Arabella

I haven't seen Eddie much outside of school for the last week between my cheer practices and Hellfire Club. We have talked every night on the phone though and have almost finished The Great Gatsby. We have fallen back into an easy routine and we move almost as a unit, anticipating the other's needs without a word. Our friends find it almost uncanny and comment on it often, laughing at how we act as no time has passed between us.

Nothing untoward has happened over the last week either and I'm a little embarrassed about how disappointed I feel about it. I get the feeling that Eddie is handling me with caution, but every once in a while I will see that same fire in his eyes that was there out on the picnic table and I hold my breath, hoping for something that never comes. I worry that maybe I scared him off with my admission, but I wanted to be honest with him.

I'm still so confused by my feelings towards Eddie. I find my thoughts drifting towards him at random times throughout the day. I wonder if he's paying attention in class, if he got enough sleep the night before, if he's thinking of me. When I'm with him I feel like my whole soul comes alive, almost giddy with energy. Even if I'm having a bad day I can't help but smile when he is around. I can't remember if it's always been like this. I know that Eddie has always been the person I preferred to spend my time with. If given the choice I would pick him over anyone else, but I don't remember this feeling in the pit of my stomach. It doesn't help that Eddie kind of spoils me, devoting almost all his attention to me. He talks almost solely to me at lunch and he walks me to and from classes, making me feel like he prefers me too. He's also extremely physically affectionate which I always knew and it hasn't changed since we were small, but it definitely feels different now. He likes to put his arm over my shoulder or hold my hand in the halls. He will subconsciously push my hair from my face, not even looking at me. Eddie will play with my jewelry if I wear any, sometimes stealing it for himself or he will simply run his fingers over my skin, making my head spin. I tell myself not to over react or over think, but my heart races none the less.

When Gareth approached me yesterday and invited me to their gig at The Hideout tonight I agreed to go, excited to see Eddie outside of school. I wore dark jeans and a skull T-shirt today, my hair loose for the occasion. Once the final bell rang I headed home to kill some time. I worked on some homework until it was time to leave. I fluff my hair and retouch my makeup before heading out. I drive into downtown and find some free parking a little ways away from the bar. I grab my matching denim jacket from my backseat and walk up to The Hideout, the cool night breeze kissing my skin. The bouncer stamps my hand so I can't get any booze and I move inside through the clouds of smoke and blink in the dim light. I see the band setting up to start and I move into a corner, excited to watch.

Eddie moves up to the mic and introduces the band, he jokes with some of the regulars who make song requests and they laugh along with him before he dives into the first song. His whole body transforms and I'm floored, staring up at him. His hands move gracefully over the strings and his face is relaxed and concentrated and he tilts his head and sings into the mic. His voice is raw and beautiful. I feel my head sway along to the song, my feet tapping and several people in the bar move along to the beat. They keep rolling song after song until finally they thank the crowd and take a bow. The room has grown packed, several people swarming in off the street at the sound of them playing and I'm pressed firmly in my corner against a wall. The crowd breaks out into cheers and I clap my hands together, yelling loudly. They, of course, can't hear me over the noise and make their way off stage, taking their equipment with them. I make my way to the stage, a slow and painful process that gets me a bunch of dirty looks and harsh words.

By the time I get back there, Eddie is no where to be seen. Gareth and Jeff look up at me in surprise and I push my hair from face, wiping the sweat from my forehead with the back of my sleeve.

"Hey!" I beam at them. I hug them both and they smile down at me. "You guys were amazing out there!"

"Thanks, I'm glad you came," Gareth grins and I nod.

"Where is Eddie?" I ask and Jeff points his thumb over his shoulder to the back exit.

"He went out to get a smoke." he says and I nod. I ask if they need help with anything and they decline so I excuse myself to go find Eddie. I push open the door to the alleyway behind the building and I don't see him. I step completely out of the threshold and look around, pulling my jacket around myself. An eerie feeling sinks into my stomach and I wonder if I should just go back inside and wait for him there. I turn to grab the door handle when I hear a scuffle come from behind a nearby dumpster and a woman's soft giggle and I pause. My heart sinks and something tells me again to go inside, but my hand shakes against the knob and I release it. I turn back around and move quietly forward, until I can see around the dumpster and I freeze.

Eddie is there with his back turned to me. He's hunched slightly and around his waist are a set of long stilettoed legs. Arms are wrapped around his shoulders and I can see ten long red manicured claws digging into his curls. My heart shatters and I feel like I can't breath. The world tilts slightly and I fight the urge to fall over. I contemplate murder for a moment and then the realization crashes on my chest. I'm just his friend. I'm nothing to him. This was all a fun way to pass time to him. You are a joke. I go to turn away and I accidentally kick a beer bottle, causing it to clank loudly against the pavement. Eddie's head whips around and his eyes meet mine. There is crimson lipstick smeared across his lips. I feel sick to my stomach and I know if I stand here any longer I'll vomit. I run for the door and yank it open, sprinting inside. I push past Gareth and Jeff who look at me with concern, trying to grab at me and get me to stop but I evade them and keep going. I can feel the tears already running down my face, but I reach up and brush them away refusing to let them slow me down. Once I get to my car, I jump inside and fumble with the key slightly, my hands shaking aggressively. Eddie sprints out of The Hideout and looks around. He spots my car and runs forward. I lock my doors as I finally get the key in the ignition. His body slams into the driver side of my car and I scream, startled. I turn the key and my car comes alive. Eddie is knocking frantically on my window and I shake my head back and forth. His lips are still stained red.

"Ripley," I hear him plea. "Ripley, please don't go." I put the car in reverse and back out of the spot. Once I've backed up Eddie stands in front of my car and puts his hands on the hood, making it impossible for me to move without hitting him.

"Get out of the way," I call and he shakes his head. His own eye shine with emotion and it makes me more upset. What right does he have to cry? He did this. Why the hell is he upset?

"Move!" I scream and he bends at the waist looking down into the cab of the car directly at me.

"Not until you talk to me," he yells and something in me snaps. I get out of the car, leaving it on and slam my door behind me. I march toward him, filled with fury and he backs away slightly with panic clear on his face.

"You want to talk," I bark. "Then fucking talk."

"S-she means nothing to me," Eddie stutters, some of his resolve shaking and I laugh in his face, further scaring him.

"Oh so glad we can confirm you like to do those things with women that mean nothing to you! Is there any other ground breaking information you need to tell me Edward or am I free to go because otherwise I'm two seconds away from beating the shit out of you!"

"Ripley, please," he pleas. "You mean so much more to me then her. Please don't lump yourself in with her."

"What else am I supposed to believe?" I scream and he flinches.

"I don't want to ruin you." he says softly and confusion clouds some of my anger. "I don't deserve the offer you made me, especially when I can't even be man enough to work through my emotions and try to figure out how I feel about you. So I thought if I could forget about my desires for you, I could devote myself entirely to being your friend. I could forget that you drive me absolutely insane! That I think about you all the time. That I want you all the time. I can forget about how jealous I get when you talk to other guys or I could forget about how I feel when your eyes meet mine. I can forget that day out in the woods or that kiss on your couch. I can't even forget about you in my dreams so I should have known it was a pointless effort, but I had to try because you deserve more then me."

I grit my teeth and move closer to him, fury still pulsing through my veins. His words are sweet but the image of that girl wrapped around him still shines in my brain, demanding my attention and I can't shake it off.

"There you go again," I poke his chest hard and he grunts from the pressure, backing up slightly. "Deciding shit all on your own for me. I'm my own damn person and I can make up my mind about things on my own. And do you want to know what I think? I think I'm falling in love with you, you asshole! I love you, but now all I'm ever going to see is the image of some other girl wrapped around you, touching your hair, and kissing your lips! The lips I dream of kissing! So do whatever the fuck you want, Eddie. You always do anyway and thanks for breaking my fucking heart in the process."

I'm sobbing towards the end and I don't care. Eddie tries to move forward to comfort me, but I shove him as hard as I can and he backs fully away. I move back to my car and get in. I lay on the horn and he finally steps out of the way and I peel out, driving with reckless abandon towards my house. It's the only time I'm glad that no one is home as I slam the front door and climb the steps, flopping down on my bed. I sob and scream loudly into my pillow, letting it all out. My phone rings on the nightstand and I don't move to get it. It clicks over to the answering machine and I hear Eddie's panicked voice over the speaker. Aggravated, I climb out of bed and rip all the cords from my wall, his voice cutting off midsentence. I sink to the floor and curl in on myself. How could I have been so stupid?