No Change

I stared down upon the field below my apartment window. We might as well be the only people here after all the floods. It frequently rains; and the area in which I live isn't big on money, but it's cheap. Or at least that's all my ma had to hear from the estate agent to move here.

Other than us in the building, it's just a family of four, a family of two, and someone on their own. Tourists used to come for the paper, as people here made it by hand, but after it went out of style they stopped coming. My brother, Matias, says the tourists are too blunt anyway. He isn't any different though, isolating from society day in and day out.

I turned to my door as someone knocked on it.

'Come in.' I muttered. To my shock, I saw Matias standing a little hunched over, glaring at me. At first I thought he would talk, but we just stood there, staring at one another as if looking away was cowardly.

'Yes?' I asked, breaking the silence. I had enough errands today, I didn't have time to waste on my brother.

'Nothing, just.. looking' He mumbled before walking off. He probably wanted to say something, but then again he didn't seem like he was interested in talking. He looked as if he was scanning my face instead.

I got money out of my pocket and paid the bus driver as I took a seat on the cramped bus. Someone had offered me their seat, as they were getting off at the next stop. I looked in front of me at the chair. It's fabric was deteriorating, almost like a scab.

I got off and looked down at my feet as I walked to the butcher. Thinking about it now, I don't pay much attention to my surroundings, Ma says I'd make a bad security guard, if I ever was one.

I opened the wooden door as the old bell rung. I walked up to the cashier, Mai.

'Hey.' I said. I was trying to be blunter, almost like my brother, as I know Mai prefers that. Even though it wasn't really how I speak, I wanted to be her friend. I don't have many; I never went to college or university, since ma would never spend a penny on my education, even when I was younger, but she home schooled me and Matias.

'What is it you need now, Ataroa?' She said, clearly agitated. I tried, at least. Soon I'd run out of excuses for showing up every day. So I just awkwardly walked out, as she stared at me. But it felt like a million pairs of eyes on my back, not just the one pair.

Later on, after shopping for groceries, I started packing them away in our single hand-crafted cabinet. It was slightly askew due to Matias bumping into it too many times when he was a kid trying to get on the counter.

'Ataroa, food is ready — be quick.' Ma called from the end of the corridor. I knew it'd be something simple, like two minute noodles. Mince. We were having mince. I don't mind it, but I thought we'd have something different for a change.

'What's with the face?' Matias said, drawing attention to me. I didn't want to answer — but I had to change my face expression before ma turned to look at me. I turned to my food and picked up my fork. We had no knifes, well we did have one or two, but that was so long ago I'd nearly forgotten.

I went up to bed, drained and freezing from the cool breeze. I lay there, staring at the ceiling until I fell asleep.

I awoke to ma vomiting somewhere, probably the bathroom. She couldn't afford to pay for a doctor for these strange, continuous migraines. Or she just wanted to save money, heaven only knows why she wouldn't pay for treatment.

I set out, same as usual, same bus, same everything. But I didn't go to the butcher. I went to the barber, I thought if anyone was going to do something about her illness it might as well be me. Matias is old enough, but too lazy.

Matias and I have been brothers for 20 years now, and I know for sure he'd rather hang out with his two friends at a comic store, or gambling his money away than help ma. Him being two years older than me, you'd think he'd want to help out more.

I had gone in and asked if they were hiring, even if I had to be the janitor. They said I could either be a cosmetologist or, indeed, a janitor. I knew I wasn't skilled as a cosmetologist, so I asked if I could apply for a spot as a janitor. It's pays £9 per hour, and they said I'd have to work for 35hrs-40hrs per week.

After a week of doing my same routine, I had started working. This was the beginning to help pay for ma's treatment. Knowing I only make about £315 per week, I know it won't be enough to cover her medical bill, but at least it's something.

I was on the way back from work when Matias ran up to me, looking more stressed than ever, in a rush.

'How did you know where I was?' I asked. Usually he paid no attention to me, so why was he here now?

'Look, Ataroa, you have a job, and you are earning money. I need money, so please, anything will do!' He sounded urgent, but why? Why couldn't he use his own money — I assume he had enough to go gambling or something today.

'Listen. I need it — I don't have time to say why!' Matias replied with more anger in his voice with each word.

I ended up giving him £106 of the £315. Things were weird between us now, he didn't draw attention to me at dinner anymore, or annoy me. It was like he didn't have any intention to be in my life. But why had he needed it so much that day?

Sitting down on my bed after going to the butcher, I gazed down upon the field below. I don't know why, but I've always found it interesting that even when this village was a main tourist attraction, the field had always been empty. I mean, there was no reason for people not to go there. So, why is it still always empty?