Chapter 16: Does he really want to hurt my feelings, right now?

I don't know what to feel. I had just found out that I'm pregnant two days ago. Everyone started treating me differently. Tonight, the celebration will occur. Tomorrow, Damien leaves... I don't understand what I'm feeling. I know I don't like him, but... somehow, I feel like I wouldn't bear it if he leaves tomorrow. We always bicker behind closed doors. We rarely get along at all. And yet I feel wretched knowing that he'll be sent away tomorrow. Perhaps this is all the baby's doing. I heard that babies affect the mood of the mum. Perhaps I'm feeling these things because the baby feels them. It knows that his father is leaving that's why we feel awful.

I sighed, watching Damien from my window. He's outside, enjoying archery with my cousins. He looks happy and content. I suppose the baby affects him too.

"What's on your mind, Princess?" asked Hera as she brought in some tea and snacks. "I brought some tea and the honey biscuits you're craving. Maidservant Rose made them for you." She sat next to me, holding my hand. "Will you tell me what bothers you?"

I looked at her, tears falling from my eyes. I felt like a stupid child! "This baby is driving me insane, Hera!" I said, wiping my tears. "He's affecting my mood. I feel so emotional and so not myself lately."

"What do you mean?" she asked sympathetically.

"I don't want Damien to leave tomorrow, Hera!" I said, shoving biscuits into my mouth. "That's what this baby has done to me! You know how much I loathe this man. I can't believe myself! I don't want him to leave. I want him to stay here by my side until its baby comes out!"

"Oh," she says, her mouth agape. She was dumbfounded. I couldn't blame her. Even I don't know what to say. No one ever told me that these are the effects of pregnancy. I only learned it after the doctors explained everything to me. How could my own mother keep me in the dark? This is unacceptable!

"I can't say that I understand you, but I do empathize with you," she says, holding my hands firmly. "I could only imagine what you must be going through. I know you loathe Damien... Perhaps you're right. All these things you feel towards him right now, perhaps they're all the baby's feelings. Do you wish to express it more?"

I nodded. I suppose sharing how I feel with a friend would bring me comfort. "I feel like..." I hesitated, "I feel like if he goes tomorrow, my heart would break apart. To separate from him would tear me apart. I was the White Knight, Hera. I know the dangers of war. I'm scared that he won't come back to us alive."

Hera shoved a biscuit into my mouth. I don't know if she purposefully did that to shut me up or to comfort me. Either way, I don't care. Binging on these snacks makes me feel hugged or embraced.

"How do you think he feels towards you and the baby?" she asked.

Truthfully, I don't know. He's been acting weird lately. He hasn't touched me either. He's... distant. Thinking about that makes me feel worse! I want to cry some more.

"Do you think he feels the same way because of the baby?" I asked, crying my eyes out whilst shoving the biscuits in my mouth.

She didn't know what to say. Perhaps she believes I'm the only one who's losing it. I'm the only one who's changed because of this thing growing inside me... But that's not fair! Why must I be the only one who feels this shift in emotions?

"Angelique, I don't know what to say," she says, handing me more biscuits. "I think you should ask him after you give birth. Don't do anything right now, alright? You are unstable. I am saying this as your friend."

I continued to eat my feelings out. Before I knew it, there were only three biscuits left in the tray. I felt like a pig. It's disgusting! What if I become fat and ugly after delivering this child? I just can't take this anymore!

"What's going on here?" Damien asked, entering the room. "Why is Angelique crying?"

Hera curtsied in respect, explaining, "It's the baby blues, your grace. She just needs time to... adjust to her changing body."

Damien looked at me and the tray on the table. He looked quite shocked to see the three biscuits on the tray. "Did you eat," before he could finish his sentence, tears started flooding my eyes.

"I will bring more biscuits," Hera says, making her escape. She ran off, taking the tray.

I sat back down, drinking tea, refusing to meet Damien's gaze.

"Well?" he asked, kneeling beside me. "Why are you crying? And... did you eat that entire tray of biscuits?"

"I ate them," I replied, still refusing to meet his gaze.

He tilted my chin to face him, holding one of my hands. "Do not cry any longer, Princess. The baby affects your mood just as you affect his. You're connected by blood. If you feel sad, he feels sad as well. Though his emotions are strong, fights them. If he feels sad, please strive to feel happy instead."

"You don't know how it feels to be pregnant, Damien," I said, shoving all three biscuits into my mouth. "I wish to drink wine and go to battle as I used to. I am but eighteen years old and soon a mother! I wanted to win more victories! Not this. It all started after that wretched battle of Whitefield! If I hadn't spared you, I wouldn't be in a situation like this."

He chuckled, laughing at me. Does he really want to hurt my feelings, right now?

He pulled me up to stand on my feet, and he embraced me warmly. "You're funnier than I thought," he said in between laughs, "I can't possibly understand what you're going through, but I will try my best to do this right with you." He pulled away, planting a kiss on my forehead. "Tell me what troubles you, love."

I sniffled, making my way to the bed. He followed me, sitting next to me.

"I don't want you to go tomorrow, Damien," I said, holding his hand firmly. "No, not me. The baby doesn't want you to go. You know that I loathe you still, right? The baby is making me feel all its miseries; that's what's bothering me, Damien. I feel so wretched that you'll leave and not return."

"Sh," he says, holding me in his embrace. "Do not give in to the baby's emotions. You can remind yourself that you loathe me every day. Hell, I even give you permission to wish me bad luck on the battlefield." He tried his best to comfort me, but it wasn't enough. I needed more than just mere words.

Without hesitation, I wrapped my arms around his neck, crashing my lips onto his. He didn't object. He laid me down, kissing me like there was no tomorrow. I wanted to just stay like this. Just in this moment. For some reason, the kiss we had was different. It had so much warmth and sweetness to it. We both didn't feel the need to do "it" right now. We were just lost in each other's kiss. I felt forever still as though time had stopped for us both. He pulled away upon hearing Hera's knocks on the door.

"I came to bring the snacks for Princess Angelique," she says, laying a fresh batch down. She also placed a fresh pot of tea to replace the now cold one. "I'll leave you to it," she says upon leaving.

Damien helped me sit up, keeping my hands on his. "T'was warm," he said.

"Yes," I agreed. I didn't know what else to say. The kiss felt right. No matter how much I hate to admit it, it was what I needed. It calmed me down and dried my tears. When I was lost in his touch, all my thoughts vanished. Everything disappeared and all that was left was feeling. Feeling each other's touch in a way that I can't describe. The kisses we had before always led us to passion. This one was much more than that.

He pulled me back into a sweet kiss. His lips were moist and soft and they moved ever so soothingly. His tongue moved in harmony with mine, just feeling each other's touch. I could feel his hands, caressing my body as we slowly lay back down. One of my hands gripped on his hair while the other remained wrapped around his neck. This feels nice. I enjoyed the sweet taste of his saliva and the warmth he gave me.

He pulled away gently, pressing his forehead against mine. "I hope I made you happy," he said, almost a whisper. He lay beside me, keeping me still in between his arms. One of his hands lay atop my belly, caressing our unborn child. "Tomorrow, I need to leave. Please eat healthily and try to keep yourself happy. As much as it pains me to admit it, I would rather be at your side than be at the front lines with the others. I want to be able to take care of you and the baby."

I smiled, wiping the tears away from my eyes. "So, are you saying that the baby affects you too?"

He nodded, chuckling. "Yes," he says, "I suppose the baby has something to do with my mood and the sudden change of my priorities. Who knew that a baby such as this has so much power over you and me? Our baby must take after you."

I looked at him, shocked at his compliment.

"You conquered me at the battle," he explained, "For the child to have power over both of us means he takes after you." He closed his eyes, holding me tight. "I don't know what could happen in the future, but... if I don't make it back, know that I died trying."

I shifted to face him, burrowing my face against his chest. "I don't want to talk anymore, Damien," I said, "I just want to be."

He nodded in agreement. We just stayed like that until Hera came to remind us of the party. The celebration will be held at six o'clock, so we had a lot of time t prepare. Truthfully, I would rather stay here with him than to celebrate. I just want to feel the warmth before he leaves us both tomorrow. Unfortunately, I have no choice but to attend the party. No matter. I will be sure to waste not a single moment once we have retired to our chambers tonight.