1. THE REASON

Sometimes, we go through intense moments and have traumatic experiences that leaves us with a big, unseen scar. It takes root in our brains and we unconsciously make promises to keep us from going through that again, from getting hurt. Promises that our body is bent on obeying. Every cells, nerves and tissues succumb to this unknown vow. Taking hold of our free will, till eventually, we have no control.

I met him when I had no intentions of making friends. He was very handsome and captivating that I was trapped in his charm. I had already been through a rough year, and so I embrace the solace he gave. I fell in love with him when I didn't know what it meant to be in love. I was young and naive. He was old and responsible. He loved me since the first time he saw me. I was confused and found it hard to believe. I was just sixteen and since I was a late bloomer, my growth spurt hadn't began yet. He said I was the most beautiful creature, he had ever seen. Those were words I hadn't heard before. He asked me how I felt and I told him the truth. I felt butterflies in my tummy whenever I saw him. There was this joy I felt when we were meeting. He saw through my lies, whenever he asked of the painful look in my eyes. I had lost both my parents in just five years and life wasn't easy. He knew I had been through immense pain and was very patient with me. I still thank the stars for him. There were times I was very stubborn and disrespectful, that it shocked even me. But he was immune to my flaws. He proposed and I accepted and those three years were the best years of my life. I felt this buzz in my ears when he kissed me. I also felt it when when I saw him with other ladies. This I made it known to him and he told me the latter was jealousy. How weird that feeling was. It made you want to wrung someone's neck, urgh!

We were really inseparable. He made me promise to not leave him. I broke it twice. Mainly, due to childish reasons, fear of being hurt and foolish advice from friends. But he never gave up on me. I wondered how I got soo lucky. Well, there was the issue of sex. We never had any. I was curious and wanted to try it. We made two hot attempt. We never got fully naked. I was scared the first time and he stopped himself from taking off my pants. He asked if I wanted to do this. I confirmed once and denied twice. He playfully said I was a minor and that he would never do something I wasn't comfortable with. He was just three years older than me but he was such a gentleman. The second attempt was from a heated argument about me breaking up with him...again. He was soo heartbroken and I tried to help by kissing him. I only wanted to give him a peck on the lips, but he tasted soo sweet and I wanted more. He had too stop it this time around too. He said he felt like he was taking advantage of me. That, and a phone call which came through at the crucial moment.

I turned eighteen and I reminded him that I was no longer a minor and that he could break me. But we were very busy with our lives and didn't get the chance to be together and alone until almost a year later. We used to meet though. His greatest wish was to hug me. Like really hug me, so I can feel how his heart beats for me. I was short and even though I had grown beautifully, I had lots of insecurities. I never hugged him, well not like how he wanted. We kissed a lot though. One night he came to see me, but he couldn't come to my house cause it was very late and my family didn't know about him that way. We met a few blocks away from my house. He was overprotective too. He didn't stay for long. He kissed me after I told him that what I felt for him was genuine and different from what I felt for people around me, even my family. He left caused he didn't want me to get into trouble for sneaking out see him. I did get into trouble and my phone was seized. But we never gave up on each other. Truth be told he was the one doing most of the work. I kind of took him for granted. I thought he was going to be there forever. I should have known that nothing good stays forever.

He complained of me not putting in effort to our relationship. I swore to never leave him and make things right. Once during our conversation, he said he didn't feel right. Like something bad was about to happen. I reminded him of my promise. But he assured me it had nothing to do with that. I was genuinely concerned but he brushed it aside and told me to focus on the late birthday letter I promised him. I used to right him letters which he loved. He was a bad writer so he wrote to me only one, cherished letter. The only prove of his existence. We made plans to meet so that he can fulfill his promise of breaking me. Finally, what I had been waiting for. I was glad that he was going to be my first. Because he loved me immensely, and that much was true. We spoke on Wednesday evening. Planned to meet on Saturday, and spend the day to our satisfaction. I was using an aunt's phone and she was looking for it so I had to hang up quickly. I told him I really loved him and hanged up before he could reply. I couldn't sleep on Thursday night. I felt strangely weird and I tried calling him. He never hesitated to pick my calls even when it was late at night. It rang and rang and rang, but he didn't answer. I drifted off to sleep in the early hours of Friday morning, worried to death.

I woke up late in the morning because I didn't sleep early. I was really happy and made preparations to meet the love of my life the next day. I knew he had a surprise awaiting me, but I never imagined it to be soo brutal. As I was sorting through what to wear, my aunt called me. She said I had a call from an anonymous number. I took the phone inside and called back, the person picked up. Turns out it was a teacher from school. He told me to call my boyfriend cause he had heard he had been admitted to the hospital. Panicky, I hanged up and dialed his number.

A tearful voice picked up. My ears buzzed and my legs grew weak. I held unto my bed for support. The lady asked if I was there but I requested for him. She said the owner of the phone had passed away during the night. He was an ulcer patient. Time stood still and I froze on the spot. The phone slipped out of my hand and I collapsed to the ground. I screamed on the top of my lungs till I ran out of air. My visions blurred and as I slipped out of consciousness, a part of me didn't, couldn't believe it. But the other part did and reminded me that the good ones are the ones who gets taken from us.