Where are you Brock?

 I watched the crowd vibing to the slow music and smiled. Werewolves surely knew how to party, beside me, arm draped over my shoulder was Logan smiling at his people. I could feel his warm hard body beside me but it did nothing to me, not the way Brock's body did to mine, I just felt numb. I wished Brock was here, he would be standing in a dark corner watching for enemies. My eyes watered again and I squeezed them shut. How the hell can such a handsome man be dead?

 "You're okay?" Logan asked and I turned to him and smiled.

 "I am fine" I answered and squeezed his hands.

 "Care to dance with me?" He asked and gave me a boyish grin, reminding me of Brock and I nodded. Logan took my hand and led me to the dance floor. His people cheered around us as he held my waist and I held his shoulder as we swayed to the old classic song. I looked up and found him staring at me in adoration, like I was some sort of goddess. We went on swaying to the music until it came to an end.

 "You dance well, my love" he said and I beamed.

 "Thank you" I said and offered him a slice of pepperoni pizza which he ate from my hands.

 "Guess it's time we retired. It's getting late" he said and led me to our bedroom. Suddenly I missed Brock's body on mine and an idea came to me, I turned to Logan.

 "Kiss me" I said and Logan's eyes flared in desire, he crashed his lips onto mine and I moaned as his cool lips found mine. I rubbed my hands along his strong shoulders imagining it was Brock, when he bit my neck, I almost cried out Brock's name. I quickly bit my lips to avoid giving myself away. Logan pulled back and held my cheek.

 "You are so perfect," he said and I smiled. Someone knocked on the door and Logan kissed me and rushed off. I flopped back on the bed and stared at the ceiling, images of Brock kissing me kept repeating in my head, until I could keep my eyes open no more.

 Brock please come back to me, you promised.

_______________________________________

 Gwen helped me prepare some oats in the morning, and I was pretty much in a sober mood. Logan had taken one look at my face and asked what was wrong. I had lied that I had some stomach upset and he had asked someone to fetch Gwen who hurried over.

 "How are you feeling now?" she asked and I shrugged.

 "Better" I said and shoved a spoonful of oatmeal into my mouth, relishing the creamy flavored taste.

 "You are sad" Gwen stated and I froze. How did she know that?

 "I am not" I said, adamantly and she smiled, a smile that said she wasn't fooled by my story of an upset stomach.

 "Tell me what it is, I can help" she said and I stared at her, gauging. Can I really trust her with my secret? Brock's words suddenly rang in my head.

 You tell anyone about this and I will never speak to you again.

 I forced a smile, and Gwen raised a brow at my sudden change in emotion.

 "It's nothing. Really." I said and she studied me for several seconds then nodded.

 "Alright. Now your medicine" she said and brought out a bottle of tonic and I reeled back. I hated medicines.

 "No, no, no. I don't want that" I scooted back and Gwen grinned at me like I was some spoilt adolescent child.

 "Yes, yes, yes. Alpha said you should have them" she said and forced open my mouth and poured a small measure of tonic into my mouth and grinned as I glared at her.

 "You bitch!" I pouted playfully and she smiled, and drank the last of my oatmeal.

 "Get some sleep, your majesty. It is important that you be in good health for the mating ceremony. It's gonna be a long night" she said.

 Mating Ceremony, I had forgotten about that. And what the hell did she mean by long night.

 "Why did you say long night?" I asked and she grinned.

 "After exchanging your vows and going through the ritual, The alpha is gonna….you know" she made a circle with her finger and passed her right hand index finger through. My eyes widened and I blushed.

 "You are crazy!" I said and Gwen smiled cheekily. 

 "I love sex" she said and I stared at her in surprise, she was surely a bold one.

 "Have you ... .done…umm ... .you know" I asked and she laughed.

 "If you meant sex, then yes I have done it before. Many times." She said and gathered the plates and tonic bottle, "Now sleep, I'll see you later" she said and left while I wondered how it felt like for her having sex with different people and here I was craving it with one man alone.

 Brock Jackson.

 A sob escaped my throat and I wiped my eyes, damn him for being a cold soulless and loveless prick, damn him for having to die to let me escape. I loved him with a passion I didn't know existed in me. No matter how kind Logan was he just couldn't ignite the fire I felt for Brock, maybe I needed a run to clear my head. I quickly changed the golden gown I was wearing to a simple jumper and joggers and jumped over the balcony, while mid-air I transformed into my werewolf form and bounded at full speed on rooftops, aiming for the forest in the distance. I kept on running until I needed to catch my breath, if Brock was here, he would have called me a weakling for stopping. I chuckled but in my wolf form it sounded more like a growl.

 'Brock I miss you, I know you are not dead. Please come to me' I thought but the universe didn't answer my plea, and in anguish I let out all the pain I felt into a howl. A howl that I was sure the whole Portland werewolves heard.