CHAPTER 40

Again we had that awkward pause in the conversation that we had a few minutes ago. Maybe that's all, maybe we are done I thought. Just as I thought we were Ashley continued.

"So now what we need to do Brian, is figure out how to handle these feelings.", she said.

"What do you mean ?", I asked.

"Well do we end this conversation tonight, forget everything that was said and try to act normal. Or do we maybe figure out an arrangement that works for both of us, but an arrangement that makes sure, neither of us can get hurt.", she replied.

"I don't know what you mean…. by an arrangement,", I inquired, softly.

"What I mean is, there are things we can do together to…., um we can help each other relieve these feelings, maybe make each other feel better, so to speak.", she offered, "What do you think ?"

"I think I feel very weird right now Ashley.", I told her.

"I can understand that, I feel the same way to some degree. But lately I have had this overwhelming desire to be close to you. I'm not sure if it's because you remind me so much of your Father. Or maybe I have been so long without a man, add the fact that well you're… you know extremely attractive and I'm pretty worked up sometimes. Do you understand any of what I am saying ?", she asked.

"Yes, somewhat Ashley. Sometimes when we are here watching TV at night, I have a hard time concentrating on anything other than you. That's why I get up and go to bed sometimes.", I answered.

Ashley then reached out and took my hand in hers, squeezing it gently. Her hand felt so warm, so soft, my heart was racing. I looked up into her face, her large brown eye's sparkling, her gaze fixed on mine. I swallowed hard, I was having difficulty breathing, I felt like I was moving, off balance, even though I was seated.

"Brian, would you mind if I kissed you ?", she asked in a bashful tone, her eyes moving away from mine.

My senses were spinning, my heart pounding, I had never in my life felt this way around a girl, I was scared to death. I squeezed Ashley's hand causing her to look back into my eyes.

"Ashley, I am afraid if you kiss me, I won't be able to stop kissing you. I'm afraid of what might happen.", I told her.

"Maybe I won't ask you to stop.", she said, as she swallowed hard.

I sat there for a few seconds just staring at this gorgeous creature, her hand in mine, wondering if I should take the most dangerous step I had ever taken in my life. Perhaps ten seconds later, Ashley put the situation out of mind as she leaned over and ever so gently, touched her lips to mine. I cannot describe adequately the feelings that were coursing through my body. She reached up with one hand and rested it on the back of my neck as she held my mouth against hers for what seemed like minutes instead of a few fleeting seconds. She finally gently pulled way from me, but her face was still only inches from mine, her eyes locked into mine, the fingers on her hand gently stroking the back of my neck. I just sat there staring at her, my mind still lost in the previous kiss.

"You ok ?", she asked me, in a soft whisper.

I couldn't speak, my mouth was as dry as the desert, my thoughts were scrambled. All I could do was shake my head up and down like a rag doll, acknowledging my approval. I saw a smile creep across her face in response to my nod, she took my hand, which was still in hers and lifted it to her cheek. In response I began to gently caress her cheek, in response she closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them again, a slight mist forming.

"Brian, every fiber of my being is crying out for you to take me, forget everything and everyone, just live for this moment. Please tell me you feel the same way I do, or I will get up right now, walk away and we will never speak of this again.", she said.

Deep down, I knew what the answer was, at least what it should have been. I needed to let her walk away, forget this night had ever gotten to this point. There was absolutely no way a relationship, even based on just sex, could possibly end in anything postive. But sometimes, even though your mind tells you what to do, the heart takes over, doing the exact opposite. It took maybe fifteen seconds or so, then my life changed in one instant, I crossed a line I could never go back across. I leaned over and pulled Ashley into my arms, my lips finding hers, this time in a long passionate kiss. When I pulled from her, I saw a tear running down her cheek, her eyes were filled with tears.

"Ashley are you ok ? What's wrong ?", I asked sincerely.

"Nothing's wrong Brian, just kiss me.", she whispered.

Once again our lips met, my arms wrapped tight around her upper body. . For the first time I felt the tip of her tongue touch my upper lip, I parted my mouth slightly, inviting her to continue. She gently eased more of her tongue between my lips, my own finding hers quickly. I can't describe the feelings that I was experiencing, it seemed like a dream, I was hoping to never wake from. She finally pulled away from me, resting her head on my chest. I ran my fingers through her hair slowly, enjoying the warmth of her body on mine. She stayed that way for several minutes, until I thought I sensed she was crying. I tilted my head to the side trying to see her face. She lifted her head from my chest her eyes looking into mine, tears streaming down her face. She jumped up quickly from the sofa, an anguished look on her face.

"Oh God Brian, I am so sorry, I just can't…..", she stopped and ran for her bedroom, closing the door behind her loudly.

I just sat there stunned, what had just happened ? Everything up to that point she had put into motion, or at least it seemed that she had. I got up and slowly walked down the hallway to her bedroom door. I stopped and listened for a second, I heard nothing.

"Ashley, are you ok ?", I asked.

"Please Brian, I need to be alone, I'm so sorry.", she answered through the door.