Weak

✿✿✿

I recalled that day's morning vividly. As usual, I struggled to stir myself from my dreams and the hazy memories of my past that occasionally appeared in them. With great trepidation, I forced myself to rise and sit in my bed to look around my room at the inn.

It was still early, thankfully. The familiar, cheerful chirping of birds outside my window clued me into that much. Noticing that my eyes were beginning to fight against the notion of waking up by attempting to shut, I tiredly rubbed away at them.

Reluctantly, I rolled my blanket down and touched the cold floor with my feet. A shiver went through me – but it was just what I needed. I was no longer half-asleep.

"Brr…" Contentedly, I stretched and wiggled my legs around before getting up. The air was colder than it was on most days, so while I did grab both sides of my stomach and rub my night shirt against my shivering skin, I wasn't uncomfortable.

Just as I did every day, I moved to the washroom and stepped in front of the sink to look at the mirror with a foggy gaze, then splashed it with water.

There she stood – in my reflection.

The new me that I should have been used to by then stared back at me, and though I knew that face belonged to no one but myself, I had a hard time accepting just how much I had changed.

My old self was breathtakingly beautiful, but I never appreciated my looks while I had them.

I had a rich head of straight, warm golden hair that glowed under the sunlight when swept by the wind, a pair of fierce and determined emeralds for eyes, and a fit – if a bit petite and unintimidating – body agile and powerful enough to rival a dragon's.

I was what Paa'il and Siridan would have described as a 'real catch.' To my knowledge, they never looked at me that way, but I'd have liked to think that the other adventurers who described me as a 'goddess' and 'warrior-princess' weren't lying.

The girl looking back at me from inside the mirror was much different from that.

Her hair was ashen brown, and though it wasn't curly, forgoing wrestling with it in the mornings would have left it far too wavy for my tastes. The eyes scrutinizing the reflection's every flaw were similarly colored, outlined by dark eyebags that never entirely disappeared.

With a forlorn sigh, my gaze trailed past the mirror's edge and down at my body. 'My body.' Even after a year, I still had a hard time accepting that. It felt so foreign. Wrong. I couldn't help but frown and furrow my brows at what I saw. I was unimpressed with my new self.

Unlike Jin, Alysia was just an ordinary girl. Not hideous, but without anything that made her stand out. I no longer had a beautiful face. My physique was average and unrefined, and my chest was already modest enough in my previous life, but this..?

Oh, forget that. All of those small worries were stupid. None of it mattered. It all paled in comparison to the emptiness I felt when looking down at my unblemished arms and frail build.

When I reincarnated, I decided I wouldn't ever put myself at risk again and avoided all the daily training from my last life. That was for the best. An ordinary girl wouldn't have to train like a warrior, right?

There was no purpose to it. I didn't want to risk being scouted by a person or a group who needed someone strong when I still couldn't get rid of my terrible habit of not refusing the requests of others. I didn't want to be a soldier, a gladiator, and especially not an adventurer. 

Why, then, did I feel like I lost something important? It wasn't Alysia who was in love with adventuring, but Jin. It was Jin who could smile with a blade in her hand as she faced the possibility of death. It was Jin who was strong. But I wasn't Jin anymore.

I was Alysia. And Alysia learned her lesson. Thanks to that betrayal, I knew better.

Adventuring was scary. Dying was scary. Betrayal and loss were more painful than anything prior forced me to endure, and I didn't want to face it again. So I was content with the new person I became.

Alysia didn't deserve to go through anything that Jin did. Alysia was fine just the way she was.

And Alysia was weak.

✿✿✿

Ting!

The tip of the blade in my hand met with the arcane-infused back of the construct. Impacting against something so resilient came with a painful prickling sensation that radiated down my entire arm.

Even though my form was unrefined due to lack of practice, it was good enough to shield me from the worst of it. I got lost in the heat of the moment; I didn't expect it to hurt so much.

The adrenaline that came with my impromptu decision to interfere made me forget just how much weaker I was when compared to my other self. For the first few seconds after my hand drew back, it felt like I lost my arm.

Still, I held onto the hilt with all my might. That's how I knew my bones didn't break even when the old metal shattered in half. I hurriedly stumbled backward, only barely staying up on my feet. I couldn't move like I wanted to. Not anymore – not in this body.

A sense of dread filled me, expecting an incoming retaliation, but a hint of self-fulfillment came with it, too. It felt eerie. It almost felt like the rush of a fight was what I'd been missing all along, but that was a thought I didn't enjoy at all.

The towering Sect halted its movements and began turning, queuing up another announcement with another magical hum that made my hair stand on end.

As soon as I heard that sound, I already understood that there was no turning back – and that there were consequences for my actions.

"Interference with the Silverstring Council's decrees will not be tolera—"

Thud, stab.

As weak as my attack was in the face of those magical defenses, it did achieve something.

Before I managed to regain my balance and before the Sect turned to see my face, Siridan drove his elbow and blade into the Sect's chest, skewered its core, and collapsed on top of it.

Well, shit, I thought brilliantly, marveling at the crime scene in front of me. Now what?