1.17

Trigger Warning: Self Harm

Lian Zhinan felt something was wrong.

At first, he remained oblivious and acted usually. But as days passed, soon he was becoming anxious. Why is Chu Yan avoiding him?

This didn't happen before. No matter how busy Chu Yan was, he would always find a way to spend his time with him. Not seeing him a mere second would make Chu Yan displeased. So, what is going on now?

Recalling what happened, Lian Zhinan became even more nervous. Did Brother Chu became dissatisfied because he took an initiative? But isn't he supposed to do that? Reading stories about the gold master and the canary, Lian Zhinan was sure that he did the right thing. Even though Chu Yan did not make him feel like he was a canary, the situation speaks for itself.

Aside from his body, why would Chu Yan help him? He experienced numerous betrayals and abandonment in the past, and now he was certain not to let Brother Chu abandon him. Therefore, he became obedient, never questioning his decision, like a puppet.

But what happened?

The constant avoidance of Chu Yan made Lian Zhinan paranoid. Touching his face in front of the mirror, he became unsure. Did he turn ugly? Caressing his face, the softness was immaculate, but Lian Zhinan felt nothing but endless disgust. Grabbing the razor on the sink, he made a small cut in his arms.

The tingling pain made an impact, soon, blood oozes on the pale skin, the red liquid slide down to the sink, mixing in the water. However, Lian Zhinan does not feel pain and made a cut again. The feeling of the pain made him actually satisfied. The little cuts were turned into big one and afterwards, his arms were filled with blood and wounds.

He laughed strangely and saw his messy reflection. Lian Zhinan wanted to try cutting the skin on his face, but he was afraid that Chu Yan would ignore him more. His face was liked by Chu Yan.

The door on the bathroom was opened, and Chu Yan appeared on his sight. Lian Zhinan waved his hand and smiled nicely, calling out his name intimately: "Brother Chu…"

Chu Yan almost fainted by seeing him filled with blood. He hurriedly pulls him into an embraced and threw the razor in the trash. His breathing was in a mess, his arms holding the youth trembled, and the fear from the unknown was suffocating.

Lian Zhinan buried himself into his chest, neglecting the pain. He smiled nicely, "Brother Chu, don't ignore me again."

Chu Yan did not speak and carried him into his arms. Putting him in the bed, he called the family's doctor in a shaky voice. It was unbelievable that he could keep his cool from what had happened. All this time, he did not talk nor speak, just watching the young man's smiled and calling him sweetly.

It was painful. The mix of torment of agony and despair made him wanted to explode. He didn't expect that this would reach at this point.

He just wanted to fix himself. Thus, he avoided the young man and for Yan Li's constant attack, it was hard for him to discovered Lian Zhinan's peculiarity. The scene of Lian Zhinan hurting himself flashed in his eyes, his breathing staggered and without for his strong mentality, he would have gone crazy.

He opened eyes once again and saw that the young man was already asleep. Then the doctor arrived. The doctor worked in the Chu Family for a very long time, and he also became Lian Zhinan's personal doctor.

The middle-aged doctor treated Lian Zhinan like his nephew and seeing the situation right now, he was shocked then angry. It was fortunate that the wound wasn't deep. After treating the wound, the doctor looked at Chu Yan indifferently.

"Sir, I know I don't have the qualifications to interfere, but Xiao Lian's mentality is not normal. He needed to see a psychiatrist, or worse than this could happen." He then left without hearing Chu Yan's opinion.

Chu Yan sat on the chair and stared at nowhere.

It was his plan to manipulate Lian Zhinan into dependency and by being greedy, he was not satisfied by just his obedience. He long for his heart. And did it take? The young man hurt himself.

He brushed his face with his palms and took a sigh. The surging emotions were raging in his body, wanted to come out and explode. Chu Yan himself does not show mercy, most likely with his enemies, but this time, it was ironic that he wanted mercy.

The young man seems to hear him groaned. Chu Yan wiped his tears and forced himself to smile, "Xiao Lian, do you feel discomfort?"

Lian Zhinan's eyes were hazy, perhaps due to the pain, his voice was hoarse, "Brother Chu? Are you here to stay with me?"

"Yes, Brother Chu won't go anywhere. I will stay with Xiao Lian." Chu Yan spoke in full sincerity. Finding his hand, and holding it firmly, he smiled, "Does Xiao Lian want to eat? What do you want to eat?"

Lian Zhinan shook his head: "I'm not hungry. Brother Chu, are you sure you won't abandon me?"

It was helpless to argue about this based on the youth's circumstances. How many betrayals that he experience for him to become like this? No assurance could put the young man at ease and for the first time, Chu Yan admitted that it was his fault.

He lowered his face and stifled the uncomfortable pain in his heart.

Chu Yan raised his head again, pressing his lips to smile, "Xiao Lian don't consider yourself to be a canary, please. You are not my canary, Xiao Lian, you are my fiancé."

There is a deep confusion on the youth's face. He pursed his lips and responded, "But Brother Chu, I don't like you, how can I be your fiancé?"

*BANG*

Chu Yan experience for the first time what it feels to be played. The young man's words were honest yet pierce directly into his heart. Kind but cruel. The man's face was expressionless, but the dark pupils exude a deep fury. There is nothing more painful than this.

It seems like the pain was not enough, Lian Zhinan added again, "Brother Chu, am I wrong?"

Chu Yan shook his head. It was unbelievable that he didn't collapse right now: "You are not wrong, Xiao Lian." You don't like me, but I do. This fiancé thing is one-sided. It was all Chu Yan's illusion.

Lian Zhinan chuckled and supported himself to the bed. He caressed Chu Yan's face and whispered, "Brother Chu, I am injured now. I won't be able to serve you, it is okay?"

Chu Yan took his hand and kiss it. It appears that the identity of canary was already imprinted in the young man's mind. Chu Yan find it difficult to accept.

"Xiao Lian, you don't have to force yourself."

Lian Zhinan nodded and looked at him quietly. Although the pain made the young man paled, he was still beautiful, just more fragile and soft.

Chu Yan gathered his courage and asked the thing that was bothering him, "Xiao Lian, why don't you remember Yan Li? The man from the party, he was also your brother's friend. Why do you only remember me?"

Lian Zhinan lowered his face and muttered in a low voice, "B-Because brother Chu is the only one who brought me gifts and remember my birthday."

Chu Yan recalls something in the past. Because he and Lian Chen are closer than the others, he never missed his birthday once. And he remembered that Lian Chen often tells him that he and his younger brother shared the same birthday. But his younger brother is withdrawn and afraid of many people, in the end, only Lian Chen's birthday was celebrated. However, Chu Yan values friendship and every time he attended Lian Chen's party, he would bring gifts for his younger brother.

He couldn't believe that his small partial of kindness would be greatly appreciated by the young man.

Lian Zhinan remembers him. Trusted him. Appreciate his kindness. And what did he do? He let his desire conquer his mind, taking control of the young man's life, made him his canary.

If only he approached him with different reason, would the situation change now?