20

Bakugo

"Kacchan, I'm quirkless." Deku cried and I felt my whole world just collaspe out from under me. Izuku Midoriya, my best friend and the one who is supposed to open a hero agency with me, is quirkless? How in the hell was that even supposed to work?

The emptiness inside of me only seemed to let more of myself hollow out and then when I looked up again a boy with a stinging quirk was stabbing him in the arm, laughing. I set off little explosions scaring him away but how long could I really protect him? Can I even protect him?

***

We are in elementary school and things haven't gotten any better at all. Thankfully Deku and I are going to go to the same middle school but that doesn't stop what I have to do now. I can still feel so much pain and every time I see him.

It. Just. Gets. Worse.

"Oi Deku meet me at the tree at the park after school today." I growled at him already angry from a bunch of other dumbasses trying to hurt him today. How many of these extras do I have explode at?

"Okay Kacchan! I'll go there right after school!" Deku smiled at me, I could already feel my heart breaking even more. I don't want to do this!

***

"You're nothing more than a useless Deku! Stop following me! Stop talking to me! Stop calling me that ridiculous nickname, I'm NOT your friend ANYMORE!" I screamed at him under the tree. My 'friends' just a little ways away listening to everything I was saying. "I WILL hurt you," I growled in warning, letting my voice go almost silent as I gave him the warning. I walked away, I walked away from everyone. Leaving the dumbasses staring at me with wide eyes before they jumped to follow me. Deku was left behind sobbing his eyes out and even with my back turned I knew he was staring at me, praying, that I would turn around and tell him it was all a bad joke.

But I can't, if I do then he will only get hurt worse.

I will only hurt him worse.

***

I'm so alone, even surrounded by all these people that tell me I'm so great I only feel alone. I force a smirk like everything is great or that I couldn't be better at all. I'm lying.

I'm alone.

I see Deku walk into the room and I don't feel so lonely anymore, but I can't talk to him. Not after last time.

The teacher put him right behind me.

Why must I be alone even when I'm surrounded? Why can't I just be free? Is there anyone out there that actually cares?

I look up and see Deku quietly go to his seat, he didn't even look up into my eyes, instead keeping them trained on the floor.

Much later, I was sitting alone in class during lunch, I needed to get away. It feels so wrong to be with so many people and yet all I feel is hollow.

"Kacchan? I know you don't want me to talk to you but are you okay? Can I help at all?" Deku begged and when I looked up I saw his bloodshot eyes full of tears already. I felt like my heart was cracking open, I already know this is going to hurt, why do I have to do it? Why can't I just be free?

"HUH? WHAT THE FUCK IS IT TO YOU, USELESS DEKU!" I said so many things that day and I even blew my quirk towards his face, making him fall down before I walked past him as if he was nothing but a bug.

The sound of shattering glass exploding in my mind and soul, each step I took away from him only breaking me more. Once in the bathroom I checked and made sure I was alone and then all the pieces finally came tumbling down shattering as if it could actually hit the concrete floor below me. I felt my knees bruise when I landed but the tears already flowing down my face wouldn't stop.

I severed the one person who didn't make me feel alone, I just didn't have a choice. If I didn't he just would have gotten hurt worse. How could he actually say that he still wants to be a hero? Doesn't he know that he could die?

***

"Take a swan dive," years passed by in a blink as I stood there burning Deku with my quirk. The sound of shattered glass everywhere around me, anytime I took a step I could hear the broken bits breaking down even more. I know I didn't hear any of this during the time that it was happening so why is it that I can hear it now?

Wait, none of this is happening right now. I'm reliving it, is that why it's so hard to remember everything? Where am I? Why am I here?

***

I screamed and fought so hard but still I felt the sludge going up my nose and in my mouth, going down my throat. I can't breathe.

I can't breathe.

I CAN'T BREATHE!

I'm alone, I'm always alone even with people all around, I am still alone. Now I'm dying and I'm still all alone. I looked up fighting the urge to let my eyes just close and let the pain just go away. Why am I screaming still? Again? Am I still screaming?

I fight with the blurriness of my vision and I saw Deku running towards me, my light. The only one that doesn't let me feel alone even when all I do is torture him. I can't do it anymore. If I live through this, I refuse to bully a quirkless Deku. I can't do it again.

***

What is he doing here? I see him at the UA entrance exam and surprise we are assigned to seats right next to each other. How am I not surprised? I just glare at him but I refuse to bully a quirkless Deku. If we are in the same area I will save him, pay him back for saving me all those months ago. Not that it will repay him anything at all. But I can still do that.

I hear another piece of glass chip.

***

"What do you mean quirkless? He has an amazing quirk!" I tuned out, Deku has a quirk? How? Since when? Why did he lie to me? Is he? Is he looking down on me?

I exploded and without even really knowing why I lashed out at him. I hurt him again, the sound of shattering glass surrounds me even while I am screaming. I look around and see us fighting on ground beta and the sound of millions of mirrors crashing down on asphalt is all that I can hear. Why can't I hear what we are even saying anymore?

***

Look who we have here?" Some nobody villain was attacking me at the USJ, I'm so alone. Even the heroes can't help me, why should they? I'm really no better than a villain anyway. Right, I'm a villain trying to make myself into a hero.

How can I be anyone's hero while I am still his villain? I get a little beat up but the only thing that really hurts me is the fact that Deku still isn't back yet. Why can't we go back to the way we were before? He has a quirk now so everything should be fine right?

I see explosions in the distance and I'm reminded that Deku gets hurt and breaks a bone everytime he uses his quirk. It would have been better if he stayed quirkless. Then at least I would know that he was trying to stay safe.

"Ooh~, hello cutie pie!" I turn only for a villain to catch me and trap me. Don't worry, you're too cute to let you die here today. I'll take care of you!"

I start to panic and set off as many explosions as I can to get away. I managed to burn her hair and pissing her off before we start to really fight.

***

"Join us," the fucker with a hand on his face offered and I was surrounded while tied to a chair. I was kidnapped from camp. Deku was so close I prayed that he would reach me in time.

But he didn't, nobody could.

They kept telling me how great I was, nothing I haven't heard a million time over again. I fought and fought to get away but after hours I heard Kirishima call out my name and I reached out for him. I was saved, I looked around him and see a bunch of our classmates and then I see Deku. The shattering noise again filled my ears, Deku came for me. Even after everything?

***

"Fine don't join us," the bad breath villain spat and he waved at another villain. "He is all yours, make sure he regrets his choice." He didn't even open his eyes again. The villain picked up a broom and dragged me into another room.

***

I'm sitting in the hospital bed, they know. They all know. Eraserhead and Hound Dog came in and my mom and dad had to leave. All four of them know what happened to me and I just can't. I can't deal.

"Kacchan!" I jumped and looked up to see Deku arguing with a security guard and my parents outside the door. I am nothing. I don't deserve anything. I am weak.

I am weak.

Eraserhead closed the door to my room and it wasn't until now that I noticed the tears streaming down my face as Hound Dog sat patiently in the chair and Eraserhead came over and hugged me to him. I can't do anything right. I am nothing. I am weak. I am useless.

I am worthless.

***

"I said no!" Kiri and I was in my bed and I was hurt and angry. I told him no, why is he doing this? We made up and for a moment I felt at peace, falling asleep in his arms and when I woke up from another nightmare he was standing by the door.

I made him leave and I locked the door, no one will ever love me. No one will ever want me. I felt like my heart was bleeding but no matter how many situps or planks I do it's not stopping my thoughts.

I am alone. I will always be alone. I am nothing. The broken and shattering glass I had been hearing this whole time seemed to silence itself I could hear what I could only imagine was sand all around me but nothing else could be heard over the sound of my sobs.

I am weak.