Prologue - Dead in Life

Humans act and move based on emotions, on what they feel, think, and express. Emotion is the driving force of life, determining our perception of the world, our way of living, feeling, and existing.Even animals are guided by emotions; when a predator stalks them, they feel fear, triggering an instinctive response. Similarly, the predator experiences an emotion upon seeing its prey, prompting it to act.Emotions are the engine of instinct, equal to life.So, what happens to someone who lacks emotions? How do they live and perceive the world and life? Does their existence make sense, or is everything simply indifferent to them?Those denied love, happiness, sadness, anger, and fear are left only with loneliness and an unfilled void.So, how does such a person live?---Sometimes I wondered what it would feel like to die, what would happen, what I would think at that moment, and what I would feel.I feel the cold penetrate my skin, my eyes struggle to focus on the blurry image around me. Each breath becomes more difficult, my body grows heavy, and the blood flows uncontrollably. I know now that I am dying.Despite the desperate situation I find myself in, I cannot feel fear, panic, or any emotion. I only experience the cold of the bathroom, the dampness in the air, and the penetrating metallic smell of my blood. The constant sound of dripping is all I perceive as my life slowly slips away.I managed to drag myself to the wall with what strength I had, sitting against it. At that moment, I could see my hand even as my vision faded, just like my life. The exhaustion was overwhelming, and my mind plunged into darkness.- Is this how I will die? - I wondered as I lost consciousness and life.Even in death, I feel no emotion.The only thing I don't understand is why I am dying. Remembering moments before this, I was taking a shower and then felt something pierce me, falling to the floor helplessly. After that, I remember nothing. Was I murdered? Why would someone kill me? I did nothing.It was useless to think about it.My life fades away, my heart begins to stop beating, and my blood ceases to flow. I start to close my eyes slowly, accepting my death.I never believed I would see my life flash before my eyes when dying and hope it doesn't happen; otherwise, it would be a waste of time to relive those moments.If asked if I have a regret or a wish before dying, I would answer with a resounding...At that moment, I stopped thinking, and my life came to an end. A cruel death, for a cruel life.My body turned pale, the blood stopped flowing, and my soul left the cold corpse. This is death.---I woke up in confusion, not understanding my surroundings. Where was I? What was I doing here? Who was this person? I found myself in a place that seemed like an infinite maze. Wherever I looked, there were only endless corridors. Darkness ruled the place, and I didn't know where I was.I tried to process what was happening; not long ago, I was agonizing and dying, but where am I now? What am I doing here?Darkness covered the area, and the little light there was only showed corridors ending in shadows. I managed to see myself, my body was covered in darkness, more than flesh and bones, it was a shadow in that place.A man with black hair appeared before me. He was dressed in an old-fashioned suit, in the style of Romanticism. His skin was white as snow, and his eyes expressed nothingness. He held a cane and had a malevolent smile.Before I could think or act, the man spoke. - What do you desire? - His voice was deep, as if everything I was thinking vanished, and I could only focus on his voice.- What do you desire? - the man in the suit asked again. What do I desire? Why are you asking me that? I had so many questions, but I couldn't say anything. My whole body froze. I couldn't move. I couldn't think of anything other than that question: "What do you desire?"I remained silent without saying a word. The man before me asked again - What do you desire? - this time, he approached and took me by the shoulder.His eyes, previously devoid of light, now shone, his penetrating gaze as if he could see my very soul. That drew a smile on his face, a smile of amusement and perversion.[Man in Suit] - Mmm, interesting... humans are always interesting, that's why I like them - he said while stroking his chin.I remained silent without saying anything, paralyzed before this man.[Man in Suit] - Come on, say something. Oh! Right, I forgot - "snap" He snapped his fingers, and then I managed to move. It was as if his control lifted from my body. However, I didn't feel relief or fear. I waited for the right moment to speak.Without changing my expression, void of feeling or emotion, I spoke.Despite the chaotic situation I find myself in, I remain calm. First, I need information: What am I doing here, who is he, and what does he want from me?Before responding, I had my questions ready.- I have some questions - I said calmly.The man changed his expression, appearing curious and confused while maintaining his composure.[Man in Suit] - Mmm? Interesting, alright, I'll allow it, but you can only ask me three questions. So think carefully about what you are going to ask.The Man in Suit stepped back, his face expressing interest and curiosity as he listened to me. He took a strange pose, placing his cane behind him horizontally, holding it with his elbows against his back. He posed relaxed, waiting for my question.I can only ask three questions, but considering where I am, I am not in a situation where I can demand or ask more.- First, who are you? - I asked, raising one of my fingers.The man showed a slight smirk on his face and responded.[Man in Suit] - It was to be expected that you would ask that, but if I explain who and what I am, you might go mad. So, to make it understandable for that simple mortal mind of yours.The man took off his hat with his hand and bowed, placing one foot behind the other, leaning on his cane.[Man in Suit] - My name is "Zephyrith Ebonshroud," I am like a god - he said with a crazy smile, his tone divine.The weight took hold of me; it was as if I were being pressed by something, but it was just a sensation.[Zephyrith] - Is this a satisfactory answer for you? - the man asked, looking at me challengingly with his empty eyes.With the pressure I felt before, I knew this was not a dream and that the situation I am living now is real. So, this place and this being are real.With the answer the being gave me, I could answer several of my questions, thus reducing the number.Unmoved, I asked the next question.- Second question... - I was interrupted by Zephyrith.[Zephyrith] - Boy, you really lack tact, don't you? - he changed his expression to a mocking one, raising his eyebrows and smiling cruelly.Usually, people panic when they come here and especially when they see me. That's the most fun part at the beginning, but this boy didn't flinch and didn't react as he should. This is really INTERESTING!His expression changed again, this time to one of desire and eagerness, his gaze at the boy said it all. Zephyrith covered his face with his hand to hide his excitement.Zephyrith quickly calmed down and raised his hand towards me.[Zephyrith] - Please, forgive me, it was not polite of me to interrupt you, continue with your question.I didn't react otherwise, I remained calm and serene.Zephyrith seemed to be excited, though I was never good at interpreting others' emotions. But that was secondary at this moment. The important thing here was...- Why am I here? - was my second question.Zephyrith appeared behind me in an instant. When did he...[Zephyrith] - Oh, you really don't know anything, boy, but let me enlighten you.He disappeared and reappeared in front of me in the blink of an eye, pointing at me with his cane and covering his face with his hat.[Zephyrith] - You are here on a whim of mine, nothing more, nothing less.[Zephyrith] - Just that, a simple whim - he whispered in my ear.His answer didn't help me at all, so I remained silent.A whim, that's it, there was no other reason than that, so what does he want?- ... last question - I said, raising my third finger.- Why do you ask about my desire?Zephyrith started laughing as if I had said something funny. His laughter echoed throughout the place, making the walls, the floor, and even the shadows seem to vibrate to the rhythm of his diabolical laughter.Despite his reaction and the movement of the place, I remained calm and unresponsive.The truth is, I don't understand this being, his actions, and his behavior, though it's the same as always, I never understood people.[Zephyrith] - Haha! Isn't it obvious, it's just curiosity, nothing more.Her laughter echoed in the air, a mixture of amusement and something else he couldn't discern. Truly, he couldn't understand this man, or whatever he was. Just curiosity? Just a whim? Hhhmm.He wanted to ask another question, but with the chaotic nature of his being, perhaps it would be better not to try.The being in front of me disappeared and reappeared elsewhere, and this time I also reappeared in another place, more than another place, I reappeared in another place, but we were still in the same labyrinth full of darkness.Only this time I was sitting in front of a tea table, there were utensils and a tea set on the table and in front of me sat that being, having tea.[Zephyrith] - Well, I've answered your questions already, now answer mine. What do you desire?His answers were empty and couldn't make me understand what was happening or what he wants, he just responded for the sake of it, without affirming or denying or concluding. Now he also wants me to respond.- Hhha - I let out a tired sigh.My expression remained just as serene and calm, expressionless.I suppose I have no choice but to answer his question.The being kept its gaze fixed on me, still holding the cup. Waiting for my response.Desire? I pondered the new question, What do I desire? Do I really have a desire? Reflecting on that only led me to one answer although I already had it clear from the beginning.- I don't have a desire - I said as I picked up the teacup.[Zephyrith] - Ha, ha, ha! What? You have no desire at all? How boring you are, boy! I thought you would at least have a small whim, something you fervently wished for. But I see I was mistaken about you.The Man in the Suit leaned forward, a malicious smile curving his lips, his eyes shining with a mix of amusement and disdain. He seemed to enjoy the situation, as if my lack of desire was entertainment for him.[Zephyrith] - Nothing at all? Not even a small longing, a fleeting fantasy... What a pity. But well, I guess that makes things more interesting. Maybe there's hope for you after all, boy.[Zephyrith] - Or that's what I would have said before if you had told the truth, but... - his tone turned dark as he spoke.The place seemed to shrink with the intensity of his anger. Zephyrith stood up abruptly, shattering the teacup he held in his hand. The porcelain fragments scattered across the table as evidence of his unleashed fury.[Zephyrith] - I hate being lied to! - he roared, his voice echoing off the walls of the labyrinth.His empty eyes filled with rage, a threatening gleam that made even the shadows around him tremble. Why does he react like this? I just answered his question.[Zephyrith] - Human! How dare you lie to a deity like that? Don't you fear?Fear? Not at all, I only have doubts right now.- I didn't lie. I simply have no desire or anything similar - I replied coldly, not giving in to the pressure he exerted.Zephyrith exploded in anger, grabbing the boy by the shoulders and pulling him towards him, dragging him across the table.His expression was simply one of anger, we stood face to face, his face too contorted which made his expression more heartbreaking, his empty eyes staring at me intensely.[Zephyrith] - It's a lie! I know, I know you have a desire. I can see it in your soul - he said, his eyes fixed on mine, as if he could glimpse beyond the physical, as if he were reading my soul.I have a desire in my soul, I don't understand it, there's nothing that I desire, I don't want anything, I'm empty. So how could I have a desire, in all my life I never...Because I'm in this situation, because I appeared here, clarity returned to me, how did I get here I wondered as I listened to Zephyrith - What is your desire?! - I don't know the reason why, but, I began to remember....I remembered my life from the beginning, I relived those moments, those cruel moments.Reflecting on my own existence and life leads me to consider how miserable it was. The term 'miserable' falls short to describe my experience back then. At that time, I wasn't aware of the bitter reality I was living.My only ability was to remember everything in detail, not forgetting anything. From my birth, I was aware of my existence and my surroundings. I clearly remember the first time I opened my eyes, seeing my parents holding me. Their gazes reflected insecurity and repulsion, although I didn't know what that look meant, it was just the beginning of my hell in life.The world's perspective for me was that of a life I considered normal: not eating, not resting, not being cared for or loved. For me, it was normal for my father to beat me until I bled or for my mother to suffocate me to silence me. I thought that was their peculiar way of expressing love, punishing me for not bringing enough money for their vices.I thought pain was love, so I got used to the pain, although it was only physical pain since I didn't feel any emotion, maybe because I was never taught what love or feeling emotions truly is.They never fed me. When I got money, they took it mercilessly and threw me out onto the street. I watched as they enjoyed the food they bought with my sacrifice.I searched for food among the trash to survive, but I never felt fear, hatred, or sadness towards my parents. Naively, I thought all families lived that way, but... how wrong I was.One day, something happened that shook my world. While searching for food near a park, I witnessed a scene that would change my perspective on life. A child got hurt and, anticipating what would happen, I kept searching without paying attention. However, I heard voices coming from where the child fell.- Are you okay, son? - the voices said. - Everything's okay now.Contrary to what I expected, his parents hugged him and reassured him. I watched as his father made funny faces to make him laugh, while the mother applied band-aids.The child stopped crying and his father lifted him on his shoulders, walking away laughing and happy.What had happened? Why didn't they hit him or insult him? Why were they happy? I was puzzled, and my chest ached without understanding why.I looked around: families enjoying themselves in the park, children playing, parents taking care of their children. While the winter wind blew, making me tremble, I saw how they bundled up the children while I was alone, with no one by my side.A grandmother approached with a smile, handing me a scarf. - Here, little one, you must be cold - she said sweetly as she put it on me. The scarf radiated warmth, awakening an unknown sensation. Why do I feel like this? Why is this grandmother helping me like this? It was something unknown and new."Her family called her, and she said goodbye. - Oh, I have to go now. Here, take this, kiddo. Don't get sick, okay? - because she helped me, I didn't know what to say or do, but all I managed to say was "thank you." Grandma said goodbye with a cheerful smile.What had happened? I wondered as I recalled the moment when Grandma gave me the scarf, the way she treated me. I felt an inexplicable warmth. I didn't understand, but I longed to experience that feeling again and be like those happy children with their parents.I thought if I brought more money home, maybe my parents would treat me the same way as those I admired in the park. However, harsh reality hit me.No matter how much money I brought, it was never enough for them. My father shouted at me: - Damn brat, you only have one job and you're still useless! - as he began to hit me. My mother, following the same pattern, only got angrier when I showed her a small wound, hoping in vain that she would heal it for me.Instead, she grabbed me by the hair and threw me to the ground with contempt, ordering me: - Stop acting like that, you ungrateful little brat, and get me a beer.As I lay bleeding on the floor, blood dripping as a constant reminder of my suffering, I knew something in me broke that day. The little hope I held faded away, revealing the true nightmare of the life I was living.Nothing would change. They would never treat me like that, they would never love me. That cruel reality echoed in my head as I clung to the scarf and the memory. The outlook on life I held became even darker and colder. I thought I would live trapped in that nightmare forever.The only thing that kept me alive was a novel, my only refuge amidst the brutal reality. I immersed myself in its pages over and over again; it was a distraction to avoid the reality I lived in.Although I never wanted anything, that novel had something that stirred something in me that I didn't understand; I didn't feel anything for that work, but for some reason, I kept reading it over and over again.One day, coming home from work, I found the police surrounding my house. From the doorway, I watched as they carried out the bodies of my parents. They said someone had murdered them. I contemplated the lifeless bodies, and all that echoed in my mind was: nothing, I just felt a weight lifted off, nothing more; I looked at my parents' cold bodies, their expressions.A question arose that day: What does it feel like to die? I wondered as I watched the cold bodies, what they must have felt, what they must have thought.I thought I might have a chance to live differently. But it was a mirage. I was accused of murdering my own parents and taken to prison. Even after they were dead, they continued to torture me. What kind of nightmare was this? Why me? Why! ...They were just questions without reaction or emotion, only logic had a place in me. During the trial, when I was arrested, pressured, or just every moment, there was only emptiness. Everything was the same to me.I'm already dead in life, since only the dead feel nothing but emptiness....I remembered the last thing, I was in prison, someone stabbed me from behind, I felt everything blur, I already died. A miserable death for a miserable life, I had nothing left, and I died.I returned to myself, remembering everything, I saw Zephyrith's smile as I came back to myself.[Zephyrith] - Oh, interesting.What did he do to me, his eyes, it's as if... No matter what he just did to me, Zephyrith let me go and with a friendlier smile said.[Zephyrith] - I think now you know what your wish is, don't you?I didn't know what or why, but I had a feeling of what he wanted and what I would do if I told him my wish.Zephyrith, with a friendly tone and a smile on his face, asked again - What do you wish for?The question echoed in my mind: Would it really come true? Doubt seized my thoughts, but faced with the opportunity to redeem my life, to break free from the chains that bound me to a harrowing past, the temptation was irresistible.Finally, with a determination that arose from the depths of my being, I broke the silence that imprisoned me and replied: - I wish...Zephyrith burst into uncontrollable laughter, his laughter echoing like an echo lost in endless corridors. An expression of madness and delight reflected on his face as he exclaimed: - Done! - He then sealed our agreement with a handshake that seemed to transcend the physical, as if we were connected by a pact that went beyond human understanding.A chill ran down my spine, wondering - What have I done? - regaining my consciousness.Zephyrith transformed into pure darkness, taking on a form that my understanding could not grasp. He was shrouded in shadows, and I witnessed how his body disintegrated into fragments of intense red. Along with him, everything around me crumbled, as if reality itself was unraveling in a chaos of ominous hues.A whirlwind of chaotic transformation enveloped everything, and I found myself amidst a scenario that defied the laws of logic and reason.I ran breathlessly, the endless hallways seemed to have no end, but every time I looked back, the being in the darkness continued its macabre laughter. My ears resonated with his laughter, and the words he spoke slid into my mind like unsettling shadows.Despite the moment, I only ran without any indication of fear or panic, only ran because of the chaos of the situation.Finally, I reached a place with no escape. The walls of the corridors closed behind me, forming a dead-end alley. The being's laughter resonated closer and closer.I turned to face my fate, only to meet his smiling and shadowy figure, with eyes that seemed to know all the secrets of the universe. The being laughed, a laughter that resonated in the emptiness of space. - This is the price of your wish -, he whispered with a voice that enveloped my consciousness. - There is never liberation without sacrifice.As those words echoed, darkness closed in around me. I felt as if I were being swallowed by nothingness itself, falling into an endless abyss. My body and mind were engulfed by darkness, but as I descended, a strange sensation of ascent seized me.At that moment, I glimpsed a light at the end of the tunnel, like a beacon in infinite blackness. The luminosity shone with supernatural intensity, casting flashes of mystery and hope. As I fell, I whispered to myself in a barely audible whisper: - Am I truly seeing the light at the end of the tunnel?The light grew brighter as I ascended, its rays caressing my being. In an instant, I stopped feeling, as if my own existence dissolved into nothingness. An overwhelming void enveloped me, a sensation of total absence. Yet suddenly, unbearable pain invaded every fiber of my being, as if my body and soul were undergoing torturous transformation.Suffering seized me, twisting me in indescribable torment. Every part of me seemed to be torn apart and recombined in a chaotic dance. I screamed in silence as the agony reached its peak, lost in an abyss of pain.But then, like a ray of light in the storm, a sense of peace crept into my being. The pain gradually lessened until I found myself enveloped in serene stillness. The peace that followed was deep and penetrating, as if I had emerged from the darkness into a state of ethereal tranquility.I crossed that light, unable to move, feeling smaller. When sensation returned to me, the first thing I experienced was a warm, loving embrace. My eyes opened slowly, and I found myself in the arms of two people who were crying as they hugged me tightly. In that moment, confusion overtook me, unable to comprehend what was happening.Wrapped in warm embraces, their voices resonated with love, calling me: "My little one, my child, you're finally here." Their tears of joy caressed my face as they embraced me tenderly.In those eyes that looked at me, there was no trace of insecurity or hatred. Instead, I found only genuine love and happiness.I had been reborn.