Chapter 4

Heading back to Kansas with Annabel became a totally different outcome, she flinched every time I went to shift the vehicle it is like my Angel totally disappeared from what Scarlett did. Avery would try and soothe her but would end up screaming for some reason, she knew Scarlett abused her just not sure how bad, and putting her into a mental ward would make her freak out even more. Jana desperately wanted her sweet loving Angel back with the beauty of blonde hair, blue eyes, and her soul that took Jana a lot to fall in love with in the beginning.

Jana could sense that Annabel is feeling bad as she struggles to say a word to anyone. Jana wanted to hold her hand but knew it would be up to Annabel not her. Jana wished she never packed away Angel's things though she still had her grandma's stuff in the attic plus picture's all over the walls. She wanted to make sure Annabel came back to being Angel eventually even if it meant struggling to get her back.

"Annabel..." Jana said in a struggle.

"No, I am not Annabel, you said so yourself I am Angel Knight. I just need a light to show me the way to Angel, I need to be Angel." Annabel replied with a sadness in her voice.

"Alright, Angel, listen to me. First off, I am not going to change you back to yourself right then and there it will cause problems later. We will do this one day at a time." Jana responded with tightness in her throat.

"Okay, so I get to be a person I am not until I see where I need to be but that doesn't help me. I need to do what Scarlett did just in reverse. Retrain my brain to be Angel again the way she was, it will work. My natural hair color will come back once this dye wears off, my eye color is just contacts, and these clothes can be changed to the way I was. My personality of Angel is in me, I just have to go above and beyond to find it." Angel replied with enthusiasm.

"She is right, mom." Jonathan said with a smile.

"Now what then? Do you want to take out those contacts because green really doesn't suit you, we can get you clothes just for you before heading home? Any type of food, drinks that you used to like." Jana responded to Angel.

"You know me better than anyone, Jana, tell me what was my favorite, what was my life like before Scarlett ruined it all?" Angel replied with a smile.

"Angel, you were everything in life though you missed you're grandma you carried on you're dream of having a coffee shop in which Shauna has now taken over since we moved to Kansas, and adopted two wonderful children within that same year. We have a big beautiful home, you love coffee, Mexican food but will eat almost anything from the store, definitely love the outdoors we didn't get dogs quite yet but that is fine, and we both worked I have worked in a Bakery as you worked for the Paper by phone since we needed someone home for the kids. You were life within itself and lived it day by day. I am not sure what memories you have of us but obviously there is still some of us in your mind." Jana explained best to her ability.

"Yes, I do like proposing to you, making love for the first time, and many other important things, I just can't grasp beyond that. I know what has happened though after that is like a blur. I am trying though to remember everything that involved us as a couple." Angel replied.

"Don't push it, Angel, honestly you will remember in time but do you have any recall of your childhood?" Jana asked with curiosity.

"My mom moved to another country because of kissing Scarlett, that memory made me cringe. I lived with my grandma, and grew up with her raising me as a lady. I do know I used to live by myself playing my guitar, and enjoy my bookstore. It never had a name though." Angel responded with her thoughts running wild.

"It had a name when I came into your life because you wouldn't let me go no matter how much I fought you. I helped named it Windsong because it is a name I have enjoyed for many years, and would name my own coffee/bookstore that. Yes, Windsong became our bookstore/cafe much longer before we moved to Kansas. Shauna changed it to Midnight, which is what she loved but kept traditional stuff like our coffee and books and just changed scenes and themes with furniture, walls, and such. She is a dear girl to us, there is a secret between you two that you never told me but you have kept yourself level headed to her, and still appreciate her taking over our shop that we have to eventually move to Kansas." Jana explained some more.

"So, wait I never told you anything about me and Shauna but I still get along with her? Our store is now given to Shauna because we moved from Michigan to Kansas. Why didn't we just stay in Michigan, and keep our store? That would have been the right thing to do." Angel responded with more questions.

"Sweetheart, you forgot one detail out of this whole thing. We moved to Kansas not only to adopt our beautiful pre-teens Jonathan and Avery but we made our life out there as a start. We agreed to work from the bottom then work our way to the top like you did before we got together." Jana replied.

"At least we did one thing correctly, we adopted these two handful's." Angel responded with a laugh.

Jana and Angel talked the whole trip back to Kansas though sometimes in the back of Angel's mind, she wondered how Scarlett is doing being in the mental ward, and if she will survive her surroundings without her. She wasn't Annabel that is a fact but she wasn't going to waste her life being trapped in those conditions with Scarlett. Divorcing Scarlett will come quickly for sure since they most likely will put her in jail for what she did to Angel. Leaving Massachusetts behind became Angel's best decision because her life slowly came back to normal though the bad part being in Kansas is that Scarlett left a message on her phone every day though she hadn't filed for divorce yet it is still a trail of hope to end it once, and for all. Jana told Martha to take a hike elsewhere or back to her husband because she got her partner back. It took everything Jana could not to mess with Angel until she felt herself again.

Angel would sleep on the couch even though Jana told her time and time again that they shared a room but Angel cringed of the thought of sleeping in the same room with another woman until her divorce was over, and she could be free of any harm that could be done to her if Scarlett did return, she had no idea what was held in store day by day.

"Momma, I am going to hang out with Brianna, Jonathan is locked up in his room though not sure as to why. Are you going to be okay, while I go see Brianna for the day?" Avery asked in her sweet voice.

"I will be fine. Go have some fun, I am sure mom will be home soon if I need her." Angel explained.

Avery left without another word as Jonathan came out of the basement.

"Hey Jonathan, why do you lock yourself down there?" Angel asked curiously.

"Doing pre-teen stuff mom, don't worry about it, and Avery does it from time to time too when Brianna comes over. I just play my video games in silence." Jonathan explained.

"Alright, just don't do anything me or your mom would disapprove of." Angel replied with a smile.

Jonathan laughed then went into the kitchen to get some food and drinks then back to his basement with games. Angel knew better that their kids were exploring beyond what they knew she just didn't want to intrude. She wasn't sure if Jana knew what Avery and Jonathan were up to but she knew better than to just tell Jana because she most likely knew herself.

Being in Kansas is so different from Massachusetts the terrain is a lot more flat than out in Massachusetts, and there is more to Kansas. She hasn't driven a car since she returned the rental so Jana drives the truck most of the time while she sits at home, and undecided on how to contact her previous job which Jana said she worked for a paper. She doubts they would rehire her after her disappearance that she willingly did for Jana and the kids, thanks to Jana reminding her.

Angel's favorite part of the day is when everyone is home but lately everyone has disappeared doing their own thing since she has returned. She needed someone to talk to besides her own thoughts which always brought back memories of Scarlett, and her awful ways. One song that constantly played on the radio that reminded her of Scarlett was You Don't Know Her Like I Do by Brantley Gilbert, and it would play over and over and it would make her go insane most days or just break down and cry. She knew telling Jana and the kids would make them hate her for even thinking about Scarlett.

Jana still means everything to Angel, it just gives her such a punch in the stomach that she can't decide where to be happy. Yes, Jana saved her life from the abuse of everything that Scarlett threw at her but was it really worth changing herself back to Angel, questions still arise whether she should go back to her first wife. They were everything together, though they hadn't made love since they were together for three to four years but that doesn't change how she feels towards Scarlett.

"Hey baby, you okay?" Jana said.

"Oh yeah, just lost in thought, I have a question?" Angel replied.

"What is that my love?" Jana responded with curiosity.

"Would it be a crime to go back to Scarlett? She is my wife, and I don't think I can divorce her." Angel replied with a sad face.

"Angel, you can't be serious?" Jana responded.

"Jana, I am being serious. I don't want to lose my wife. I don't like being here as it is, I am too alone. The kids are happy with their lives even before I came back. You didn't need me and neither did they." Angel explained as best she could.

"Scarlett has abused, left you for dead, and has beaten you down because of me. Yet, you still want that tramp back. What is wrong with you? Angel this isn't right at all. We are supposed to be together. It isn't Angel and Scarlett, it is Jana and Angel. You were the one who changed me from a straight woman to a lesbian. I can't believe this is happening." Jana responded by placing her head between her thighs as she struggled to understand everything that was going down.

"I knew you wouldn't understand, Jana, and I am sure the kids wouldn't either. Scarlett can be a wonderful person especially since she is getting mental help, and I did leave her in Massachusetts to get the help. I want her better even with me by her side. Marriage is a lot of work, she is everything that I was, and to become. I didn't agree with her ways but we did make it work. I have to go back, Jana, I need to." Angel replied desperately.

"Angel, I do understand that you still love Scarlett but my heart's always yours just like always though the exes win. I am not sure who to run to now. You changed me though now Scarlett has changed you're heart from loving me, I am more alone in this world than I have realized. Scarlett will over power our true love it seems. Do you know I love you with all my heart, and that I haven't removed the engagement ring because I thought I would get my fiance back? This is our destiny though that has changed a whole new meaning to our love life." Jana responded through sobs.

"I am sorry, you need to take it off, and find you're true love because I am not it. I am leaving tomorrow to go back to Massachusetts to be with Scarlett, and I will be Mrs. Angel Nicole Thomas because I am happy to have my name back as Angel instead of Annabel. Just know you and the kids are in great hands with someone who does love you, it's just not me, and Kansas isn't my home anymore." Angel replied with a smile thinking of her beautiful wife.

Angel got off the couch then headed upstairs to the bedroom to see her luggage still unpacked from the trip there but she knows she has to go back to her wife, they belong together.