave teen boys willing to take a chance at chatting up a beautiful older woman, but none of those boys harbored any grand delusions about one of the ladies following the boy back to his cabin for the night. Now maybe if the ranch hands on staff had been around – early-20s males with buff bodies and cocky egos – it would have been a different story. But tonight around the bonfire it was just guests, and nearly all of them outside of the "right" age range. Needless to say, I didn't have much to worry about.

I occupied myself chatting with Sasha. It was easy to do. She was a ready and willing conversationalist about any topic that happened to come up, and there were no pretenses between us. We spent almost twenty minutes making up the dialogue of people out of earshot. For example: she play-acted being a flirty, teasing Dayna messing with the head of a starry-eyed 16-year-old boy (play-acted by me), and pretty much every other word out of my mouth had something to do with Dayna's boobs. Wasn't my fault, the poor kid thirty feet away from us couldn't stop staring at them, not that I blamed him.

Next we play-acted being a flirty, teasing Dawn messing with the head of a different starry-eyed teenage boy. Again, the word "boobs" figured repeatedly in the dialogue, although this particular boy did get lost gazing at her gorgeous face quite a bit as well, not that I blamed him.

But then Dawn and Dayna went off together out of sight, so Sasha and I moved on to new targets. We play-acted being a flirty, teasing Brandi messing with the head of another starry-eyed teenage boy. And while the boy didn't stare at my sister's boobs in quite the same way, every time she turned around his head pitched forward at a perfect angle to gawk at her ass, not that I blamed him either.

After a while, chatting with Sasha turned into making out with Sasha. I wasn't sure how we got started – a touch here, a peck on the cheek there – but at some point I found my arms around her while she held my head and played tonsil hockey in my mouth. And when we finally broke for air, I found that a blonde Evans girl had appeared before us, standing on the ground beside the boulder with her arms folded across her chest.

Sasha grinned down at Dayna and gestured to me. "Want to climb up here and have a turn?"

But Dayna's expression was pensive, not aroused. Teasing a wide-eyed teenager might amuse her, but it apparently didn't get her motor running. And besides, she'd already gotten several spectacular orgasms over the course of the day, and would still have my cum leaking into her panties from our round right before coming to the bonfire. Her eyes were on me, and with a sigh, she asked, "Can we talk somewhere? About Dawn?"

I blinked in surprise, shared an equally surprised look with Sasha, and turned toward the bonfire. Dawn had her back to us as she'd moved on from teasing teenagers to assisting two adorable kids who looked about 8 and 10 years old roasting their marshmallows, looking none the worse for wear. "What about her?"

Dayna sighed again, "There's something you need to know."

I frowned, but shrugged. "Okay, so tell me."

"Not here."

"Should we go back to your cabin?" Sasha suggested. "BJ and Kim are asleep by now in ours."

Dayna gave Sasha an apologetic wince but shook her head. "Um, I think this would be better if it was just me and Ben. Not trying to hide anything, and I'm sure he'll tell you once we're done. But..."

"Jeez, after the exhausting day we've already had, could you be any more melodramatic?" I sighed rather crankily.

Dayna frowned and gave me a serious look.

With a sigh, I shook my head and slid off the boulder onto the tree stump beside it, and then hopped down the rest of the way. "Fine, have it your way. But it'd better not be something insane like Dawn has terminal cancer or something and you're trying to figure out how to soften the blow."

"No, no, nothing like that," Dayna assured me.

"Nothing earth-shattering like terminal cancer and yet private enough that you can't tell me in front of Sasha. Should be interesting," I muttered while shaking my head.

"Fine, FINE," Dayna said in exasperation. "Dawn and Nick broke up, alright!"

"What, WHAT?" Sasha exclaimed, beating me to it. "When?"

"The weekend before we all came up here. She told me just before we drove up."

"And you're just saying something now?!? It's been a whole week!" Sasha complained.

"She asked me not to say anything! To let her tell you herself when she was ready."

Sasha snorted. "You mean the way you're letting her tell Ben herself right now?"

"Hey, relax," I warned, touching Sasha's arm, my mind racing from the implications.

Sasha scowled. "She kept something from us that changes the Dawn equation completely."

I sighed again. "This can't be easy for her, stuck between telling us the truth about what's going on and loyalty to her sister."

Dayna made a face, muttering, "I did say this would be better if it was just me and Ben..."

"What's done is done." I furrowed my eyebrows and tried to wrap my head around this new information.

"You need to talk to her," Dayna continued insistently. "Work it out."

I frowned. "Work what out? We're fixing our relationship as friends, and this isn't going to change that."

"So sure about that?"

"What, you're gonna tell me she broke up with Nick for me?"

Dayna set her jaw and looked away.

"Wait, she didn't, did she?" Sasha asked incredulously.

I bit my lip and my eyebrow furrow deepened as I tried to reconcile Dawn's recent overtures toward friendship and resolution to not have sex with me with the notion that she'd come up to camp to try and win me back. The idea didn't compute.

"Well..." Dayna hedged. "She didn't say that ... Not exactly..."

Sasha frowned. "So this is just your opinion that she did."

Dayna looked exasperated. "Why else would she hide this for a whole week and not say anything?"

I raised both hands. "There are a million different reasons she might want to wait on that kind of news. Maybe she's just being considerate and doesn't want to have some adverse impact on our vacation. We're here, we're happy, we've all had such a blast showing Sasha and Kim and BJ around..." I shrugged. "Rebuilding this friendship is complicated enough without worrying about Dawn's love life. It doesn't have to have anything to do with ME."

Dayna folded her arms across her chest and shared a significant look with Sasha, who shrugged, nodded, and looked over at me. And it was Sasha who replied, "Maybe it doesn't have anything to do with you, but then maybe it does."

Dayna gestured toward the bonfire. "One way to find out."

I sighed and shook my head. "Dawn is a grown woman who can make her own decisions. If she's waiting for the right time to tell me, she's waiting for the right time, and I can wait."

Dayna gave me a skeptical look. "Not even a little curious to hear what she has to say for herself?"

"Well now I am."

"But you're not going to go ask her about it?"

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Dawn confided in you. For me to approach her with this will tell her that you blabbed the big secret."

Dayna set her jaw and punched me in the upper chest, not too hard, but not soft either. "I'm trying to be a good girlfriend for my boyfriend."

"And while I appreciate my sweetheart coming to tell me something that can impact the rest of my relationships, unless it's super serious I don't expect you to break Dawn's trust just for me. She needs her big sister. And speaking of: you are perfectly within your rights to ask her about Nick. She's already told you she broke up with him, and given everything that's going on between her and me now, it's only logical for you to follow up and dig a little deeper."

"I know, and I will," Dayna insisted. "But I still think she needs to talk to you."

I shook my head. "I'm not going to walk up to her and demand an explanation. If she thought it was relevant, I honestly think she would have told me. As it is, she's keeping the focus on my friendship with her, regardless of her boyfriend-status. Now if you want, tell her that you think she should talk to me about it sooner than later."

"I already HAVE."

"And so far she's decided not to. That's her call. Now you might think about warning her that Sasha and I know now, which might speed up her timetable. But let's leave it up to her, alright?"

Dayna sighed. "Fine."

She pouted up at me, so I put my hands on her shoulders and leaned forward to kiss the top of her head. That seemed to mollify her, as she tilted her face up so I could kiss her on the lips as well. But then shaking her head, she turned and stalked away back toward the bonfire. I wondered if Dawn would figure out something was up just by the swing in her big sister's attitude.

Sasha and I watched Dayna go, and she patted the boulder beside her in invitation for me to rejoin her. I climbed back up, reclined with my hands planted behind me, and sighed.

Sasha arched an eyebrow at me. "Do you think she broke up with Nick for you?"

"Why would she? I've got you, Adrienne, AND Dayna as girlfriends already. At the very least, it would go against some kind of code for her to try and steal her sister's boyfriend."

"Except that when it comes to you, she wouldn't be 'stealing' so much as 'joining the harem'."

"And you'd be okay with that? Dawn joining the harem?"

Sasha made a face and stared straight ahead.

"Why not?" I teased. "You've certainly taken a liking to her smokin' bod. So quick to dismiss the notion of threesomes with the two of us?"

"It's not about sex and you know it, otherwise I'd be all for another hot babe in the group. But Adrienne's right: a Dawn romance could overshadow us all."

I shook my head. "Dawn and I have been over this: romance doesn't work between us. We're better as siblings, like Dayna and Brandi or DJ and Brooke. And for now, we're having a difficult enough time just being friends again."

"You're already 'friends' again. I could see it in the way you two supported each other when you came to tell me and Adrienne that you wouldn't be having sex. The awkwardness is just about gone. Faced with some external thing to focus on – in this case, Adrienne – you two forgot about the past and fell into old habits. It's like you were each other's 'constant' again."

There was tension in Sasha's voice, and I gave her a serious look. "You worried about her displacing you from that role?"

She waved me off dismissively. "You don't have any one 'constant' anymore, and even if we had to pick a single one, that constant would be Kim."

"But every minute spent with Dawn might be one less minute I spend with the rest of you."

Sasha shrugged. "Price I pay for dating a guy with other girlfriends."

I sat up straighter and frowned. "I thought you were okay with Dawn and me rebuilding our friendship. Is that not true? Would you rather things stay status quo?"

She shook her head. "I was the one who reminded you that nothing ever stays status quo."

"Doesn't mean you have to be happy about that fact."

"I'm fine with you and Dawn becoming friends again. Okay, wrong word. I'm happy you and Dawn are becoming friends again."

"Really? 'Happy'?"

"It wasn't natural for you to block her out, and every time you ran into her, you were all ... weird ... for like... hours afterward. It wasn't healthy, and Adrienne was right about the cancer analogy. I want YOU happy, and if being friends with Dawn again makes you happy, then that's what I want for you, even if it means having to share a little more of your time."

Wrapping an arm around her, I squeezed Sasha against my side. "Thank you."

"And I get an extra hug out of it. Win-win," she sighed happily, snuggling into my embrace.

"You bet. You're still my girlfriend. That entitles you to all the hugs you want, on demand."

"Then hug me more."

I squeezed her again.

Sasha sighed happily again. But after a few seconds, when I relaxed my grip, she looked up at me and said, "Thing is, Dawn does want to have sex with you. You know that, right?"

"Hmm?" I glanced down at her.

Sasha didn't say anything for a moment, instead staring back at me with really big, deep brown eyes. She searched my irises, trying to see through them into my soul. And after perhaps finding what she'd been searching for, she blinked and stared down at the young woman in question down by the bonfire. "I've had sex with her enough in the last week to know. I'll have my tongue buried as far up her pussy as I can stretch it and I'll look up to watch the pleasure cross her face mid-orgasm, and it's easy to tell when she's staring longingly at you."

I waved dismissively. "Dawn and I have too many good sex memories to ever forget. You're catching her at her horniest and I'm quite literally the only penis within reach. I know she loves the touch of another woman, but there are times when a girl is reaching for Ultimate Pleasure™ and all she can think of is getting stuffed full of cock. Just like you, hmm?"

Sasha giggled and nodded. "Perhaps, but that doesn't make it not true. She wants you, badly."

I sighed. "And I want her. Physically. Lustfully. But my physical lust for her isn't tied together with any romantic feelings for her. I want to fuck her because she's gorgeous, and because we've done it before, and because I can't forget my memories of how great it felt to do it. But that doesn't mean I'm going to do it. And it doesn't mean she's going to make a move on me, either."

"Well it kind of does, especially if she DID break up with her boyfriend for you."

"She didn't."

"You don't know that."

"We're barely back to being friends."

"That doesn't necessarily mean it's not true. Breaking up with her ex could be the first step into getting you back. She can't focus on regaining your love while still tethered to another man. At the very least, it would go against your policy of sleeping with another man's girl."

I shook my head. "Honestly, I doubt it. It makes no sense. I've been with you and the others, living our lives, and she's been focused on her college life with Brooke and DJ and her friends. We've had nothing to do with each other for the past year, certainly nothing that would influence her relationship with her boyfriend. Whatever happened between her and Nick is between her and Nick."

Sasha took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "You're probably right."

"So why is this such a big deal?"

"Because it begs the question: Why didn't she tell you when you first saw her? Why hasn't she told you at any other time over the last week? She's been sitting on this knowledge for the entire time we've been here. There have been plenty of opportunities, and plenty of comments about 'her boyfriend' here and there. She's never denied still having a boyfriend, so if what Dayna says about her breaking up with Nick two weeks ago is true, then Dawn's been lying to you all this time. Why? If her breakup is immaterial to you and her becoming friends again, why lie? Especially when Dayna and Brandi already know and you're bound to eventually find out? Why start this new friendship with a lie?"

I took a deep breath and shook my head. "I don't know."

Sasha gestured toward the bonfire. "Like Dayna said: One easy way to find out."

I smirked and shook my head. "Not so easy."

"Scared of what she might say?"

"A little ... maybe ... I mean, we just spent this afternoon reassuring each other that we'll just be friends. I don't like to think that she'd lie to me, and I want to believe that if she did, she has good reasons."

"Better to find out one way or another, don't you think?"

"Or better to let her tell me in her own time, when she's ready."

Sasha sighed. "It's your call, of course. But if you want my unbiased opinion, I think you should go down there and ask her."

I shook my head. "Not tonight. It's late, and this day has been emotionally exhausting enough. I'll let Dayna dig a little more, and maybe tomorrow we'll have a better idea of what's going on."

"Suit yourself." Sasha snuggled herself against me once more. "Just ... be careful, okay?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Sasha sighed again. "Adrienne's right: Dawn has the potential to blow everything up, and she affects you enough to get your head twisted around so much that you can't think rationally anymore."

"Relax. I know what I'm doing, and I would never jeopardize my relationship with you OR Adrienne."

"I know you'd never do something like that intentionally. But she's still Dawn. Don't forget that I was there on the project team when you were together and got a close-up view of the two of you in love. As much as I like to believe she's not a big influence in your life right now, we both know that's only from a lack of proximity. Once she's back in your life, once you two go back to being the way you used to be together, all bets are off."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning..." Sasha exhaled slowly and snuggled against me even tighter, wrapping both arms around my torso and squeezing hard. "Meaning I can't help but wonder ... whether or not you and Dawn ever become romantic again--"

"Which we're not," I interjected.

"Whether or not, I can't help but wonder if my time as your girlfriend is running out."

"Hey," I began, tilting her chin up to look at me. I kissed her quickly and stared her deep in the eyes. "I love you, Sasha. Whatever goes on between me and Dawn, don't ever doubt that."

Sasha blinked up at me. "But I do."

I inhaled sharply and let out a weary sigh. "Please don't. I don't know how I can reassure you any better. I love you."

"I know you do. For now."

Giving her an exasperated look, I groaned, "Seriously, when did you become the one insecure about our relationship? I thought you were happy Dawn and I were becoming friends again."

"I AM happy, because I want YOU happy. But I also promised you open communication, and I'm not going to hide the fact that I've always had this part in the back of my mind worried that I'm just a placeholder. Now I know it's still ridiculously early in you and Dawn starting again, and I know you've made this big promise to Adrienne that you two aren't going to have sex again. But I'm not going to hide my worries from you. I promised you I'd be truthful about my feelings. And the truth is: back when I believed Dawn still had a boyfriend, I felt secure in the knowledge that she and you would not become more than friends. But now that I know she and Nick broke up, and now that I know she did so only a week before coming up here to camp while hoping to find her way back into your life, I feel less secure. And when you asked me a few minutes ago how I'd feel about her 'joining the harem', I got this ... sour ... feeling deep in my gut. I don't consider myself the jealous type when it comes to you, and I don't want to feel jealous of her, but I promised you honesty and this is honestly how I feel."

"I also promised you honesty, and I honestly think Dawn and I are better as 'just friends' – siblings at best. Nothing more, and certainly not back in a romantic relationship."

"So you're saying you'll never again have sex with her?"

I screwed my face up and took a deep breath, hesitating enough for her to know and give me a knowing look. "I can't help but feel the old lust," I admitted. "And the simple fact is that I DO have sex with my other siblings. But I will promise you that I would never intentionally do ANYTHING to harm these relationships."

Sasha sighed. "I know you wouldn't. And Adrienne knows you wouldn't. Your intentions aren't what worry us, and so long as Dawn didn't expressly break up with her boyfriend to win you back, we're not worried about her intentions either."

"I hear a 'but' coming on..."

"But..." Sasha continued with a nod. "Unintentional stuff can still happen. And unintentional stuff WILL happen. That's a certainty. You're you. She's her. Water and water. The status quo WILL change. The status quo is ALREADY changing. All that's left to find out is how."

"We're just friends."

"For now."

I sighed. "I'm working a full-time job with a family and three girlfriends. She's a busy college student. We don't see each other all that much, and even when we return to the Bay Area we won't see each other all that much. It is what it is."

"But is 'what it is' the way you want things to be?"

I shrugged. "What I want or don't want doesn't really matter. It just is."

Sasha sighed, and repeated again, "For now."

"For now I love you. And I love Adrienne. And Kim, and BJ, and Dayna, and Brandi. All I have is now. I wish I could promise the future, but we both know I can't. For all either of us knows, one or both of us could be dead by next year, much as I don't want to think about it. At least I CAN promise you that you ARE important to me, and promise you that I have every intention of making sure our relationship continues. You are NOT a placeholder, Sasha; you're my girlfriend. And I want you to STAY that way."

Nodding slowly, Sasha processed my words. I could see her actively trying to believe them. And in the end, she simply snuggled up to me once more and demanded, "Hug me."

So I did.