3. THE TRAIL AND THE CONFUSION

''Sometimes, life puts us in a tight situation that we have no choice but to make a stupid, reckless decision.''

The door creaked open before I could knock for the third time and a nice face came into view. He snickered and asked'' Are you the one?'' ''Yes''. Was all I said. He opened the door wider and led me upstairs and for the umpteenth time, I questioned myself if this was the right thing to do. But I had come this far and was not going back the same. We got to the bedroom and I thought 'Nice decoration, neat guy'. I sat on the bed and he sat beside me. He tried to make small talks with me but dropped it after some time when he saw I was not interested. ''All right then, let's get it over with''. He said standing up. 'It is about time' I thought. I laid on my back, pull my legs up and closed my eyes. This decision was already hard, I did not want to make it harder by seeing a stranger's face as he thrust into me. I heard him take of his shirt and I breathed deep as he climbed on top of me. He opened my legs and laid between my thighs. For a moment I wondered how he was going to do it as I was fully dressed. A bigger part of me felt sad, the part that still yearn for my darling's touch and the other smaller part was very curious and made me wonder how I was going to feel after this. Slowly, I felt his hands move along my body, groping my butt, moving under my shirt, squeezing my breasts, running through my hair. I felt his breath on my neck and prepared myself for that sweet feeling I felt when he kisses me, my neck especially. My heartbeat accelerated in anticipation and my breath deepened as I waited for his lips. They touched mine briefly then touched my cheeks and finally touched my most sensitive part, the hollow base of my neck. But that was all I felt. Just his hands moving along my body, his lips kissing every spot of my body and his hard erection between my legs. Nothing more, nothing less. No burning sensations, no buzz in my ears, no smile on my lips, no butterflies in my tummy, nothing. Then quietly, as soft as a whisper, I heard a voice say, '' Don't do it''. My eyes flew open in shock. ''Did you say something?'' I asked the guy, but he just shook his head, no. I closed my eyes again and motioned for him to continue. I felt his hands on my sexy new pants, puling it down. Down, down, down. Then I heard the voice again, louder this time'' Don't do it babe!''. It said. 'No!' I screamed in my heard. It was him, my babe, my love, my heart, my all. Then the tears flowed, silently, entering my ears. I sniffed and opened my eyes and gently pushed the guy off of me, but he would not budge. I panicked, my breaths came out faster, my heart beat was just as fast. ''Please''. I begged. ''Get of me, I can't do this, please''. I said, looking him in the eyes but he just looked at me for a long time and all I could was cry like a baby, a silly toddler. With a groan, he reluctantly rolled of me. I got up quickly, pulled my pants up and made an attempt to leave in a haste, but the half naked guy blocked my path and my heart jumped into my throat. 'Oh-oh, what now' I thought. He looked at me fondly, with pity in his eyes. He locked my hair behind my ears and kissed me gently. I did not kiss him back, I was frozen in place. ''You are very pretty''. He said. '' I don't know the reason behind this absurd decision you have made, but next time do not start something you can not finish. Be prepared, for you would not know who would not take no for an answer''. He stepped back and said ''Calm down. It is not as if I'm dying to deflower you, though I must add, I was surprised when I heard you were a virgin. I was really looking forward to this day. You are extremely lucky that I am not pushy and that I respect ladies, especially pretty and vulnerable ones as you. If not for that reason, like you would be crawling home by now''. He concluded with a smile then moved away. 'He smiled?' I thought, how annoying. He sat on the bed again and gestured with his hands to the door. '' You can leave now''. I moved then and walked quickly out the bedroom and down the stairs, before I could turn the doorknob, I heard him shout behind me ''Wait! Stop!''. 'What at all is wrong with this guy? And why am I stopping? Why am I eager to hear what he has to say?' I thought as he descended the stairs. He came to stand beside me and unlocked the door. ''My name is Hart and it's soo nice to meet you''. He said kissing me once again, slower, longer this time and I-I responded. Wow. 'What is with this guy and kisses? But why am I not pulling away? Why do I need more of his soft, sweet lips?' I kept thinking. He broke the kiss and my eyes widened in shock. I ran out the door, confused than ever. I thought about him all the way home. I slapped myself to see if this was real. ''Ouch!''. I winced, rubbing my face. ''Yes!'' I shouted after a moment. I know what that was. I get it now. It was lust, pure blissful lust. If so, then why did I not allow him to break me when I had the chance twice after I heard the voice of my beloved. ''Hart''. I said 'Such a funny name'. I thought as I entered my room.