Screams and Cries

We both held each other's hand really tight and waited for the darkness to disappear. Aish was moving her leg really fast trying to stay calm so I held her close to me. We saw light far from us which made us feel as if we are in a tunnel. We were approaching the light very fast and soon we were out of the dark tunnel. "It is the BigHit building.", Aish said looking around. "Yes, we are in the recording studio.", I added remembering how our company used to look in 2020. The door's handle started to move and we both ran and hid behind the table. "Why are we hiding?", Aish whispered. "Yes, you are right. They can't see us.", I whispered and we came out of our hiding spot. "Why are we whispering?", Aish asked again. "I don't know", I whispered again making her laugh her heart out. I couldn't help but stare at her in awe. This is the girl I fell in love with and we were so exhausted with ourselves lately that we were slowly forgetting appreciating what we have.

The door opened and I and my band members entered. We were laughing and RM had papers in his hands. I realised we have all grown old now. Our eyes don't shine the way they used to back then. Aisha held my hand and pulled me back as they all sat in the chairs right next to us. Aish moved forward and sat right next to the younger me staring with awe at my face. "Wow! So beautiful.", she said smiling a little. Even though she was staring at my younger version only, I couldn't help but feel a little jealous. I pulled her up by her elbow and took her to the corner of the room again. Her eyes were still on my younger self. "Stupid woman!", I said under my breath. The band members were discussing the songs of our BE album which was released that year. The album which was finalised at this table didn't include my song 'Blue and Grey', I remember that it was added later.

Bang PD entered the room and gave us all a schedule of the week. "PD, I have a family time planned this week on Thursday in this time slot.", I said showing him the slot. "Cancel it.", he said without even looking. "I have been cancelling it for 2 months now.", I said all desperate. RM took my schedule and scrutinized it. "PD can't we adjust this photo shoot on Saturday, we are all free in that slot. Tae can attend the family time.", He asked and others nodded. "No, the schedule is final and you guys will follow it or else the consequences won't be nice.", he said and left.

All the members were trying to cheer me up knowing how important my family is to me. Aish looked at my younger self being all quiet and aloof and then looked at me. She held my hand and gave it a light squeeze. I held her hand tighter. I remember how bad I felt that day for cancelling on my brother and sister for the seventh time.

"We have a live today, so cheer up Tae!", Kookie said to me trying his best to make me smile. I smiled for them and my younger self and the members left the room leaving just me and Aish behind.

"It wasn't easy right?", Aish asked. I looked at her. "To live in the hearts of millions and in return sacrificing the hearts of the ones most important to you?", she continued. I could feel the tears form in my eyes. She held both my hands and I pulled her close, engulfed her in a tight embrace as a tear rolled down my cheek. "Tae!", she called my name. "Hmm...", I hummed still holding her close. "I am proud of you were and who you are today. Thanks for never giving up.", she said holding me tighter. This girl is the only one who holds the power of making me all weak and strong at the same time.

We were still embracing each other when the darkness swallowed us for the third time. She closed her eyes and hid her face in my shirt. I know she is scared of the dark so I covered her face with my hand holding her tight. The light started to show again and soon we reached it. We were back in Aish's room. The nightlight was on and I could see younger Aisha lying in the bed, crying while listening to some song.

"We shouldn't be here right now.", my Aish panicked. "What happened?", I asked concerned. "You shouldn't be seeing what happens next!", she said. "What is it Aish?", I asked curious and concerned at the same time. Before she could answer that the younger Aisha climbed out of the bed and went to her study. She opened the drawer and started to look for something. "Let's just go!", Aisha said while my eyes were on the girl looking for something in that drawer. "Please! Let's just leave Tae.", she cried trying to pull me away. But I wanted to see what happens next. The girl in front of me pulled out a blue stick like something. I stepped closer to see what it was. She pushed a button and a sharp blade came out. My eyes went wide. She rolled her sleeves up and she took the cutter in the other hand. I was too frightened to even move.

Aisha was still trying to pull me away. But my eyes were fixated on that sharp object which was now on the hand of the girl I love. She pressed it tight and that thing went inside her skin. I moved forward to snatch that nasty blade from her hands but my hands went right through that thing. Aisha ran to me. "Are you hurt! Why would you do that! What if it cut you?", she yelled. I saw the little girl in front of me cut her skin 5 more times and after that, she kept the blade back, rolled her sleeves down and went to bed as if nothing happened.

I turned to the girl next to me who was busy looking at my hand to see if I got cut by chance. Feeling my eyes on her she looked at me and as soon as our eyes met, she looked down embarrassed. "Was not giving up that tough?", I asked. She did tell me of her habit of self-harm when we met each other the third time, but watching her do it with my own eyes was a totally different experience. And what made me feel worst was that I couldn't be present there for her.