The Pope

For those who came purely for fanfic biz, at least read the author's thoughts before u drop pls. Thx!

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'Is it God who created men, or is it men who created God?' The Pope thought to himself for the umpteenth time in his life. 'In the first place, is God even real?'

Having just woken up, the Pope readied himself for his daily routine as he was having these thoughts. 'People suffer through so much each day, yet there is no sign of this 'Goddess' that supposedly existed before creation itself... Haha, what a sham this religion is...'

The Pope put on his white cassock as he heard a knock on the door of his humble-looking room. "Father, it is time for your daily morning prayers." Came an old and muffled voice behind the ornate wooden door.

Opening the door, the Pope came face to face with his assistant, an old woman that goes by the name of Candice. "Do we have any news for today, sister Candice?"

Looking beside him, the Pope noticed that Candice had a small frown on her face for some reason.

"Is something the matter?" Checking his face and robe, the Pope was confused as to what could be the reason for his assistant's attitude before he suddenly remembered. 'Oh right.'

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. 5 seconds." The Pope suddenly said, confusing Candice. "6 seconds. 7 seconds. 8 seco—"

"W-Wait a minute, father. What is this so suddenly?" The nun asked.

"It's for how long you haven't greeted me."

Hearing those words, Candice was just about to refute that the pope has to greet first but before she could do so, the pope said, "You know, I had an epiphany from the Goddess herself last night. She appeared in my dreams and said; "My son, just as you serve the people, in a way, the people also serve you. Religion is a balance between its believers and preachers, without one, there is no other. Remember that." It is not always about me being first to greet, Candice. It can also be about you."

The Pope lied as naturally as he breathed.

But it seems as though it worked, as evidenced by the old lady's eyes that were now sparkling brightly.

"Yes, father!" The old nun reverently called out as she took out a small notebook held together by yarn. "This is the report for yesterday, father! On the southern district of Zhowmama City, priest So Fot reported that an individual named Shi Kentbrid allegedly murdered three of the city hall guards there last night."

"The town of Vritra is experiencing yet another famine. This makes it to a total of 17 small-scale famines in the Kingdom as of this year."

"Also, the Kingdom of Clubs requests blessings. It seems that the Kingdom of Diamonds assassinated their Crown Prince, and now they're going into war."

War, famine, death.

Everywhere you go in this world, you would see either or all of these things.

"How horrible. We must fervently pray for this, sister Candice." The pope said as he shed a tear from his eye. 'As if that's going to change anything. I'm gonna have to think of plans while kneeling down again it seems...'

"Yes, father." Said Candice as she wiped her eyes that were wet from tears.

'This kingdom is full of good people and yet, they can do the most horrible things to others just to be acknowledged by this so-called Goddess... it disgusts me.' The Pope closed his eyes as he again vowed to himself to change the world for the better, even if it means to become an enemy of the world itself.

***

"Father, the King has come to visit." Candice said dutifully, albeit a little nervously to the praying Pope.

"The King? What does he want?" The pope replied, his tone irked.

"It seems that his majesty has something important to tell the Pope."

"Something important? In the first place, which 'King Charles' is it?" The pope asked, still in his irked tone. 'Tsk, I was thinking of a plan here!'

"T-That's the thing father, I-I can't seem to figure it out..." The old nun anxiously said as the Pope widened his eyes.

'Can't figure it out? D-Don't tell me...!' The Pope urgently stood up as he hurriedly asked, "Where is he right now?!"

"I-In the waiting room, father." The old woman hurriedly said as the pope run out of the chamber room.

'Shit, shit, shit! This is bad! All my plans...!' The pope angrily thought as he rushed to the waiting room.

Ever since as a kid, King Charles had always been weird.

Every new person he meets, he gets scared of them. Every new food he tries, he gets scared of it. Every new games he plays, he gets terrified of it.

He was basically the world's biggest coward.

But one day, Charles suddenly changed.

He became dominant. He became charismatic. The complete opposite of his past self. It was as if The Goddess herself blessed him with her mystical abilities.

"Prince Charles is the Chosen One"—that was what most of the populace interpreted the 'blessing' as.

But the Pope and the upper echelons of the Church knew better. The new Crown Prince wasn't some kind of chosen one. He was a lustful Tyrant who seduced and bedded every woman he fancied! Even his own mother!

'Disgusting...' The Pope thought as he remembered.

However, just when he had bedded almost every noble lady and nun in the kingdom, Crown Prince Charles suddenly reverted back to his old self, and with no memory of whatever he did. Although this was kept in secret to the public, every noble of the kingdom and their mothers knew of it.

Every noblewoman was disappointed by the disappearance of The 'Chariot to adultery', as what they called him. He was apparently so manly that if you close your eyes once, the next thing you know, you are already riding his 'horse'.

With the disappearance of The "Chariot to adultery", or "Chad" for short, every woman except for the Queen and the Princess treated the now cowardly prince harshly. It got to the point where the prince locked himself in his room, refusing to go out. Even the noblewomen's husbands scorned and jeered at the prince.

It made the Pope realize that even if some of them are treated as mere trophies, women really do rule the world.

Just when everything was going back to normal after that whole fiasco, the "Chad" graced its presence into the world yet again. CC, or Chad Charles as they called him, continued on 'conquering' yet again and, after sometime, vanished without a trace. Again.

The situation repeated itself, and "Bed-wetting tard" Charles, or "Beta" Charles as they called him, locked himself in his room.

After that, Chad Charles emerged, and then it turned into a loop where the "Chad" and "Beta" Charles came out every few months.

At some point, the Pope who was just minding his own business that time, got involved. Without his knowledge, some of the nuns plotted against him, making it so that he appeared as the mastermind who made the Crown Prince Charles' elder brother be beaten black and blue, right in front of the "Beta" Charles.

Not only that, he was made to unknowingly drink some kind of strong aphrodisiac at a meeting between the King and Queen about the funeral of their eldest son. And if the Pope remembered correctly, it was also right in front of the "Beta" Charles.

Also, as he was walking by the town square, he was offered three full basket of apples for free, and it made him grin widely at that time, because he really was lacking some apples.

However, it was interpreted wrongly by the "Beta" Charles of then. Unfortunately, the pope did not notice what happened to the princess back then, as there was a crowd of people covering her, and he had something urgent to do.

Which was to take a huge shit.

It did not stop there however, and the pope only found out that he was being manipulated through Candice, an old nun, when she became his assistant. By that time, Prince Charles was already a King and had children. For the first time in his life, the pope had an urge to take revenge, as he was sure the cause of his situation was Chad Charles himself.

So he manipulated Chad Charles into wanting to conquer the Spades Kingdom, saying that the women there have lots of stamina, better for sex.

Oh how deeply he regretted doing that.

Anyways, now that he was in front of the ornate door of the waiting room, the Pope ceased his thoughts as he apprehensively knocked three times.

*knock* *knock* *knock*

"Come in." Came a voice from inside. It was neither the commanding and impatient tone of "Chad" Charles nor the meek and quiet tone of "Beta" Charles.

It was a calm, composed tone.

Opening the door, the Pope was greeted by the sight of someone he almost didn't recognize at first. Gone are his cheek beard and mustache, gone are his sunken eyes and depressive mood, and gone are the pristine crown above his head and his kingly robes.

"K-King Charles, is that y-you?" The Pope asked to the man who was leisurely sitting at the couch, his bare feet tucked into his thighs, as if he was sitting atop the floor.

In response, 'King Charles' lightly smiled as he replied, "Of course. Who else could it be?"

With his simple blue t-shirt that has a small stitched yellow crown on its left breast pocket, black gym shorts, and neatly carved wooden sandals, 'King Charles' had an homey and approachable feeling to him. Especially now that his face no longer had that sunken or perverse expression.

The only noticeable trace left of the previous King Charles, whether "Chad" or "Beta", was his chin-length blonde hair that rolls to the inside at the end, except now it has become more silky-looking. But instead of making him look girlish, it added a unique aura to 'King Charles', enhancing his attractiveness. All-in-all it made him look 20 years younger.

This almost alien way of dressing coupled with King Charles' comfy attitude made the Pope stop in his tracks for a few seconds before he was woken up by 'King Charles', or Zach as he twirled his jeweled crown around his index finger.

"A-Ah, please stop that..." Realizing what he said, the Pope turned red as he coughed, trying to hide his embarrassment. 'Please? Really? Get yourself together damnit!'

"What's with that blush? Disgusting." Zach straightforwardly said as he relaxed his right arm that was playing with the crown. "I'm not into shaming people like you, but at least keep it away from—"

"It's a misunderstanding! It was a misunderstanding!" The Pope hurriedly replied.

"Oh? You mean to say I was wrong?" Zach said, unhunching his back as he stared directly into the Pope's eyes.

The initial comfy yet unique feeling, the unexpected blunt and straightforward words, and the unwavering and suppressing gaze, added to the initial shock of first seeing Zach and his own flustered state caused the Pope to stumble upon his words. "A-Ah, y-ye—Ah! I m-mean n-no, b-but—"

Looking at the young man—no, middle-aged man that was looking at him with an amused, yet slightly mischievous gaze snapped the Pope back to reality as he lost his temper at being played with and he shouted, "YOU—"

"Don't worry, I came here today not to fight, but to make a proposal." Zach said, hunching back his back as he put the crown atop his head. "And did you know? shouting can apparently lead to balding."

Hearing those words, the Pope instinctively put both his hands on top of his balding head. 'T-This fucker...'

*Cough*

Coughing once, the Pope relaxed himself as he sat down the couch opposite to Zach as he thought, 'I'll kill you someday, you little bitch.'

"So? Shall we start?" Zach said.

"Alright. What do you want?" The Pope crossed his arms as he thought, 'Considering his attitude thus far, it's most likely money, if not, then food perhaps? He seems like the easy-going type, so maybe—"

"Start the plan about me killing myself, that is." Zach said.

"..."

"...I beg your fucking pardon?"