23. Put My Records On, And Round I Spun

Closer by everymonday

Chapter Twenty-Three: Put My Records On, And Round I Spun

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November 19; 4:50PMNo matter how wonderful a trip was, no matter how much Lizzie enjoyed herself while she was away, and no matter how long she was gone, Lizzie always found herself missing her own bed and her older sister. So Lizzie was definitely disappointed when she arrived home from San Francisco to find Cat asleep in her bed and Jane nowhere in sight.

Lizzie quietly dropped her belongings on the ground near her dresser, but couldn't bring herself to wake Catie and reclaim her bed. She walked into the kitchen to see if there was a note from Jane to explain her whereabouts.

Stuck to the refrigerator was a Post-It note written in Jane's hand. "Hope your audition went well. I'll be back soon."

Lizzie let her fingers trace the smooth curves of the letters on the paper, smiling as she remembered her audition for San Francisco. After the disaster at Royal Ballet, she had worried about her reputation and her own ability, but apparently, the worries were for nothing. There were whispers, of course, but nothing completely awful. The director of the company had been kind and seemed to have a genuine interest in her. She performed well during the audition, better than she could have hoped for considering all the problems that were weighing her down.

The fact that she was able to see her father and her old ballet instructor did a lot to lift her spirits. These were the men that Lizzie loved. These were the men that she needed in her life. They asked nothing of her. They just supported her and loved her as she was. Thoughts of them didn't tear up her heart.

To say she hadn't given Will Darcy much thought would be a blatant lie. She'd gotten to know him more in London, but still found him to be a mystery. He had come to see Jane, but didn't ask to see her. What did that mean? It wasn't like she was complaining. After all, him giving her space was exactly what she needed to succeed in her audition. Space between her and Will Darcy meant space in her heart for ballet.

Though she could still feel his lips brushing against hers, the memory was not fresh enough to invade her every thought. If she allowed the music and movement to consume her, thoughts of him did not.

There was one point during her audition when she'd been so immersed into ballet, so happy, so light, so free, and Will's words entered her mind. She danced harder to rid herself of him, and eventually he left her. It worried her, though, that Will was so tied to ballet that she sometimes could not tell where her feelings for one began and the other ended.

Will Darcy was a weakness. He was a weakness she wasn't used to. She didn't know how to deal with him. She could burn away fat, train away instability, and chase away self-consciousness. She had no idea how to rid herself of this weakness though. The worst part was that she wasn't sure if she even wanted to.

November 19; 5:30PMLizzie was amazed at how much had changed in the week that she'd been gone. She had emerged from her shower to find Cat preparing a dinner salad and making garlic bread.

"When did you start cooking?" Lizzie asked curiously.

Cat took a break from slicing tomatoes to roll her eyes. "This is hardly cooking, Lizzie."

She grinned at her younger sister. "Fine, when did you start being more than just a spoilt, rich brat?"

"Jane's been making me pitch in since I've been staying here." She stared determinedly at the cutting board.

"Why haven't you gone home?"

"You said I could stay here," her sister mumbled.

"I know. I didn't mean that."

"I know what you meant." Cat sighed. "I haven't talked to Lydia yet."

Lizzie frowned. "I thought we agreed that you could stay here if you talked to Lydia before she went to rehab."

Cat nodded. "We did. I will. How's your dad?"

"He's fine," Lizzie replied. "Don't try to change the subject."

"I wasn't. I thought we were done with the Lydia topic," Cat said innocently.

"What did you mean you will? Hasn't she already left for rehab? Jane said they were going to take her a few days ago."

"She was going to go some place in Jersey, but something happened and they found a better place for her so she's leaving tomorrow or something."

"What was wrong with the place in Jersey? Didn't Lydia pick that one herself?"

Cat's face darkened considerably. "She chose it because she found out that's where Wickham is right now."

Lizzie's frown deepened. "How on earth did she find that out?"

"He called her."

"What?" Lizzie was horrified and wondered why she hadn't been informed of any of this.

"Yep. He called her. He apologized for everything and asked her to forgive him. He said they could go to rehab together if she paid for his. She said yes, of course."

"When was this? Why didn't anyone tell me?"

Cat shrugged. "He called her a few hours after you left. Me and Jane were keeping Mom company. I got up to call for a pizza, but Lydia was on the phone with him. I heard what she said. So when I found out that she chose a place in Jersey, I waited till Lydia fell asleep and then I told Mom and Jane about what I heard."

"Does she know you told on her?"

"Yes." Cat blew hair out of her face. "Now she hates me back."

"She doesn't hate you."

"I don't care."

"You did the right thing."

"Well, duh."

Lizzie couldn't help but smile. "So then Mom and Jane just chose a new rehab clinic?"

Cat shook her head. "They were looking at some places, but then someone came to the door later that night. I think it was a lawyer or something. They didn't want to answer because they were afraid it was press or something."

"Who was it?"

"I don't know. They shooed me away, but after the person left, Mom and Jane seemed much more relieved, and they told Lydia that they were sending her somewhere else for rehab."

"Where?"

"I don't know. They wouldn't tell her in case she tells Wickham somehow."

Lizzie nodded in understanding. "Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"Mom wanted to, but Jane didn't want to give you more to worry about while you were auditioning." Cat scooped up all the tomato slices and put them in the large salad bowl.

"So are you going to talk to Lydia before she leaves?"

Cat sighed. "I don't know what I'd even say to her to this point."

"I understand."

"Do you?" Cat turned to look her squarely in the eye.

Lizzie nodded. "I think so. I think at this point, she's impossible to reach. Maybe she'll be better once she's had help."

Cat breathed an audible sigh of relief. "So I can still stay here even if I don't talk to her?"

"Sure." Lizzie shrugged.

Just as Cat opened her mouth, both sisters heard the sound of a key scraping against the lock and the door opening.

"Cat? Lizzie?" Jane's voice called.

"In the kitchen!" Cat hollered back.

Jane came in and gave Lizzie a long hug. It was less of a hug and more of a collapse into her arms. Lizzie could tell her sister was exhausted.

When Jane pulled away, Lizzie took in her messy blonde hair, tired eyes, and strained smile with concern.

"How was your audition?"

"It went really well," Lizzie replied, still watching her sister carefully.

Jane's smile became a little more genuine. "That's good."

"How are you?"

"Tired," Jane answered honestly. "I broke up with Noah a few hours ago."

"Why?" Cat and Lizzie both asked at the same time.

Jane pulled herself up on the counter to sit. "It wasn't going anywhere. I'm still hung up on Charlie, and it was unfair to Noah."

Had everything changed this week? Lizzie wondered, flabbergasted.

"Are you going to get back together with Charlie?" Cat asked.

"No," Jane answered firmly. "He doesn't even know I broke up with Noah."

Cat glanced at the clock on the microwave. "Well, he'll be around here in a few hours. Are you going to tell him?"

"Wait," Lizzie said before Jane could answer. "Charlie's been coming by?"

Jane nodded grimly. "Every day."

"Why?"

"To grovel." Cat grinned deviously.

Jane rolled her eyes. "Something like that."

"It's working," Cat stage whispered to Lizzie.

"It is not," Jane protested. "It's annoying."

"Well, it got you to break up with Noah and admit you're still hung up on Charlie, didn't it?" Cat asked with a sly smile.

Lizzie watched Jane worry her lower lip between her teeth. "I'm not getting back together with Charlie."

"Yet," Cat added.

"Have you made the salad yet?" Jane asked suddenly, ending the entire Charlie discussion.

"Yeah, and the garlic bread," Cat answered. Then she turned to Lizzie. "You don't get on her case for changing the subject."

Lizzie shrugged helplessly, feeling like she should have been here with Cat and Jane instead of in San Francisco with ballet.

November 19; 8:26PMLizzie was on her way to see Lydia when she caught a glimpse of Charlie in the hallway. He was carrying a very large bouquet of daisies and looking just as tired as he had a week ago.

"Hey Charlie," Lizzie greeted hesitantly.

"Lizzie!" Charlie had clearly been lost in his own thoughts and hadn't seen her. "How are you? When did you get back?"

"Just a few hours ago," Lizzie replied. "I'm good. How are you?"

Charlie shrugged. "I'm okay."

"Those for Jane?" Lizzie gestured at the flowers.

"Yes." Charlie ran a free hand through his disheveled blond hair. "They're her favorite, right?"

"Right."

"I wasn't sure if she'd changed since we were together."

"Her favorite flowers haven't changed," Lizzie said carefully in case he was alluding to something more.

"Do you-do you think this is hopeless, Lizzie?" Charlie asked. "Am I just wasting my time?"

Lizzie bit her lip and tried to think of a way to answer honestly without betraying Jane or projecting her own feelings into the answer.

"I love her so much, Lizzie, and I know I made a mistake. I was just so in love with her – am, I am still so in love with her – and I was so scared that she didn't feel the same way. I mean, she didn't say it back when I said it, then she didn't talk to me while she was away, and it just…I just…I know that's not an excuse. I know that I was a spineless coward. I'm trying to make up for everything it, for hurting her. I'm trying to show her that I can be better – for her. For Jane, I can be better. I know I can."

"Tell her that," Lizzie advised softly. "Tell her that, Charlie. Just like you told me."

Charlie's eyes brightened with hope, and he nodded.

"Good luck, Charlie."

"Thanks, Lizzie." With a smile, Charlie continued on his path to Jane.

November 19; 9:06PMHer mother, Lizzie decided, would probably never change.

Despite Lydia's "little problem," as she called it, her mother still coddled and fawned over her youngest daughter. Faye Delaney was folding clothes and packing them into a very large Louis Vuitton suitcase while Lydia smiled serenely in her bed as Lizzie stood in a corner, watching.

"You'll call me as often as they let you, won't you dear?"

"Of course, Mom," Lydia said. "Do you think there will be cute boys there?"

Lizzie rolled her eyes. Hadn't Lydia learned anything from this?

"I hope so, darling. You need someone to distract you from that awful George Wickham."

Lydia pouted in response.

"Well, I think I'm going to go," Lizzie announced, not sure how much more of this she could take.

"Oh, but you've only been here for ten minutes, Lizzie," her mother said.

"I just wanted to come check on you two."

"Will you come with us to see Lydia off?"

"I don't want to attract any attention."

"Oh, don't worry about that," her mother waved her hand airily. "Hasn't Jane told you all that's been taken care of?"

Lizzie frowned. "What do you mean?"

Her mother glanced at Lydia, who was listening curiously, before motioning Lizzie to the door. "Let me see you out, dear."

"Bye, Lydia. I'll see you soon," Lizzie said to her youngest sister.

"Bye, Lizzie," Lydia replied, unconcerned and already reaching for a magazine from her very large collection.

Once outside the room, her mother began, "The photographers have been paid off."

"What? How?" Lizzie asked, confused.

Her mother began talking, but Lizzie heard no words. A stray magazine, that somehow hadn't made its way to Lydia's room, captured her attention from the coffee table. Will Darcy was on the front cover, scowling at her.

She snatched it up and stared at it. The headline read, "Bingley to Darcy: 'Stay Away From Caroline.'" The main picture was of Will walking out of the hospital with a black eye. There were two smaller pictures, one of Will and Caroline in London, and the other of Charlie exiting a building, using his hand to cover his face.

"Lizzie, are you listening to me?"

Lizzie flipped open the magazine and ran her index finger down the table of contents, looking for the page the story was on. "Hmm?"

"It's ridiculous, isn't it?" her mother said. "You'd think with all the money Mr. Darcy has, he could pay the photographers to stay away from him too."

"Mm," Lizzie hummed, not really listening. As she searched for the story, her hands were shaking and her stomach was heavy with a feeling she didn't dare call nervousness.

"Maybe he doesn't have as much money as they say he does," her mother continued, not even phased that Lizzie wasn't paying her any attention. "I mean, he has to have some, obviously. He's a hotel heir. Did you know that? I had no idea!"

Lizzie skimmed the words before her. Some history about the Darcy name and Pemberley Hotels, something about how Will and Charlie had been best friends for years, then, the words Lizzie had been expecting but dreading at the same time.

Will Darcy would not confirm or deny his relationship with Caroline Bingley, but sources close to both parties claim that they are together and happy, at least, until Caroline's overprotective brother found out. Charles Bingley seems to be the only one not happy for the couple and threw a fit when he found out that his best friend and his sister were together. When Darcy refused to break it off with Caroline, Bingley punched him –

"I mean, he was nice enough to pay for the photographers to stay away from Lydia for a while, but I just feel bad that he's the one being followed now."

Lizzie dropped the magazine in shock. "What?" she whispered, unable to make her voice any louder.

Her mother looked at her curiously. "Yes, dear, that's what I've been saying. He paid for the photographers to stop following us around."

"H-h-how do you know this?"

"His lawyer came by a few days ago to tell us everything. He said that he knew this was a difficult time for us, so he took care of the paparazzi and got Lydia into a very nice rehab clinic that the press wouldn't know about. He assured us that Lydia would have privacy as long as she stayed there."

"Will said this?" Lizzie croaked.

"The lawyer did."

"But…why?"

"Well, I suppose because Mr. Darcy told him to tell us."

"No!" Lizzie exclaimed so loudly that her mother jumped. "I mean, why did Will do all of this?"

"The lawyer didn't tell us. Jane asked him, but he just said he wasn't at liberty to say. He also made us promise not to tell anyone." Her mother seemed to think over her next words. "I don't think I'm breaking a promise by telling you though. You're family, after all."

"Right," Lizzie mumbled, bending to pick up the fallen magazine. "Do you mind if I keep this?"

"Yes, that's fine, dear." The older woman sighed. "So anyway, since the photographers aren't a problem, you'll come with us to see Lydia off, won't you?"

Lizzie nodded numbly. "Sure."

This had clearly been a very bad week to be away.

November 19; 9:30PMCharlie's flowers were in a vase, and Cat was asleep on the couch when Lizzie returned to her apartment. Lizzie knocked softly on Jane's door when she saw her sister's light was still on.

"Come in."

Lizzie pushed the door open and entered to find Jane reading the same magazine she held in her hand.

"Hey," Lizzie said.

Jane smiled. "It seems we have a lot of heart to hearts in my room."

"How do you know this will be a heart to heart?"

Jane gave her a knowing look and gestured at the magazine. "Did Mom tell you about what Will did?"

Lizzie nodded, shutting the door quietly behind her.

Her older sister patted the spot next to her on the bed, and Lizzie needed no further encouragement.

When they were both lying comfortably next to each other in Jane's bed, Lizzie asked, "Why did Will do that?"

"I don't know," Jane replied. "We tried it, you know."

"What?"

"Bribing the paparazzi."

"When?"

"I don't know. Mom and some of her people tried, then I talked to my manager about it."

"I'm guessing it didn't work."

Jane shrugged. "There are so many of them, Lizzie. You have to be able to bribe all of them. We have the money to do that, but we have to make sure to find all of them. They have to sign contracts and everything. If they don't, it's easy for them to just take the money and claim we never had a deal." Jane sighed. "It's even worse that what they'd be printing is the truth. So them taking pictures and selling the story isn't slander or libel or whatever. It's just the truth. They know it's the truth since there was news about it. Not about Lydia. They couldn't name Lydia because she's a minor. Our lawyers at least got that part for us."

"So you couldn't find all the photographers, basically?" Lizzie asked, needing clarification.

"Mom tried the photographers, I tried the magazines. I thought maybe if we asked them not to buy the pictures, the photographers wouldn't be able to do anything with them."

"That didn't work?"

Jane shook her head. "It's hard to talk to them. You tell them not to buy pictures, and they automatically want to know why. Everyone's so fueled by money these days, it's disgusting."

"Yeah," Lizzie agreed softly.

"In the end, Cat said we seemed to be putting so much effort into hiding Lydia's mistakes that we weren't thinking about Lydia herself."

"Cat said that?"

"Yeah," Jane replied, voice full of pride and awe. "She's grown up so much lately, hasn't she?"

"She has."

"Anyway, Lydia said it didn't matter. Her career was ruined anyway. She didn't care if they wrote things about her." Jane held her hand above her face and began playing with her nails. "She doesn't know though. She doesn't know what it's like to have horrible, awful things written about you. I mean, sure, they say stuff about the twins drinking and partying and stuff, but it's so different with this, don't you think? Mom wanted to save her from that."

"She needs to feel the consequences of her mistakes to learn, Jane."

"You don't think she has?"

"No," Lizzie replied honestly. "I really don't, Jane. She doesn't seem to feel any remorse."

Jane was silent for a long time. "She's so young."

"That's not an excuse."

"She told me she's in love with George."

Lizzie sat up so quickly she got a head rush. "She said what?"

Jane sat up as well, and then she moved so that they were face to face. "She thinks she's in love with him. She knows the drugs weren't a good thing, but she says she did them because she thought it would make George love her back."

"That's stupid."

"I know."

"What does she think about George just leaving her there when she passed out?" Lizzie demanded harshly.

"She forgives him."

Lizzie snorted, disgusted.

"I'm not saying I agree with her or anything like that. I'm just trying to get you to see her side. I feel like you've been on Cat's side without knowing Lydia's."

"Well, even knowing Lydia's side, I'm still with Cat." Lizzie shook her head. "If anything, knowing Lydia's side just cemented my belief that she'll never be anything more than a silly little girl until she has a wake up call. I thought this would be a wake up call, but clearly not."

"You can't expect so much from her, Lizzie." Jane bit her lip. "Not everyone is as strong as you."

"What do you mean?"

"You're better at love than us," Jane explained. "At refusing it, I mean, when it's not good for you. Like with Andrew. You loved him, I know you did. I know a lot of his friends said that you didn't love him enough, but I know you did. You loved him so much, but you were still able to cut him out of your life when you realized he wasn't good enough for you."

Whether she meant them to or not, Jane's words hit Lizzie with such force that it hurt to breathe for a second. As she fought to control her speeding heart, Will's face entered her mind.

"It takes an incredibly strong person to be like that, Lizzie. It takes a strong person to know that they're in a bad relationship, to know when to let go. Lydia isn't as strong as you. You shouldn't…you shouldn't blame her for that."

Lizzie banished Will from her thoughts and found her voice. "I don't."

Jane stared at her.

"I really don't," Lizzie insisted. "I don't blame her for believing she's in love with George or for the mistakes she made because of that belief. I blame her from not learning from her mistakes. For not taking this and letting it better her."

"Give her time."

Lizzie sighed, but nodded.

"I think she'll be a little better after rehab. Right now, she's kind of in a place where we can't do anything for her."

Lizzie nodded again.

The sisters sat in silence for a few minutes before Lizzie couldn't contain her question any longer. "What do you know about Will paying off the paparazzi?"

"Nothing," Jane said, eyes so full of honesty that Lizzie knew she couldn't question it. "His lawyer just told us not to worry about the photographers. We were sure there would be some photographers somewhere, so we didn't get our hopes up, but it's been a week and there's been no one around us at all. I mean, it's not like Lydia's been out and about, but even Cat and me are left alone, and I'm almost never left alone. We thought the whole thing was just for Lydia's sake, but I guess it extends to all of us."

"We don't know why?"

Jane shrugged. "Mom's manager and accountants were calculating how much it would have cost to pull off something like this, and it's ridiculous. I have no idea why Will would do something like this for Lydia. I mean, I know he feels bad about interfering with me and Charlie, but he's already done his part to fix that."

"He knew about Wickham," Lizzie reminded her.

Jane nodded. "Yeah, but does he really think this is his fault?"

"It's more my fault than his," Lizzie muttered.

"It's no one's fault." Jane said seriously. "Except Wickham's. And Lydia's."

"Have you tried getting in contact with Will? To ask him?"

"His lawyer said he doesn't want to be bothered. He just said Will wanted to do this, but he wants no credit or even acknowledgement for it."

"Someone should make him explain himself though." Lizzie ran a hand through her hair, frustrated. "You can't just…do something like this, something this big, and not give an explanation!"

"We don't have any way to contact him."

"We know where he works."

Jane smiled. "You want to stalk him at work, Lizzie?"

"I want an explanation!"

"You should go talk to him. He wants to see you anyway. He asked for you when he came to see me the other day."

"When did he come see you?"

"When he came to defend Charlie. Remember?"

"Oh." Lizzie had thought for a moment that he had come to see Jane a second time.

"He said he needed to talk to me, but before he said anything else, he asked if you were here. I said you were sleeping and asked if he wanted me to wake you up. He said no, and that it was 'probably for the best' anyway."

Lizzie frowned. What the hell did that mean? "Did he say why he was looking for me?"

"No," Jane replied. "You should go talk to him."

"He doesn't want to talk to me."

Jane rolled her eyes. "There's obviously things you guys need to sort out, and while you're there, maybe you can get an answer about his involvement with Lydia's mess too."

"What do you mean there are things we need to sort out? I just want an answer about Lydia."

"Lizzie," Jane said with a teasing smile. "I thought you were going to stop lying to me."

Lizzie mouth dropped open. "Jane!"

Jane laughed. "Come on, Lizzie. I know there's something going on with you two. "

Lizzie shook her head. "There's nothing. There can't be anything."

"Why?" Jane asked. "Because he distracts you?"

"Yes."

"Maybe it's a good thing."

"Not if I want a ballet career."

Jane sighed. "Just go talk to him, Lizzie. Even if it's just about Lydia."

Lizzie narrowed her eyes at her older sister.

"I'm not trying to play match maker," Jane said innocently, as if reading her mind. "I just want to know how he pulled off the whole Lydia thing. I doubt he'd talk to me."

"What makes you think he'll talk to me?"

"Just try, Lizzie. Seriously. I'm giving Charlie chance, so you should give Will one."

"That's different. You guys are in love."

Jane snorted indelicately. "We're talking about trying here, no one said anything about love."

Lizzie shook her head. "It's always about love, Jane."

November 20; 8:20AMAlthough she was expecting it, Lizzie was still surprised by the number of photographers crowded at the sidewalk across the street from the hospital. They all had very long lenses pointing at the hospital entrance, all waiting to get a photo.

She parked Jane's car and quickly made her way into the hospital to get away from the cold and the photographers.

It suddenly struck her that she had no idea how to even find Will. After some deliberation, she decided her best bet would be to just ask the person at the front desk.

"Excuse me."

"Yes, ma'am? How can I help you?"

Lizzie bit her lip. "I'm looking for Will Darcy."

The woman's face darkened. "Are you his patient?"

"No."

"Is he a doctor of a family member of yours?"

"No, but – "

"Ma'am, this is a place for sick people – "

"I'm not a photographer or anything," Lizzie said quickly, realizing how this must look.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, if you do not require medical attention and you are not a visitor of a sick friend or relative, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"But, I really need to talk to him. He knows me. Can't you just call him or tell me where I can find him?"

"I'm sure you do, but I cannot help you," the woman said firmly.

"Can I leave him a note?" Lizzie asked desperately.

"We are not the post office, ma'am."

Lizzie couldn't help but bitterly think the paparazzi ruined everything. "He was my doctor once."

"Pardon me?"

"He stitched my leg up," Lizzie continued. "It's um, bothering me though." She winced at her awful lie.

"When did he stitch up your leg?"

"December."

"Eleven months ago?" The woman cried.

Lizzie winced again. "Yes."

"Ma'am."

"It's really important I talk to him. About my leg, I mean. Can you call him?"

The woman shook her head. "He's not working today anyway."

Of course. "When will he be working next?"

"I am not at liberty to say."

It was clear she would get nowhere with this woman.

"Thank you. I'm sorry for wasting your time," Lizzie said, defeated.

When she got back into her car, the magazine with Will's picture on the front taunted her, reminding her that he'd remain a mystery. He'd remain her weakness, even as he gave her the space she had wished and pleaded for.

Author's Note: So, I feel like I haven't updated in forever...oh, wait! I haven't. Yeah...sorry about that. Real life kind of got out of hand. Good news is that summer school is over. Bad news is fall semester starts on Wednesday. Haha. Sorry guys, I kind of have to graduate...

Anyway, thanks for all of your supportive reviews and PMs. I really appreciate it, and I hope this chapter was worth the wait. Please let me know what you think.

As always, thanks to my wonderful beta, Lyndell, for her corrections and suggestions.

Oh! And one more thing...I was going through my writing folder, and I have a lot of deleted scenes between Lizzie and Will and a lot of little drabbles that help me flesh out their relationship. I could edit them and post them after Closer is over, if you guys are interested. Some of them are fluffy, some of them are angsty, some are ridiculous...but I'm a fan of drabbles, I just don't know if you guys are. I also don't want to give you an overload of this story...but yeah, if it's something you think you'd want to read, just tell me in a review or PM and I'll work on getting them ready for posting after Closer is done.

Again, please let me know your thoughts on this chapter. You know I love hearing from you. :]