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Bad Luck Kline Gets a Yandere

Kline has a curse. Whenever he makes a woman smile, she shows up half-traumatized the next day—assuming she doesn't have broken bones. If that wasn't enough, he has the worst luck. It was so bad that he survived Truck-Kun and woke up in a hospital with 45 broken bones instead of a fantasy world. The combination made him destined to die a handicapped virgin on the cusp of despair. That abruptly changed when he got a system to overcome his bad luck. Twenty-seven brutal days later, he was a handsome superhuman with a female-attracting pheromone and cheat codes for becoming a billionaire with a harem. Life was supposed to be easy. Unfortunately, the system exposed the main source of his lifelong misfortune—a gaggle of obsessive yanderes. Neither Kline nor anyone could've guessed the women stalking him were yanderes. They were stable, successful, and exceedingly normal—unless triggered. Unfortunately, when women aggressively threw themselves at Kline, the yanderes came out into the open. With each trying to "protect" Kline from losing his virginity, their love quickly devolved into a battle royale. Kline tried to escape but quickly learned that even the most extreme cheats weren't enough to win a misfortune chess against the AIs on max difficulty. Therefore, he abandoned his dreams to live the easy life and began grinding the system-recommended skillsets necessary to bring out his system's potential and fight for his cultured dreams. - - This is a hardcore comedy. Prepare to sacrifice a catastrophic number of brain cells for truckloads of undeserved dopamine. - There will be romance, harem culture, and Kline will eventually love his yanderes. The yanderes may stop trying to kill one another. Maybe. - These are real yanderes; expect delusional mindsets and no-holds-barred criminal behavior. Seriously. — [Mature Content] — Comedy | Harem | System | Weak to Strong | R18+ | Yanderes | Yanderes! | YANDERES! | Slice of Life | ;) | Get it? | Satire | Parody | Landslide Comedy | Weeb Humor | Good Ol' Fashion Dick Jokes | Immature | Mature AF | Speaking of Which | Mature Content | Eechi | Softcore Smut | Lol wut? | Read It | No Murder | Probably | Have Fun!

Margrave · Fantasía
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19 Chs

Bath Services

Knock! Knock! Knock!

Kline awoke to the sound of a loud knocking on his door. He looked at the alarm clock next to him and let out a groan. "Why is someone knocking at 5:45 in the morning?"

He said he'd be ready in a moment and then quickly threw on some clothing and opened the door.

"Hello, who…." The virgin teen abruptly stopped speaking he saw a certain busty woman staring back at him.

"Hello, Mr. Noble." Rebecca said with a slight smile, "The women bathe at 6:30 am.

I'm giving you a wake-up call if you wish to bathe alone or use our bathing services in private."

"Well, yeah… wait, I have an option!?" Kline cried with the sharp pitch of a dying animal.

"Of course." She replied, blinking twice, "Given your nature and position, it's only natural to let you bathe with the women. Moreover, all guests have the right to use our bathing services."

"Agh!" The hopeless virgin cried, pretending to trip to close the door halfway, successfully hiding his lower half behind it, "Sorry about that."

"No worries." Rebecca giggled, squishing her boob with her elbow as she covered her mouth playfully.

"Yeah… hah haha." Kline laughed awkwardly, "As for bathing… I don't think it's wise to bathe with the women."

Between the owner being a front-grade scandal magnet and the fiery [probably-hacker] knowing he was straight, bathing with the women felt like a death trap.

Contrary to expectations, the brunette frowned deeply. "I understand…."

His mind exploded in puzzlement. "These services you've graciously informed me of… what are they?"

Rebecca's eyes lit up again. "We have cleaning services. The spa has qualified massage therapists that will help clean most of your body, scrubbing your back and hard-to-reach places."

"Agh!" Kline tripped again, closing the door further to hide his oversized member further, "I don't know what's gotten into me!"

"For someone so fit, you're surprisingly clutzy." She giggled, elbowing her squishy breast again.

"Yeah… I am." He laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head before becoming serious, "I know it's a service, but are you sure women wouldn't mind bathing me? A man?"

"I don't think any woman would complain about cleaning a man like you." Rebecca claimed, bursting into giggles. "We'd feel more uncomfortable washing you since you're so attractive."

Kline couldn't figure out if he waltzed into an alternate dimension or if he was actually in a coma in the Skulls Program lab. However, he didn't question it!

'Real or not, wet dream, here I come!' He declared internally, 'Cringe statement, but worth it for double phrasing. Let's go!'

"Is everything alright?" Rebecca asked, looking at his immature yet strangely determined expression in confusion.

"It's nothing." Kline laughed awkwardly, dry-swallowing, "Your concerns are grossly unfounded, and I genuinely want to use the service; it just feels… awkward."

"Awkward?" Rebecca asked, "You seemed comfortable touching my breasts. If you're at ease with me, I'm certified and glad to give you the service… if you're okay with someone who finds you wildly attractive washing you, that is."

Do I mind if a woman attracted to me washes me!? What type of 1984 double-speak question is that!? Of course, I don't care! Take your time and my money! Those were the thoughts going through both of his heads.

However, he was cool and collected on the surface. "If you [want to] do it, I wouldn't deny a woman an opportunity when it's mutually desirable."

Rebecca's eyes lit up in delighted bewilderment. "Then come this way, Kline. We need to move before the women get up."

Kline dry-swallowed and nodded hesitantly. "Let me take my medicine, and then lead the way."

As they walked, he checked every corner behind him.

"Is there something wrong?" The hourglass-shaped brunette asked, abruptly swiveling her hips seductively as she led the way.

He saw the shift and looked down, seeing her large yet proportionate bubble butt with a mesmerized expression. "No, I'm just making sure a person I met yesterday isn't around."

A.K.A. The Cock-Blocking Supra-Mistress In Training

"I see…." Rebecca said with a mysterious tone, remembering the woman who cut off their conversation and then demanded to take care of him. However, his worried expression made her feel strangely happy. "Put your mind at ease. We're here."

She opened a door, revealing a massive roman style bath made of genuine marble.

The area was surrounded by eight-foot bonsai trees, perfectly deprived of nutrients to fit the room. It was an ambient location with natural sunlight from a sky roof. Perfect.

"There's a locker room there." The voluptuous woman said, pointing to the door, "I'll use this one. Grab a towel and enter the bath wherever you wish."

"Okay, I'll do that." Kline dry-swallowed nervously, "It's my first time… using this service, so I appreciate you guiding me."

"It's my pleasure." Rebecca giggled, giving him an excited expression as she scampered into the bathroom.

He quickly went into the locker room and stripped with a beating heart.

This was it! He'd finally see a naked woman, and she'd touch his naked body! Sure, it wasn't perfect, but it was complimentary and desired by both parties.

Nice!

His excitement hit a wall when it was time to leave and expose himself. His heart thumped, and his nerves took over. However! He was on the precipice of a cultured experience and wasn't afraid to seize the day!

Kline strode out of the locker room like a roman general walking to meet his soldiers, giving them a harangue before a major battle. Rebecca hadn't returned, so he boldly removed his towel and walked into the bath with pride, visibly lacking shame.

Afraid to get caught off guard, he waded to the other side to face the doorway. Now he was staring at the facing locker room, awaiting his destiny.

His heart beat like a war drum when Rebecca walked out of the locker room like a goddess, brought down from Mount Olympus. She only wore a towel and a bright smile. Simply stunning.

She walked over to the towel rack, preparing to enter the bath with him. The moment had arrived! He was mere seconds away from seeing a naked woman IRL!

However, before she reached the rack—

ShhhhHHHHhhHHHhhHHH!

—the steam gauge went haywire, sending more steam into the room next to her body.

Kline's heart felt a pang of dread as the area filled unnaturally with steam. He knew what would happen and didn't want to admit it. Knowing his luck, it'd be true—and it was.

"That's strange." Rebecca commented, removing her towel with thick steam hiding her body, "It's already at the right temperature. Oh well."

The voluptuous woman walked through the uncultured, urge-burgling fog that deprived him of a complete look at the woman's form before she entered the bath.

However, the hopeless virgin's mood shifted when he remembered something important—she was coming to wash him! Sure, he couldn't see her body, but he'd feel it! Why worry about the visual when he could experience it!?

"Wow, it's getting hot in here." Rebecca commented, halfway across the water. The steam heated the room at an alarming pace, and the water was heating proportionately, "I should check the temperature's fine."

"N-No, it's okay!" Kline yelled awkwardly, afraid his bad luck would strip him of glory when she was only ten feet away! "I don't mind the heat. In fact, I love it; it's the best. Hah ha haha!"

"Then I'll keep it." She giggled, "But I need to ensure it's not broken. For my job."

He watched her turn around and wade into the mist, her body melding into the fog until he couldn't see it. It was horrifying!

The hopeless virgin stared into the white beyond with the broken heart and mindset of an abandoned puppy. However, his heart fluttered when he heard her enter the bath again.

"It was timer-set to hot tubbing mode on accident." Rebecca announced from somewhere in the fog, wadding to him like the banshee in a video game, "I turned it off, but it'll take a while to clear up."

"It's okay, hah haha…." Kline replied, feeling the water rippling around him. When he could hear her getting near, he realized something wonderful. She couldn't see his little brother flying proudly! What a confusing stroke of good luck!

"It's a letdown we can't see one another." She pouted, "But it shouldn't affect the [washing] process. So it's okay."

A beautiful woman's face appeared through the thick fog.

"Eek!" Rebecca cried when the two saw each other abruptly. She stumbled forward and flew into Kline, who immediately braced for impact.

Before he knew what was happened, he found himself pushing back against a force weighing down on him. However, it was challenging because his hands were pressing against something spongy!

"Ahhh~" Rebecca moaned sharply, feeling him squeeze her breasts to get a better holding.

Kline's eyes widened in shock when he heard her moan and looked down, suddenly feeling the nib in the center of his hand. He realized what had happened—he was grabbing breasts, and the woman wasn't slapping him!

However, the hopeless virgin wouldn't make it awkward. "Sorry, I was just trying to brace your fall. I didn't mean to… you know, grab your…."

"Ah… ummm…." Rebecca replied awkwardly, not complaining but finding it awkward to agree.

After hearing her strange tone, he looked down in perplexion, abruptly realizing something critical—he hadn't let go!

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I—" Kline frantically tried to explain.

"It's okay." Rebecca replied coquettishly, "I told you that you could remember?

I'm curious about what you think about female breasts. So you can play with them if you want…."

"I can tell you alrea…." He started before cutting himself off sharply, "I mean, I'd love to feed your curiosity. So let me see…."

"Okay. Let me just get into a better position." She whispered, taking sharp breaths while pulling his legs apart and falling to her knees, keeping her chest within his grasp.

Kline had never been so grateful a woman couldn't see what was ten inches in front of her! However, it mattered not! He had a sworn obligation to feed her curiosity, so he prepared to give her a full report before—

"Wow, it's steamy in here!" A woman commented loudly through the fog.

"Right? But I like it!"

"Me too!"

"I'm not a fan, but a bath is a bath."

Two dozen footsteps entered the room, each woman chatting casually.