6. Chapter 6: Apology And Doubts

A.N. Hello, everyone! I finally have an update for you! I'm falling on my knees and begging you for forgiveness that I kept you hanging for over a month. I'm never going to abandon this story, I've just concentrated on moving forward my first story "At The Edge Of The Ocean". Thanks a lot for keeping interest in this one, reading it, commenting and giving me words of encouragement. I hope you'll enjoy the chapter! Tell me what you think, please.

**********************************************************************************"Hmmm." Addie frowned her forehead poring over the ad section in the newspaper.

"You know, Addie, it's not like I'm throwing you out on the street," said Meredith from above her mug of coffee. "You can stay at my house as long as you like.

"I know," sighed her friend folding the paper with annoyance. "I might just take my cue from you on that. I'm paying less, don't have to trouble myself with the decorating and I have the whole house for myself given the fact that you're practically living in the hospital."

Meredith grinned, "But?"

"But I'm the freaking head of neonatal department at the best hospital on the west coast. I want to have a classy fancy place of my own!"

"Have finally felt the power, haven't you?" snickered Meredith.

Addison crossed her arms behind her head resting comfortably in the chair.

"Andy you can't bring McSteamy to my house. That is really problematic, isn't it?" joked Mer.

Addie shrugged her shoulders, "I'm taking it slow anyway."

"Slow?" Meredith wiggled her eyebrows.

"Slower than that! He has to get rid of the nurses before he lays a finger on me."

"You said you weren't looking for a husband," reminded Meredith slyly.

"I'm still not. I just don't like to share. He needs to make some effort. The lame pick-up lines he uses on nurses won't work on me!"

There was a light knocking on the door and Meredith saw Derek shepherd enter her office.

"Good morning, Dr. Grey, Dr. Montgomery."

"Good morning, Dr. Shepherd," replied Meredith politely. "To what do I owe the pleasure of seeing you so early this morning?"

"You told me to come look for you in your office. If I'm not interrupting…?" he threw a look at Addison.

"Hmmm, I remember clearly telling you to come during my office hours," she pointed at the clock on the wall. "It's five minutes to eight. You're going to walk out of the door and wait patiently until the clock strikes eight a.m., Dr. Shepherd. And to answer your question, you are interrupting."

Derek's lips went into a thin line but he obediently followed his boss's instructions.

"Whoa!" breathed out Addison. "You're feeling the power all right!"

"He's a dick," shrugged Meredith. A big one, she added with amusement in her thoughts.

"Oh, what did you do?" asked Addison suspiciously.

"Who told you I did anything?" said Meredith innocently.

"The silly grin on your face. Is McDreamy… pursuing you?"

"Pursuing?" snorted Meredith. "Come on, are we the heroines of some Victorian novel? McJackass probably came to bitch about George's nomination."

"You really went over the board with this one," remarked Addie.

"I'm not going to explain myself to you too, Addie," Meredith said firmly.

"Fine," capitulated the redhead. "But do you think it's wise? To antagonize them once more?"

"You see, this why I am the Chief."

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"Look who's here!" jeered Izzie as George walked into the staff room.

"What are you doing here, Bambi?" asked Cristina. "Shouldn't you be crouching beside your mistress's leg like a good like little dog waiting for orders?"

George lowered his head and said nothing in reply. He had prepared himself for the angry reaction of his friends. They could be supportive, helpful and reliable but they could become just as callous. Izzie always was his best friend and her outburst hit him hard. George only hoped their irritation would quickly fade away and the best way to make it happen was to get out of their sight. He hastily pulled a pile of papers from his cubby and made towards the door.

"Did you choked on your tongue, O'Malley?" asked Cristina.

Finally, something snapped inside of him. He deserved his promotion, he had worked hard for it. If it was to be appreciated by a complete stranger and not his longtime friends, so be it. He wouldn't let anyone sweep the floors with him anymore.

He cleared his throat and recited loudly so that everyone in the room could hear him, "I'd like to inform everyone that the new set of safety rules applicable on the hospital premises is available on the Seattle Grace's website as well as on the announcement boards. I request every staff member to familiarize themselves with them asap. And… it's Dr. O'Malley or Chief Deputy."

He cleared his throat again and departed leaving a room of stunned people behind him.

"Did you hear that?" asked Alex.

"Deputy Chief, my ass," grumbled Cristina. "Shepherd's gonna maul him"

"I don't know. Derek doesn't want that job," Izzie shook her head. The question of George's new position didn't bother her as much as his siding with the enemy.

"Then what do you think he's doing outside her office?" asked Alex knowingly.

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Derek felt his blood boil in frustration at being unceremoniously sent out of her office. Nevertheless, he did what he was told and fell heavily against the wall crossing his arms over his chest. He needed to control his emotions if he wanted to communicate with her.

"Derek," Mark's voice carried across the deserted corridor. "What are you doing here, man?"

"Waiting," he replied sincerely.

"Waiting?" repeated Mark anxiously. "I think you're looking for trouble. Seriously, you need to get over it. Webber didn't pick you, she didn't pick you. So what? Life goes on. Lashing out on her is the last thing you need."

"I know," answered Derek calmly.

"You really should- You know?"

"Yeah."

"Then… what are you doing here?" Mark eyed his best friend suspiciously.

"I've already told you, I'm waiting," he sighed. "Look, I've been an ass lately but you don't have to worry about me."

"Oh, ok, so… I'll just go…" Mark stammered embarrassedly and made to leave.

"Mark," Derek called after him. "Am I… a comfortable and arrogant idiot with a God complex?"

Mark gave a short laugh but he was visibly relieved, "Not anymore."

Derek checked his watch and observed the tiny arm strike full hour before tapping on the door.

"Come in," he heard her amused voice.

"Good morning again," he greeted the two women.

"Dr. Shepherd," said Meredith feigning surprise.

Derek rolled his eyes, like she doesn't know I was waiting.

"Your office hours have just begun, I believe."

"That's right, I'm all yours, Dr. Shepherd," her eyes twinkled at him mischievously making his throat run dry.

"Oh, I'll… leave you two alone… to your business," Addison excused herself hastily, looking at her friend quizzically. Meredith Grey didn't ever flirt with men she pronounced dicks…

"Have a seat, Dr. Shepherd," Meredith gestured towards one of the chairs before her desk.

"Thank you," he replied courteously and sat down. It was going to be one hell of a conversation…

"So, how can I help you, Dr. Shepherd?" asked Meredith ordering documents on her desk. Bring it on, Shepherd, all your woes and grudges, bring them on…

"I… I came to apologize," came his surprising answer.

Meredith stopped handling the documents and looked shrewdly at the man in front of her.

"That's… unexpected," commented Meredith. She would never imagine him uttering those words. She searched his face for a tiniest trace of hidden motivation yet… Derek Shepherd wasn't joking, wasn't flirting or sneering, he seemed.. serious.

"Why is it unexpected? I acted inappropriately towards you and apologies are in order," sighed Derek.

"How was your behavior inappropriate, Dr. Shepherd?" she leaned back comfortably in her chair, bringing one hand to her chin. "Are you apologizing for calling me a whore?"

"I didn't call you that," Derek shook his head.

"You implied it," Meredith was relentless. She was having fun watching his discomfort. It must have been a torture for a man of his caliber and his pride to show such an amount of humility.

"I…" he sighed again, "can't really deny that, can I? I'm… sorry."

"Is there something else you're sorry for?" She locked her eyes with his, eager to watch him squirm trying to tackle the heated kiss they shared in the elevator.

Derek considered his options, seeing right through her game and answered truthfully, "No."

"No?" asked Meredith in a high-pitched voice.

"Are you?" he challenged her.

She rose to her feet and stepped around to sit on her desk, bringing her crossed legs inches from his hand resting on the side of his chair. "No," she answered softly.

Derek smiled in reply and Meredith considered dropping his McJackass nickname on behalf of McDreamy. "So… are you willing to…"

"To?" she cocked her head.

"To accept my apology." It only took him to flick his wrist so his fingertips grazed her nylon clad calf. Some small rational voice in his brain kept telling him that he shouldn't wade further into… whatever he and Meredith Grey were these days. There were thousand reasons not to, she was a couple of years younger, she was her boss and she was trouble, he could tell that much. Yet, he couldn't resist. When he shed the blinkers of anger from his eyes, he saw there was much more to her than alluring physicality and sharp tongue. She was a mystery he yearned to unravel, a waking call that made him realize his career-centered life was missing something.

"Hmmm," she hummed pensively, her body getting tense from the small contact with his.

"I think…" she said just as her mental capacities began to shrink. "That you need to put more effort in your apology, show that you're really into it. I need to see your good intentions, Dr. Shepherd."

"I can put more effort," he assured her quietly, laying his outstretched palm on her leg, caressing it in circular motions higher and higher up to her knee. "Only… my intentions may not be so good…"

The atmosphere in the room was still and full of tension, like the air before a storm. Meredith didn't look anywhere else than his eyes that went dark, perfectly matching his navy-blue scrubs. Derek grew bolder at the obvious fact that she didn't stop his hand moving past the crook of her knee onto her thigh. He heard her breath hitch as his fingers insinuated themselves under the hem of her skirt.

He was just about to spring from his seat and work really hard on her forgiveness when an insistent knocking on the door punctured their lusty bubble.

Meredith irritably jumped off on the floor quickly straightening her clothes and reclaimed her place behind the desk while Derek groaned under his breath. Someone had the worst timing ever.

I should have known, O'Malley, he thought at the sight of George stumbling into the office with a folder in his hands.

"Morning Dr. Grey, Dr. Shepherd," he said, glancing uneasily at the dark-haired doctor. "Chief, I went through the list you made. Dr. Anderson and Miller are out of the country. Dr. Taylor's on the maternity leave. I can contact Dr. Davis, Dr. Cox and Dr. Perez, also Major Hunt has just returned to States."

"Get in touch with him first," ordered Meredith. "Good job Dr. O'Malley." Derek watched with a frown and increasing annoyance as Meredith praised her deputy. They had too good rapport for his liking.

"No problem, Chief. I also came to report that all domino patients have arrived at the hospital and Dr. Bailey would like to start."

Meredith nodded, "Tell her I'll be right with her. Thank you, George."

"Yes, Dr. Grey," he answered and made it out of the room hunching his back under Derek's scowl.

Meredith laughed shortly as soon as the door closed behind him. "He thinks you're going to kill him."

"I might do just that," Derek stated jokingly. "He interrupted my groveling."

"That's the only reason?" she asked casually, making Derek snort.

"If you're suggesting I'm coveting the deputy job I'd like to put you right. I don't do second best."

Meredith opened her mouth to make the remark that begged to roll off her tongue but bit her lip instead, the gesture that didn't go unnoticed by Derek. She wanted the man in front of her badly, there was no point denying. She didn't need to ruffle his feathers additionally.

"I appreciate your concern for my feelings," he said resolutely.

"I'm sorry?" she narrowed her eyes.

"You can tell me what's on your mind. I promise I won't get offended," he assured her with a knowing smirk.

Meredith gave him a searching look, for the first time feeling apprehensive in his presence. How did he know what she was thinking? Usually, the guys around her gawked at her butt or her cleavage and that was enough. Derek Shepherd paid more attention, making her feel more exposed than as if she was naked. Maybe she shouldn't get any closer to him, he might be unnecessary trouble in her life.

"Fine," she conceded flatly. "I wanted to say you are doing second best, second best surgeon and second best neurosurgeon."

"Ouch," Derek scrunched his nose. "It actually hurt. It's beneficial for my overblown ego, though."

Meredith opened her eyes widely. What happened with the man who told her he would be a better chief only a week ago? He brushed the slight as though it had meant nothing to him. If someone ever dared to call her second best, she would rip them to pieces limb by limb.

"I… I think we'll have to finish our conversation at a later time," she breathed out and walked to the door holding it open for Derek to leave. "Duty calls."

"Of course," he replied with a sigh. He strode to the door and stopped abruptly before her, inhaling her flowery scent.

She hitched her head to look into his eyes. Damn it! He was way taller even when she wore high heels and it increased the feeling that he possessed some kind of freak power over her. She swayed slightly forwards.

"What about my absolution?" he whispered, his lips so close to hers that her breath fanned her face.

"It's…" she cleared her throat, she was pulled towards him like a moth to a flame. "I don't think I can let you get off that easily."

"Oh, no. You can't," he agreed eagerly, brushing his lips lightly over hers.

Just as her tongue licked his lips demanding entrance, the sound of hurried footsteps echoed across the corridor bringing them down to earth.

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Meredith cut a short break at the nurses' station. She stopped to lean against the counter with one hand on her hip and observed the bustle around her. It was a busy day, the day of the first large-scale operation under her supervision or, to be precise, 12 separate but interconnected operations, including six kidney transplants. Seattle Grace was hosting a pair matching donation, in surgical jargon known as the domino surgery.

Even if, as a neurosurgeon, she wasn't going to take part in the procedures, she was personally involved in the preparations and management. Dr. Bailey had been meticulously working on the project for weeks, long before Meredith took the office but she wanted it be successful no less than her head of general. There were so many things that could backfire, mostly because it involved so many people – six donors and six recipients. Failure of one of them meant the failure of the entire project.

Meredith spotted Miranda zooming past her with a harassed look on her face. She was very pleased to have the plump surgeon on her team. Bailey was talented, resourceful and her career was only kicking off. She would undoubtedly contribute greatly to Grace's future successes.

It came as a slight surprise to Meredith that her professional contacts with Miranda ran smoothly. They were bong strong-willed, independent and straightforward. She had expected a massive clash of personalities but it never came. Quite the opposite, in fact, Miranda always treated her with civility, maybe even respect. Evidently, she had more brains than the rest of the staff put together. Although, Derek Shepherd seemed to be improving lately…

And he seemed to be staring at her right now. He was doing that every chance he got since they parted this morning. Had she been faced with the situation several weeks ago, she would have dragged him into an empty on call room and fuck him senseless.

Now, she had doubts. She was the chief of surgery; it came with perks but also with obligations and restraints. The post carried a certain prestige and dignity. She didn't see how embarking upon a fling with her own employee would fit into the picture. Besides, he almost managed to turn her into an incoherent puddle of mush back in her office. He was too dangerous for her.

With a sigh, she reciprocated the intense gaze he was giving her from across the hall. The man was perfection, she craved to eat him... and he was willing, so very willing. She knew she wouldn't last long in her resolution of keeping safe distance, she never had much self-control…

"I can't do this!" a feverish voice broke them from their trance and made the lively lobby succumb into a grave silence.

A young woman whom Meredith instantaneously recognized as one of the donors stood over a man in the wheelchair, who was, in his turn, a recipient.

"All these people telling me how wonderful and selfless and giving I am!" she snapped, her voice shaking. "I… I can't take it anymore. Especially not from her!" she pointed at another donor, wife of the man she was subjecting to her rage.

"Just keep your voice down!" he panted.

"Have you seen her face? Thanking me for saving your life? Stan, this is crazy! You promised you'd tell her, please!" she yelled at him.

The man started to wince from pain and two residents rushed to his side.

"Tell her! If the past three years meant anything to you, you have to tell her!"

"Stan?" the man's wife reappeared with a cup of water in her hand an expression of shock and hurt painting across her face.

"All these years I knew there were other women but I thought it was just sex! My God, Stan! She's giving a kidney for you! That's not sex, it's family! I'd do anything for you. I gave up my entire life to get you to dialyses, drive you to doctors-"

"I didn't ask you to do any of that!" barked her husband.

"Well, don't worry! I won't do one more thing for you and that includes giving a kidney!" she declared angrily and scooted off.

Crap! thought Meredith with frustration, the human factor, it always failed.

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Derek Shepherd reprimanded himself irritably. He was behaving like a lovesick schoolboy… or a dog in heat, or both. He was following her with his eyes all day, not only her enticing curves but also her eyes.

She was keeping a lot to herself, protected by the shell of self-confidence. The eyes, however, her green pools of eyes were the entrance to her soul. He just had to know how to read them.

His pulse sped up as she looked at him across the lobby. Her face appeared to be expressionless but Derek was slowly learning how to read the smallest clues indicating her mood. He could swear she was hesitant, maybe a bit frustrated. If only he could get her alone and finish what they started this morning…

That wasn't going to happen anytime soon, he commented inwardly as he witnessed one of the donors refuse to give her kidney and the havoc following her outburst. The intricate web of donors and recipients seemed to crumble as one by one they denied to give their organs.

A deep frown formed on Meredith's forehead as she rejoined Bailey and the two of them tried to extinguish the hell that broke loose.

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Meredith approached Bailey who was standing in front of the board with a diagram of the domino surgery.

"Dr. Bailey," she addressed her. "We've been featured on the national news. All eyes are on Seattle Grace. Fix this."

"It's unfixable sighed Miranda dejectedly. "I've just received the call from U.N.O.S. They don't have a matching kidney. We have to release the patients."

Meredith studied her face. She was stressed out to the limits and evidently going through a little crisis. She needed a push in the right direction.

"Or… we can wait a little bit more for Mrs. Mercer to cool off and rethink her decision," she proposed. "She might need some psychological support…" she emphasized the last words and Miranda's eyes lit almost imperceptibly with renewed spark. "Of course, we can't do anything that resembles coercion. U.N.O.S. is very clear about that. The last thing we need is to lose our status as a transplant site.

With this word of warning, she left Bailey alone with her thoughts. When she gave her the last glance from the doorway, she could see the short woman fidgeting in her spot, cooking up the plan B.

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"It's a pity looks don't kill," complained Cristina Yang beside Derek, appearing out of nowhere, seconds after Meredith disappeared with Bailey in the conference room.

"Sorry?"

"What are you deaf now, Shepherd?" she huffed impatiently. "I'm surprised she hasn't dropped yet. You look like you want to strangle her with bare hands."

Oh, he did want his hands on her neck and every other part of her body, for that matter, though, Yang probably shouldn't learn that particular piece of information. Thank God, she misinterpreted the attention he was giving Dr. Grey.

"I seriously don't know how you can put up with her strutting around the hospital every day," stated Cristina venomously. "If she stole my job, I wouldn't content myself with hateful glares."

"Mhmm," Derek agreed wordlessly. So true, he yearned to do so much more than looking…

"She's probably laughing her ass out behind your back," went on Cristina. "She would laugh straight into your face if she didn't want to lose one of the best world-class neurosurgeons."

For the first time since she joined him, he took notice of her ranting. Meredith Grey was playful and flirty with him but even then she treated him with the air of unquestionable ruthless superiority, in her actions and in her words. He was attempting to be polite and patient but he didn't know how much his battered dignity would take.

"How went the meeting with the wicked witch this morning?" asked Cristina curiously, pushing him of his musings once more.

"Fine," he replied reluctantly.

"Yeah, yeah. Somehow, O'Malley's still the Deputy," she sneered. "On the other hand, he might have done you a favour. At least, you won't have to be at her every wish. That would be humiliating."

"Yeah, I guess," he nodded shortly. "I… need to go back to work." He quickly excused himself and hid in office, trying to stop his racing mind. One day, Meredith Grey would drive him insane.

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Not even an hour later, Meredith stood in front of an army of doctors in scrubs, giving them a short pre-surgery pep talk. Her features were a mask of concentration, as ever, though inwardly, she bubbled with satisfaction and pride. She knew she could trust Bailey's perseverance to take her baby project through to the finish line.

"Our six donors are all anesthetized and ready to go. They'll be done first, followed by the recipients. Each pair will be color-coded so as not to confuse them. This surgery is a hornet's nest, so work quickly but carefully. Use each other, operate as a team. Let's go make medical history."

The surgeons scattered around, each heading to perform the task they were assigned with while Meredith addressed Bailey with a knowing smile, "We're lucky as hell that woman changed her mind."

Miranda wore a similar grin. "Yes, we are. Yes, we are," she giggled and scurried away.

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Several hours later, Meredith and Miranda found themselves again in front of the domino surgery board. Bailey was giving her a shortened report on the situation on the battlefield, pointing at the pictures of the patients, "Ms. Loring, Mr. Cross, Mr. Patil, Ms. Chan and Mr. Mercer, they're all stable. But Mr. Walling, he has delayed graft function and God knows what else."

"The press is going to be all over this tomorrow," Meredith's eyes swept with contentment over the diagram. "I'll need you available for interviews and some photo-ops."

"Did you hear me, Dr. Grey?" Bailey interrupted her. "Mr. Walling has a serious complication. His electrolytes are off-"

"But you saved five other lives," Meredith cut her short. "That's a pretty good scoreboard. Not perfect, but good."

Bailey didn't know what to say for a moment as she looked down on the floor to finally nod, acknowledging the rightness of Meredith's arguments.

"I would never expect to hear that from you," she said when she looked up again.

Meredith shrugged her shoulder, "I'm ambitious but I'm also realistic. Remember we were on the brink of cancelling everything. You did an excellent job, by the way."

"Thank you…" hesitated Miranda, "Dr. Grey."

"You're welcome." She turned on her heel with the intention of retreating to her office when Bailey called her back.

"Chief?" Miranda said with a tiny smile. "You probably… don't have many friends here apart from the redhead drooling over the manwhore. If you feel like having a drink sometime, count me in."

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It was late into the evening when Meredith walked out of the hospital and steered herself to her car, parked in the spot reserved just for her. The day was good, she handled the difficult situation perfectly and she learnt in the process there could be more friendly souls out there.

She took a deep enthusiastic breath, appreciatively inhaling the fresh air while her brisk step gained an amazing lightness. She could definitely smell the spring coming.

Her elation went drastically over the window, however, when she reached her car. She walked around her blue Porsche and registered with shock, disbelief and blind rage that the tyres had been slashed, all four!

She trembled like a volcano before the eruption. Son of a bitch! What did she hear during the meetings of anger management group that Addie made her attend back in New York?

Count to ten, backwards… 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1-0… Fuck!

Take deep breaths… Who made up the idiotic calming techniques? If she breathed any harder she would be hyperventilating! She couldn't bottle up the bile going to her throat any longer…

"If I ever catch the mother fucker who did this, they'll be praying to perform a lobotomy on themselves!" she bellowed at the top of her lungs.

"Hmmm, I'm so relieved I don't have to grovel for that."

Meredith spun around to see Derek Shepherd standing on the sidewalk a few feet away, scrutinizing her flat tyres with a frown and finally looking up at her with a grin. Meredith's lips parted indignantly. That bastard! Having fun, Jackass?!