The little zar

It was night, the dark sky, the great and bright moon shone, silently on the earth, mirroring the rays of the sun, which at that moment had disappeared leaving room for the depth of the night.

Hundreds of small golden stars covered the sky, they were many and tiny and on that cool night they covered that immense dark space with many small lights.

The window of the room was ajar, so much so that, although she was unable to see it in the dark, Meredith was able to hear the sound of the sea.

She felt her waves rushing with force against the rocks, descending on the shore again, she perceived, from that half-open window, the salinity of that vast amount of water which separated her from Diane.

Meredith closed her big green eyes, inhaled, her long brown hair running down her back, tickling her, slowly being blown by the wind.

She felt the waves of the sea, it was like a rustle in her heart, back and forth and again.

The lady had been in Man for four months, she hoped to be able to find traces of her girl in this way, but instead she had found protection and a generous and kind-hearted mother-in-law who had promised her everything would be fine.

Sometimes Lady Mary treated her as if she were a child, sometimes she sat on her bed and caressed her belly and her very long hair, reassuring her that everything would be for the best.

She only thought that was a way of bridging Diane's disappearance but as far as she really seemed it was more than that because in the few months they met that woman had turned out to be a truly exceptional woman.

Naturally Meredith took care of the twins like her own children, in the morning she took them to the beach for a walk with her, had young Cassidy collect shells and small flowers and had little Logan wet his feet in the water.

Then in the evening Meredith took them to bed and read them stories or told them, taking them from her life and her childhood, from her memories.

But as the pregnancy continued, now into the seventh month, it had become steadily more difficult for the woman to take care of everyone at the same time, so Lady Mary had come to her aid.

As the grandmother of the little ones she too was deeply attached to them: in the morning she took them to the market with a nurse and in the afternoon she let the two grandchildren begin to take lessons, both cultural and musical such as piano and violin.

Meredith knew that once the baby was born, nothing would ever be the same: she would need more time and patience for the new born but inside her heart she hoped that the twins would accept the fact and be indulgent with her.

Four months had passed since their meeting and the little ones had already begun to appeal to Meredith as "mother".

She had patiently explained to them that from the moment she and Diane were together she too would be their parent and that she too, deep in her heart, hoped one day to officially become their mother.

She opened her eyes again, she was sure Diane would come back, she was sure, that she hadn't forgotten or replaced her and every day, helped by the attendants of the Stanley house, Meredith was accompanied down the coast, on the beach, sat there, and waited patiently the arrival of a ship.

She knew that sitting next to the sea would also be good for the baby, to hear the gentle sound of the waves from inside her belly, it could only be good for the child since once in Russia it would most likely not have heard the sound of the sea very often.

Of course, Moscow was a big city and therefore she imagined that once the father had finally received the heir he had been waiting for, he would lead the little baby to a city life always full of commitments.

What a hard life the poor child would have to endure, like that of any member of any royal family: he would have been forced into an early and difficult military education if he were born a boy or a stressful life full of commitments and perfectionism if she were born a girl.

But that was the life of the royals and on the other hand she too, in order to save the alliance necessary for both families, had agreed to conceive and give birth to a child for Prince Aleksei.

She suddenly felt a tightening between her legs, a strange ache, like a strong squeeze to her belly, a cramp, which initially did not worry her too much, since it usually happened to her, that the child during the night decided to turn over in the womb, therefore, not worried by the situation, Meredith began to caress her belly gently trying to calm the little one inside it, on the other hand it was also possible that the baby felt and perceived the worries of the mother.

So the lady ignored the fact for the first few minutes, on the other hand she was only in the second half of the seventh month, it was not possible for something to happen to the baby, she did not believe it, at least until the cramps were getting stronger and more and more often they started to haunt the woman.

It was not possible for her to lose the baby, on the other hand it was already too old to risk dying in the mother's womb, so the only explanation was that the baby, on that night full of stars, had decided to come into the world.

The woman's genital released a mixture of transparent liquid mixed with blood onto the mattress.

She felt the contractions had begun, she clenched her hands on her lap, against her robe, she knew she needed help, if something had happened to the baby, it would be solely and exclusively her responsibility.

In pain, Meredith tried to reach out of bed, at least so that her fingers could grasp the small, smooth wooden handle of the bell which had been placed on the bedside table next to her bed.

She hoped that by emitting that sound, the bell would attract the attention of attendants and in any case people who could assist her in the birth.

The lady raised her head, rested her neck against the wood of the bed, it was strange, it was all so strange, she, who had helped so many women to give birth to their children, was now in trouble, trying to give birth to hers.

Meredith squeezed her fingers against the sides of the mattress, pushed hard, exhaled and inhaled quickly, letting the drafts of heated air escape from her soft but thin lips.

She hoped that at this moment Diane could assist her but she was there, alone, giving birth to her own child.

In a short time the attendants and several other people came to help, one of them was Lady Mary, who in the process had sat beside the woman to give her strength and support and hold her hand.

On the other hand, and in a short time, the darkness had soon changed into brightness, as a crowd of at least half a dozen attendants had gathered around her, busy helping with the birth.

She had to push and keep the pain inside her, which slowly began to change into tears that slowly began to wet the sight of the lady.

Her head was spinning, she felt she could lose consciousness, because, she felt that along with the small body a large amount of blood was also coming out of her, it had started to flow and create a noticeable stain on the soft sheets.

Meredith could no longer hear the sound of the sea, its rustle, the waves, the attendants had closed the windows, thus letting away that beautiful sound that so pleased her.

She clenched her hands to the mattress again, pushed and screamed desperately for a last time, she felt the little body come out of her, detach from her body and when, after about half an hour of cramps and pain, the little head was out, she felt the baby's body had slipped on the mattress.

Meredith began to breathe more calmly, she was afraid, what had happened to the child, she did not understand why the attendants looked at the baby with such amazement, and indeed, she no longer even needed the attendants in that situation, she simply wanted them to go away.

They hadn't even given the woman time to be able to observe the newborn, not even time to let her know that the crowd of her attendants had detached the child from her, separated from her and carried it away to the other side of the room.

Lady Mary wiped the lady's sweaty forehead along with her tears, consoled her, told her that she had done a good job.

-What? What are they doing to the baby?- Meredith asked, how, still tired and sitting against the headboard of the bed, she could see how that impatient crowd touched the baby, observed it, cleaned the blood quickly, the baby continued to cry.

Mary Morley met the lady's green eyes, squeezed her hands, tried to console her - the baby was born an healthy beautiful boy, my dear, but to be born only in the seventh month he is very small and weight just two kilos, constant attentions will be needed for him...-.

She observed how those attendants put their hands on the baby, how in spite of everything they continued to let him cry, how they touched him, they did not give the newborn even a moment of peace, nor the time for him to first know its mother.

All this gave Meredith a great anger, because she, lit by candles, she observed the many struck faces of those simple people, who surrounded and held the little one without even leaving him air.

She still knew she had to recover from childbirth, from the blood she had lost, from all her efforts but it was as if all of that was just too much for her.

With an effort, the lady managed to get back on her feet, she felt the cold of the marble under her, she walked with caution until she finally reached the piece of furniture where the little baby was being disturbed by the others and was able to forcefully intervene between the attendants and the baby.

-Just leave my son alone! Please... - the woman protested angrily, holding out her hands against the piece of furniture, so that the others could not do anything to the baby.

She was exhausted, hardly even standing up and yet she was struck by how an innate instinct had pushed her to defend the little boy she had given birth to.

She was also amazed that after all that time, rationally thinking, she had accepted the fact that that child was Aleksei's but it was as if her mother instinct was so much more in her at that moment.

She had called him "her son" she had admitted it, she meant that in her heart she too cared for her little one as legitimate son.

-Please, leave some time for Lady Meredith to meet the baby, go back to sleep... - invited Lady Morley from the bed, thus giving the attendants permission to finally leave time and space for the new mother and her little baby.

Meredith turned her pale face over the chest set up for the situation by towels, wet and covered with blood and a basin of water.

Above those towels, illuminated by the light of the candles, was a child, a boy, he was little, he would not really be able to reach a size greater than two palms of hand.

He was completely red by the blood and naked and perhaps from the cold of the night he continued to tremble and move his little hands and feet in protest.

He screamed, it was clear he was not doing good and most likely had been frightened by that event, of course, coming out of her and being snatched from his mother by a crowd of attendants must not have been pleasant for the little one.

Meredith placed her small and sweaty hands around the small reddened body still warm from childbirth, she closed it carefully among the white and precious towels, already soiled by numerous and notable stains of blood and hugged him to herself, to her breast.

She slowly closed her eyes and began to rock the little body back and forth, slowly, here and there, he whispered to the little one to stay calm, not to cry, she smelled the smell of sweat and blood of which the baby was covered.

She had seen her son's face in an instant, it had seemed to her that many of the characteristics the child had inherited from his father: the curly hair, the little eyes, from her alone he had inherited the brown hair colour.

Meredith did not want to admit this before, she did not want to become attached to this baby that she had to hand over to the father directly at the end of the war, but deep in her heart she felt that by giving birth to him she too was the legitimate mother.

-Do you want to give him a name?- asked Lady Mary, who still in the darkness hadn't mentioned much in that silent scene.

Meredith knew she shouldn't get too attached to the baby but she knew on the other hand that she couldn't keep a baby without any name for months, so she had to decide to give the little one the name that most seemed to suit him.

-I think I'll call him Charles, I've always liked this name a lot: it was the same name as the first boy I fell in love with as a child, when I still was in love with boys...- Meredith admitted holding the baby who in the meantime had finished crying and scream against his chest -thank you very much for your help Lady Mary, I didn't want to attack those poor attendants, just...I think I need a little time to get used to all this…-.

The mother-in-law smiled slightly, she knew that feeling, when she was not yet used to such a change, to the existence of a new life so she decided to do the wisest thing in that moment.

-You've chosen a beautiful name, I'll just let you spend some time with the baby-.

Once Meredith was left alone by everyone, alone with little Charles, she decided to do the thing that she herself, as a new mother, considered right to do, show her baby her world.

She slowly opened the window, she heard again the sweet sound of the rustling water, of the waves. That pleasant salty smell tickled her nostrils, leading herself into the world of her fantasies.

She held the baby in her arms, she felt he was hungry, she felt it from his crying, which slowly began to become more present again in the room.

Charles was a magnificent, sweet little prince, who from his birth had commitments and roles to follow as a descendant of one of the most ancient and well-known Russian families.

Her little zar.

The woman's breasts were filled with warm milk, which at that moment was perhaps what the little one needed, so she lowered her nightgown close to her breasts, letting the baby latch on to drink warm, nourishing mother's milk.

Meredith raised her big green eyes to the sky again, still it was dark, deep, covered and studded with magnificent and small golden stars.

Even knowing that her son could not yet see clearly, she hoped in her heart that in that moment the little one could enjoy that magnificent sight with her.

But the little one seemed to react to the sound of the sea, to the fresh and salty smell of the water and foam, she felt it, as in feeding from her breast the little one seemed considerably calmer and more relaxed.

Charles had closed his little eyes, the mother felt his faint breath on her chest, she was aware that being born so early and weighing only two kilos, the little one needed a lot of attention and constant care.

The following morning she would take care to use the nib and ink to communicate to prince Aleksei the birth of the baby, the legitimate heir for whom he had long waited, along with the cancellation of their marriage.

-Do you hear this noise, Charles? This is the sea, do you like it?- asked the lady smiling slowly and lovingly at the newborn.

She felt a little squeeze in her hand, her son had grabbed one of her fingers, held it weakly, it was as if he wanted to make sure he wasn't alone, that someone was there with him.

It was true, Meredith really liked Aleksei as a person but not romantically, but she loved the baby she had just given birth to.

She looked away at the horizon, away, from the sea, obscured by the night, by the sky, at a point where the two met.

Yes, Diane would be back, she was sure of it.