Chapter57: I'm scared of love.

"okay baby. We'll go."Alex said and I smiled." But right after we visit your grandma. I promised her and I kinda like her. Can you call her today?"he asked smiling. How is he loving my grandma that much? She is definitely not the definition of likeable. She hates people the same way people hate her. My grandma doesn't even like Shawn because of her sexuality and I can't possibly blame her, she's old school.

"Aren't you going back to China?"I asked him when I remembered his business in China.

"Naaah, I'll just be doing the online meetings. I sent my COO there so I'll be here."he said and I couldn't believe it.

"Really?"I asked just in case he may be joking with me.

"Yeah. Why, you don't believe me?"he asked and I smiled. Damn, I was so happy right now such that I couldn't help myself and I pulled his shirt and kissed him. He didn't respond to my kiss and I kissed him more harshly and demanding  thinking maybe he would. I looked at him and I saw him opening his eyes wide looking at me. I pulled away and I looked away  embarrassed.

"Why did you stop?"he asked smiling and I frowned. Is he seriously asking me that? I hit his shoulder and I got up from his lap and he laughed out loud. He stood up and walked up to where I stood throwing angry glances at him. He held my waist and then he looked at me." I love you."he said and I looked at him. There were so many emotions in my eyes and I let him see them. I didn't know what to say.

"I.. I... Alex I..."I stuttered looking straight into his eyes.

"When are you gonna say it back baby. When are you gonna tell me you love me?"he asked me and I parted my lips to say something but I didn't. I really wanted to say I love him back but I don't know what was happening to me. I know how I felt when he was not here for a month and how I felt when he came today. I'm in denial just like Shawn said and I'm not dumb not to know all the changes I feel when I'm around him. He makes me feel good, he makes me crazy and he makes me happy and many new emotions. I'm in love with him that's for sure but I am scared. I'm scared of love.

"Alex.. I... I...need time."I said the opposite of what I wanted to say. I really wanted to say I love him back. I looked at Alex who didn't say anything other than look at me. I felt him loosen his grip on my waist and my heart started beating faster I bet it skipped a beat. He pinched the space between his brows and now I was nervous of what he's gonna do. He looked at me one more time and he left.

I couldn't explain the feelings I was feeling right now. I felt like I have lost something so precious. The moment he walked out on me, I could feel the hurt in my chest and it made me difficult to breath. I hated feeling this way. The moment he left for China I didn't even feel this worse but I felt something similar to this. He banged the door and left and I stood there holding my chest. It hurts so much. I knelt on the floor because I felt like I didn't have any more energy to hold myself standing.

Tears flowed down my cheeks and I just knelt on the cold floor and I stared at the floor thinking about nothing. My mind was blank. I didn't know what to do and I had lost time of how long I had stayed there. 

"Baby girl...are you okay?"I heard Shawn's voice and I shifted my head from the floor and I looked at him.", Oh babe, what the hell happened? Did that bastard do something to you?" He asked as he knelt down on the floor and he wiped my tears." Do we need to leave this place. We can leave babe."he said as he lifted me from the floor and sat me down on the bed. I know I looked a mess right now but he has seen worse.

"I love him."I told Shawn looking at him.

"Wait, is that why you are crying? You confessed and he rejected you? Is he a bastard?" Shawn started blurting out. I shook my head so that he can stop running his mind so wild.

"No Shawn, I didn't say anything, that's the problem. Shawn I need to tell him I love him. You were right, I love him. I have to go."I told Shawn shaking his hands. He looked at me then he laughed." Why are you laughing?"I asked.

"Because.... You have been denying all this while. I have been telling you. What made you admit it huuh?"he asked me and I looked at him.

"That's not what is important right now. I need to find him. What's the time?"I asked him and he looked at the wall clock. Damn, my mind ain't even working straight. I have a fucking wall clock in the room. It was twenty minutes past eight. Hell, I don't even know exactly what time he left and how long I have been staring at nothing on the floor." Have you seen him around?"I asked him.

"I saw him leave some hours ago but I haven't seen him after that. Why don't you call him."he said and I nodded. Shawn is so useful right now I could hug him but I didn't have the time to. I took the phone and looked at his contact and called him. The phone rang and he didn't even pick up. I tried again and again but he still didn't pick up.

"Fuck."I cursed frustratedly. I need to talk to him ASAP.

"Cool down Kim, maybe he's busy. Just breath in and out okay?"he said and I nodded breathing in and out and I relaxed a little." Okay will figure this out but first you have to eat baby girl."he continued.

***********************In the study*******************

Alex got in and found his sister there drinking all by herself. He really wanted to go because his sister was the last thing he wanted to see right now. He thought of leaving but he discarded the thought. He had been avoiding this conversation for a long ass time and now that he talked with Kimberly about it maybe he can do it with his sister and he can know how she has truly felt all this while instead of his stupid assumptions that his sister don't blame him. It's not that he's selfish, he's just scared of her answer.

"Heeeey." He greeted his sister and walked in further to the room and sat at the chair opposite to where his sister sat but there was a desk between them.

"What's up?" She replied and then offered the glass she was drinking her whiskey with to Alex." Want some?"she asked and Alex didn't answer immideately. He thought for a while but he took the glass anyways and Melissa chuckled." Having a fight with Kimberly?"she asked.

"Why would you think that?"Alex asked pouring the whiskey in the glass that Melissa had used while Melissa took the whole bottle.

"Because you are hesitating. You never hesitate to have a drink with me or with dad so today was a firs. Maybe you are afraid that drinking will make the situation worse."she said and Alex laughed. Melissa looked at him as if he had grown extra heads. His brother was laughing so carefree. She can't even remember the last time she saw such a scene because there wasn't one really.

Alex paused drinking when he saw his sister staring at him showing all those sorts of emotions." What's with the emotional face?"he asked.

"You are laughing."she replied smiling with a proud face.

"Yeah so?" Alex shrugged and he continued drinking. He knew his sister is stalling the conversation they are supposed to be having but it's a big deal to see him laugh anyway so he let her stall for a while.