Under the Table

"That was fucking amazing," Alex said.

"I am pretty fucking amazing, aren't I?"

"Ab--so--lutely."

She motioned for him to come close. He leaned in, and she spoke into his ear.

They're sure sitting pretty close for him to be just a friend. He wondered if she was going to tell him to back off. Dean felt the all-consuming jealousy build within him. His chest began to tighten, his muscles became tense, and he could feel his heart pounding and jaw clenching. She didn't tell him to move. In fact. she motioned for him to come closer. He recognized him. It was the guy from the crime scene and her photo from Cedar Pointe. Great, just fucking great. He began to hate this man. He started to think that she had lied about not dating, and she lied about not dating cops and co-workers.

I hate to break it to you if she is with you, but she cheated on you with me. HA! But if she is with him, there is no potential. She can't be with him. Everything she said in the back of the truck sounded so sincere. It couldn't have been a lie.

He ran his fingers through his hair, interlocked his fingers, and held the back of his neck. I hate this fucking guy. I really... hate... this... fucking... guy. I mean, I am cussing, for God's sake.

"Alex, do you want to find out about my thong?" she asked.

"I would give you all I have to find out. No one in this bar wants to know more about your thong now than me."

Caretaker don't do this.

"Why are you still here, Malibu?"

I'm trying to stop you from making bad decisions. Remember? Allie, this is not who you are supposed to be—

She ignored him. "Hey Liz, three more shots if you please," she said.

She put them down. Allie immediately took two down; she had one more left. She picked it up and looked at it inquisitively.

"Hey Alex? Have we ever done a body shot together?"

Allie, this is not who you are supposed to be—

"Malibu, the honorary position of chief mettler in my life has already been filled."

"I can't say that we ever had. I am quite sure I would remember doing something called a body shot," Alex said with a raised eyebrow. "And I would certainly remember doing one with you, Cara Mia."

"DO NOT call me that."

"Why can't I call you that?" he asked. "I've always called you that."

"In our past. You called me my beloved in our past."

"That's what I still think of you as, and I know exactly what it means. I have it permanently marked on my body," he said.

"I told you not to get it. Well, I think of you as my..." her voice trailed off.

"What? What do you think me of as?"

She stared forward into the mirror that lined the wall behind the bar.

"The one that got ripped away. The one who involuntarily disappeared. You're a memory, a ghost."

His heart broke a little. Allie was right. "Allie. I don't know what to say."

Liz came up to them. "Do you need anything else, Sandra?" Liz asked.

"Liz, give me one more shot, two limes, and salt."

Liz looked at Alex and then back to Allie. "Are you sure?"

"You aren't here to be my mom. You are here to be my bartender who stays all the way off my back about shit."

Liz put her hands up, palm side out. "OK. Coming right up," she said.

He turned her head and looked behind her ear.

"You didn't get yours removed," he said. "I thought you would have."

"Tattoos are permanent memories. I never want to forget you or Ken."

Awe. Caretaker. Do you really miss me that much?

"If you leave, I can miss you even more. So what do you say?"

Alex wanted to kiss it so badly—he yearned to—because it was a reminder of the best part of his life.

She touched behind her ear. "Honestly, I tend to forget it's back there."

"I don't know why, but that hurts my feelings. I look at mine every day."

"I bet the ladies you're with now don't exactly like it," she said.

Liz put the shot and the limes down in front of them.

"How does your boyfriend feel about yours?"

"I don't have a boyfriend."

"That's not what I heard, and I am not with any ladies," he said.

"Yeah. Sure, you haven't. I thought you would never lie. It's in your code of ethics."

"I swear. I haven't. You can ask anyone who knows me."

"Yeah, I still don't believe you. When I met you, they called you the player. When our game ended, that put you back in the scouting position."

"Our game? Our relationship was nothing but a game to you?"

"Good Lord, I didn't mean it like that."

"Then how did you mean it?"

"Our relationship was like the World Series, and we were beaten in extra innings by the more powerful team."

He touched her face lovingly. "I'm sorry, Allie. Why wouldn't you just let me give up my FTO? We could be married by now. We'd have a couple of adopted kids or a miracle of our own.

She looked at him. She could feel the heat building behind her eyes. "Can we change the subject, please? This is starting to totally kill my mood."

"OK. Then let's get back to this whole body shot thing," Alex said.

"Now Mi Vida--" she said.

"WHOA! Back it up. You can call me Mi Vida, but I can't call you Cara Mia?"

The corner of her mouth curled into a smirk. "Do you want to do this or not?" she asked. "I'm going to show you what to do first. So, pay attention."

Caretaker, please don't do this; you will not grasp how badly this will end, and you will really regret it.

"Holy shit Ken get the hell out of here! I will sleep with who I want, when I want, and how much I want. I want to be with someone, and that someone right now is Alex. I miss him. SO, FUCK OFF!"

You know what? I'm done. You go ahead. You are the foremost expert at screwing up your life and screwing with people's emotions. You know, doing this is going to fuck with his head! He's going to take it as an engraved invitation to rekindle a relationship that you know can't happen, but hey, what the hell do I know?

She pulled Alex's neck to the side, exposing his natural brown skin. He smelled incredible.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Please, God, don't let her do this, not with him," Dean mumbled.

"Surface, by Aramis?" she asked.

"Yes."

"You know how much that makes me tingle. In all the right places," she said. "Do you always wear it just in case this situation should present itself?"

"Allie, this is the very last place I thought I would be tonight," he said. "Should I be getting nervous?"

"Please, Allie, don't do this," Dean silently pleaded.

"No, Alex, you should be getting hard," she said into his ear, licking his lobe.

She put her hand on his crotch.

"Fuck, I miss your touch so much," he said, "I can't believe we've never done one of these before."

She licked Alex's neck twice and sprinkled salt carefully on his neck. She tucked the lime widthwise into his mouth between his teeth and the shot glass between his thighs.

"Now, pay close attention."

Dean watched her put her tongue on his neck. She took his hand and put it between her legs.

What the fuck is that! Dean's eyes went wide.

I'm asking myself the same question.

She rubbed his hand back and forth against her. He felt her grow warm. Allie put her hand over his and pressed it hard. He was moving it just how she wanted.

Dean was going to vomit right there on the table.

I'm sorry, man. I was rooting for you.

She licked the salt from his neck, retrieved the shot between his thighs, and then stripped the lime.

"Oh my God. Why have we never done one of these before?" he asked, looking into her eyes. There was a storm brewing in them.

"I can't pull out all the tools in my arsenal, not on the same person."

She handed him the shaker of salt. "Your turn… Mi Vida."

"Umm, are you sure you want me to do this? There's a lot of people around," Alex said, looking around.

"I think somebody already saw me lick your neck, put my head between your legs, and suck face with you. Now, do the fucking shot Alvarez."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Where do you want to put the salt?" she asked.

"Well, honestly," he looked around again, "I'd love to do it off your stomach, but--"

"OK. Come with me." She took hold of his shirt and led him over to an empty booth deep in the corner. She lay down on the bench, and he slowly lifted her shirt.

"Go ahead, pick a place. Any place," Allie said slyly.

Alex looked like he had just won the lottery. Dean looked like he just lost it all.

"Please, Alexandra, don't do this," Dean pleaded.

Malibu looked at Dean. Man, I'm trying. She's at the point where she won't hear me, and even if she could, she would not listen to me.

Caretaker--

"I thought I was drunk enough to get you out of here! Since I'm not, go away because this will bother you. Unless, of course, you do want to watch."

Who are you?

"I was made from Ian cheating and dying, Shawn cheating and being a narcissistic jackass: I'm who your death created. I am who was made when Alex was ripped from my life--"

Don't you put any of that on me!

"Watch or go away!"

Allie unbuttoned her jeans. No one could see them in the back corner except for Dean, who had a perfect view in the reflection of the window.

"Go as low as you can," she urged him.

You know what? I choose to go away.

Alex's head was spinning; he hadn't even taken one shot that night; he was completely drunk off her.

"Holy fuck," he said.

He pulled at the zipper, exposing the peak of her blue silk panties. He pulled them down with his finger: her mound and just the slightest top of her pussy came into view.

Dean honestly thought he was going to cry. This was the most horrible thing he had ever seen, and he'd seen some horrible things.

She helped him move her pants slightly down, nobody watching but Dean.

She was never like this when they were together. Hell, she wanted the lights off when they would make love 90% of the time. Alex poked his tongue just under her clitoral hood. The tip quickly and unknowingly flicked at her. He felt it; her hips slightly raised when his tongue hit her button; he did it again, and she raised her hips higher.

"Why are you teasing me, Alex," she whimpered.

"I'm sorry. I'm just trying to find somewhere to put my salt."

He looked up at her and smiled. She pushed herself further back into the booth. He licked her again. He fished his tongue around and found her button again. He continued moving his tongue up and down. She closed her eyes and didn't tell him to stop; she couldn't and didn't care.

She held his head. "Fuuuuck..." she groaned.

He looked at her, and their eyes met. He brought his face up to hers and whispered to her.

"Do you want me to stop Cara Mia?"

"Can anyone see us?" she asked.

He saw a large silhouette in the vicinity, but they were facing the other way and didn't seem to be paying any attention.

"No, I don't think so."

"Then don't fucking stop Mi Vida!"

He got down on his hands and knees and scrunched himself under the table. It was a very tight fit, but Alex didn't care. He would try to fit in a shoebox if it meant he could do what he was about to do.

Dean watched intently through the reflection. It was like he was watching a horror movie, and as much as he wanted to, he couldn't look away.

She turned her hips, her pelvis to meet his face. He shimmied her pants down to her knees. This was the most titillating and exciting thing he had ever done; even more exhilarating was he could do it with her.

"God, I've missed you," Alex muttered into her pussy.

Alex had waited for this opportunity to present itself for years. He buried his face in her. It was a fantastic feeling. Her smell was intoxicating. He rhythmically moved his tongue in and out, going deep and nuzzling his face into her.

She closed her eyes, and in her mind's eyes, they weren't in the bar anymore; they were in his bedroom. She was naked on his bed. Time never passed; they were never apart, and on her left hand, she wore the ring that he still had shoved into the back of his sock drawer.

"Oh fuck," she moaned. "Alex, can you go deeper?" she begged him. "Faster, please."

He loved it when she said his name. He missed hearing her say his name in ecstasy.

She slapped her hands over her mouth to muffle her scream. She let go. She came in his mouth. He loved the way she tasted.

He discreetly crawled out from under the table. As discreetly as a 6' 3, 230-pound man can. She shimmied her pants back on and sat up.

"That was the best shot I've ever had," he said. "If that is how I was supposed to do my body shot, I want to do another one."

As big as Dean was, he had never felt so small, so insignificant; He never had experienced so much heartache in one sitting.

"I can't believe what she did that," Dean said.

He helped her up, and they returned to the bar and sat down. She did more shots and drank more beer. He just sat there looking at her. Her taste still sticky on his lips. He could smell her sweetness on his face.

They had been at the bar for 45 more minutes. She took down the last gulp of beer. "I want you to take me home now."

"Sure, I'll drive you home. That's why I am drinking water tonight."

"No, you don't understand. I don't want you to drive me to my home. I want you to take me home with you." she said. "Unless you just want to drive me home."

He was frozen, eyes wide. "Are you being serious right now?"

"When am I not," she said.

"I didn't think you weren't into cops anymore."

"I'm not. I'm into you, Alex," she said, running her finger down his chest. "And I don't think a little one-nighter with an old girlfriend will make you lose that FTO. I mean, no one will believe I took home a cop. Plus, you are sober, and I need a ride home."

"I mean, if you're sure you really want to do this."

"Of course, I'm sure. I did just let you eat my pussy in the middle of the fucking bar Mi Vida."

She looked around. "Why would I want you to stop now?" she asked.

"And you're sure you want to go home with me?"

"Alex! Go get your keys and your fucking coat already and take me home," she demanded.

He ran over to the high-top table he had been at when the night had begun.

"Where are you going?" Pistone asked.

Alvarez grabbed his keys and his coat.

"I'm taking Kingston home."

"Yeah, my guess is she is drunk," Pistone said.

"No. I am taking her to MY home."

"Holy crap! Are you serious? Kingston? Does Allie happen to have a sister because there is no way you are taking Alexsandra Kingston home; she doesn't do cops," he said. "You fucked that up for the rest of us a long time ago."

"Well, I'm pretty sure she's about to do this cop." he smiled as far as his face would let him.

"I thought she was dating that big guy who worked at the castle. Have you seen that dude?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Have you ever seen a Sequoia?" Pistone asked.

"The tree? Yes, I have."

"Then you've seen that guy before."

"Oh, come on. I think that's an exaggeration, plus Allie doesn't date, and she hasn't in a long time," Alex said.

"Yet another thing you fucked that up for the rest of us a long time ago."

"Well, I'm not worried about anyone else. Look at me. I'm not exactly a small man. I think I can take him no matter what size."

"Just be careful, man; I wouldn't tell anybody about this. It doesn't need it to get around. You almost lost everything last time," Pistone advised.

Alex slapped him on the back. "Thanks for the advice. I will consider it as I take her clothes off."

He went to walk away. He turned back around. "And Pistone, I was willing to lose everything for her last time.," he said.

Malibu was standing listening to the conversation.

Pistone, is it? The Sequoia already knows. Your friend, he's going to die. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but he will. Hopefully, natural causes because everything else is going to hurt.

"Dude. Are you sure you want to open this door? It's already hit you in the face once."

"My face is exactly where it wants to be," he said. "If I'm not at work tomorrow, call an ambulance."

"Yeah, that's what I am worried about. It's your funeral."

He went back to the bar and sat back down. "I'm ready when you are," he said.

She slid off her barstool, hitched her fingers into his belt loops, and pulled him towards her.

"Yeah, let's get the hell out of here."

"Before you change your mind?" he asked.

"No, before I make you go back under that table."

He put his arm around her waist, and they walked out of the bar together. He was leaving with her. Pistone slowly shook his head.

"Where is he going?" Martino asked.

"Kingston is hammered, and he was a water drinker tonight."

"That sucks. I wanted a rematch."

"Dude, your ego couldn't handle a rematch. Come on. You can play me; I will let you win," Pistone said.

Dean watched her slide off the bar stool, grabbed his belt loops, and pulled him towards her; he put his hands on her hips. He felt the shots and the beer turn in his stomach. What was she doing? She whispered something into his ear. He watched him stand there for a minute like a statue. Then he took off to the other side of the bar. He said something to one of the guys he had been there with and grabbed his jacket. She got down, and he took her by the waist and led her towards the door.

He watched them walk out the door. He looked out the large window to the sidewalk. When they were about three feet from the door, he saw Alex pin her up against the brick wall and kiss her heavily, full on the mouth. Yeah, he needed to get out of there. He was going to be sick.

He wanted to get up and leave, but he didn't want anyone to see him; he needed to get out of there and get some air, or he was going to be sick. He considered going out the back entrance, but that meant he would have to make his way through the crowd. He hesitated, stood up, and headed to the front door.

Don't do this, big guy, please. Regrets truly never go away.

Allie and Alex were still pressed together up against the brick. Three feet away, Dean walked out the door. He stopped and looked at them for a few seconds. Finally, he turned in the opposite direction and walked away.

In her peripheral vision, Allie thought she saw someone. She brushed it off and continued sucking Alvarez's face as he firmly grasped her ass.

Dean walked to the black car parked down the road and got in the back.

"Dear God, Arthur, get me out of here now."

"Isn't that Miss Allie?" he asked.

"Yeah, it is."

"Didn't you say that night at Muldoon's went well?"

"Well, I thought so," he said.

"I am sorry, Sir."

"Yeah, now so am I. I don't understand what kind of power she has over me, Arthur. You won't believe what I just saw the two of them doing, and as angry as it made me, I still want to be with her."

"Well, Sir, unfortunately, sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants even though the head is telling the heart it's being a total idiot," he said.

"I just don't understand. I don't understand how she cannot remember our first night together. I don't understand how she doesn't realize how I feel about her. I've come out and told her, and she has come out and told me that she does have feelings for me. Then she says something about it's not the right time. I thought maybe she would at least not do anything with anyone until the right time rolled around what she said that day at Muldoon's when she talked about not wanting to… separate. She didn't want things to be over. The way she looked at me, Arthur, you should have seen how she looked at me. I don't understand her behavior. It's like she's addicted to the danger and the risk."

"Everyone has their different sets of morals and mores. Sometimes, people do things to rebel against who they really are, what they have been through, or their true feelings for someone or a situation. Deep down, they know what they are doing is not acceptable. Did you ever stop to think that Miss Allie does these things after consuming alcohol because she does not want to remember what she has done? Or because she does not want to feel? Maybe she would rather be comfortably numb than uncomfortably feeling."

"You are an incredibly wise man," Dean told him.

"Well, when you get to be my age, you've seen many things, experienced many things, and regret many things. I'm going to give you a word of advice. Never go to your grave with regrets. If you do, you will never truly be at peace."

"I appreciate your kind words and advice; now, if you would also be so kind as to take me home, I don't feel well, and I am going to have a hell of a headache in the morning."