A Sleepless Night

She stood by the window, the only source of light in the room. Her full silhouette highlighted by the moon. I laid there and continued to watch, unnoticed. She had a distant look on her face, one hand resting against the sill, another on the frame. She just stood there, staring. Not a sound came from the dark and abandoned halls of the manor and so I watched through the dead of night. She almost looked cold, standing there in her almost transparent nightgown, a gentle breeze caressing every inch of her body. I burned with passion. It was especially hard on nights like tonight. I wanted her. But here we were, me warming the bed while she was worlds away- untouchable. That was our reality these days. In a few hours I would drift off to sleep, dreaming about the shape before me, those lips pressed so fiercely to mine, her hair sticking to my sweaty body. I grab her everywhere, tender, but firm, and stare deep into the universe in her eyes, begging to be further explored. I shivered at the thought. That's all it was, my dreams. Just thoughts, wishful thinking, and deepest desires all rolled into one agonizingly fictitious spin on reality.

I must've sighed too loudly or lost control of my rhythmic breathing, because she now turned to look at me, her soft face cast in an unpleasant, yet unreadable expression.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you." My voice low, gentle voice spoke.

"I was already awake" she responded, turning back to the window, this time with her arms crossed tightly around her.

"You're cold, come back to bed." I almost pleaded, trying to keep the longing from my voice. I waited a few breaths for a response that never came, so I added," or at least grab a blanket." Again, she didn't respond. So I got up, making my way to her, draping a soft, warm blanket over her shoulders, my hands lingering feeling how bony she had become.

"I said I was fine." she lied, though she didn't remove the blanket or my hands. We stood there for a while, in the perfect silence, feeling like the world was empty except for us. Eventually she leaned back against my chest. I remained still, keeping my arms to my sides in fear that by holding her tight, I would only push her further away. She sighed a very labored sigh, I could practically see the iridescent tears forming, threatening to rain down her cheeks. It took every ounce for me not to whisk her around, run my thumbs across her face, and hold her for all eternity. I racked my brain of what to say, what to ask, what to do to bridge this gap between us, but nothing felt right. I finally opened my mouth to say something, anything, when she interrupted.

"Please," she begged, in the quietest voice, "just stay like this." I softly cleared my throat and remained frozen to the spot, afraid any movement would break the spell and another rift would form between us.

It wasn't until the birds started to chirp that she finally moved. In a trance-like state, she floated over to the bed, gently tucking her dainty feet under the covers, smoothening her long silky hair to the side before resting her head on the pillow and closed her eyes. After watching for a moment I made my way over to her, knelt down, and gently kissed her forehead. Tonight, she needed space. After admiring her features for another moment, I got up, slowly cracked open the door, and, stealing one last glance of her, faded into the darkness beyond.