676. Chapter 676

After Always

Episode 4.23

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: I always don't own Castle. Rating: K+ Time: See above

Rick Castle looked down at Kate Beckett's tousled hair, spread across his chest as she snuggled up against him. I've dreamed about this for years. I wanted this as much as I've ever wanted anything in my life. Now, Kate wants me, just as I want her. At last.

He felt something wet fall on his chest, then again. It took him a second to realize Kate was crying. "Kate, what's wrong? Tell me, please. Why are you crying?"

She pulled herself closer to him. "I'm crying for a lot of reasons. I'm crying because I'm happy."

"That's better. You had me worried for a second there."

"I'm also crying because I'm angry at myself and sad."

"Oops." Castle said. "Tell me what I can do. I'll do anything for you. Anything. Everything. Tell me."

She kissed his chest. "You've already made me happy. Happier than I've been in years. I've dreamed about being with you for years and now, here we are."

"This is just the beginning, Kate. I promise, I'll never leave you like I did that night. I'll never forgive myself for that. You almost died."

"More than that. And that's why I'm mad at myself."

Castle frowned. "More than that? What do you mean?"

"I was thinking about no one but myself. Everything was about Kate Beckett and her mom's murder. I never thought of anyone else."

"If you mean me, you certainly did…"

She put a finger over his lips to stop him from talking. "Not just you. Espo was with me. He could have been killed."

"He's a cop. He signed up for that."

"He didn't sign up for Kate Beckett's private war, no outsiders, no backup wanted or needed. And Evelyn Montgomery didn't sign up for my war."

"But she's okay."

"Now. But she could have been hurt or killed. We don't know what Orlando Costas was told to look for. Maybe he was told to go through the whole house. Maybe they killed him because he didn't go through anything but Montgomery's filing cabinet before he was shot by Evelyn. Maybe they'll send someone else to finish the job. Suppose Evelyn is home again, or Roy's kids. Do you have any idea how I'd feel if one of them got killed because of me?"

"Kate, this is not your fault. You didn't…."

She put her finger to his lips again. "Just because it isn't my fault doesn't mean I shouldn't stop it. The Dragon, whoever he is, knows were partners. More than partners now." She smiled and leaned up and kissed him. "Suppose they're worried you might have something? That could put you, Martha and Alexis at risk. Or this Maddox could think it's Espo who's my partner. That puts him and maybe Lanie at risk. Or Ryan and Jenny. Or my Dad. I do know that the Dragon is ruthless and there are too many people who may be at risk for me to go on with this."

"If he's that ruthless, do you think he'll stop?"

She nodded. "I told you about how I almost died, falling from that roof? When we got back to the precinct, Gates put Javi and me on administrative leave. See, I already hurt Espo. He's without a job for the next three months and he'll have that suspension on his record."

"I know guys who can use a security person. Not some rent-a-cop operation, either. He does security for celebrities. Pays top dollar. Espo will be okay, but just because you're not a cop for a while…"

"I resigned."

"You what?" Castle sat up and looked down at her.

"I resigned. After this, Gates will never let me near my shooting or my mom's case. And she'll be keeping an eagle eye on me every second. And it won't end with Gates. She'll be sure to brief her replacement about Kate Beckett, rogue cop. If I can't do what I became a cop to do, what's the point of being a cop? If I'm not a cop, I'm no danger to this Dragon. "

"Don't worry about anything, Kate, I'll take care of you and you'll be…"

"Rick, I'm not asking for charity." He said quickly.

"Kate, I love you. And I'm not thinking of charity. I'm thinking of moving us thousands of miles away, building us a bunker someplace and hiring about a thousand armed guards. And guard dogs, and mines and razor wire and ….I don't know what. I just want you to be safe and happy."

Kate smiled at him. "A bunker? That sounds boring."

"Maybe, but it sounds a hell of a lot better than losing you."

She pulled him close and kissed him, opening her mouth and inviting him in. He pulled away.

"I need to show you something."

He got out of bed and held out his hand. They walked hand in hand to his office. Kate and I are naked and walking through my loft, holding hands. This is something I've only dreamed of.

He stopped at his electronic story board. "I didn't have a chance to empty the recycle bin before you arrived." He recovered the deleted file.

She stared at the board for long seconds. "This is about me. You've been investigating my mom's murder and my shooting?"

"And got nowhere. I checked with some people on some things that you might not approve of?"

"Who?" She asked, curious and concerned.

"Sal Tenor for one, the capo I know. He sent me to some people who might know about dirty cops, and dirty money, but I got nowhere."

"Castle you shouldn't have done that. You should erase this and delete it. Hell, you should take the hard drive out and have it dissolved in acid or something. Get rid of it."

He shook his head. "No. You may be safe now, but suppose this mystery man who's protecting you gets hit by a bus tomorrow? Or….anything."

Kate put her arms around him and pushed herself against him. "For thirteen years my life has been about my past. It's been about my mom's murder. I don't want that anymore. That's another reason I resigned. I want a future. I want a future with you."

"Compromise?" He asked. "I'll make a copy of this file and put it on a memory stick and I'll bury the memory stick in the dead of night at my place in the Hamptons. And I'll have this hard drive destroyed. I don't want to lose this information. Just in case."

"You just want to bury treasure at your place, don't you?"

He nodded. "I'll wear an eye patch. Do you think I can get a parrot?"

"Oh, I insist." She laughed and led him back towards the bedroom.

"What are you going to do now that you're not a cop?"

"Not what, lover, who."