Chapter 1: The Risk

"Aira! How was your summer vacation?" Grace walks towards Aira, who just entered the university's gate. Of course, that simple action of her so-ever beautiful best friend didn't get unnoticed by her heart, which just started to beat faster than ever. Heck, Grace doesn't even have to do anything. All she needs to do is breathe and there goes the butterflies in Aira's stomach.

"Oh, it's fine. But it's so boring. I wished I could do something else than sit around the house." How come that she could still act so normal in front of the love of her life? Blame it on her almost a decade long of pining towards Grace. With all those years, she learned and practiced how to bury her feelings within. The last thing she wants is to suddenly slip and make things awkward between them. Worse, she'll lose her even as a best friend.

"You could have come with me at the summer camp. I'm sure your parents would've allowed you." Like Aira would want that to happen. As much as she wants the idea of being with Grace, the idea of being around religious hypocrites makes her very uneasy. Another thing about her best friend is that she came from a religious household. That's actually one of the reason why she's holding back from confessing. Grace may not be aggressive towards queer people like her fellow Christian peers, but at the same time she's not totally supportive of them. Every summer, the local church where they attend to organizes a camp for the youth population. She tried to attend one time to accompany Grace. It was all great at first until that one time that triggered her so much. The pastor held a celebration for some kids who just got converted from being gay to straight, saying that they finally found the right path. Even during that event, bible verses were thrown that of course invalidated people like her. From that moment, she decides not to attend those organizations anymore. It's not like she's obliged anyway. She's Buddhist after all. But of course, she wasn't totally honest with her reasons not to attend when she declined Grace. There's no way she coming out like that.

"Grace, I've told you already. It's just not my thing. Besides, I have some errands at home during those times."

"Ok. If you say so. Btw, it's almost time for classes. We should get going now." Just a bit of a background, they're college freshmen. Aira is taking psychology course while Grace is taking education course. Grace has always found joy in teaching and tutoring people who are having a hard time in studying. That's why she's glad to be accepted in this course. While Aira wants to become a doctor someday so she doesn't really mind what undergraduate course she'll take for as long as she'll enter medical school in the future.

______________________

After a few classes, it's finally their break time. As part of their daily routines as best friends, Aira waits for Grace in front of their classroom. Just a few minutes after, she sees Grace coming out and walking towards her. "Come on let's go to the cafe near here!" As they walked towards the said cafe, their usual conversation was started by Grace.

"How was your classes? Did your teachers give you home-works already?"

"So far, not yet. It's purely introduction and stuff."

"Ohhh… well did anything interesting happened during your classes?"

"Nothing really…"<i></i>

"Well in my case, there is. But let's order food first and find a seat." Oh right, they're in front of the cafe now. They did what they have to do which is order food and sit down. And their conversation went back.

"So yeah. Our professor asked something about risking anything in the name of love." Oh. That's a very interesting and relatable topic, especially for Aira. "It actually made me think, why do some people do that? Like what's with love and how is it so powerful to make people choose it over what they already have right now?" That question made Aira think as well. She knows the feeling of being in love obviously, but she doesn't get why people are too brave to risk it all for the sake of love. She can't even do it, because she's afraid of losing Grace. But she heard some stories where they're willing to show their love hoping that it'll turn into something more, even if it may cost the friendship they have. Some were successful, some weren't. And Aira knew that she'll belong to the latter part if ever she tries to make a move.

"Let me ask you something Aira." Grace's expression suddenly turned serious. It kinda alarmed Aira. She began to think of what this may be about. Deep inside, she hopes it would be anything but what she thinks it's about. Is Grace gonna confront her about her hidden feelings? Did she find her obvious? Did she found out already?

"Aira, do you know the feeling of being in love? Have you been in love already?" That slightly made the person in question feel relieved. At least it wasn't exactly about her love towards her. But she has to be careful. The topic isn't that far from it.

"To be honest, no." She has to lie. Grace sighed, and continued to rant.

"I mean, imagine yourself having it all already, but you leave it all behind because of love. Why would people do that? Are they willing to waste everything for it?" Now, she may have said that she has no experience in the certain field, but her friend here sure needs to be educated more about it. She was only probably exposed to the conventional way of love, so those relationships that doesn't adhere to it is new to her.

"May I ask something Grace? How come you concluded that? Do you think they're wasting their life over love?" She looked at her intently. After receiving a hesitant nod from the other, she continued. "You know, people has different priorities and goals in life. It just so happened that some people willingly follow their heart. And most of the time, they have to choose between their happiness or whatever they have right now. So yeah, sacrifices happen. Especially in this world where we can't have it all." Was that a great speech from Aira? Maybe. Because Grace is surely stunned from what she heard.

"Wow. For someone who's supposed to have no experience in falling in love, you sounded like a guru." Well, it makes sense. Aira has been keeping all those feeling deep inside. She would certainly know a decent amount of stuff about love.

"Btw, may I join your ride on the way home? Pretty please." Who is she to say no?

_________________________

"Damn it!" As soon as Aira felt the comforts of her bed, she sighed. Those pretty and shining eyes of her best friend never left her mind, as usual. During their ride home, she has to remain her focus on the road to avoid any accidents caused by her best friend's presence. She's so down bad.

The conversation they had a while ago stuck her mind for so long. Risking for love? She never even imagined herself having that kind of talk with Grace. Sure, they're best friends so it's natural to somehow overshare some things. But they never went to this kind of topic. Or rather, she's avoiding to reach there. There's no way she's hearing her love of her life gushing about the boys she likes while letting her poor little gay heart hurt. And again, she's trying not to expose herself so as much as possible, no love talks.

But yeah, what would happen if she risks her friendship for the sake of love? Based on Grace's background, there's a high percent of losing her best friend. But maybe, just maybe, the remaining percent will be on her side. She doesn't even need to be loved back, that's not her main priority in this matter. For as long as she could express her feelings without losing Grace, she'll be fine.

So back to the question, is she willing to risk it all? Is she ready to confess?

_____________________

A week has passed, and nothing special really happened. Just the same routine a typical university student follows. Or maybe, there is. One thing about Aira is she has the tendency of being a bit impulsive. Can you believe that she's already planning everything for her confession? So her answer to the question "Will you risk everything for love?" is a big fat yes! But of course, she wouldn't do it right now. Maybe soon? Maybe later? What she's sure of is she's not gonna keep her feelings for Grace any longer.

"Aira! Here!" Speaking of the angel, the latter is currently occupying one of the cafeteria's table. It's their lunch break and the two of them always meet up during this time. Except this time, she finds an unfamiliar guy next to her. She doesn't remember any guy being close to her. Grace is the type of person who introduces every people she meets to her. Blame her friend's extrovert nature for it. And among all those formed acquaintances, there's not a single trace of a man. She's starting to formulate possibilities she doesn't even want to consider. Deep down, Aira hopes that the guy she's now facing isn't what she think he is.

"Now we're all here, I want you two to meet and get along." Grace gives out a sigh and continues. "Do you remember what we talked about last week? About risking everything in the name of love? Thank you for helping me realize stuff. Now I understand why people do that." What could she mean by that?

"Gino, meet my best friend, Aira." Yeah, still a best friend.

"And Aira, meet my boyfriend, Gino."

___________________

How's Aira's heart? How's the poor little girl who just started to plan confessing to her straight best friend? There she is, in front of the lovey-dovey couple who just announced their relationship. Little did they know, they broke the heart of the girl third-wheeling them right now.

How did Grace and Gino meet anyway? Long story short, they met in summer camp. And he decided to transfer schools, albeit a bit late. That's why he's just starting now. Great! Now another reason for Aira to not regret not attending that camp. But she's wondering, what the heck did Grace mean by "risking it all for love"? What's even so controversial about the two of them for it to be "risky"? Even her best friend's strict parents would surely be supportive of them. After all, they met in a church event and for sure they share the same principles that relates to their own religious beliefs.

"I'll go with Gino on the way home. My parents want to have dinner with him. I'll just go with you next time." And there it goes, her best friend starting to slip away. It may sound like she's getting a bit paranoid but who could blame her? She loves the person so much. But she has no choice but to accept the fact that she'll never have a chance. Well, maybe she has to move on from that moment on.

___________________

The moving-on process isn't as easy as she thought it would be. It's been a month since she knew about her best friend's relationship. In that span of time, she felt nothing but her heart breaking. As much as possible, she's trying to avoid her. It hurts, but she needs to take care of herself. But that would be impossible. Because despite having a boyfriend, Grace still manages to have time with Aira. She's thankful for that at least, except for the fact that she became a human diary, processing details she doesn't share with her boyfriend. Is she supposed to feel somewhat special because of this?

Grace and Gino will be celebrating their 1st month as a couple today. Again, she's alone in the car, driving like there's no tomorrow. She's supposed to start healing from a heartbreak, but she can't. Even she has no idea why she can't just bring herself to do it.

Realizing that she's been driving non-stop, she parks the car at the side for a while. Releasing a sigh, she checks on her phone which just popped a notification. It's from her mom, saying that she would be late again due to work. Before Aira drives again, she surfs on her SNS accounts. She wasn't caring so much about what she sees on her timeline, until a certain post catches her attention. It's Grace and Gino being sweet in a photo. It has a caption "happy one month to us! mbtc! ilysm <3".

"How I wish it was me instead of him." Aira spoke to the air and closed her phone right after. After tossing it towards the passenger's seat, she starts running the car again.

As she drives, water slowly forms on her eyes. Little by little, it evolved into a river of tears. That's it! Now that she's all alone, she has enough privacy to cry it all out. She's so devastated knowing that the woman she loves will never be hers. How come she, the person who has been there in Grace's life since their single-digit ages has her feelings left unnoticed? While the guy she just met for just a few months ago won her heart so easily? Aira just finds it so unfair. Well, the world was never good to people like her.

She has been on her own thoughts for quite a long time, long enough for her to almost not notice her own speed and a car she almost bumped with. That was so close. Was she about to die from thinking about those unrequited feelings?

"What the…" Even when she managed to avoid the car a while ago, she failed to notice a kid crossing the road with his, her or their VR gear. Or something like that.

Just like that, everything turned black.

______________________