Home Sweet Home

When we finally pulled up to the Children's Home I felt an overwhelming feeling of dread and regret. Too late to go back now. Damage was done. I pushed the guilt aside and I got out of the car. The cold wind slapped me in the face. The smell of farm made me want to vomit. I never been to a farm. I mean, I had been to a petting zoo when I was little but the animals didnt smell like this. The man grabbed my things and we proceeded into the building.

I kept my head down I didnt want anyone to see the look of fear on my face. I had to pep talk myself before they put me on a unit. I thought of my mother beating my ass if I showed any fear. That was enough to straighten me out. They opened the door to the unit and I smelled basement. Walking in the staff automatically was shushing us. It was really late.

The staff memeber pointed to a cot " Theres your bed, you're AWOL status" she said with no emotion in her voice. I thought "How can you work with kids and sound so cold?". I found out soon enough why, it wasn't because she didn't like her job, it was so she would be able to go home without breaking down leaving residents behind. Don't get me wrong, A LOT of us NEEDED to be there but there were some that were there because they had no where else to go and all the foster homes were full.

I found out that there was a child's unit. I met kids who just turned 5 there. FIVE. There was a kid who spent his half of his childhood in this place. Special needs children which this place was not fit to be taking them in. They needed to be in a place that specializes in special needs. They weren't unruly they were just over stimulated but of course no one gave a damn.

I stayed to myself the first few days. I didn't trust anyone on the unit. I didn't click with anyone. Time went on and I had this belief that I was going home in a few days. Those few days turned into months, months turned into years. You try to keep your mind busy after a while it becomes your home. The routine was nice. I hated having to ask to piss but other than that it was okay. I opened up to a few of the staff members, regretted it after. I never trusted anyone other than Mr. and Mrs. Jay, they were the parents I wish I could have.

I was too mentally unstable for that. "Family' put a bad taste in my mouth when I said it. Family wasnt meant for a person like me. I knew it and so did the bitch staff member who always rubbed going home in our faces. That was depressing. Each time I felt content being there she'd remind us who gets to leave everyday. Each time She'd say it the more anger built up inside. The last time she said it we busted the kitchen and walked off the unit. Never seen her again after that.

I got promoted to unit 3B months later. We were allowed to eat and not have to ask to cross. Barely any staff on except at night time and a few hours during the day. It was nice. That is until I AWOLED with two, was suppose to be three but she planned it and bailed, male residents. The girl who planned it out was "dating" one of the residents and I was "dating" the other. I ran out of the unit when the guys knocked and she stayed behind.

Pissed me off to behonest. There was no regrets other than losing my willing virginity on a guy who couldn't tell the difference between there, they're, and their. Idiot. I was an idiot. We were caught a few days later.

Back to the cot I went on unit 3A.