72. Ask Me No Questions, I Tell You No Lies

Thank you for all your feedback on my last chapter! I hope you like and enjoy this one :)

72. Ask Me No Questions, I Tell You No Lies

For the first time in a while Erin had no idea how to interpret Jay's gaze, had no idea what was going on inside of him, couldn't read his mind like she sometimes could as they were standing in the dimmed light of their dining room, Luke sleeping in her arms and she had the feeling that the atmosphere was somehow tense. His facial expression was a mix of confusion, shock and being perplex and speechless and she sensed that it probably would've been better to inform him about this circumstance before coming home with a sleeping child and telling him that they would take care of him for the next day. Or two.

″You remember when you brought Crispin home because he was traumatized and needed a safe place?″ she asked rhetorically, the situation now being basically the same, only that he'd brought home a four-legged kiddo and she a two-legged one. ″Because this is kind of a Crispin-situation,″ she explained, smiling nervously.

A weak smile rushed over Jay's face by her choice of words, by calling this a Crispin-situation. Now he could vaguely imagine what had happened but no matter the story behind it, he was sure that Erin's had her reasons to bring the boy home. ″Why don't we tuck him in in the guest room and you explain then?″ he asked, his hand finding her neck as he pressed a kiss on the side of her head.

″Yeah, I think my arms would appreciate that,″ Erin said and let Jay guide her to the guestroom. They undressed Luke's shoes and jacket carefully and tucked him in, covering him with his own blanket and an extra one, placed his stuffy close by and used some pillows to make the queen-sized bed a little safer so he wouldn't fall out even if he was tossing and turning.

Before they left the room, Erin stroked his cheek lovingly and closing the door behind them, she immediately turned her gaze to Jay and said quietly: ″I'm sorry that I took you by surprise and didn't inform you before.″

″There's no need to apologize,″ he smiled tiredly.

″I saw the look on your face when I came in and I should-″

″Hey babe,″ he said, his thumb stroking over her lip soothingly. ″It's fine. I was just shocked because I didn't expect that at all. But I'm sure you did it for the right reasons,″ he said, his hand traveling up to cup her cheek, his lips finding her forehead. ″How about you eat some of the lasagna I prepared and tell me the whole story?″

″Lasagna at 1am?″ she chuckled. ″Well, isn't that healthy?″

″I know you can't say no to my lasagna, no matter the time,″ he winked.

″You could be right about that,″ Erin laughed and took his hand so he could pull her to the kitchen with him.

After heating up Jay's homemade lasagna in the microwave, they settled on the bar stools in the kitchen, Erin digging into the Italian dish while telling Jay the whole story about what had happened ever since she'd ended the call and had shown up in their house more than three hours later with a four-year-old boy.

Though it was nothing new to him that Erin was simply amazing with kids, he was truly impressed about how she'd gotten through to him and after hearing the whole story, from how she'd earned his trust to how he'd asked her who would take care of him, he could understand her decision even more. This was Erin. The woman he loved more than life itself. The woman that had more empathy for others than anyone else he knew. The woman that was apart from that the most amazing mother and he knew that those maternal instincts had probably played a significant role in the choice she'd made tonight as well.

In addition, she told him that ever since the case with Teddy she was still having trouble with giving a child to DCFS and although they'd caught the head of the snake back then, the only person within the department she really trusted was Clara, who wouldn't be back in the office before Monday.

″So right now we have no idea where the mother is?″ Jay summarized in the end after she'd told him everything, even her discussion with Hank, coming to the conclusion that if they didn't find the mother tomorrow, Luke would stay with them until Monday because this was the earliest Erin would be able to reach out to Clara – even though Erin has only been talking about this one night Luke would stay with them so far. He knew his woman and he knew she would find a way to keep Luke with them until Monday and would under no circumstances place him with Child Serives earlier.

″No,″ Erin confirmed. ″We have her phone number and Mouse already tried to ping her phone just before I left but it's either turned off or in flight mode. Seems like Luke was right when he told me we can't reach her until she's back,″ she sighed.

″Which mother is unreachable for three days although she has a small child and a minor brother at home? I mean, anything can happen anytime, so why would someone even do that?″

″I don't know,″ Erin shrugged, her voice kinda defeated because deep down inside she had the feeling that this case wasn't going to end well for Luke and that no matter how hard she tried to tell herself that the mother could explain it all, she actually knew that it would end with calling DCFS anyway, would end with a child being seperated from his mother. ″But I'll find out I guess,″ she sighed and got up from her stool in one fast move, ready to hit the cushions.

″Heeeyy,″ Jay said, holding her by her arm while getting up himself and as soon as he stood in front of her, he pulled her closer to his body and wrapped his arms around her tiny frame.

″I know this is a tough one for you,″ he mumbled into her hair. Cases with kids have always been hard for her, even harder since being a mother. And especially those with abandoned ones were probably still waking up some demons from her past, demons that were deep down inside but sometimes still coming up when situations were similar to her childhood and hit therefore close to home. ″But I'll be there and we will find out together what's going on here.″

Even though Erin knew that Jay was always there for her, that he would always have her back, it felt good to hear him saying that they were in this together. ″Thank you,″ she murmured against his chest, snuggling into his embrace even more and just letting those strong arms and the rhythmic beating of his heart giving her the safety and comfort she needed right now.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

The night turned out to be one of the most sleepless ones since Emilia had been a newborn, their 8-month-old not being the main reason for it. Just as expected, Luke had nightmares for the better part of the remaining night and at some point Erin stayed downstairs on the couch so she could be with him faster in case he started to cry and scream again. In the early morning hours around 5.30am, just when she'd fallen back into slumber on the couch, Emilia decided that her night was over and no matter that Erin was sleeping downstairs, she of course woke up from her daughter's crying.

″I feel like a zombie,″ Jay yawned when he came down the stairs and into the living room, Emmy carrying on his hip and Crispin following on his heels.

″Yeah, I join that club,″ Erin yawned as well but looking at her daughter she could only smile. ″I guess you're the only one that's well rested, huh monkey?″ she asked and left her bed on the couch to kiss her husband and daughter good morning. ″Come here,″ she said and took her from Jay's arms into her own.

″Hey sweet girl,″ she whispered and kissed Emmy's brown-blonde hair. ″I missed you yesterday.″

″She missed you as well,″ Jay smirked, this picture of Erin and Emmy cuddling in front of him letting his heart flutter. ″She said mamama all the time,″ he said, suddenly remembering what he'd wanted to tell her last night but has completely forgotten due to her showing up with Luke. ″I even made a video, wait a second.″

He went to the kitchen to grab his phone from the place where he charged it every night, Crispin following him with the hope to get an early breakfast but then staying by his empty bowls to signalise them that in his opinion it was definitely time for breakfast when Jay went back to join Erin and Emmy again.

″Here you go,″ he said and pressed play to show her the video how Emmy tried to pull herself up on their coffee table, Jay sitting close by and encouraging her and then helping her in the end so she could stand on her own feet. She held herself on the coffee table, Jay giving her some extra stabilization with the one hand he didn't hold the phone with. ″Emmy, I'm making a video for mommy. You wanna say hi mommy? Say hi mommy,″ Jay baby-talked and Emmy looked at him with her bright blue eyes and adorable smile and then babbled: ″Mamama.″ Jay cheered and said: ″You got it girl,″ and then turned the camera around to film his own face, a goofy grin covering his features when he said: ″See what I just taught her?″

″You're such a dork,″ Erin giggled once the screen turned black. ″Thanks for this,″ she smirked and gave him a light kiss but their little moment was interrupted aprubtly when Luke started to cry and scream for what felt like the 10th time in the last 4 hours.

″Give her to me,″ Jay said and took Emmy back into his arms, following Erin towards the guest room but waiting outside because Luke hasn't met him so far and he didn't want to scare him, Crispin now being with him again, probably confused where this unfamiliar cry was coming from.

″Stay here bud,″ Jay whispered when Crispin tried to get into the room, holding him back by his blue plaid bandana.

″Hey Luke,″ Erin said inside the room, her hand stroking over his head. ″Everything is fine and you're safe and you can get back to sleep. I'm here to protect you and so is Pluto,″ she said and showed him his stuffy that he instantly reached for to cuddle it. ″Nothing will happen to you and you don't have to be scared of anything, okay?″

Luke looked at her with tired, tear-stained eyes and nodded slowly.

″Close your eyes and breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out...″ she told him, her hand traveling to his back to rub soothing circles onto it and different to last time, when he'd needed quite some time to settle, he fell asleep quickly, his breathing deep and easy within a few minutes.

When she opened the door, Crispin sneaked in before she could do anything about it and for the first time since they've had him, he did something he knew he was absolutely not allowed to do. He jumped on the bed and lay down by Luke's feet.

″Crispin, out!″ Erin whispered strictly, her finger pointing to the door, but the black-and-white dog only looked at her with his big, lovely eyes, his ears all attentive and his face sweet and innocent in general.

″Er,″ Jay said and put his hand on her arm so she would lower it because he had a pretty good idea why Crispin was doing this. Even though Crispin was the most amazing dog already, he never failed to amaze him even more. ″Let him.″

For a second Erin looked at him like he was out of his mind that he allowed the dog to lie in the bed now as well but then she suddenly understood why Jay made an exception this time.

″You mean he can help him to sleep?″ she asked.

″Maybe. Sometimes animals can do unbelievable things. So we should just let Crispin do his thing and see what happens,″ he suggested.

″As long as our four-legged rascal knows that this bed-deal today is an exception,″ she answered, chuckling slightly, and closed the door behind them.

″He knows,″ Jay grinned. ″And now on to the important stuff: what do you want for breakfast?″

″It's not even 6am and I had a plate full of lasagna less than five hours ago,″ she grimaced, her statement and facial expression telling him that she wasn't the tiniest bit hungry.

″Well Emmy, looks like daddy will get two breakfasts today. One now and the second later when mommy has her first. Isn't that awesome?″ he laughed, Emmy, as always, giggling along with him.

″Sometimes I really wonder where you put all that food,″ she chuckled, roaming his body with her eyes, her hand stroking over his chest and then resting on his stomach with all those muscles underneath the shirt he'd just slipped into after getting up.

″Jealous?″ Jay asked back, raising his eyebrows playfully.

She formed the hand that rested on his stomach into a fist and punched him softly. ″You wish.″

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

After only having granola with joghurt for the first breakfast, Jay found himself back in the kitchen a little more than two hours later to make apple crisp pancakes for their family breakfast. Luckily Hank had texted him earlier to tell him that he could come in with Erin later and that they would only take the next step of their drug case tonight, so he could spend the morning at home before pulling another long night shift.

Erin was currently upstairs to catch on some more sleep and Emmy was in her playpen in the living room since he couldn't keep an eye on her and as she currently pulled herself up everywhere but didn't have quite the balance yet to stay on her feet this was the safest place for her. Probably thanks to Crispin, Luke was still sleeping as well and ever since their dog has been with him, there haven't been any cries.

When he started to set the table, Emilia demanded his attention again, so after only putting on the cuttlery, he had to set the rest of the table with just one hand since Emmy occupied his other arm.

″Alright princess,″ he said after placing the last glass of orange juice on the table. ″Let's wake mommy up.″

″Mommy's up already,″ Erin said behind him, walking into the kitchen in that moment, not wearing her pajama anymore but yoga pants and her cubs shirt, her hair tied into a ponytail.

″Perfect, then we can eat right away,″ he winked and put Emmy in her highchair.

″I'll just go and check on Luke and Crisp,″ she smiled back at him and made her way to the guest room. As the door was not completely closed, she could hear a hushed voice and opening it completely and stepping into the room, she found Luke sitting in his bed, his hands stroking Crispin's fur extensively, the dog enjoying all the attention very much. Naturally.

″Hey, you're up, good morning,″ she said and sat down on the edge of the bed, her hand finding Crispin's fur as well.

″Who's that?″ Luke asked, his gaze not leaving the dog.

″That's Crispin, our dog. You like him?″

″Yaaah,″ he answered and lifted his head, a beaming smile on his face.

Crispin you did it again, she thought. This dog was one in a million and for sure one of the greatest gifts they've ever been blessed with. A gift that was hungry all the time, also right now, his stomach growling which Erin could understand because he hasn't had any breakfast so far.

″Did you hear that?″ she asked Luke. ″That's his tummy. He's hungry because he wanted to stay with you rather than eating something.″

″Can I give him a treat?″

″Maybe later. He has to eat some real stuff first,″ Erin explained. ″How about we get him and you some breakfast and I introduce you to my daughter and husband, who made pancakes by the way,″ she winked.

″Pancakes?″ he asked, his eyes widening and Erin sensed that at home, in this small apartment in Pilsen, pancakes were an exception for him.

″Yeah, apple crisp pancakes,″ she nodded. ″And I think he even made some chocolate chip pancakes especially for you.″

Holding Luke's hand, she walked to the dining room where Jay and Emmy were already waiting for them, Luke hiding a little behind her leg when he saw Jay, yet another stranger.

Kneeling down in front of the boy, Erin said: ″I know you met lots of new people last night and this is all a lot for you but you don't have to be scared, okay? I would never introduce you to any bad people.″

″Okay,″ he whispered.

″Good,″ Erin smiled and lifted the boy up into her arms. ″So Luke, this is my husband Jay. He's a cop as well. And this is our daughter Emilia,″ she said. ″Jay, Emmy, this is Luke, the master of the fort that I told you about.″ By those words, a big smile rushed over Luke's face and some of his hesitation seemed to fade only by these words.

Jay's lips curved into a smile, accompanied by an almost invisible wink. Erin always knew how to handle such fragile situations, which words she needed to choose that would break the ice and this moment proved once more that she was simply and truly made to be a mother because she could always make children, that have been through hell, feel better, feel safe and protected and accepted. And there was nothing that he was more proud of than that he was allowed to call this incredible woman his wife.

″Hey Luke, master of the fort,″ Jay waved at the 4-year-old.

″Hi,″ Luke smiled shyly.

″You ready for some pancakes?″ Jay asked, already putting one on Luke's plate.

″Mhm,″ he nodded, this shy smile still on his face.

They mostly had their breakfast in silence but Luke seemed to enjoy it and they didn't even have to ask him whether he wanted another one because he asked himself all shy which was quite a big step for him.

″You can have as many as you want,″ Jay said and put another one on his plate and cut it in smaller pieces so he could pick it up with his fork.

″What do you usually eat for breakfast?″ Erin asked, this being the perfect opportunity to dig deeper into his family life, to find out whether they had to deal with child abandonment more than his mother just leaving him alone over the weekend.

″Toast with peanut butter or jam. Pancakes only on Christmas and my birthday and Ty's birthday and mommy's birthday,″ he explained, putting the fork with the piece of pancake in his mouth.

″Is your mom usually there to make you your breakfast?″

″Sometimes she comes home after breakfast,″ he answered casually because this was another circumstance he was used to. ″Then Ty makes me one. But sometimes Ty doesn't want to get up so I do it myself.″

Erin exchanged a short glance with Jay as neither of them liked what they were hearing.

″Do you go to preschool?″ Erin asked although she was sure to know the answer.

″Uh-uh,″ he mumbled and shook his head no. ″After mommy slept we play together or watch movies or go to the playground.″

″That's...awesome,″ she lied, forcing a smile before glancing to Jay who looked like he had the same thoughts and bad feeling about all of this that she had as well although Luke wasn't exactly telling them something absolutely dramatic.

″Erin?″ Luke asked and looked directly at her to ask her a question that let her heart drop to her knees because she still didn't know how to answer. ″Will Ty be back today?″

″Uhm,″ she stammered. ″No, I don't think so,″ she said, postponing the inevitable to later.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

″Come on bug,″ Erin said when she scooped Emmy from the car seat into her arms after they'd arrived at the 21st. ″Look at you, big girl,″ she sighed when she had Emmy resting on her hip, the 8-month-old looking so much more like a toddler than a baby in her dark blue jeans, the long-sleeved white shirt, the pink vest, the light blue bandana and the little, comfy white-and-pink babyshoes she was wearing. ″Can you just stop growing already, little lady?″ The fact that by now her daughter was way closer to being a year old than being a newborn seriously scared the crap out of her. If time kept flying like this, Emilia would be 15 before she could even blink.

″You sure you wanna go in there without backup?″ Jay joked while she was settling Emmy in the stroller.

″Yeah, I'll get it handled,″ she smiled faintly and suppressed a sigh because telling Hank that she wouldn't inform DCFS until Monday wasn't something she looked exactly forward to. ″You sure you don't need backup at the playground with these three?″ she grinned, looking from Emmy to Crispin to Luke, the latter holding Jay's hand. One could say that the blonde boy's warmed up to Jay quite quickly.

″I'll get it handled, no worries,″ he winked.

″Alright,″ she said and leaned in to peck his lips quickly. ″I don't think I'll need more than an hour, then I come over to the playground and you can go to work.″ They'd figured that it was best not to take Luke up to the bullpen again with two ongoing cases and that Jay should stay at the playground close to the precinct while she would try to find out more about Luke's mother and tell Hank that they would keep the boy until Monday in case they couldn't find his mother. And even if they found her tomorrow, they wouldn't be able to justify the decision of not calling DCFS anymore as more than two days without being reachable were simply too long, so it seemed like she had to call Clara on Monday anyway. Though she didn't give up all her hope yet that Mouse was able to track her down and they could bring her in within the next few hours so she could ask her what the hell was going on. Because this woman was her's to interrogate.

This hope, however, was kinda taken away as soon as she asked Mouse about any news because they still had no idea about her current location and all they had was her identity. Rylie Jackson. 21 years old. Which meant she'd become a mother by the age of 16, her brother 10 years old back then, the father dead and no info on where the mother was. Just another of these completely messed up families as it seemed, the kind of family she knew too well.

″Erin, my office,″ Hank called through the bullpen when she and Mouse were scrolling through the messages on Tyler's phone, trying to find anything that could lead them to Rylie.

″What's up?″ she asked as soon as she'd closed the door behind her, assuming that this would turn out to be that kind of conversation not the whole bullpen had to witness.

″You called DCFS?″

″No,″ she answered. ″Clara is still the only one I trust and she will be back in the office on Monday and that's when I make the call. And anyway, maybe we find Rylie today and...″

″Erin,″ Hank said, holding his hand up to signalise her to stop speaking. ″Forensics found traces of cocaine on the kitchen counter, the amount you would find when someone scored a line. They did blood tests on Tyler and he's clean.″

She should've seen it coming, should've known that drugs were probably involved and deep down inside she had but she'd pushed those possibilities away nevertheless and that's why she now felt this little bit of hope crashing inside of her, why these news felt like a punch in the gut. And the thought that she soon had to crash Luke's world made her knees weak because there was no way he could stay with his mother now that they'd found traces of drugs in the apartment. He would lose it all.

″I thought I could reunite them,″ she said defeated and plopped down on the chair. ″I thought Luke doesn't have to lose both, his uncle and his mother. I so badly wanted to believe that I can keep mother and son together, that everything turns out fine and that she's a good mother. I was aware of the possibility but I didn't want to believe that Luke's living the same life that I lived. Having an addict as mother.″

″I know,″ Hank answered softly and leaned forward to place his hand atop hers. He knew exactly how hard this was for her, that this was a perfect remembrance of her own crappy life she no one in this world wished to have, so he didn't say anything else.

″How's the boy doing?″ Hank asked into the silence.

″Good,″ Erin said and forced a smile. ″He's been warming up to us and he's a happy little boy. He's polite and doesn't seem abandoned or neglegted. We had other cases where it was all obvious that the kid had a crappy life,″ she sighed.

Hank looked at her sternly and then made a decision that was probably not the smartest but in the boy's best interest. ″Promise me you'll call Clara first thing Monday morning.″

″I promise,″ she said without hesitation and gave him a weak smile. ″Thank you.″

Her father-figure only nodded at her in response and so she got up from her chair but when her hand was already on the doorknob, she turned around to him again. ″When you find Rylie, let me know instantly. Because I wanna do that,″ she said, determination in her eyes and voice. ″Please,″ she added.

″We'll see,″ Hank answered, which was neither a no nor a yes. She took it anyway but didn't forget to tell Mouse, who still owed her one from back when she'd helped him to land a date with Sarah, the same thing on her way out.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Saturday passed and neither Mouse nor Hank called Erin, only Jay texted her in the evening that they haven't been able to track Rylie down yet. So far busting the drug ring was their priority anyway and the murder of Tyler Jackson would be investigated on Monday, when they could hopefully interrogate his sister and go to his school to talk with teachers and friends to get some hints why someone would want to murder him in such a cruel way.

Due to a successful late night bust and following interrogations all night, Jay only came home on early Sunday morning around 4.30 and fell into bed completely beat as he wasn't able to keep his eyes open any longer. Nonetheless he woke up only two hours later by some noises coming from the kitchen. Still more or less slumbering, he reached out for Erin, expecting her side of the bed to be abandoned because she was in the kitchen as Emmy was probably awake already, but when his arm found her next to him, he was wide awake in a heartbeat. His first intention was to go to the wardrobe to get his gun out of the safe that was in there but giving it a second thought, he figured that if there was a burglary going on in their house, first of all the alarm system would've recognized it and second of all, their four-legged alarm system would make quite the terror as well because there was no way their attentive hero would miss out on strangers being in the house in the middle of the night. But other than those noises from the kitchen, everything was completely silent and Crispin seemed to sleep in Emmy's room, just as always.

He made his way downstairs all quiet nonetheless but glancing into the kitchen, where the light was on, he saw the reason for the noises quickly and just as he'd expected, there was no burglary going on.

″Luke, what are you doing?″ he asked the little boy who stood on the counter and seemed to look for something in the upper cupboards.

″I'm looking for the jam,″ he said and pointed to a plate with one piece of bread that hasn't been toasted so far.

″Buddy, you can't just simply climb up there, that's dangerous,″ Jay said and lifted him down from the counter to the floor.

″But I was hungry.″

″You have to wait until Erin or I make you something for breakfast,″ Jay explained.

″I can do it myself. Just like I do at home sometimes,″ Luke said like it was the most normal thing that an almost 5-year-old made breakfast all by himself.

″You climb onto cupboards at home as well?″ Jay frowned.

″No,″ he shook his head. ″Everything is where I can reach it.″

″Yeah bud,″ Jay said and scooped him up into his arms, ″but here it's different. The things that you can't reach, you simply can't reach, okay? There's no climbing on counters because Erin and I would be really sad if you hurt yourself, little monkey.″

″Okay,″ he nodded.

″High-five?″

″High-five,″ Luke beamed and gave Jay a high-five.

″What's going on here?″ Erin yawned behind them, stretching her tired limbs. She'd been woken up by some hushed voices coming from downstairs and she'd then decided to check what was going on and whether her husband maybe needed a hand, especially since Luke'd had quite the tantrum yesterday afternoon.

″Uhm, just a conversation between men,″ Jay winked. ″Right Luke?″

″Right,″ Luke giggled.

″Luke is hungry and he thought he's a monkey and can climb on our counters to make himself breakfast,″ Jay said, throwing Erin a meaningful glance that could tell her the unspoken. They really had to take better care of him and tell him some rules, even though he would leave them tomorrow. ″So I explained him that he's not allowed to do that and that I will make breakfast for him instead.″

″How about you go back to bed and catch up on a couple more hours of sleep and I make this monkey breakfast?″ Erin smiled and closed the gap between them so she could tickle Luke's belly with her fingers.

″I actually like this plan even better,″ Jay smirked and let Luke back down to the floor.

″Perfect. You wanna help me making breakfast, Luke?″

″Yes,″ Luke nodded eagerly and while Jay crawled back into bed, falling back asleep in less than five minutes, Erin prepared scrambled eggs for herself and Luke and then went to check on Emmy so she could pick her up before she would start to cry and wake Jay up again. It proved to be perfect timing because Emmy was just about to pull herself up with the help of the bars and so she took her right downstairs so she, Emmy, Luke and Crispin could have breakfast together and then go for a little walk through the neighborhood afterwards.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

″Erin?″ Luke asked later that Sunday morning when she was sitting on the floor in the living room to play with him and Emmy. She still had a thousand things to do today; going grocery shopping, doing the laundry, cleaning the bathroom, changing the sheets in the bedroom, the list could be continued endlessly and although her day had started early, she hasn't done anything so far other than making breakfast, making two kids and herself ready for the day and going for a quick stroll with them and the dog. And with Jay still sleeping and with two kids demanding attention, she had no chance of getting anything done and she seriously wondered how moms that had more than one child managed their lives without living in an absolute chaos.

″What's up?″ She looked at him and saw the pensive look on his face.

″When my mommy's coming back tonight, will Ty be back then as well?″

Erin bit her lip with her teeth and hesitated with giving him an answer. He had to learn about his uncle's death before tomorrow because then he would be placed with DCFS, would learn that his mother couldn't take care of him anymore and that he had to live with a foster family. Within 24 hours his world would get crashed twice in the most cruel way and it was on her to decide when to crash it for the first time. But how did you even tell a 4-year-old that one of the most important persons in his life had been murdered and was not coming back?

Contemplaiting her options, she decided against doing it now, mainly because she didn't want to do it alone, wanted Jay to be with her so they could do it together because even if she was the one to tell him, just him being there would make her feel better. ″We'll talk about that later,″ was all she said, hoping that he wouldn't dig any deeper.

Later came a couple hours after Luke's question, right in the afternoon while Emilia was taking her nap and Luke was outside in the sandbox, Erin keeping an eye on him while folding laundry in the living room.

″Bathroom is clean,″ Jay cheered when he walked into the living room and wrapped his arms around her from behind.

″Perfect, leaves just ten other things we have to do,″ she chuckled slightly. She was really not cut to be a housewife but what had to be done had to be done although the word cleaning and anything that had to do with it were surely her least favorite ones in the world.

″You wanna tell Luke first before we do anything else?″

″Yeah,″ she sighed and glanced out into the garden where the boy was occupied with building a castle. ″I guess we have to.″

Jay intertwined his hand with Erin's and squeezed it supportingly as they made their way outside onto the patio and into the garden, joining Luke in the sandbox.

″It's not finished yet,″ he told them instantly.

″Looks great already,″ Erin smiled faintly, inhaling a deep breath so that sick feeling in her stomach would hopefully leave. ″Listen Luke, you asked us about Ty, right?″

″Yeah,″ Luke nodded and lifted his head to look at them, his attention not on his castle anymore. ″Do you think when mommy picks me up he can come here, too, and see my castle?″

″Uhm...no,″ she breathed out and swallowed hard because this sick feeling wasn't decreasing the tiniest bit. ″Luke, Ty...he...he,″ she stammered, not being able to let those words leave her lips that would make his world fall apart.

″Luke,″ Jay said all calm. ″Come here for a minute, buddy,″ he added and offered him the place in his lap which the blonde boy took, though visibly confused.

Jay settled him in his lap and then never left his eyes while he was speaking all soft. ″Ty won't come back, Luke. He's at a place where he can't come back from and where you can't follow him. But he would want you to be strong and happy and as long as you have him in your heart, he'll never be completely gone and will always be with you. Because you carry him in there,″ he said, his voice breaking a little and his hand found its spot on Luke's chest while Erin had trouble to hold her tears at bay.

″He won't come back?″ Luke whispered, tears looming in his grey eyes and Erin wondered whether he was able to figure out that Tyler was dead. ″But Ty would never leave me and mommy.″

″I'm sure he wouldn't and it wasn't his choice to leave you. But sometimes bad things happen to the people we love and there's nothing we can do about it, Luke. All we can do is keeping them in our hearts because that's exactly where they belong,″ Jay said, rubbing Luke's chest. ″He'll forever be with you, just in a different way and he's looking down on you from above.″

″No,″ Luke said loudly and shook his head. ″He has to come back!″ he cried, tears running down his face and he tried to squirm out of Jay's grasp.

″I know. But he can't,″ Jay whispered and pressed the little boy closer to his chest. Looking at Erin, he saw some tears running down her face as well and she looked to the sky and blinked a couple of times, inhaled some deep breaths and all he wanted to do was holding her just as close as Luke.

″I want my mommy,″ Luke sobbed against Jay's chest desperately and in this moment Jay was sure to hear two hearts breaking for him. Erin's and his own. Because the second part of crashing his world was inevitable and neither of them wanted to tell him that he wouldn't see his mommy again either.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Mouse's call that he'd tracked Rylie down and that Adam was just about to bring her in came in the early evening, while Jay was taking a bath with Emmy upstairs and Erin bathing Luke downstairs, hoping that some giant bubbles could make him smile again because ever since they'd told him about Tyler, the smile has disappeared from his face, leaving sad eyes behind.

She finished bathing Luke quickly, helped him to put his pajama on and apologized to Jay that she had leave him alone but as usual he only smiled at her and told her that he would get it handled because of course he would. So while she drove to the 21st to meet Rylie, he changed Luke's clothes again and put Emmy in her stroller so they could go for a walk with Crispin, their dog hopefully able to cheer Luke up. And stopping in the park to play fetch with Crispin, Luke somewhen asked whether he could throw the ball as well, which Jay of course allowed, and a little smile returned to his face when Crispin brought the ball right back to him, bascially asking him to throw it again. At least one positive thing out of that day.

Meanwhile Erin stormed into the almost empty bullpen, only Mouse, Adam, Kevin and Hank being there while all the others had the weekend off.

″She in the interrogation room?″ she asked instantly, taking the three men's nods as a yes and turned on her heels to go there without wasting another second.

″Erin,″ Hank's voice called through the bullpen and she stopped in her tracks to turn around to him but only because she knew that she had no chance to ignore him.

″Huh?″ she asked.

″You're not going to do that interrogation,″ he said and closed the gap between them, lay his hand on her arm. ″You're too involved and this is maybe a little much for you.″

″I have a four-year-old boy at home that Jay and I just had to tell that his uncle is dead because his mother wasn't there to tell him herself. So I'm sure as hell going to do that interrogation and have a little chat with that mother!″ One of the reasons why Erin was such a great cop was because she knew exactly what she wanted and always had the right amount of determination and even though Hank knew that this case has long become personal for her, he nodded his head and allowed her to go because in this moment he realized that she had to do this to get some closure for the boy. And for herself.

″Go ahead,″ he said and with these words Erin turned around again and stormed into the interrogation room, as pissed as she usually only was when they interrogated some real pricks that were trying to mess with them. However, when she opened the door and found Rylie sitting there on the chair, she decided to maybe start this conversation different than she wanted to, though still agressive, because the girl with the long blonde hair and too much make-up looked almost more like a child than a grown woman.

″Why am I here?″ Rylie asked before she'd even closed the door behind her, and her eyes were definitely shooting her death glares. But Erin saw instantly something else in and behind those grey orbs her son has inherrited. In them she saw that Rylie wasn't sober and behind them she saw very well hidden fear, insecurity and a huge amount of vulnerability. ″I didn't do anything and there was no reason to drag me here in cuffs!″ she spat.

″Hey, you shut up right now and answer my questions and when I'm in the mood I might answer yours, alright?″ Erin asked, giving her the same attitude back that she was giving her, Rylie's behavior foiling her plans of starting this conversation differently, and for a moment they just stared into each other's eyes, grey into hazel-green, fire in both of them.

″I didn't do..-″ she yelled but Erin interrupted her.

″Didn't you listen? You answer my questions and when your answers satisfy me I might answer yours,″ Erin said again, crossing her arms in front of her chest and not even thinking about taking the chair and making this a nice conversation though in the back of her mind she of course knew that she had to tell Rylie about her brother's death as well. And she had to do that in a different way than how this has started. ″Where have you been all weekend?″

″My rich boyfriend took me to the Grand Hotel on Mackinac,″ she snapped.

″Really? I just came back from a trip there with my sugar daddy, too bad we didn't meet,″ Erin fired back. ″How about we make this easier for both of us and you stop telling me lies?″

″Ask me no questions, I tell you no lies,″ Rylie answered casually and crossed her arms in front of her chest as well but for the first time she broke the intense eye-contact with Erin which was a small win.

″Listen Rylie,″ Erin said, her voice still strong. ″I know you got a son. Luke. 4 years old. But what you don't know is that we found traces of cocaine in your apartment. So the answers you give me now can make a difference whether you see your son again before he goes to live with a foster family or not.″

Rylie's head snapped up by her words and out of a sudden, her facial color remembered the one one of a ghost and she seemed to be speechless. ″No,″ she whispered, tears appearing in her eyes. ″You can't do that.″

″I can, Rylie,″ she said. ″If I had a choice I wouldn't seperate a mother from her son but your choice of scoring some lines here and there doesn't leave me a choice.″

″I'm not a bad mother,″ she defended herself but suddenly the feisty teenager was gone, leaving a picture of a misery behind. ″I would do everything for my son. In fact I do.″

″Okay, how about you answer my questions for your son then?″ Erin asked, the change in Rylie's behavior changing her strategy as well and so she sat down across from her.

″I...I...was with a man,″ she stammered, looking down to her hands, her knuckles already turning white because she was squeezing them as hard. ″A customer,″ she breathed out. ″He wanted me for the whole weekend and we went to Indianapolis. Full weekends give good money.″

″You working as an escort?″

″Is that a nicer word for prostitute?″ Rylie laughed sarcastically. ″You know, when I was young I had dreams. And then reality caught up on me and here I am. Working as a prostitute so my kid and my brother have food on the table and a warm apartment.″

Though Erin was glad that Rylie was opening up to her, she had to swallow hard by her words because this life sounded scarily familiar to her and for a moment she saw herself sitting there all these years back with Hank sitting across from her. ″Tell me your story, Rylie, so I might understand some things I don't right now,″ she said softly.

″There's not much to tell,″ she shrugged but continued anyway. ″My family's always been a mess. My dad was never a good guy and he was involved in an armed robbery while my mom was pregnant with Tyler. He went to jail and died there. Aneurysm in his head after a fight. My mom...she was into alcohol and drugs and then she met that guy and from one day to the other, we were alone. I was 14 then, Tyler was 8. That bitch left her own children like we were nothing,″ Rylie told her, no emotions in her voice, only coldness, and the way she talked about her mother also wasn't unfamiliar to Erin.

″Tyler was everything I had, the only family I had, and so I took care of him, made sure he went to school and only hoped that no one would find out that we were on our own and would therefore seperate us. But you know what? You can't raise a younger brother without money. You can't pay the rent and buy groceries without money. So next to trying to go to school I started to work at one of these small supermarkets but the money wasn't enough for both, rent and food, even though I somewhen quit school to work more. One day my supervisor caught me stealing bread. He didn't call the cops but made sure I wouldn't find a job again. But you know who pays 15 year old girls that don't find a job? Men,″ Rylie said, laughing sardonically once more, her fingers playing with some strands of her long blonde hair now.

″And suddenly I was pregnant by God knows who. When I found out it was too late to do anything about it. So I worked as long as I could, trying to make as much money as possible but when you're seven months along and look like you swallowed a water melon only...well, whatever," she interrupted herself shuddering. "And then, I went into labor. I didn't know whether I was fullterm or not, whether my baby would be born with 3 arms and 4 legs but after 10 endless hours he was born into my arms in my bedroom full of life and just simply perfect and so innocent.″ At this point her voice broke and she allowed a single tear to fall down. ″Any thoughts about leaving him behind on some steps in front of a church were forgotten the moment he made his first scream and I decided no matter how hard it will be and no matter what I have to do, that I keep him and that I'll do whatever it requires to give him the childhood he deserves. And now some cop shows up and tells me I'm a bad mother when she has no fucking idea how hard it is!″

″Actually I know how hard it is,″ Erin said matter-of-factly, a statement that Rylie obviously didn't expect at all. ″For the people you love, to keep them safe and make sure they have everything they need, you would do everything, even if it takes your own dignity away. Sometimes you just want to vomit because you're disgusted by yourself. You can't even look at yourself in the mirror anymore. But then you see your brother's face lighting up, or in your case your son's face, when you bring some donuts home or take them out for ice cream and suddenly it's all worth it. These are the things we do for the people we love.″

With every word that left Erin's mouth, the fire in Rylie's eyes seemed to fade again and Erin could instead see the shock in them. Shock that the cop in front of her knew how it was to live that life.

″And sometimes, the only thing that helps you to stand the things you have to do is scoring a line because it makes it all so much easier, so much more bearable,″ Erin said and Rylie nodded her head slightly. ″When did you start with taking drugs?″

″It was only after Luke was born...with having a baby life was so much harder and sometimes I just needed out, needed to forget. But I'm not a hardcore addict and I only start to take stuff before I go to work in the evening so I get through the night. And then I take more throughout the night. The rest of the day I try to stay sober for him. And I would never score a line in front of him. Never.″

″See Rylie, the thing is, your son is four years old and when he climbs on counters to look for something in a cupboard he usually can't reach, finds your cocaine and takes it because he thinks it's sugar, he could die or end up with brain damage. It doesn't matter that you don't score in front of him and what you do for him. What matters is that there were traces of drugs found in your home and that's why it's not a safe place for a child,″ Erin explained.

″I never had a package of cocaine in the kitchen counter or anywhere close to him. You can't take him away!″

″We're past that point already.″

″He's my son!″ she spat, the fire coming back.

″He is,″ Erin said all calm. ″But your son really needed you these last two days and you were simply not reachable. That's just not acceptable under any circumstances. No matter that you did it for him.″

″I'm never reachable when I'm away over the weekend. Because customers don't like it when they don't have my full attention all the time. Ty knows that. Where is he even? And why the fuck am I here?!″ she asked two of many unanswered questions.

Gone was Erin's hope that this question about Tyler would come up later, when the situation was not as tense as right now. On the one hand, she still wanted to throw it right in Rylie's face that she'd found her scared son under the bed, that she was the one who's been taking care of him since, being up all night to be with him when he had a nightmare, and that she and Jay had been the ones to tell him about Tyler's death. But on the other hand she felt bad for the young girl in front of her because after learning that her child, she did everything for, would be placed with DCFS, Erin would now have to shatter her world even more by telling her that the other closest family member she had was lying in their morgue with a hole in his chest and one in his head. And out of a sudden, she just felt bad for Rylie, that 21 year old girl that would soon have no one anymore and she kinda regretted the way she'd talked with her so far because after all this girl was just like she'd once been. Doing whatever it took to keep the family she'd left safe. And within one weekend, she's lost it all...

Thanks for reading! Please leave a review and let me know what you think :)