The If Game

Gillian Chan checked her watch and realized she was 20 minutes early. The TV on the wall was showing the live soccer match between Brazil and France, so she decided to watch the game while waiting for her friend to arrive. The match was getting exciting as cheers and shouts from that section spread throughout the entire sport bar. Just as Rivaldo attempted and missed a goalie shot, Ethan Yip walked into the vicinity and saw the frustrated Gillian turned to the guy sitting next to her as she vented in rhetorical. "What happened? How could he have missed that?"

Ethan smiled to himself. It had always delighted him to see Gillian all cited up during a soccer game. "You're really into the match, huh?"

Gillian turned and was surprised to see her ex-fiancé walking towards her with one of his smiles that made him irresistibly handsome. Instantly, she realized the shield that she had been trying to build up around her heart from being affected by the sight of him since their breakup five months ago was becoming undone. Again! She sighed a surrender to herself but still managed to flash him one of her ‘really happy to see you’ smile.

"Why aren't you watching the game at home?" Ethan took her returning smile as an invitation to approach her.

Gillian silently demanded her brain to think quickly so not to sound like a dork in front of him. She challenged herself to look him in the eyes and uttered the following banter. "It's much more exciting here!"

Still looking into Ethan’s eyes, she could feel her heart starting to soften like a piece of cold butter in the microwave oven. She knew if she continued to look for another second longer, her entire body would flop into a messy chunk of glop. She had to come up with a cool line ASAP. "And there are lots of guys for me to pick up here!"

The middle-aged dude sitting next to her attempted to give her a smile. When Gillian wasn’t aware, Ethan immediately gave the man a snare as a warning to back off. However, when Gillian turned to look at him again, he was at a loss for words in coming back with a better rebuttal. In a defeated sort of way, he let his curiosity got to the better of him. He also wanted to know. "So, have you reaped any rewards in that area yet?"

Gillian was well aware their 'nosing into each other's interpersonal relationship game' had begun again and she was not about to reveal her lingering feelings for him. It somehow irked her that he had been dropping hints to let her know that he had not made his decision to be with Anita. He also made it rather obvious that the reason was because of her. But at the same time, she couldn't help being thrilled about it either. Though she wanted very much to surrender to his pursuit, she held firm that he was going to have to fight hard for her and convince her that his feelings for her was much deeper than that for Anita. She was also curious where he stood at this moment, if he was still trying to deal that card after she broke up with him 5 months ago. "With you standing here, who would dare approach?"

Noticing how she avoided his eyes, Ethan wanted to see how far she would take the game. "So, are you trying to spurn me off? Again?"

As much as he was killing her softly with his words, Gillian gave out a forced but agreeing laugh just when his cell phone rang. She saw the word 'Home' on the screen as he pressed to answer the call. "Well, looks like you already have a commitment somewhere else!" Gillian reminded him. "I think you'd better take care of yourself first!"

Ethan eyed his acknowledgment to Gillian's comment and excused himself to a quiet corner to take the call. Indeed, the caller was Anita Mak. She asked him something to which he told her he would be back soon. Then she must have nagged him about something to which he gave his usual cheeky answer. "What do you think?"

Anita knew there was no point in responding to his brush off response, so she simply reminded him to be home by 7pm with dinner.

Meanwhile, Derek Wong arrived at the Sportbar and headed straight to where Gillian was seated and surprised her from behind. "Hello Miss, would you allow me to buy you a drink?"

Gillian turned around and was indeed surprised. Though she was expecting to meet up with Derek here, her surprise was seeing him in a leather jacket. This was totally not his usual attire. "Wow! A complete makeover! I like it!" Gillian noted approvingly. "So how did the rally go today?"

"It went well," Derek tried to speak over the loud noises with what little voice he had left from the rally he just came from. He leaned closer to Gillian's ear so she could hear him without the need to shout over the music and noise. "Some passerby thought I was a celebrity with all the cameras following me."

"That's because you look so cool! Don't think I've ever seen you in a leather jacket. You might show up in the evening news tonight!" Gillian gestured to the TV on the wall that had just switched from broadcasting the soccer game to now broadcasting the news.

"Please stop teasing me." Derek begged bashfully. "I don't even know why they chose me for the recruitment poster, especially one riding on a motorbike. I think Ethan volunteered me. I will get him back for this!"

Gillian happened to sneak in a glance towards Ethan who was just turning around to face them, but she wasn't sure if he was still on his call. A moment later, she noticed he was looking at them in a peculiar manner and she was reminded of how his mood could change erratically. Just to spite her own weakening heart, she told Derek. "Yes, send him to the front line on your next shoot out!"

"Really? You're sure?" This time it was Derek's turn to tease her back.

But her attention remained focused on Ethan whose facial expression suddenly turned weary. Derek followed Gillian's gaze and saw that Ethan was approaching them with his eyes fixated on the TV screen. Both Gillian and Derek turned around to watch the Breaking News of EgyptAir Flight 990.

Suddenly, silence swept across the entire Sportbar, everyone tuned in and listened to the broadcaster's announcement about the giant twin-engine Boeing 767 on the way from New York to Cairo with 217 aboard mysteriously plummeted into the Atlantic Ocean.

Reading the flight details that was scrolling at the bottom of the screen, Gillian fumbled through her purse in search of her cell phone. Ethan and Derek looked at each other with query when Gillian started dialing her cell. They saw the concerned expression on her face as she dialed the numbers with shaking thumb and fingers. When her call was answered, the two men realized she was calling her younger half-brother, Jason Chan.

"Jason? Can you go to the fridge and check the flight schedule for Dad and Aunty May? I think they are supposed to be flying to Egypt sometime today or tomorrow." Gillian waited for her brother over the phone while her eyes were fixed on the TV screen.

Ethan and Derek took in the situation in silence. A moment later, they heard Jason's voice echoed through Gillian's cell phone and their heart throbbed harder.

"Was there a flight from New York?" Gillian was specific. "I remember Aunty May said something about LA .....You are sure! ..... What is the flight number?"

Gillian posture sagged immediately. She looked up at the TV screen and entered into a trance. Ethan placed his hand on her shoulders to give her a shake back to reality. Derek took the phone from her hand and asked Jason to confirm the flight number again. "What was the departure date?" Derek asked. After hearing the answer, he told Jason to watch the news and told him that they would see him at home soon.

Immediately afterwards, he turned to Ethan. "They were on Flight 990. Departure date was October 31, New York time."

Gillian got off her bar stool and Ethan pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. In that instance, she just let go of her instant grieve and sorrow and poured out her vulnerability upon Ethan. She sobbed silently into his shoulders. After a few sobs, she pulled herself away from him and tried to collect herself. But it was obvious to the two men that she was still struggling with reality. Ethan reached out and held her by her wrist.

"Let's get her home!" Derek patted Ethan on the shoulder.

Upon reaching home, Gillian's hands were shaking as she tried to insert the key to open the door. That was when Gabby Tong, her brother's girlfriend, opened the door. Gillian said a quick hello to Gabby and headed straight to the kitchen in search of the flight itinerary.

"Hi Gabby," Ethan and Derek greeted her as they entered the apartment.

"Ethan Goh!" Gabby greeted Ethan with the respectful title as an older brother. There was a bit of awkwardness in her tone due to his long absence.

"Where's Jason?" Ethan asked.

Gabby kept quiet but nodded towards the living room where Jason was sitting with his eyes fixated to the television set. It was broadcasting the breaking news about the aircraft.

At the same time, Gillian came into the living room when her search in the kitchen reaped no reward. "Jason, where is the flight itinerary? I want to call to confirm Dad and Aunty May were on the passenger list."

Jason suddenly became aware of his sister's presence. "Hey Sis!"

Then he noticed Ethan and Derek and greeted them with a nod. Picking up the itinerary from the coffee table, he handed it to Gillian and he told her what he did. "I tried calling but they said they are not releasing anything at this time."

"He's right, Gillian. It's too soon! They don't release such info until two hours into the flight." Derek added.

Gillian realized there was nothing more she could do but wait, but she hated to be in such a helpless state. She stared at the itinerary and wished the flight information was different. She was hoping Jason had read the wrong information to her over the phone due to his lacking ability in the English language. But he read every number correctly and deciphered every letter precisely. Their father and Aunty May had boarded the aircraft from LA and the facts were on the piece of paper she was holding.

"Sis, are you okay?" Jason asked when he noticed Gillian was staring blankly at the itinerary for almost two minutes.

Gillian did not answer but started walking away from the living room. Ethan was about to grab her by the arm, but his intention was stopped by Derek. He gestured Ethan to give Gillian some space.

Gillian headed straight to her father's den and sat on the couch looking at the empty leather chair behind the desk. Next to the couch was the most recent picture of her dad and Aunty May in Las Vegas. She picked up the photo frame and a sense of loss overcame her, and tears started to form in her eyes.

Jason and Gabby were talking to Derek while Ethan trotted near the den. When he heard Gillian's soft sobbing, he could no longer bear to stay away. He approached the open den and saw Gillian holding unto the photo frame. She looked up and showed him the photo.

"When Dad was diagnosed with cancer, he did not want to commit to Aunty May because he didn't want Aunty May to be left all by her lonesome self in case he didn’t make it to recovery." Gillian tried to sound happy for them, but Ethan could tell she was trying hard to control her sadness. So, he sat down next to her and drew her into his arms. That was when Gillian couldn't hold back her emotions and started crying onto his shoulders.

After a while, Ethan tried to console her. "It is better this way, right? Your Dad and Aunty May are together now, they are with each other to their very end!"

Gillian lifted her head from Ethan's shoulder so she could look into his eyes to let him know she agreed with what he said. She wanted something to distract her grieve, so she made an attempt to sound jovial. "You haven't answered my question from when we were held hostage on the fabricated island."

Ethan tensed up immediately and the only thing that he could articulate was "Gillian" followed by a sigh. He knew exactly what Gillian was going to say, so he braced himself. He hated it whenever she played the 'if' game.

Once again, the exact same words flowed through her lips as they did that time they were abducted to the fabricated island about 2 years ago. "If you've only one minute left to live, who would you want to be with?"

He remembered that first time she played the ‘if’ question game. But he knew he owed her at least an answer this time and he had to be honest. He held on to her and said. "With you!"

Looking into his eyes, Gillian was getting mixed messages. She couldn't determine whether he was telling the truth or just saying this as a consolation. Then she remembered how he went hysterical over Anita's near-death incident a few months ago. She pulled herself away from him. Forcing her eyes to remain on his, she had to force out the words. "You don't need to lie to me. I know you still want to be with Anita."

Ethan gazed into Gillian's tear-filled eyes and let out another deep sigh. He knew why she said those words, but he knew this was not the right time to reason with her about their past. And even if he wanted to, he couldn't because there were still matters in his heart that were unresolved.