Chapter 41

A pair of astonished eyes level down to Jin's uneasy ones.

No, he did not just say that out loud, did he?

"How are you sure?" Hiro cues, testing him.

What? His guarded eyes squint in half as he opens his mouth to defend his claim, but no words escaped his lips.

He's left gaping and speechless midair, collecting his scattered thoughts in one place. Why would he ever think of that? No, the question is why did he even say that?

Of course, no man has a reason to be aroused around another one of his kind.

He shudders.

It's just two of them in the apartment. . . What could possibly go wrong?

Hiro grabbed the opportunity, seeing his now conformable state, "But if I say I am. . ." What will change? He wants to hear his honest thoughts, instead of closing and hiding them from him. It's the only way he could understand what he's thinking with those guarded eyes of his.

He's afraid this leads to one thing.

He hasn't fully understood their situation despite all the clues he's feeding him, his naiveness and innocence might just be the cause of his tragedy until his grave rots.

Jin's chaotic thoughts died down the moment he connects his gaze to Hiro's and what he saw inside his black eyes was nothing near of infliction, but a stinging gleam of euphoric sunshine.

Once again, he was dismayed, his assumptions were wrong again.

Will it be always like this for him? Confusing himself more with all the 'whys' and 'what ifs' as his basis?

His lips slump in disapproval.

Hiro's hands immediately went up to cup his face as his brows crumple in worry.

Is that a frown he sees?

Suffering from dismay, Jin leans and sulks more to Hiro's hands and rubbed his cheeks against his warm palms. He has the warmest skin and he likes it, but he had enough mind games to deal with him. The blame goes down to him, too, he also hasn't been honest about what he wants from him, and right now he wouldn't fall for his reasoning about his 'phone' as an excuse.

What does he really want from him?

Why can't he just tell him?

Might as well traumatize this man so his life will come at peace like the old days once again.

"You said 'what if', but why do I have a feeling that you really are?" he pouts, defeated. He hasn't even gotten over his stalking issues.

Should they discuss that instead? It seems serious, though.

Hiro resists his grin, "And you're telling me that your statement is acceptable just because you think so?" Though there's an easier way for him to justify his claim.

What's stopping him from doing so?

Err, he's really not putting a stop to this. Jin shifts his gaze where else, avoiding his intimidating eyes. He was the first one to break their eye contact and stared whiningly at his chiseled nose instead, and boy he can be jealous for a lifetime. Is there any part of this man that has a flaw?

Yeah, his lack of humor, perhaps.

He clears his throat, "It's rubbing against me. . . so how could I not know?"

His voice came out tiny, one can compare to a breathy whisper and at the moment he just wants to run and hide, anywhere far from him.

Could this get any more embarrassing on his part? Crap. He dare not meet his eyes, but instead, he witnessed Hiro's lips churning into a victorious smile.

"See? I was right!" He glares.

How could he be this cheeky seeing the other person is already embarrassed for dear life? This is why he never confronts him.

"No one ever said you were wrong," Hiro's grin stretches more, "But does it bother you?" He continues, wanting to hear his voice again, nearer.

Jin's pupils twitch from hearing his response, "Your little erection?" Be traumatized please and leave me be for a while.

He bravely meets his eyes, "After questioning me about it, now you are asking me if it's bothering me?" His sanity already ran away from him at the sight of his blinding smile. He has nothing more to lose.

He's more interested in knowing the odds of why he's also having one.

Jin gently moves back, afraid he might notice, but before he could Hiro's other hand brushed down to his neck, trailing his warm palm from his shoulder down to his arm, then slipping in around him, tightly embracing his waist without prior notice and presses their bodies more, leaving no space in between them.

Even he can feel the hotness of his breath fanning against his cheek.

Shivering, he takes a sharp intake of breath, stunned.

"I-It doesn't . . . It doesn't bother me at all."

Jin whispers, afraid of the sudden change of mood in him.

Will he spare him this time?

"Good," Little erection he says?

"But will this do?"

He tilt his head and before he knew it Hiro's warm lips press against his and everything else around him drifted in a blur, sweet with an unknown fantastical clenching deep down within him.

His eyes widen.

Kiss. . .

Trapped in a seemingly unforeseen dream, Jin could only gasp helplessly on the inside, stiffened as Hiro tilt his head to the other side and his simple kiss turns lustful, deliciously moving passionately against his stiff ones.

He didn't know what to do, his heart hammered inside his chest as he slowly felt the rising temperature within him, reacting to the stinging stimulation from his abdomen to the clenching paranoia of his behind then to his now more noticeable erection, rubbing against Hiro's tent.

He was forced to shut his eyes close as he shudders at the intense and raw feeling of Hiro's wet tongue, slowly licking and lapping around his lips, lubricating his skin with his saliva before nibbling and biting it irresistibly.

Hngg . . .

He can't breathe. He was running out of air.

With all the strength he has left, he held unto his clothes and pulled his jacket twice, calling out to him, only then Hiro stop, blinking at him, at lost, and was as flushed as he is.

Jin couldn't do more than tilt his head up,

"Haaa. . ."

He parts his lips, panting for air. His eyes teary and his head clouded, lost in the exquisite and pleasurable feeling he didn't know existed.

Kiss . . . His very first ever kiss.

Everything inside him burned ferociously, and for the first time, a sweat rolled down from his neck.

The unknown and unfamiliar pulse between his thighs lost him from the track of the reality he's in. What just happened?

Hiro leans down, opens his mouth, and lick the sweat trapped in the small hollow between his collarbone, his control dispersing.

"Hiro . . . "

More.

His hand slips under his uniform and his finger shivers at the feel of his skin. More.

He trails wet kisses from the base of his neck towards his collarbone, sliding his collar out of the way.

More. . .

"H-Hiro . . . nghh . . . w-wait," Jin moans, startled.

It's addicting.

Opening his mouth wide . . .

"No."

A soft shivering voice reaches his ears, scared, and despite his loss for control, Hiro stopped and it immediately cues to him what he was doing.

His eyes had never been fearful as he leans back in panic, loosened his desperate grip on him, and cup his small face that fit exactly to his shaking palms.

His eyes were anxious searching everywhere, but at Jin's face and his heart was torn in half.

He was crying.

"I'm scared. Is. It. Wrong. To. Like. It?" He said to him melancholy between his silent sobs.

No. Don't cry.

Hiro hastily wipes away his tears and caresses his wet cheeks repeatedly, soothing him down. Don't cry, please.

He closed his eyes, cursing himself for what he has done.

Seeing him crying and hearing him sob like this twice a day . . . it pains him, not even a gunshot nor a stab from the sharpest knife can compete from the tormenting sting inside his chest, breaking and tearing his world and heart into half, might as well shred his existence into pieces.

Don't cry . . . please.

He pressed his forehead against his, panicking as he resents himself more. No, he's still here. He's here with him.

'No, you don't,'

'You don't know what value he holds,'

'How can a grave man like you know the essence of his innocence?'

An imp repeatedly chants inside his head, 'A little too familiar don't you think, child?' The imp laughs before disappearing into its void of darkness, plaguing and spreading on his head.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he cried repeatedly like a child, his fingers starting to itch.

No! He's still here, but what happens next?

He wouldn't . . .

Thirty seconds ago, he was selfish, desperate, and dangerous. Exactly what he feared himself to be.

'GET OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT, YOU INSOLENT IMPRACTICAL CHILD!'

The voices . . . her voices . . .

It's there again.

It was his anxiety and desperation in need to have and hold him that he didn't know it scared him.

His numb thumb caresses his cheeks gently one more, choked at the idea it will his last to do so. If it hurts him too much, he'll do anything to see none of his precious tears.

Even if it takes for him to leave and go.

When Hiro opens his eyes, his dark eyes were pained, utterly broken.

"Enlighten me, is it wrong to like you?" too much to this extent it hurts them both?

For the first time, he wavers at the fear inside his heart to lose him in a second.

He's bewitched, completely and helplessly captivated with his life and soul kneeling between his feet, and only then he knew. . .

"If it is, then I have sinned greatly." Forgive me.

But this time, this very moment he wanted to be selfish for the rest of his life.

It was a weakness to cherish and hold on to for a lifetime, that he could never bear to forget.