•2•

I arrived at the rehabilitation facility and walked in through the doors where I faced the overly happy receptionist.

"Good morning, Mr. Choi, how are you today?" she asked in her high pitched voice.

"I'm fine, thank you," I replied with a forced smile.

"You're getting a new therapist today, how exciting!" she clicked a few things on the computer and then looked back at me. "Alright, you're in room 253 with Dr. Kim."

"Thank you," I bowed slightly before going down the hallway towards the room. I turned down two different hallways, nearly getting lost due to my bad sense of direction, before finding the room I needed. The name tag beside the door read Room 253, Kim Seokjin.

I took a deep breath and grasped the handle, gently turning it and pushing the door open. The first thing I saw was a man dressed in a white button up sitting in an office chair with his back facing me, his hair dyed unnaturally light. He was writing something down, but turned his head to look over his shoulder when he heard me enter.

"Ah, you must be Seungkyo," he said, turning around in his chair. I nodded and he gestured to the couch a few feet from his desk. I walked in, closing the door behind me, and sat down.

"let me just get out your file here real quick..."

Once he grabbed the correct file from his drawer, he rolled over to where I was sitting so he could sit across from me. I adjusted so I could sit comfortably on the leather seat. I watched as he opened my file and began reading everything.

"So you recently got out of the psychiatric hospital after being admitted for inpatient, right?" I nodded and he continued. "You were diagnosed with major depressive disorder as well as anorexia binge eating, which they may have classified to you as an eating disorder, not otherwise specified."

I nodded again. He's really handsome. He looks young too. Why does he look familiar? All these loose thoughts flooded my head as my mind drifted off, not really hearing his words anymore. I couldn't place where I had seen him before. Maybe he was in the psych ward at some point. No, it was only Mr. Chen, Mrs. Kang, and the normal doctors. I can't remember them ever bringing someone new in other than the weekend nurses.

"Seungkyo?" I snapped out of my thoughts and focused back on him.

"Sorry, just spaced out," I said quietly.

"Self harm issues, failed suicide attempt that left you with permanent injuries to your legs, social anxiety, issues with physical touch?" I nodded, looking down at my hands. I just wanted to get this over with so I could leave. I'm tired of the same listing off my issues then asking me how I feel and what caused it. God, I hated that question. It was always "What caused this do you thing? Why did you stop eating and start slicing your arms open because the only way to feel comforted anymore is by being hurt?"

Dr. Kim continued, "Have you ever told anyone what caused all of this?" The question was a bit different, but he'd make it back around eventually, I was sure of it. I shook my head and he nodded, closing the manila folder.

"What makes you happy, Seungkyo? Is there anything that gives you a sense of calm and security?" I pondered on that for a little while.

After a bit, I spoke quietly, "Seeing my sister happy makes me happy. I hurt her so much when she found out about my condition so it's good to see her smiling."

"Are you really close with your sister?" he asked. I shrugged.

"We've always been super close, but since I've gotten back things have been a little awkward."

"I bet, since your condition was so severe you weren't given any visit time," he said. I nodded. "are you close with your parents?"

"My mother and I are fairly close, she's making an effort for us to be closer than we were before which has been really great. My dad and I talk a lot on the phone since he's in the hospital..."

"He's in the hospital because he suffers from mental illness too, isn't that right?" I nodded. "You don't talk much, do you?" I shook my head.

He chuckled and put the folder on his desk before turning back to me.

"How about we get to know each other better?" he said. I stared at him with a confused look on my face. None of my other therapists even bothered to know me. They would try and suggest solutions that never worked for someone with as many issues as me then get annoyed when they didn't work and just send me off to someone new. Thus, here I am, with my fourth therapist just this month. However, I nodded and he smiled.

"My name is Seokjin, I'm twenty-six, and I enjoy singing and cooking," he said. "how about you?"

"Seungkyo, I'm nineteen... I listen to music and... that's it." I kept my head down, not meeting his eyes.

"What music do you like?"

"Sad songs. Songs about suicide and being alone."

"Do you have any favourite artists?"

"Hollywood Undead," I said.

"I think I've heard a few of their songs. Another patient of mine enjoyed listening to them as well. His name was Yeonjun, I'm sure the two of you would have gotten along."

"Maybe..." I said.

Our conversation continued as we became more familiar of each other. We talked about our families and our interests, and he told me how he's planning to join an entertainment company as a singer soon, while still being a therapist while he can. After it was time for me to leave, I went to the other side of the building to see my physical therapist. She asked me how I was doing, looked at my leg, had me do some stretches and exercises, and then I was able to leave.

I got back in my car and drove back home, my stomach being loud and annoying the entire way. When I got home, I went upstairs to my room and laid down on my bed. I looked around and sighed, smacking myself in the face. Why couldn't I just be happy? Why is it that I had to be the one to be in the wrong place at the wrong time? Why does anyone have to go through that? It's sick.

I plugged my earbuds in and shuffled my playlist, skipping a few songs until I found one I enjoyed and rolled over onto my side. I quickly fell asleep, only to enter my dark realm of nightmares and pain once again.

yoosangi💕🧸